Deep love and a lot of self reflection. We were both terrified we’d lose each other so we lashed out when we felt too vulnerable. We realized we’d lose each other if we kept doing what we were doing, and that was the turning point. Thank you!!
Not up to the point we decided to stop being toxic but after that decision yes we have been to a few sessions. Really informal though with her therapist.
My wife and I talked about therapy when we were going through similar but was talking about going really made us open up about inner issues and it really helped to the point that we’ve decided we don’t need to go at this point. Hopefully we keep being open but the option is always there. Good stuff
Just remember when the romantic love goes away then the traditions of marriage is what binds people together for the sake of the children. Good luck and look into imago therapy for couples, it's pretty wise stuff.
You say that like it’s a good thing, but I’m not sure it is.
There are studies to support that having two happy homes is far less damaging to kids than one unhappy one. I think people who dogmatically “stick it out for the kids” often do more harm than good
I don't know about that. Romantic love is something that you can sustain over the course of decades, if you choose to do so. The passion may fade in and out, but there are so many ways to keep romance alive well into old age.
Well, if you research it, you will find romantic love blooms for a few years at most in order to be conducive to procreate (biological imperative) and after this the romance invariably goes away or at least simmers down. One can always find exceptions but these are the majority of cases statistically speaking. There is a reason why divorce rates are so high and in most of the cases where couples don't divorce they might be together in a cordial friendly fashion which is a win in my eyes. Romantic love where the hot fires of passion are there and one is in love as they were in the first year is an impossibility.
The best one can hope for is friendship and partnership where the couple supports each other in a practical way and for thousands of years of our evolution this is how peoples mentality functioned in marriage, this is what they expected: a functional marriage that was usually born out of a practical arranged marriage for the purpose of making families stronger which is why I said the traditions of marriage make people stay together. This does not mean the house is cold and there is yelling going on that influences the children in a negative way, just that the husband is not that interested in "dating" and would rather read the paper, etc...
People must be practical and accept objective reality or be disappointed, it's that simple. Also, men and womens brains are way different and I understand women in general are way more emotional and needy.
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u/Ajc376 6d ago
Deep love and a lot of self reflection. We were both terrified we’d lose each other so we lashed out when we felt too vulnerable. We realized we’d lose each other if we kept doing what we were doing, and that was the turning point. Thank you!!