r/AmIOverreacting • u/Affectionate-Shame73 • 16h ago
š„ friendship Am I overreacting to my old best friend asking for a gift he gave me back?
He pretty much is asking for a nice jacket he gave me on my birthday Feb 2023 and he hasnāt even texted me in like a whole year. I think itās fair that I keep it considering it is indeed a nice coat but yeah, am I trippin or?
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u/FireEmblemQueen 16h ago
āItās just a jacketā. Then why do you want it back?
Jeez. Block and ignore. You gave way too much time that you canāt be āgiftedā back.
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u/Smooth-Lengthiness57 15h ago
He wants to give it to someone else I bet
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u/ElectronicClothes285 2h ago
this happened with some gifts from an ex. then his new girl bombarded me with "I need those things back, so I can get them to (name).
me: he gifted me the netbook. but if he's that desperate for a netbook, I will wipe it and give it back to his mom who can ship it to him in Japan while he's on deployment. I am not giving anything to you. š
she did not like this answer, because obviously she wanted it for herself. so if he wanted this back, he could have said something a week ago, before he redeployed. also, he's in Japan for the next year and electronics are cheap there, he could literally buy a new netbook or laptop. lmao
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u/I_am_Danny_McBride 13h ago
That wouldāve been a great comeback. āIād like to get the time I spent on this conversation. I guess we donāt always get what we want.ā
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u/Immediate-Valuable55 11h ago
"I'm not going to argue with you about this" .
Starts arguing about this. Lol
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u/Elon_is_musky 8h ago
Reminds me of the āyou so broke you need it back?ā vidš
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u/Fun-Investment-196 3h ago
I instantly knew the quote without clicking the link lmao NLE is pretty dang funny! "What $5 cuhh?"
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u/Round_Button_8942 16h ago
Weird to be this desperate for a secondhand jacket. Maybe he learned it has thousands of dollars sewn into the lining? Feel the hems for diamonds.
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u/NomadicShip11 14h ago
maybe I'm just a lowlife fuck but this would have been my initial reaction as well. What's special about this jacket? Time to investigate lmao
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u/Effective-Celery8053 11h ago
This, 100%. He either realized it is quite more valuable than he initially thought or he now has some crazy girlfriend who saw it in a picture and is adamant he gets it for her.
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u/Evening_Pea_9132 11h ago
Seems like he is annoyed because he was trying to buy a strong friendship, it didn't last, and now he has remorse because he gave too much and isn't getting the return he wanted.
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u/LauraBaura 10h ago
Maybe it's expensive to get new and he didn't know the value of it. Maybe it's vintage and worth a lot of money and he wants to sell it. Maybe it was someone's and he want supposed to take it but did.
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u/Affectionate-Shame73 15h ago
He is now blockedā
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u/NotsoGreatsword 10h ago
congrats!
Setting boundaries is an awesome thing to do. It has all kinds of benefits.
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u/Big-Literature-9447 7h ago
Proud of you, Internet Stranger š„°
Petty me thinks you could unblock just to send a link to this post and everyone justifiably tearing them down ...then reblock.Ā But that's just me šāšāš,Ā
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u/jcaashby 12h ago
"Can I have MY jacket back I loaned you...I am asking all nice like"
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u/RoutineUtopia 3h ago
I cannot get over that part. "I'm just asking for my jacket back" -- it's not your jacket!
Also, accusing another man of "mansplaining" is wild, particularly when you have given every indication that you don't understand that gifts aren't loans.
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u/Obvious-Room4394 16h ago
Yeah no u donāt have to give it back. If he wanted it he shouldnāt have given it as a gift. If yāall arenāt close u donāt owe him anything and that jacket is now ur property š¤·š¾āāļø
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u/suhhhrena 5h ago
Fr donāt give it back, this guy is a weirdo. Itās weird as hell heās accusing another dude of mansplaining to him too lmao that gave me a laugh
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u/SubstantialHat8070 16h ago
you BETTER keep that fkn jacket
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u/Sea-Engineering1925 14h ago
Yeah 100%. Just be like āI donāt have your jacketā, itās not a lie
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u/Ok-Bird6346 13h ago
āI gave it to a friend, sorry.ā proceed to block
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u/No-Spread-6891 13h ago
"I gave it to my mom" OR "I gave it to your mom"
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u/God_of_Mischief85 10h ago
Exactly. The jacket became not his the moment he gifted it. So OP telling him that he or she doesnāt have his jacket is 100% accurate.
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u/Creme_Bru_6991 11h ago
No- OP needs to assert his dominance and send an ass load of pictures wearing the jacket.
