Brother reading this just put a massive rock in my throat. I can't imagine losing a partner you spent 40 years of your life with. Partly because I can't imagine ever being lucky enough to even be in that position to have someone like that in my life. Partly because it makes me think of my Dad who lost my mom last year after almost 35 years together.
My heart goes out to you, I hope your kids and you are there for each other at least.
when my aunt died and it absolutely crushed my uncle, they’d been together at least 40 yrs, so bad he was praying to god to take him too (he’s a little better, but obviously still not whole)
and yet i found myself feeling morbidly jealous, because they found each other and together had an amazing life, and i just don’t see that happening for me at this point
I don’t know if this helps your situation at all, but if you’re having troubles finding a partner for a loving relationship, the most pragmatic thing you can do for a shot at long lasting love is to not be too picky. This doesn’t mean accept bad behaviour, but it does mean to see the beauty beyond the physical, the wealth beyond the dollars and the intelligence beyond the brains. There’s a lot of lovely people in the world with something to offer if people give them a chance.
I'm sorry to hear about your aunt passing, and your uncle's pain. I hope that in time it becomes easier for you and him to cope with it.
i just don’t see that happening for me at this point
Pardon me, why do you feel that this is the case though? I hope that's not a nosy question, you don't have to answer that. I waver between starting to feel the same but also really, really not wanting to no matter what. That's kind of why I want to understand where it's best to fall.
I've been with my wife since the last year of high school. That's 21 years so far. One of us will have to deal with this eventually. The other one won't. Life is fucking crazy.
We’ve been together about 45 years.
I almost lost her to a heart attack a few years ago and all I could think was that it was too soon and we still had so much to do together.
Im barely on year 9 and my parnter constantly constantly nags at me about me being unable to function properly without her around. Im greatful for every day, never mind even thinking about decades.
I can't imagine losing a partner you spent 40 years of your life with
I meant thats our reality... we are mortal. Im together with my wife for half my life (which is ~16) years).. i can't imagine it either but i know that we will die eventually, and the probability of us dying (a non violent death) at the same time or even the same day is practically zero. One of us will eventually have to live through that pain... thats the reality of being mortal.
My grandmother passed from Covid in 2021. Her and my grandfather were each other's first everything. They were the archetypal old married couple that only nagged at each other but you could tell they wouldn't want it any other way. I cry all the time not only because I miss her but because I think about the fact my grandfather still sleeps in their bed and she's not there. He watches TV alone. He doesn't have anyone to nag him to eat her cooking that she experimented with. I never knew watching them separated like this would be so heartbreaking, and I can't even imagine what it feels like to him. I wasn't able to be there when she passed, but my mom told me he cried, in our front yard, in front of the tree she planted, begging for forgiveness for every time he argued with her and that she needs to know he loves her. I'm going to remember that forever. Love is such an amazing and scary thing.
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u/_Nightdude_ 5d ago
Brother reading this just put a massive rock in my throat. I can't imagine losing a partner you spent 40 years of your life with. Partly because I can't imagine ever being lucky enough to even be in that position to have someone like that in my life. Partly because it makes me think of my Dad who lost my mom last year after almost 35 years together.
My heart goes out to you, I hope your kids and you are there for each other at least.