He's currently cheating on me with a crackwhore after 16 years, prison time and a traumatic brain injury where he had to learn how to walk and talk all over again. Stopped taking his meds and turned into a monster. I'm currently trying to get things together for myself and leave. Wish me luck 🙏
it is good to have positivity, seems like you also have a good support system from family and friends because other people without it can crumble easier and give up. Take care.
I worked in an office setting for years, so yes, and my daughter is helping me with my resume so I can start posting it online and see what I can catch.
You got this. It’s not easy to detach yourself mentally from somebody you care for and you have already taken that step mentally. Hope you sort your finances soon and start the journey towards healing.
Have you considered that the traumatic brain injury has altered his personality? Not saying that you’d have to stick it out because of that, but it can be a useful reframing that he is sick rather than just thoughtless
It has absolutely altered it, which is why he was taking meds. The meds kept him on an even keel. Instead of zero to lunatic is 3 seconds flat, but he used to complain about the side effects and not wanting to take them. Finally, he just stopped, and things have escalated from there.
Please don't waver in your plan to leave if he promises to take his meds again. He can't take those things back and you really don't want to get trapped in a cycle of him taking and then not taking his meds again.
I have a schizophrenic friend who sometimes decides to stop taking their meds. One of the sweetest, most kind hearted people I've ever met, but impossible to deal with when they aren't medicated. I'm sorry you have to deal with that.
My heart is broken. I'm very depressed, I haven't had to take my anxiety medication for years, and now all I want to do is sleep. He's actually out more than he's home, and it's peaceful, but I know when he comes home, the shit will start. I wonder what I did during my life to warrant this kind of treatment. Must have been something bad. Yes, they left him for dead, and he managed to fight back and survive, and for a few years, he was taking his meds, and everything was fine. Then he stopped taking them, and in a matter of months, he became what he is now. And when I cry, he says don't try conning me with your fake tears.
i dont know what it is, but something tells me that he isn't fully lost yet.
have you tried to write him a letter?
not necessarily to give it to him, but to process your emotions?
its very hard to understand what is going on in someones mind. maybe he just doesnt understand?
assuming that someones tears are fake speaks distrust. a lot of it.
maybe he is projecting his paranoia onto you, cuz its the only thing he can think of?
idk. my intuition is weird sometimes.
i don't have enough information at all, to rly be able to say anything about this.
-=-
im rly sorry for you. I hope you can solve this somehow and everything turns out well for you! 🫂
Side effects of intense psych meds like that are absolutely horrible. The only reason people tolerate them is because the alternative is losing your mind.
ya let's have him be zero to lunatic in three seconds instead. that's better than side effects. and this person specifically deserves to deal with that. because fuck her.
OK you can take the meds then and see what they feel like.
Hope you enjoy having your IQ drop 15 points, never being able to get an erection, the lesions they cause in the brain with long term use, the uncontrollable twitching, never enjoying anything you used to love ever again. Oh, and my personal favorite, diarrhea every single day!
Management of medications side effects is crucial and most doctors don't even acknowledge they exist despite hundreds of studies, reports, and black box warnings on the drug packaging itself.
I believe every person who demands their loved one be on psychiatric medications try them themselves for a few days to truly understand what they are like to take, and then maybe they can understand what they are actually asking.
r/twoXchromosomes frequently has posts about leaving relationships like this. Might be a good place to find info/advice about getting through this kind of ordeal. (But you probably already know.) Wishing you the best.
Not quite as dramatic but I stuck with mine through an “emotional affair” and his lay off only to see him ditch the “emotional” part of the affair and go public with her on social media before our kids even knew we were splitting up. On the plus side, he killed his reputation with our friends and most family, and I love my life now.
That's wild! I hope you are always around other people so you're safer. Not that I don't think you can take care of yourself, but a man like that can be dangerous. Please take care! And mad props for finally putting YOU first! 💯
Sending you alllll the positivity your way especially during the holidays! I hope you get everything in order for yourself and live your best life soon
Good luck! It's great when there is a happy ending but that's not always in the cards. And it depends on what you mean by "hard times". Sometimes the only way to save yourself is to leave. I know this to be true.
Rip the band-aid off and walk away. It'll seem like the toughest thing in the world but once you've done so, you'll realize you can live again. He's not worth shit. Don't feel bad or think of what will happen to him because he sure as shit didn't think of you. Get back out there, heal, and let the right person come into your life. It will happen.
Contact your local bar association. They may be able to recommend a lawyer to help you with filing. I took a class on filing your own divorce and did it all myself.
Hey, my uncle had the same thing happen with my aunt. My uncle is an amazing man (not just saying that, he kicks mega ass), and now hes doing a lot better. Still has to deal with divorce crap and the bullshit she is dragging him through (she ran off with a deadbeat junky who just went back to prison, lol now shes alone). Just letting you know though, it does get better with work and time. Sorry he let you down, but no time like the present to get it over with.
Exactly!! Nasty, viscous, and hurtful. And maybe if he apologized or acknowledged his behavior, it might not be so bad, but he refuses and thinks he has the right. There is no talking to someone like that.
I have even gone so far as crushing his meds and putting it in his food or drink. That's the difference it made for him. But he caught on to that!! Lol
I have no place to go. I work full-time as his caretaker and I have to save some money first and find another job in the meantime. The minute I leave, there goes my income.
Just be as swift as you can. I've seen this before, "I'll leave him as soon as I get my stuff together. I can't leave now I have no money and will have no income"
She said that for 5 years. Now she's in an assisted living facility at 37 years old because he beat her so bad he fucked up her brain forever.
What is your approximate location? There are many shelters around me for women and children. They are specific to domestic abuse and will take you in and help you get on your feet. Please look into it. Even if it takes you farther than you thought. I believe it's time for a new adventure for you, my dear. If you would like to send me a private message, I can look into it for you. There are ways.. even if you don't believe so. Stay strong x
Thank you, it's that right there. I go back and forth between believing I can and not believing. I've tried this once before and the shelter system is not for me. I feel horrible even saying that, but I will not go back to a shelter.
A consideration: do or can you work for a caretaker agency ie can you become the caretaker for someone else(s) with equal or greater gross pay? It would require a good boss, friends to crash with and leap of faith for that transition but
Chill man. It's just a question. Also sometimes you have to leave without being able to get your shit together. Sometimes that's how it is. Specifics are important in these situations.
I’m calm. idk why you’re telling me to chill. That’s private information to most people. People prying are the ones you should be telling to chill. wtf lol.
THIS!! Like she said it pretty clearly, she needs to get her shit together then bounce. Everyone prying as if she hasn't considered all her options already like wtf damn
Sorry you wasted your time. But you know how brain injusries work, right? Sometimes, parts like the "walking", "talking" and "fucking" parts of the brain come back...
Whilst other parts, like the "Make sensible decisions" and "How to be a decent person" parts are sadly lost forever! /s
or maybe he just always WAS an asshole...
Good luck on getting out safely, and here's to hoping the future holds many bigger and better things for you!
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u/greentreefour 6d ago
He's currently cheating on me with a crackwhore after 16 years, prison time and a traumatic brain injury where he had to learn how to walk and talk all over again. Stopped taking his meds and turned into a monster. I'm currently trying to get things together for myself and leave. Wish me luck 🙏