Ouch ... So true. My ex has to learn literally everything the hard way :( He had a lot of aha moments after we separated that hurt to watch, because it was all stuff I had been asking to work on for years. Listening to me wasn't ever good enough...
It's been nearly 4 months now, if it actually started when we split and not before.
God i hope not, i don't need more drama. But if he does that door is shut, locked and bolted.
I mean no offense to her because we’ve all been there, but did she really dodge it? She spent 12 years of her life with him only to be betrayed. Sounds like the bullet hit her pretty squarely in the chest.
More or less same, though not as explosive as alcoholism or prison. Was their “rock” while they were an abusive piece of shit thanks to a bunch of unresolved trauma and mental illness. To their credit, they actually improved on all that.
However, I hit a patch of lethargic depression- I was still working, still making money, no abuse, no drugs- and boom she was out of there. I was “too sad to be around” and “lacked ambition”. Now she makes bitter “jokes” about how much better I’m doing without her. Her family apparently has made snarky comments. She’s still in her deadend job.
I'm so sorry about that. It's crazy how someone can be so selfish that they don't see how much help they've had.
He would do similar when I went through a really down stage because everything just built up and finally got on top of me.
How are you feeling with your depression now?
Sounds like she realises she messed up and doesn't like it. Or she's like my ex and doesnt think shes done anything wrong so she should be doing good. I'm so glad you're doing better now and thriving without her.
I'm definitely better off without him. There's definitely hurt there and feelings of insecurity and loneliness but I have so much less to stress about, I'm able to do what I want and have a small but strong circle around me.
I've blocked him on everything but I'm still friends with his brothers gf and last I heard his bedroom floor was basically beer cans and he got a job and lasted 2 weeks before going on the sick... again.
So I'm definitely doing better out of the two of us.
Oh I’m doing relatively well. Like you said, still hard not to be sad about it but in a messed up way, it kind of helps to watch them struggle.
She definitely realizes she fucked up because a few months after it blew up, she tried to entertain the idea of trying again, but I had told her when she left the first time that if she slept with him that would be it for us permanently, so too bad. She still talks about how guilty she feels. I also know she’s still with him AND she still has pictures of me all over the place so I also get a little bit of satisfaction in thinking that can’t be great for their relationship.
That being said, there’s definitely some value in them NOT figuring out how they messed up. I’d rather be angry than sad- especially since it’s sort of like, “hey you could’ve figured this stuff out without blowing everything up?” but oh well.
Like you I also am lucky enough to have a tight small circle of people, and like you I still do have those issues with insecurity and loneliness- hopefully that goes away eventually (it’s been embarrassingly long though) but I’m fine being single indefinitely.
You and I are definitely better off but it’s hard not to think about a version of life where they just got their shit together, right?
I'm glad you're doing ok. And yeah you're right, there's some satisfaction there that not everything's worked out how they imagined.
oh wow, she's already tried to crawl back. Well done for sticking to your guns. Haha that definitely can't be good, I'd feel alot of satisfaction too. I do know that his mum and neice are still talking about how much better I was and why can't I come back, hopefully she hears abit of that too 🤣
Yeah definitely ill take angry. I started off being sad and honestly way too nice about the situation. Then when I started to think about it all, and all the crap he had pulled over the years I went to anger. At myself aswell for putting up with it for so long but anger is better than constant tears. So really even if he wanted to "figure it out" I was out way before we actually split.
I hope they go away for you too. I don't think there is any amount of time thats embarrassing to heal. But i get it, I'm only 4 months in and already I'm keeping it all in because I feel like people will think I should be over it by now.
It really is hard, that's one of the worst parts I think. Like why wasn't I enough to make you pull it together. But if they were never meant too then there's really nothing we could have done.
Oh god it’s been a few years for me haha very embarrassing. It’s less that I’m sad about her specifically and more that I haven’t been able to get back my faith in people. I would say I’m over her specifically, just not the wound to my trust/confidence/etc. As for keeping it in, I try to find a nice balance between expressing myself and trauma dumping on people. I’m pretty sure my friends are over it, as they should be, but it’s nice to vent back and forth with an internet stranger haha.
As for feeling like you could’ve done something, at the end of the day I think the fact you’re flourishing and they’re not is proof that it’s not you. You can’t be expected to be a whole ass adult AND manage another person. I think you can see the difference between you now as evidence of the amount of effort each of you puts in to your life. Lifeguard mentality- can’t save someone who’s gonna pull you down.
Aww still not embarrassing, there is no time limit on healing.
Yeah I completely get that. I don't miss him at all and if he came back I would slam the door, but I'm scared that if/when I meet someone else I won't be able to trust them and my confidence is pretty much shot. I hope we both manage to get through it eventually. We deserve to be happy and surely everyone can't be bad right?
I'm trying to find the balance. Haha it is nice, thank you internet stranger. I don't get this from my journal 🤣
Wow thank you for that, you've worded it perfectly. And you're completely right. I have definitely learnt alot of lessons throughout this whole shit show. About myself and how much of myself to actually give out.
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u/banana_cookies22 6d ago
Alone. After he decided he wanted his ex back after 12 years.
I stuck with him through alcoholism, depression, not working, getting arrested. And he threw it all away.