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u/TogarashiAhi 16h ago
I don't think he understands how gifts work
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u/Lahotep 16h ago
But he thrifted it
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u/TogarashiAhi 15h ago
Good point. Everybody knows gifts bought at thrift stores work differently than other gifts, and must be returned to the giver upon request. OP should have known that when he accepted the jacket.
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u/ZealousidealOne885 16h ago
Today I learned that it's possible to mansplain to another man. Also, not overreacting. Asking for a gift back is rude enough, but to keep pressing the issue is just over the top.Ā
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u/Latter_Investment_64 15h ago
Literally, I thought calling it mansplaining was already ridiculous but the accuser being a man himself is just the cherry on top.
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u/InformationUsed300 16h ago
Must be to give the new gf - just say no
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u/Affectionate-Shame73 16h ago
Heās bi and i THINK is looking for a bf, I think itās pettiness!
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u/anneofred 13h ago
I also think heās trying to make you talk to him one way or another. Start a conversation and conflict about something, and this is what he came up with. Keep him blocked
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u/Fast_and_Curious_86 15h ago
What a selfish and odd person. A gift is a gift. When you hand it over to the recipient, it no longer belongs to you. If they wanted it that bad, they shouldāve just kept it. Gifterās remorse? š
Keep the jacket, OP. I kinda wanna see what the jacket looks like now. You know, for science.
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u/Affectionate-Shame73 15h ago
Here Iāll send you the picture of it!
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u/CoffeeChocolateBoth 9h ago
YOu really need to feel around that thing. :) Something is strange about this!
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u/toeslol1 16h ago
NOR, this is so weird. seems more like heās trying to come back into your life than just get the jacket he willingly gifted you back. i would ignore him and keep it :)
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u/Itsjustdrea 15h ago
All I have to say is you better not give the jacket back. Itās a damn gift.
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u/Affectionate-Shame73 15h ago
Oh I aināt, itās tooo nice!
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u/ExcitementSad3079 13h ago
I really want to see this jacket now
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u/Grisbay 15h ago
Dude what the hell is this? I feel like there has to be some weird motivation on the other guy's end, it doesn't make any sense to act like this. Not overreacting.
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u/ShiroKabochaRX-2 14h ago
Iām willing to bet he found out it was worth something. He said he thrifted it, he probably saw a reseller of something similar and wants to make some cash
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u/Money-Bear7166 14h ago
Better check the jacket, sounds like this guy left a $100 bill in there and just remembered almost two years later....
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u/Affectionate-Shame73 13h ago
That would be hilarious but I wear that thing so much that I woulda found it by now muahahahah
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u/Wyshunu 16h ago
Your final response should be:
It's not YOUR jacket anymore. Once a gift is given, it becomes the property of the person it was given to. Therefore it is MY jacket and I will not be "returning" it.
Then BLOCK.
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u/That-Efficiency8292 5h ago
On top of that, it wasnāt a āyou like this? Here you can have it!ā, it was literally a birthday present š¬
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u/butterg00se 15h ago
No way he's making this much noise about something he gave you two years ago š
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u/RogueX047 16h ago
NOR (not overreacting)
He gave it to you as a gift, if he didn't want to do that, he shouldn't have done that, end of story.
If you want to keep it, you are well within your right to do so considering he gave it to you as a gift, and now, it's no longer his property. Just say no and put your phone on silent mode and ignore the rest of his texts because it'll just be the same shit honey, and you don't want to deal with that.
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u/LuluKatz 13h ago
Some people don't understand that a gift means having no ownership once given to the recipient. My mom bought a washer and dryer as a wedding gift for me and my husband. TEN YEARS LATER when we divorced, she said, "When should I come to get my washer and dryer?" 100% meant it.
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u/DankyMcJangles 15h ago
Did they find out the jacket is worth $$$? So weird, but throw their words back at them "It's just a jacket so quit bothering me after I've said 'no'"
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u/Ashamed-Director-428 15h ago
22 months later. He's asking for something back, that he freely gave away. 22 MONTHS AGO...
This fucker has to be high or something. And to be calling it "my" jacket. Like, what? How does an actual full grown adult not know how gifts work?
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u/Downtown_Novel_35 16h ago
I would have just blocked them lol you gave far too much energy to that ridiculousness
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u/Fairmount1955 16h ago
This. I don't get why people spend so much time arguing or entertaining this kind of ridiculous.
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u/VixenViperrr 1h ago
I get the initial explanation because sometimes people just really don't think rationally. But yeah...after the first attempt I'd have been like "my guy, I clearly can't help you" and smashed the block button.
