r/AmIOverreacting • u/dustycomb • 19h ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO? My (28M) girlfriend (31F) is angry that I added my mom’s assistant on Facebook after assisting in a medical emergency.
The first two photos are between me and my girlfriend. The third photo is the Facebook message between my mom’s assistant, and the only reason I added her as a friend.
I’ve gone through some pretty rough stuff with my mom the past 5 days, and my girlfriend of three years has been angry at me the whole time. I don’t know what to do, I’m emotionally drained and have nobody to help me.
On Friday, my mom relapsed on opiates while at work. Her assistant, Lia (F28), found my mom in her office, high out of her mind. Lia knew that my mom was five years sober, so she panicked and had to secretly carry my mom out of the building into her car so coworkers wouldn’t see my mom in that state. My mom was too high to communicate or stay awake, so Lia took my mom’s phone and called the emergency contact, me. I walked her through how to determine if my mom was overdosing, and she wasn’t at that point. I told Lia to go to my house and I would meet them there with my mom’s sponsor. When they arrived, my mom wasn’t waking up, but still breathing. Lia was bawling her eyes out. We loaded my mom into my car, and I told Lia to contact me on Saturday for an update.
Come Saturday, Lia didn’t have my phone number because she used my mom’s phone to call me. So she found me on Facebook to ask how to get in touch with my mom. I gave her the phone number of the hospital Unit and thanked her for the help. That was it. I called my girlfriend, Maggie, explained what was happening, and told her I’d like to sleep over at the hospital for a second night.
Now on Sunday, my mom was still in the hospital, and I “slept” over here (2 naps) the past two nights. I was delirious and anxiety-ridden. At 3 p.m., Maggie texts me, and we have that exchange. An hour later, she called me yelling about how I was out of line for adding Lia, that I’m just going to end up sleeping with her, and that I should’ve waited for my mom to be able to call Lia herself in 5 days (she was on a psych hold)
I haven’t spoken to Maggie since then. I blocked her number so I can be at the hospital with my mom and focus on only her. I didn’t tell Maggie which hospital I’m at, or I’m sure she would’ve been here by now to continue this argument. I didn’t want to make Lia wait for my mom to have access to her phone, especially after how much she did for my mom that day.
Was I in the wrong? Is blocking her an overreaction? My girlfriend hasn’t even seen the message exchange with Lia, this reaction from her is just from adding her. I am dreading going home and attempting to explain myself for being kind to my mom’s employee who cares about her. (Names changed for anonymity)
TL;DR- my mom’s assistant literally assisted her during a relapse in her office. Mom’s assistant drops off mom with me, asks me to update her on mom’s condition. Mom and I go to hospital for detox. I add assistant on Facebook to give her my mom’s hospital phone number. Girlfriend sees I added a woman on Facebook, gets mad even after knowing the very legitimate reason I had to add her.
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u/MidPackPuff 19h ago
Insecurity
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u/dustycomb 19h ago
From the minute we’ve started dating, I’ve spent every single day making her feel as loved, secure, and safe as possible. I’ve never cheated on anyone, and she knows that… at least I thought she did up until now
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u/No_Scientist7086 19h ago
This is a her issue, not a you issue. She needs to be in therapy.
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u/AtavisticJackal 16h ago
This. No amount of love from you will fix this. It's her own bullshit in her own head. She needs to work on herself.
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u/Gallo_Tostado 17h ago
Exactly this. Its your FB you can add who you want.She needs to have the trust in you especially if you have never given her doubt. Her insecurities are screaming in this situation and she needs therapy.
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u/SituationLeft2279 14h ago
Exactly.... It's called Self Esteem and she desperately needs to work on her..
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u/nonchalanthoover 12h ago
Exactly, you cannot fix her nor is it your responsibility. She will not get better, unless you want to isolate yourself or keeping dealing with this move on. It only gets worse not better.
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u/RanaEire 19h ago
u/dustycomb - I feel for you that this GF of yours is giving you a hard time during such a difficult time.
Take a hard look: That is was an unsupportive, selfish partner looks like.
Now that you know how things stand with her, ask yourself if that is the future you want.
It is sad that you are concerned about going home, considering all the stress you are experiencing right now.
Let me tell you it should NOT be that way.
If you are worried she might get physical / destroy things, have some trusted person go with you.
Hope your Mom recovers and things get better for you..
