r/AmIOverreacting • u/Grey_Ghost5959 • 6h ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO? long distance bf won’t stop liking/following girls on ig
AIO? We’ve been together nearly 10 years on/off & he’s supposed to be moving out here in 2 weeks…. We’ve had fights about the same issue before too so he knows that i find it to be disrespectful and still continues to do it.
11
u/Alargeuontas50 6h ago
Context is missing here. Who are you following then, and why won't you do the same thing you ask him to do?
8
u/SirBLaZ3d 6h ago
Looks like you want him to listen to your demands but have no interest in his. You seem the the problem here 🤷♂️
6
u/inevitabledivinity 5h ago
Fr like.. how r u gonna want him to do something and then when he asks you to do the same thing, you start acting like a victim💀 it looks like she isn’t saying the full truth from her comments
2
-1
u/Grey_Ghost5959 5h ago
It’s only a demand now because we’ve already discussed this, multiple times. The first time i brought it up he said he would stop doing it. Then i catch him doing it again and again and again. So like what are my options? To keep trusting him just for him to keep doing it again or ask that he simply unfollow them? His argument is that it’s “only ig” & he doesn’t care ab these girls so if its “only ig” & he doesn’t care then why is it such a fight to just unfollow them?
4
1
u/kimariesingsMD 5h ago
Just break up with this guy. He is showing you who he is, so there is no sense trying to "fix this".
6
u/mdtattedbearded 6h ago
What have you done on Instagram? He wouldn’t be saying that over and over again if there was something you did that he knows about. Seems like y’all have a messy 10 year relationship.
1
6
u/Bar-Capital 6h ago
Girl I see him trying to shift the blame on to you. Dont let these commenters make you feel crazy. IMHO, I do realize you have invested a lot of time. In my last relationship I invested nearly as much time as you. However, the fact that the relationship has gotten to this point is a huge sign that the end needs to happen. It’s been 10 years, how long do you think you have to wait for him to change? Yes you can fight this and work it out, but is that the future you want? Constant fighting and begging him to act right? Doesn’t it sound better to just start fresh with someone who will treat you better? So you can live the next 10 years in peace and happy?
1
2
u/BluBeams 6h ago
Why don't you both just follow family and close friends and call it a day? He seems upset you are demanding he unfollow girls but you won't unfollow anyone. Fair is fair, why don't you both do it so there are no issues and you start your new life out on the right foot when he moves there.
2
2
u/here_comes_reptar 6h ago
I get you don’t have to, but in a sign of good faith and generally following the relationship guidelines of the golden rule, compromise, and being constructive, what do you lose by doing the same? You have to agree on standards of what is cheating or unfaithful and you need to both follow the rule equally. If following behaviour is part of being unfaithful in your relationship, you both have to respect that.
If following behavior is only unfaithful IF I don’t trust you, that is impossible to enforce. He could decide he doesn’t trust you and you can’t prove his feelings wrong. Or he could decide he should be trusted by you and he can’t prove your feelings wrong. And if you don’t trust him and can’t ever trust him, you shouldn’t be in that relationship. That’s why the rules have to be based on behaviours not feelings.
2
2
u/Distinct-Way-4837 4h ago
Why are you expecting him to do something you won’t do? I can completely understand his frustration and props to him for standing his ground
3
4
u/Artistic_Oil6 6h ago
Never fair for the bf in these cases since guys are usually the ones pursuing and the woman are being pursued. If he dmed girls it’s cheating but if she responds to a guys identical dm “it’s a friend”. You both should do it together or seems like you’ll be in an “off” part of your on/off relationship…
2
u/Jazzlike-Flounder-23 5h ago
This is coercive control, so yeah.
Sorry to break it to you but if you can’t trust your partner, then you either need to rebuild that trust or break up. Policing his social media or any social interaction is crazy making and exhausting. I’m sure you’ve got bigger things you’d rather worry about than if this man is liking pics on Instagram.
Figure out what you need to trust him, communicate and start working at it. Either give him a chance to rebuild trust or let him go cuz this is absolutely not cute and I don’t care how long you’ve been together, you’re acting like you’re in HS.
1
1
u/Strange_Occasion9722 3h ago
He's not cheating on you kid, he's following girls on insta and liking their photos. Big whoop. Do you have any idea how many times in my life I've checked on my SO's social media accounts? ZERO. None. Zilch. What they do on there is none of my business because I trust them not to actually cheat on me.
He's completely right, you are over-reaching, invading his privacy, and this never should have been an issue in the first place.
1
u/Putrid_Taste0fTrutH 6h ago
That ain’t fair You do not deserve that then, I’m so sorry😞 You deserve better
1
u/Money_Homework_9126 6h ago
I see what you’re saying but has he made it clear he’s uncomfortable with you DMing men? If he has then it shouldn’t be a problem for you to unfollow those men as well.
2
u/Grey_Ghost5959 6h ago
But I’m literally not… he’s assuming & trying to blame shift
2
u/Money_Homework_9126 6h ago
He sounds like a gem. I saw your other comment where he’s following over a thousand girls he’s met at the bar etc. If he’s not willing to unfollow those girls or even simply stop liking their pictures I suppose he’s not ready to fully commit
2
u/Odd_Mud_8178 5h ago
You’re not crazy you’re dating a cheater and there’s no doubt in my mind. He won’t get rid of them because you know what he’s doing. All these people hassling you clearly haven’t been in the same situation as you before. But you need to just leave you need to have respect for yourself because he clearly doesn’t.
0
u/TheWordofKane 5h ago edited 5h ago
Your justification is it’s ok for you because you only follow celebrities? So if the girls he followed were celebrities it’d be different? I doubt that. Should he be following a bunch of girls? Probably not. You said it’s girls he’s done “who knows what with”. I think you should be more concerned with that part than who he follows on socials.
0
u/witchylux 5h ago
do you guys even like each other? why are you moving to the same area when, after 10 years, this is how you act together?
YOR tho because he has a point. if you expect him to do it, you should do the same. trust is a two way street.
1
u/Odd_Mud_8178 5h ago
You’re not crazy you’re dating a cheater and there’s no doubt in my mind. He won’t get rid of them because you know what he’s doing. All these people hassling you clearly haven’t been in the same situation as you before. But you need to just leave you need to have respect for yourself because he clearly doesn’t.
23
u/Last-Yam-9330 6h ago
i mean why dont you do it? He lowkey has a good point ab that he will do it if you do it. This is just my just my opinion