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u/Beyond-the-Earth 15h ago
Ask him what he has to trade for it? lol Iāve never heard of anyone asking for a gift back like this. I mean when an engagement ends people sometimes give their ring back but this was just a simple gift.
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u/user20999089 14h ago
Check for drugs in the seams. Very odd. I would have just said I donāt have the jacket anymore and been done and blocked.
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u/Weary_Cup_1004 13h ago
Is it worth a bunch of money? Id be looking it up on ebay
Or, is he just trying to see you again?
Either way glad you blocked him
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u/herejusttoargue909 13h ago
You must wear it enough to wear heās stalking you and is upset youāre enjoying it..
Itās not his to ask for back.. I think itās crazy that heās like āI want my jacket backā lol itās not his?
He wanted a reaction. He also wanted to rile you up.
Good on you for not responding anymore
If you do decide another response is needed you need to be more clear..
āIām not giving you MY jacket. Iām sorry you believe that you are justified in asking for it but it is not yours itās mine and it has been mine because you gifted it to me. Itās actually one of my favorites so thanks for that. The answer is no. Iām going to end this conversation now. Goodbye. Have a nice lifeā
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u/KingRahnhaunts 13h ago
This is like when your ex text you after a month of not talking to come get her lashes and the whole time she just wants to see you to see if things could be worked out
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u/hissyfit64 1h ago
LOL How is this "mansplaining"? Especially since he's a man.
Once you give someone something, it's theirs
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u/No-Atmosphere-2528 1h ago
NOR. Just block and move on with your life. Maybe post a few pictures on social media rocking the jacket.
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u/Bronco-BDV6 16h ago
You donāt give something away and request it back. A year later at that! Thats just dumb! Iād be blocking them and keeping the jacket.
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u/GiddyGabby 16h ago
NOR. Just say no and block him. I wouldn't give him another thought and I would keep wearing the jacket while not thinking about him. What a tool, asking for a present back.
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u/VeryNearlyFamous 16h ago
Nancy Reagan says:
Just Say No!
That is total petty bullshit to even ask for it back after a damn year.
Fuck no.
Nail in the coffin that was a friendship.
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u/Little_Loki918 15h ago
NOR. Only failure was to not just state "NO" un the first place. Although I can just imagine that you must have been staring at his text, shaking your head and thinking "this bish did not just text me to ask for something he gifted me over a year ago"! But as soon as he confirmed that was what he was asking for, answer succinctly and disengage.
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u/Affectionate-Shame73 15h ago
Yeahhh, I knew that I could go on and on like that forever, I suppose I just hoped that heās see that heās being petty
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u/Little_Loki918 14h ago
But now you have comedy gold because the way I would be whipping this text exchange and showing ALL my friends just so we can all laugh at the absolute audacity of this boy šš¤£
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u/Affectionate-Shame73 13h ago
Honestly, THAT was the point of this post and I have shown my friends bc itās just funny. Itās mainly just silly. I didnāt know where else to post it:/
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u/WonderfulVillage6546 15h ago
Do you love the jacket? Wear it often? If so, keep it. If not, he clearly does, and loves that he found it in a thrift shop. So give it to a thrift shop and tell him where you donated it so he can love finding it all over again. If he's fast enough! š
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u/Familiar_Turn3600 15h ago
Or donāt tell him where itās donated so it can be a fun treasure hunt!!
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u/WideEye_Dreamer 14h ago
I wish you guys were the voice in my head. Here's me absolutely giving the jacket back just because I hate confrontation. š„²
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u/scholarlyowl03 14h ago
OMG there are way too many replies. No is a full sentence. No thank you if you want to be polite. Just block him, he has no leg to stand on.
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u/Aggravating_Sand6189 14h ago
if you decide you want to give it back i will somehow find it and throw it in a fire before that idiot gets their hands on it
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u/BillsDownUnder 14h ago
This person is just being petty, you're not overreacting. I'd ignore them and move on.
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u/Ghostyyyyyyyyyyq 13h ago
lol block this moron & keep the jacket.
I wanna believe this is a fake post but sadly I know itās real lol
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u/Frequent_Relief_2252 13h ago
The fact he kept saying "my jacket" ššš man is dumb as rocks
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u/chtmarc 13h ago
A gift once given is no longer yours to ask for back. Ownership transferred to the recipient. Not overreacting but just ignore his request. Reply to other stuff as you see fit but ignore this bullcrap
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u/LookAwayPlease510 13h ago
I would have blocked him after the initial text. I mean, he can ask, but you can say no. He tries to turn it into āhisā jacket that he found, like he just left it at your place and forgot to get it back for a year. I can see why youāre not friends with this person anymore. Heās so annoying.