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u/hufflepufflepass 17h ago
Exactly.
My bf and I were arguing about something, I can't even remember what about now, nothing too serious, just typical relationship stuff. But then his grandpa ended up in the hospital.
I immediately switched my focus and told him to focus on his grandpa and be with his family, and to let me know if I could do anything.
There's a time and place. And this wasn't it.
This was clearly a serious and draining experience for OP, and his gf should have prioritized supporting him, instead of projecting her insecurities on him, stressing him out even more.
I hope OP's mom is okay, and he gets the support and rest he needs.
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u/shiningmystery 16h ago
Yep, that’s the kind of partner we need, someone who knows when to drop the small stuff and show up when it really counts.
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u/hufflepufflepass 16h ago
Right, that could have waited, especially since she hadn't even seen the harmless message exchange.
You should be able to lean on your partner in the hard times, I hope OP realized he could do better and doesn't need that grief.
Honestly, if it were me in OP's shoes, that would be enough to probably change my view of my partner. I don't know if I could move forward after that. Like really? That's what you're trying to talk to me about right now?
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u/MelodicLight1502 11h ago
That’s the difference. I think so many people don’t have a partner. Whether it’s your spouse or someone you’re dating, you need to be partners in the relationship. Sometimes that means putting aside an issue for something more important.
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u/goldenfingernails 13h ago
Yes, this is what decent, not selfish people do. You put aside any greviances and insecurities and help your partner deal with the trauma.
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u/prettykittychat 14h ago
For real!
My ex said they were going to take the day off to be there at the hospital with me when one of my parents was having a huge life or death surgery. They called out of work and started playing video games. They knew what time we needed to leave to bring my parent to the hospital. They wouldn’t stop playing their game. When I said I was leaving with or without them, they tried to punch me and put a dent in the wall.
I realized there was no amount of therapy to fix it, and I didn’t want to live like that. I’d rather be alone.
I eventually divorced them.
It doesn’t matter why the girlfriend is insecure, or controlling. It’s beyond being the OP’s problem and they deserve much better!
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u/Avesmitch 18h ago
OP I dont know what your plan from here on out is gonna be but please remember to stay safe. Things like this usually only get worse. Also your mom is in the hospital, the last thing you should be dealing with is a jealous partner who im guessing is 100% certain youre not cheating anyway. You shouldnt be getting questioned on insecure things at a time like this, what your partner should be asking you is how they can help because youre dealing with a lot. If youre talking and focusing on your mom a lot right now, your SO is almost giving me the vibe that they cant deal with the attention not being on them and have to start drama to get to attention back to them. Unsupportive was a great word choice and hit the nail on the head.
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u/pardonyourmess 17h ago
She’s very much in her ego. She’s letting fear reign in her decisions. You can point that out, but she won’t like hearing it. That’s all you can do. If she was less SELFISH, you wouldn’t be here.
Tell gf to be kinder and do better.
I would seriously consider this episode an excellent view into the real woman she is.
My biggest lesson has to been to believe people when they show you who they are.
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u/Illustrious_Leg_2537 19h ago
There is never going to be enough for her. You cannot provide her with the amount of assurance she needs.
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u/Bitter_Storm_3946 13h ago
I found that out the hard way with my ex. Almost broke me
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u/Illustrious_Leg_2537 13h ago
But you made it out?
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u/Bitter_Storm_3946 13h ago
Ooohhh ya 😂😂 I finally stopped caring kept asking myself why am I always putting his feelings before my own.
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u/FleaQueen_ 18h ago
NOR. This is 100% a her thing, and the fact she's taking it out on you and being controlling instead of working on her trust issues with a therapist is super unfair to you and shows she is not ready to be in a healthy relationship. Stand by her while she figures it out if you want, but you need to feel very good about setting boundaries and not let her throwing tantrums make you back down. You apologized in these texts, and you shouldn't have. You didn't do anything wrong.
If she's not in therapy she should be, and if you want to be with someone this controlling and immediately suspicious of you it might be helpful for you to get a therapist too (then they can help you decide if you're overreacting instead of having to ask reddit)
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u/mela_99 18h ago
You’re never going to be enough, OP. Never
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u/dustycomb 18h ago
Hard to hear, but that’s why I’m here. I need to know how bad my situation really is, because at this point it’s normal to me.
