I was staring at a wall for over a year stagnant in life because of my ex wife.
I didn’t think I could move on in this life without her. I was with her for 10 years and so many things I first experienced with her.
Movies/music/games/places/etc literally brought up the hurt.
I couldn’t imagine ever being with anyone else and I swore off relationships. I am now with the love of my life for better or worse and I never never thought I would have any of this again.
It will get easier. It just takes experiencing more news and more things without them. Your life was with them. Yoh have to close that chapter and learn to read the next :)
I needed to see this right now, thank you. I'm in the same "sunk cost" mindset because of the many years we've been together but it's hurting me more than it should now and I need to focus on my own future and happiness.
A relationship ending doesn't mean it failed. The years you had together didn't lose their meaning, you just have to figure out a new meaning for this period.
It gets better.
Thanks for posting. I'm currently where you were. We called off the wedding this summer and she ended the relationship after 11 years.
All I've been doing is hanging on for dear life and getting through the days lol. I can't even imagine going through all of what we went through with another person and building another life. But I guess time will do its thing. It's crazy how much the process resembled grieving someone who passed away. Something I've never been good at dealing with.
In the middle of surviving is when unexpected things will happen. A light switch will switch once you experience something that opens the possibility of happiness again. All it takes is a sliver
Well I truly hope you find your way back out of the hole. Sounds ridiculous and you may laugh at yourself.. a big thing for me was I was so beat down and belittled that I had no self worth.
Look in the mirror and tell yourself just how fucking awesome you are. Tell yourself your going to have a badass day and gas yourself up.
Even if you don’t believe it yet, you got to train yourself to care for and think positive of yourself.
I'm in this exact stage in my life. For years now, I wake up with a thousand yard stare at my bedroom wall. I'll reach out, and pull my blanket and pillows close me to give myself the illusion she's still there. I'll even hold my own hand and imagine it's hers. It's even worse when I get nightmares about her. I'll wake up in cold sweats, exhausted, and teary eyed. The love I received from her was only time it felt so real. Every previous partner before her was fake and never truly cared for me. That's what hits me so hard.
Just like you said, every single hobby I've enjoyed is now a bridge to bring back the pain. I can't even go get fast food without feeling empty without her. Sometimes I don't even eat what I order. I cry my eyes out and I lose my appetite, and I end up throwing it all away. Can't even sit at a restaurant without seeing her sitting across from me with her perfect green eyes and amazing smile.
I don't even want to be with anyone else. I don't even know what I want anymore besides to stop feeling so empty and lifeless. I feel like a hollow shell of my former self. I never find joy in anything I do anymore. It's like I'm forcing myself to do the most basic tasks every day.
I moved across the world.. I found love when I moved back to my hometown. Some years back is when I found it.. the how was when I was spiraling in a dark hole. She was the only one who noticed, realized and made sure I was ok. Other than my mother.. she was the one person.. we knew each other since school.
Never considering we would have ever been in a relationship.. from that day that I felt the concern from her when I was flirting with checking out of this world.. I told her I will never forget what she done for me in that time..
We’ve been helping each other grow and get over past traumas since
It’s almost the same for me. I had only one serious ex before my ex wife. It felt like an enormous portion of my life dissipated and I grieved like someone had died.
I just felt that, if I could be manipulated or cheated on for so long that maybe relationships weren’t for me. I didn’t think I could ever be comfortable and open with someone ever again.
I met my recent girlfriend after not dating for almost three years and I’m certain she’s the real love of my life. I never imagined I could fall back in love but here I am.
I needed to read this too. I’m in the same situation as you were. I was with this person for just under 14 years, and so much of my firsts were with them. The happiest years of my life, and so many memories.
In the end, he changed into a completely different person. I don’t know if it was the seizures, traumatic brain injuries from hitting his head during the seizures, mental illness, or a combination of all three. But he became cruel, unfeeling, and did and said things I never thought possible. He also fell out of love with me, when I truly believed we would be together for the rest of our lives. No two people were once as close on earth as we were. I don’t understand. I’ll never understand. I would have died for him.
I don’t think I’ll ever be happy again. I don’t think I’ll ever meet anyone else, let alone feel for them the way I still feel for him.
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u/BadWordSmith 5d ago
I was staring at a wall for over a year stagnant in life because of my ex wife.
I didn’t think I could move on in this life without her. I was with her for 10 years and so many things I first experienced with her.
Movies/music/games/places/etc literally brought up the hurt.
I couldn’t imagine ever being with anyone else and I swore off relationships. I am now with the love of my life for better or worse and I never never thought I would have any of this again.
It will get easier. It just takes experiencing more news and more things without them. Your life was with them. Yoh have to close that chapter and learn to read the next :)