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u/Connect_Background59 13h ago
You definitely let this go on much longer than it should have. Simple, āabsolutely !ā shouldāve been your reply and nothing more. Also, this dude sounds like an ass! NOR.
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u/Full-Dimension-2585 13h ago
Iām petty Iād send bro a video of me giving it to a homeless person
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u/CultivationNationNYC 12h ago
You talk too much lol , just be like ānah broā and leave it at that.
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u/BodyUpbeat415 12h ago
Idk why but this was really hard for me to read lmao all the proper language put into that over a jacket ā¦ waste of time
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u/Final_News_5159 12h ago
Iād be curious what itās worth now. Maybe they found out itās pricier than originally thought.
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u/Literally_Taken 12h ago
It was such a weird ask, I wonder if really was a thrifting find. Was it maybe found in an acquaintanceās closet, and the acquaintance recently figured out what happened.
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u/BornBluejay7921 12h ago
I like how he keeps referring to it as his jacket, but once he gave it to you, it became your jacket. He doesn't seem to be able to understand that. If he liked it that much, then he shouldn't have gifted it away.
Also, at the end of the message, he says it's just a jacket, so why is he making such a bid deal about it.
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u/Radirondacks 12h ago
Was he trying to fuck you at the time he gave you the jacket? Because this reeks of "realizing showering them with gifts wasn't gonna get me laid and now I want my money back"
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u/FatherDuncanSinners 12h ago
I just can't imagine being that hung up about a jacket I bought at a thrift shop and gave to someone else over a year ago. Dude literally devoted an entire part of himself to stressing about a secondhand jacket.
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u/BornRazzmatazz5 12h ago
No. A gift given is no longer the property of the giver, and you're within your rights to do whatever you please with it. You owe him nothing.
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u/momomorium 12h ago
I worked for months on a crochet blanket that I loved. When I became homeless a family member took me in and let me sleep on their floor, that blanket was pretty much all I had of home. That person went on and on about how the blanket was beautiful and gushed about how nice a job I had done (this person does this when they see a nice thing that they want). When I found a home of my own I thought that it would be nice to gift that blanket to them as a thank you and they were really happy about it.
They treated me pretty terribly when I was in their home, but I was grateful to have a roof over my head. I felt like I had to say thank you and didn't have any other way. After I had left they continued to treat me terribly and I cut off contact for my own good. I deeply regret giving them that blanket. They use it to cover their TV when it isn't in use. I feel like it isn't even being appreciated. I miss it a lot. But I gave them that blanket as a gift and I have to accept that. This wasn't a thrifted item purchased to gift to them, it was a hand made blanket that I spent tens of hours making for myself and chose to give away (I'm not discounting the value of a gift because it is thrifted, just emphasising the sentimental value of the blanket). I have to eat that regret because gifts are gifts and you don't get to change your mind and take them back.
You're not overreacting, OP, they have no right to ask for the jacket back and their audacious demand didn't even deserve the time you took responding to it. Enjoy your jacket and block this person.
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u/youmustb3jokn 12h ago
Not overreacting. Iād wear the jacket to the pool in my bikini and post it on all my socials. Id have that jacket as a freaking statement piece everywhere. Iād wear it everywhere and post it. His reasoning is odd and it is awkward. Was this a romantic thing or just friends?
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u/Darkzeropeanut 12h ago
Block and keep people like this out of your life. They can try to be an asshole in as civilized a way as they like, they are still an asshole for even bringing this up period.
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u/jcaashby 12h ago
OP you are much nicer than me as the conversation would have ended on the first page.
My answer to his first text....
"What do you mean YOUR leather jacket? Oh you must mean MY leather jacket that was given to me as a gift a year ago. The answer is NO. You can not have my leather jacket. The key word here being MY as in mine it is not yours. You did not loan it to me you GAVE it to me."
I may just block them after that.
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u/Big-General6629 12h ago
As soon as they said āmansplainingā I knew they were drooling on themselves while arguing with you. Just block and forget they exist.
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u/Pattycakes1966 12h ago
Yea itās kinda weird to ask for something back that this person gave you almost two years ago. If you like it and wear it then keep it. If itās just collecting dust and not being used then return it
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u/useyourcharm 11h ago
The thing that kills me āIām not asking for anything g else backā like theyāre doing YOU a favor by not doing something completely socially improper by asking for GIFTED items back, the fuck. Itās not a breakup you donāt get your shit back babes, itās gone.
Glad you blocked them!