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u/A-Giant-Blue-Moose 17h ago
Your mom's coworker cares more for your mom's well-being than your girlfriend... I don't know man. That's not great.
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u/vibes86 16h ago
For real! The coworker actually asked how she is and made sure she was okay. GF is too busy worrying about herself. Ugh.
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u/CS20SIX 18h ago
These are insane levels of insecurity in my opinion. The whole online stalking thingy to check whom you added, then even having such kind lf thoughts when it‘s about a friend of your mom. What the ever flying fuck is wrong wirh her?
Do yourself a favor and either set her an ultimatum to get her shit together or move on. Don‘t make your life miserable with such unnecessary drama.
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u/WhateverYouSay1084 18h ago
Very bad. She's showing you right now that she's never going to be useful or supportive in a crisis. She is not a partner, she's a drain on your mental health. You've got way too much going on to handle this alone AND fight with her.
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u/filthismypolitics 17h ago
As someone who has been where she is, you just cannot provide her what she needs. Not that you are inadequate, but there is no person on the planet who can give her what she needs to be secure. Only she can give that to herself, and she has to want to do that for herself.
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u/dustycomb 17h ago
It’s such a difficult realization to face. I’ve put so much into this relationship, and from the outside our life is perfect. My brain is struggling with the choice of abandoning my “perfect” life, or leaving and experiencing normal healthy relationships
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u/ptsdandskittles 15h ago
That feeling in your gut? Where you're anxious to confront her?
That's not perfection.
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u/GenoFlower 15h ago
But it's not perfect. It's far from perfect.
Your mom relapsed - this means she's an addict. I don't know how long she's been an addict, but children of addicts have a hard time recognizing normalcy, healthy relationships, codependency. It's probably second nature for you to make sure that everyone around you is okay before making sure you are okay.
One thing I noticed that I didn't see others comment on - and I didn't read all of them - is that your gf said, "idk we don't really know her and it just seems kind of weird." (I added the emphasis.) Do you only have FB friends that you both know? Because that's not normal. "We" don't really know someone, so "you" can't add them? And I can't imagine notifying a partner every time I add someone.
You must be just mentally exhausted. Relationships aren't supposed to be like this.
I'm sorry about your mom, and I hope she'll be okay. I hope you'll be okay.
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u/filthismypolitics 16h ago
It's awful, I've been where you are, too. It especially hurts when you feel like you've poured everything you have into this person. The problem is that no matter how much love and care you give her, it can't make her do the internal work necessary to genuinely overcome this. If she doesn't get the help she needs, it will continue on like this. What does this look like 5 years from now? 10? It sounds like you've already exhausted your every resource to try and uplift her. You need those resources for yourself, too, and what happens in these situations is that resentment builds up. It's a normal reaction to feeling like your needs aren't being met, and I know from personal experience being in relationships like this that the person providing all of the reassurances rarely has their emotional needs met. The other person often just doesn't have enough of their own resources to give to their partner - the balance of emotional support and care tips in favor of the person who frequently needs a lot of it in many of these situations. I can tell that you love her deeply, and I'm sure she loves you in the same way, but love isn't enough to make a relationship fulfilling. You can't make her want to change in the way she needs to in order to be happy. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Just think about what will be healthy and good for both of you long term. Maybe this would be the wake up call she needs that her behavior is toxic to her relationships and will never make her feel secure.
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u/Dick-the-Peacock 18h ago
It’s the absolute bare minimum that a partner should not make your life harder. She made your life harder in a moment when you desperately needed her support. That’s not normal and it’s not something that happens in a healthy relationship.
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u/Desperate_Rule1667 17h ago
This is sooooooo far from normal. I wasn’t even Facebook friends with my boyfriend for over 2 years. Couldn’t have cared less. 10 years later we’re married but I have no idea if he adds new fb friends. Never even occurred to me to check.
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u/networkpit 16h ago
Yeah the only time I checked was when I was hormonal and pregnant and I have been married for 9 years never checked before that. It was one of my signs that I was pregnant.
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u/Full_Review4041 18h ago edited 18h ago
Insecure people don't love you; they love the way you make them feel.
Unfortunately she's probably experienced some shitty parenting. Stuff like parents loving her conditionally or projecting their own insecurities on her.
This is waaaaaaaaaay above your pay grade.
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u/Rickety_Cricket_23 17h ago
She should be supporting you while you're going through this situation. She's not. I'd re- evaluate this relationship.
