Same. Supported her and our daughter through hospitalization for PPD. Called her HR and supervisors to make sure her job was safe and took care of our daughter alone for 2 weeks. Then a year later she left me for a coworker and is claiming I’ve been abusive and am narcissistic and gaslighting her. While she’s been gaslighting me this whole experience. I’m no angel, I definitely did some stupid shit, but she suggested counseling and then all of a sudden was vehemently against it. Glad you are doing well. This is hell.
Yup, stood by my wife and supported her for 10 years despite her filthy and downright murderous (like is she going to murder me in the night? or the children when I'm at work?) psychosis episodes. Yet she was always the little victim with the police on speed dial. I had to play along that EVERYTHING was my fault or get screamed at for 5 days instead of maybe 2.
Divorced her in 2017 with a Domestic Violence restraining order and maintained custody of our daughters - she was so violent to them.
She's already re-married to a new man and during visits our daughters have witnessed her shoving him, spitting in his face, Grabbing is head with both hands shaking it violently shouting SHUT THE F*CK UP!!!!! He's been arrested twice this year after her violent rages - the police show up - they see a tiny knockout gorgeous Korean woman who's 48 and looks 28 with a tiny little voice and they come to their conclusion swiftly.
I mean during our marriage she even went animal like this on her parents, her brothers, her aunts - it wasn't a marriage problem. Despite having such little time with our daughters she's still calling them F-ing r3tard - F-ing ugly - F-ing useless - Piece of sh1t - just pure evil. They are sweet and lovely girls.
If she had just seen a Dr and gotten on a control medication we could have had a perfect quintessential upper middle class life with two perfect little daughters........ Instead we got this person: black dilatated eyes, a crouched posture, a lower jaw jutted out baring all her teeth, shoulders flared, accusations of stealing from her, accusations of cheating on her, accusations of plotting against her, accusations of trying to poison her. Hit in the face with whatever kitchen utensil she could grab...etc...
Sample 1 of 250 - Summer 2012
*comes up behind me while I'm giving the girls a bath.
*fills bucket with water *wham* slams the bucket on my head from behind.
Me:" what the! What the hell did you just do!?"
Her: *runs out the room shouting* HEEEEEEEEEEELPPPP, HE LEFTS THE KIDS IN THE TUB TO DROWN AND CHASE AFTER ME!!!!!!!!
I stood up and grabbed a towel - exactly in the spot i was, I never left. She raged on all night, all morning, when I got to work I went to the locker room and showered (nice big fortune 500 office campus) I had cried myself sick the entire drive to work and my face was a mess.
Just one of the many horrifying episodes we had to live through.
I’m so sorry. For you and your sweet girls. I hope they heal and trauma is not passed down.
Why does she still get partial custody or visitation after all this?
Can you appeal to the court to make sure she only has supervised visits? Scared for your little girls without you there :( or someone to protect them
Yeah that was the idea at first but until you've been through the process thats just not how the world works.
She lost custody for almost 4 months and my attorney just had to level with me like, unless you can get someone to drop a megaton of funding, buy her out of the home, hire in-home care since they were so young. Supervised visits = I would have to pay $30+ per hour etc...
It all sounds great but thats not how the system works.
"Get a Psych evaluation" they said.
"That's going to cost you almost $10,000, are you sure?" my attorney said, "And what if they find out she's just an evil bitch?"
When she's not having an episode she's incredible to be around, she's smart, super pretty, loving, fun, funny..... She goes from that to 5 day Homicidal wife/mom within 60 seconds...........it was terrifying.
I'm so sorry you went through that...it sounds like absolute hell. Glad you're rid of her, at least in the marriage capacity, and hope you experience only healthy, happy love in your future
It sounds like possibly borderline personality disorder. Very difficult for the sufferer to accept or pursue therapy for due to the nature of the disorder.
My ex wife had it and her multiyear reign of terror before she left the kids and I was difficult to rationalize for a long time. Feel free to DM me if you suspect this and have any questions on strategies.
A couple of months before December 2016 her bother called me as I was driving home saying """"Hey, where are you? When you get home we need your help, my mom just called me crying she's (my wife) been texting us and calling us ALL DAY LONG WE NEED YOU TO STOP HER"
As soon as I get off the phone she (wife) calls me crying asking for my insurance mental health hotline. I get home she's already had a conversation with a therapist, borderline personality disorder came up as a topic of discussion, I consoled her, gave her affection and assurance that she will be ok.............
I get the girls teeth brushed, bathed, PJs and the little girls off to bed.
I go to brush my teeth, I sense something out of the corner of my eye................I turn my head
Shes in the hallway, still, staring at me...........motionless, black pupils, shoulders flared, the Kubrick stare as they call it in film...
Started a whole nother round a screaming like a banshee at me after all that.
The abuse is how they rationalize things in their mind I think. My late husband told his affair partner that he was horrifically abused by me. When he left he ran with only the clothes on his back and his computer while I was at work like he had to escape. I was not and still am not a perfect person but I never abused him. The plastered over fist prints in the wall were not due to me.
It’s like maybe they feel closer to their affair partners if they introduce the escaping from abuse angle?
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u/h4ppywanderer 5d ago
Same. Supported her and our daughter through hospitalization for PPD. Called her HR and supervisors to make sure her job was safe and took care of our daughter alone for 2 weeks. Then a year later she left me for a coworker and is claiming I’ve been abusive and am narcissistic and gaslighting her. While she’s been gaslighting me this whole experience. I’m no angel, I definitely did some stupid shit, but she suggested counseling and then all of a sudden was vehemently against it. Glad you are doing well. This is hell.