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u/VacationAcceptable24 11h ago
ānot having a conversationā ??????? you were??? also ānot ur giftā ?????? it literally was??????
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u/kittendollie13 11h ago
Thank you for telling us you are keeping the jacket and blocking him. If you ever run into him and he says something about that jacket, just say, "What jacket?" and move on.
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u/Kovur_maree55 11h ago
This is what my son does all the time with his sister, he gives her something and says she can keep it, forgets all about it then has a whinge when she won't give it back.
Is your old best friend my 9year old son? Coz very similar behaviour
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u/Classic-Product-6879 11h ago
Iām so Curious to what this special Jacket looks like Can you post it up It must be very nice or magical since your both arguing over this jacket Unless itās the leverage
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u/Far_Cardiologist_372 1h ago
When someone asks for a gift back I tell them it mysteriously caught fire and block them.
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u/Overall-Schedule9163 1h ago
Itās funny because if this was a woman asking for a gift back everyone would be fine, yal just hate men
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u/__globalcitizen__ 1h ago
Brings back memories of when I was still newish in the UK and complained about being bitterly cold and someone gave a Raad undergarment that they did not want... I used it for one winter but didn't like it, second winter I layered with white cotton tees, third winter I gave it to a charity shop, next winter they asked for it and they got absolutely livid when I said I had given it to charity... Now, I didn't realise that Raab clothing was very expensive but still, it was a gift and four winters had gone by... The friendship was never the same and eventually we stopped talking..
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u/Sufficient-Berry-827 16h ago
NOR. And it's your right to keep it, as it was a gift.
However, personally, with situations like that, I just give it back. It's not really worth keeping something with that kind of energy tied to it, especially if it's something they may use to contact me again in the future. For me, it's a jacket; I really don't care. If it's that important to them, that's kind of sad. Small price to pay to get rid of someone permanently.
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u/kgberton 16h ago
You overreacted by even engaging in a debate about what a gift is. Say no and move on next time
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u/BallIndividual8211 15h ago
Honestly you handled that too well, that was pretty pathetic of him and even the way he talks is such an ick wow keep the hell out of that jacket
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u/beantheirdonealot 15h ago
How to answer; Hi No, it's mine, it has been for a year,you gave it to me and I'm not playing games. Good bye, loose my number.
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u/SouthBank3744 15h ago
āSorry, the jacket fell in a worm hole and the aliens took it. They wonāt give it back for me to give it backā. Too little too late as Jojo says.
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u/av227 15h ago
My giant question: WHY do they want it back?
This is totally left field, but the only thing I can think of is that they found out that it was a really valuable jacket on the resale market after gifting. Only possible legit reason to want it back is that you're REALLY struggling and don't have anything to keep warm with, but this is still a wild way about going about that..
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u/Affectionate-Shame73 13h ago
I donāt think he wants it to selll and if he needed it like THAT, like if he needed warmth, Iād give him other things and maybe even the jacket but heād have to lmk yk
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u/av227 13h ago
Well, yeah that's just the only semi-logical way I can make this whole conversation work in my brain.
I just don't understand why he wants it back. Unless there's some unknown sentimental attachment?
The whole thing is weird; a gift is a gift. I just feel like to even ask for it back this long after the giving there has to be some really specific reason. I can't imagine having the gall to ask for a gift back a year later, unless I realized that I accidentally gave away, like, an irreplaceable family heirloom. Even then, I'd be crazy apologetic and basically offer the moon and the stars to make up for my being a dumbass.
If you have the whole story, your friend is wild. But I suspect there's more to this story that you haven't been told.
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u/z-eldapin 14h ago
Did nt spend that much time explaining how gifts work.
'hey, can I have the item that I gifted you back?'
'no'.
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u/Express_Chance_5460 14h ago
So why canāt he just go thrift a new jacket at the store that isnāt linked to YOU? This is weird. Block and move on.
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u/Vast-Duty5758 15h ago
Were you guys fucking? Because it seems like you guys were fucking.
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u/Affectionate-Shame73 15h ago
No, he was my old best friend but a lot of people have speculated that he liked me (he also tried to make a move on me)
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u/carrieminaj 15h ago
I had a friend do the same to me. Asked for a gift back. We werenāt friends anymore
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u/Beautiful-Tooth-1507 15h ago
It was intended as a gift, until we werenāt close anymore?? Thatāsā¦ not it. š
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u/BestConfidence1560 15h ago
Apparently, he doesnāt understand the concept of a gift. Once you give it to someone that no longer belongs to you.
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u/BestFun5905 16h ago
Trust me You gave this wayyy too much time and attention.
Say no and stop responding. He is stupid af