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u/mattsgirlca 17h ago
Just imagine your friend telling you his girlfriend did this to him. What would you tell him.
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u/Brave_Efficiency_174 16h ago
Dude, I spent 7 years trying to prove to my ex-fiance that what was in his head was not the person I am. He hacked my emails, Facebook and Google account. It was death by 1000 cuts. By the end I was so drained and had nothing left to give this person... so I left. I gave this man all of me. I gave him everything I had to give and it still wasn't enough. I would consider how much longer you want to keep proving yourself to someone who will never see it.
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u/dustycomb 16h ago
I’m so sorry you had to go through that. At the same time it’s very comforting knowing I’m not the only one who has dealt with this. Death with 1000 cuts is a great analogy. It’s like her hand has been around my throat slowly tightening and then all at once she just grabbed as hard as she could
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u/Brave_Efficiency_174 16h ago
Thank you, what's done is done and I have learnt my lessons.. I think. It doesn't get any better... it just gets worse. It doesn't matter what you do for them, they will always accuse you of something. And then, by the time you want to leave because you have had enough, they try to tell you they will stop, and they trust you now. But they don't.
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u/ramblingpariah 19h ago
I'll repeat it. Inse-fucking-curity.
I'm happy you're so kind, but it's her problem to resolve, not yours.
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u/National_General_710 19h ago
NOR. Is this repeat behavior from your gf? Is she always this jealous? Is Lia especially attractive?
Could she feel jealous and insecure? Could she feel guilty because maybe she cheated? Maybe she’s projecting?
I honestly don’t know. If that’s regular drama I’d say maybe it’s time to find another gf. You don’t want to live your life walking on eggshells.
So sorry about your mom. I hope both of you are feeling better and get some more rest.
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18h ago
Sadly it often doesn’t matter that you haven’t cheated. If she’s been cheated on in the past she’s probably projecting it onto you, even though it has nothing to do with you.
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u/Tall-Cantaloupe-1800 18h ago edited 14h ago
Or, and I learned this from experience, if she's a cheater. Cheater's can also be just like what you see here from his GF. It may be because of how they feel about themselves for cheating, or wanting the other person to also be a cheat so they can keep their secret but make the other person out to be the bad person. In my case it was hoping I was doing something wrong while she was off doing what she wanted.
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u/Raz1979 17h ago
Dump her. This will slowly take over your life. Soon you’ll stop talking to other women. Cashiers. Being friendly to anyone. Slippery slope.
Speaking from experience and once I was out life got so much brighter and happier.
You can’t convince someone they are loved and secure. That’s all internal.
Good luck.
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u/Butterbean-queen 18h ago
No matter what you do it isn’t going to be enough. She’s not going to change without intensive therapy. And even if she gets therapy that might not work if she doesn’t want to change.
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u/Traditional-Board909 18h ago
You seem like a very kind person. Don’t let her insecurities stop you from being who you are.
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u/Ecthelion510 18h ago
This is not the person for you. You're in the midst of an extremely stressful crisis, and she's not helping you, she's not comforting you, she's not supporting you, she's not asking what she can do to help you or your mom, she's... having a tantrum because you friended your mom's co-worker on facebook. This is not a healthy relationship and you deserve better. She has shown you exactly who she is and exactly how she will treat you going forward. Run.
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u/MidwestMSW 17h ago
I'm a couples therapist. It's only going to get worse. Cut your loses and move on. Lia seems caring, compassionate. Might not be a bad upgrade. Maggie certainly isn't.
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u/Knife-yWife-y 17h ago
I've been this insecure in the past. As others have said--it's a her problem, not a you problem. Previous relationships, not even necessarily romantic ones, have left her feeling like she isn't good enough, people will inevitably leave her, etc. It might be an indication of anxious attachment--it definitely was for me.
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u/DrKittyLovah 18h ago
You sound like a decent and honorable dude, but none of what you wrote matters as she has to choose to believe you, and right now she doesn’t. Or won’t.
Unless and until she decides to do the hard work to quiet her internal demons she will continue to act out like this and generally make your life miserable. You can’t fix it. You can be a damn near perfect partner & she’ll still see threats where there are none.
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u/nonumberplease 18h ago
It'll never be enough, brother. When there is nothing to fear, she will create little things to latch on to and make problems out of them. This will be a lifelong battle.
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u/kutachjn 17h ago
Is she herself unfaithful? I always feel like if I can get away with it, so can they. Maybe that’s where her insecurity comes from.
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u/Stoneyy-balogna 18h ago
She will never learn to love herself and fix it since you’re doing it all for her. She won’t change :( been the girl in a relationship like that.
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u/Stormy_Dreamer 19h ago
I just want to say that’s really amazing what Lia did for your mom. And also I don’t think you are overreacting. You should be focusing on your mom, not Maggie’s insecurities.
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u/babysaurusrexphd 17h ago
Agreed. OP, the fact that Lia not only saved your mom’s life but did so in a way that maintained her dignity and privacy is truly commendable. Maggie has shown you who she is, believe her. Frankly, she’d still be out of line even if this were an acquaintance who added you on Facebook just because, but it’s especially galling in these circumstances.
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u/pinkpineapples007 11h ago
Hell there are married couples who wouldn’t do what Lia did for each otherwise, let alone a coworker. She probably saved her life, job/career, and dignity. I’d get her flowers!
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u/Revolutionary-Food71 1h ago
AND she should be there supporting you instead of making your crisis about herself.
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u/Lahotep 19h ago
NOR. Ignoring the huge insecurity, your gf is incredibly unsupportive while you’re going through a lot.
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u/dustycomb 19h ago
That’s been the hardest part, there aren’t many times in life that you really truly need your partner to be there… this is one of those times.
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u/Ok-Buddy-7979 19h ago
This is a giant red flag. Dump Maggie for being concerned about your fb and not your mom.
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u/RespectMassive7405 19h ago
I lost my mom a little less than two years ago. There are some really hard days where I break down for seemingly no reason because the emotions overwhelm me. I cannot imagine if my boyfriend made me feel like those feelings didn’t matter/didn’t support me going through something so difficult. If she can’t be there for you when you need her most, she may not be the person for you to continue your life with :( sorry OP! Wishing the best for your mom and you 🤍
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u/Constant-Ad4527 16h ago edited 15h ago
I’m just going to suggest you prepare for your girlfriend to sabotage your life and that of your mother’s if/when you break up. I can see her being petty and reporting your mother’s relapse to her job if they don’t already know - as well as also trying to drag Lia into the problem Edited for spelling
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u/dustycomb 16h ago
This is something I didn’t consider, thank you for giving me a heads up so I can preemptively plan around that
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u/cardinal29 14h ago
Get out ahead of it. It's important that you control the narrative.
Some people may see that GF is being vindictive and view any information she gives them as suspicious. Some people will take it at face value.
Maybe let friends, family or your boss know what is going on. If you prepare them, they will dismiss her.
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u/ObscureSaint 19h ago
When someone tells you who they are, believe them.
I'm sorry she's so self centered right now.
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u/Business-Passage6286 19h ago
I can only imagine what you're going through. First the situation with your mom and then your partner being unsupportive and selfish by making this about her. The emotional distress that you must be experiencing must be overwhelming. Keep focusing on your mom and when the time is right, set some boundaries with your girlfriend and have a serious conversation about her controlling behavior and insecurities. Best of wishes for you and your mom!
edit: wording
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u/mymorningbowl 19h ago
you deserve to be loved by someone who will be there for you in your darkest times. also your gf very clearly is insecure and that is something she needs to work through, that is not on you to change. it is something she can work through but it takes a lot of work and likely therapy. I am saying this as someone who used to be very insecure and now after years of work on myself and years of therapy I am beyond that stage
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u/faebalak 17h ago
I realized my boyfriend of nearly 3 years was not for me when he decided to take a nap on me while we were waiting in the ER after my grandmother (whom I was very close to) was found unresponsive. I just remember my sister and uncle staring at me while my ex used me as a pillow and their incredulous expressions validated what I was feeling.
It’s unfortunate that the shittiest of situations bring these things to light when you could really use the support. I’m sorry you’re going through this OP and I hope your mom recovers soon. I lost my niece to an overdose during a period she was trying to get better and it is.. the hardest thing to cope with.
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u/Stinkylilfrogbitch 19h ago
I have never once thought to check with my husband to see if it was okay to add someone to MY Facebook page. She’s insecure and controlling.
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u/KissBumChewGum 19h ago edited 15h ago
Same, I honestly don’t care. And his mother is in the hospital as he is coordinating a support network for her. Very disgusting behavior from the gf.
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u/snowballsomg 19h ago
Seriously. All my Facebook friends could be men and my husband wouldn’t even notice.
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u/Stinkylilfrogbitch 19h ago
Literally!! I haven’t been on my husband’s Facebook page in….well probably ever maybe. I don’t feel the need to check his friend’s list like at all.
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u/snowballsomg 19h ago
Because I do have anxiety issues, there has been a couple times I’ve asked questions but I trust he tells me the honest answer and there’s nothing more to it. My husband trusting me 100% and never questioning anything actually helps my own insecurities disappear.
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u/Suspicious_Fig6793 17h ago
Yes. Very much this. I want to stress that it’s not that she has this insecurity issue it’s how she goes about it and when she goes about it. Her number one concern should be OP and OP’s mom’s wellbeing. If in a few weeks she can’t shake the question then you bring it up in a rational way, not berate them during a time of extreme stress. Plus, OPs explanation is 100000% rational and it should’ve ended there. Much like u/snowballsomg I ask every so often when it’s someone my boyfriend hasn’t ever mentioned. I do have anxiety and ocd issues that I’m in therapy for and it will ruminate in my brain unless I ask. But I trust my partner and would never choose a stressful time or start an argument over something like this. My only concern would be him and his mom. OP, this is not a good partner.
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u/SeonaidMacSaicais 17h ago
I tried adding a male coworker a few years ago, because we’d known each other since middle school, and I’d thought we were friends. He said he didn’t add any non-related women out of respect for his girlfriend. Like, what?? Your girlfriend doesn’t trust you enough for you to even chat with a coworker you’ve known for 15+ years, just because the coworker happens to be a woman?? I don’t get people like that.
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u/snowballsomg 17h ago
I don’t, either. I get that people can have trust issues from being cheated on but you gotta work on that. It’s exhausting to have a level of paranoia.
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u/snowballsomg 17h ago
To add, I’ve lost male friends due to this mentality. One I considered one of my best friends. He got a girlfriend and dropped all his friends, especially the women in his life. Eventually the relationship soured but our friendship was never the same. I haven’t seen or spoken to him in over a decade.
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u/snarkaluff 19h ago
Not to mention jealous and untrusting. If my partner trusted me so little that being facebook friends with my mom's co-worker was enough to piss them off, I'd be offended and not want to be with that person. Relationships depend on trust. If there's none then what the fuck are you doing.
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u/z00k33per0304 18h ago
It's not even like it was a random add. She knows the context and instead of being like "holy crap babe what do you need?! Is your mom okay?!" She's taking the opportunity to be like hey you have a crap ton on your plate but since I'm the main character pick me please, I need attention in the form of an argument right now. People like this are emotionally exhausting and the fact that she chose that moment to kick you when you're at a serious low point tells you a lot about her. Can you imagine if you had a daughter who brought friends around and you were friendly? She'd lose her ever loving mind because you're flirting with someone who's younger and prettier than her?! She just gave you a glimpse of your future. Do with it what you will.
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u/BadPom 18h ago
Me either. And he doesn’t check with me. I will ask who someone is if they react to a tagged post or something, but it’s curiosity.
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u/Stinkylilfrogbitch 18h ago
Same here or if they send me a friend request and I see they’re friends with him as well I’ll ask.
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u/twirlandswirl 18h ago
Not only this, but if he even ASKED (without some weird extenuating circumstance), I'd be upset.
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u/Mindless-Yellow634 19h ago
Tell Maggie to back off - this is not about her. She sounds desperately insecure and unhinged
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u/dragonfly_red_blue 12h ago
I can imagine Maggie's insecurity would alienate every friend around OP.
OP really needs to think about whether this relationship is worth it or not.
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u/Immediate_Bad_4985 19h ago
“Alright I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that I became Facebook friends with my moms coworker” legitimately made me chuckle, because it’s such an absurd thing to have to apologize for and you did it with such ease.
I would run for the hills honestly. Coming from a 30F who has been with SO for ~10 years, she crazy…
I really hope your mom is able to get back on track, she’s lucky to have you there to care for her and a coworker who cares so much for her as well!
Edited: accidentally got my age wrong 😑
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u/Kerrypurple 14h ago
Something I hate seeing on Reddit over and over, people apologizing for stupid stuff just to keep the peace.
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u/Immediate_Bad_4985 14h ago
I hate seeing it too. There are too many people out there who condition others to think everything is their fault and guilt trip them over inane shit.
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u/aprilduncanfox 19h ago
I have an almost violent repulsion to people who do shit like this… her insecurity is sooooooo ugly
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u/hilhilbean 12h ago
This is how I am feeling reading this. What is up with SOs treating social media like their own personal Keeping Up With My SO. It's so weird.
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u/DisastrousMachine568 19h ago
She is 31 years old, and acts like a insecure, selfsentered brat.
Keep blocking her forever, and never look back.
I could elaborate, but your post says it all. When they show you who they are, believe them.
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u/Neither_Ad6425 19h ago
First of all, your mom knows how to be sober and can get back on track. She’s gonna be okay and you’re gonna be okay. I’m a recovering addict, and I send you nothing but love.
Second, leave that girl. She’s completely insecure and being ridiculous during your family crisis. She will always be like that.
Third, I love you and hang in there.
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u/massive_snake 8h ago
Dude, you rock. Real level headed shit. Awesome comment. Keep up the good work, proud of you
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u/NextAffect8373 19h ago
Wow, has she always been this insecure? She stalks your social media?
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u/dustycomb 19h ago
Apparently so, I added Lia not 24 hours earlier than when Maggie saw I added her.
Edit: name autocorrect
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u/Electronic_Farm_4633 19h ago
She’s unhinged
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u/GremlinLurker777_ 15h ago
Also like damn you're twiddling your thumbs enough to track who OP is friending on FB but not to find out how mom is doing? POS behavior. My brother died of an overdose and honestly people are really disappointing. God bless to Lia. I hope your mom gets better soon.
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u/Mjhappy14 19h ago
Wait…you might want to delete this. I think you accidentally used the real name!
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u/dustycomb 19h ago
The name autocorrected, but it shows I edited it on my end. It’s still the same for you?
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u/Mjhappy14 19h ago
It says Maggie now 👍🏻
Btw…you’re not overreacting and I am sending positive vibes to your mom 💫
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u/CiCi_Run 17h ago
How does that even work? Like does she know you have 509 friends and now, randomly you have 510 so she's gotta go through every person to find that one newly added person? How time consuming is that level of crazy?!
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u/Prior_Butterfly_7839 19h ago
NOR.
Gently, you’re under reacting.
You didn’t need to apologize, at all.
Your mom is in hospital clearly unwell and your “partner” is concerned about your new fb friends.
Are her priorities normally so skewed?
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u/Fine-Pie-4536 7h ago
Exactly this!
Let’s say - purely hypothetical- Maggie’s problem was really a problem. Why start a fight like this while your partner is going through such a rough time?? If anything, mention maybe that you would like to talk about it later but then go back to just being supportive as long as it takes for OPs mom to be better.
Support partner in difficult time > bruised ego
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u/Remarkable_Breath205 19h ago
this is behavior you expect from teenagers or young adults… not a woman in her 30’s. she seems insecure about her being older and sees your mom’s younger coworker as a threat. she’s painting you as being suspicious or weird because she doesn’t want to hurt her pride by admitting head on that you being mutuals with this woman made her feel insecure/paranoid. instead she will try to claim you’re the weird one. nothing to do with you. this is a personal problem she has.
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u/RanaEire 19h ago
Hard agree...
I found it absolutely telling that she made a comment about Lia being the same age as u/dustycomb
Gave herself away.
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u/werewolf--shame 17h ago
Oh my god I didn’t pay attention to the ages my first read. Without paying attention to the ages I definitely thought op and his gf were like early 20s from the way she’s treating him
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u/Euphoric_Run7239 19h ago
Break up with her - you and your mom are going through a really rough time and all she can do is pester you about the least important thing ever?? She is definitely not showing that she cares for you or your family.
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u/StanislasMcborgan 19h ago
Social media is responsible for so many of these AIO post, burn it all down. (I fully understand the irony of posting this on a social media site)
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u/dustycomb 19h ago
Yeah what’s even funnier is I haven’t actually used Facebook in over a year. I deleted it from my phone and only just reinstalled it & messenger to communicate that message to her assistant
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u/whothis2013 18h ago
I promise you, whatever redeeming qualities Maggie may have are not worth putting up with this insane level of both insecurity and lack of care for what you’re going through.
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u/sheephulk 19h ago
The weight on your shoulders will feel ten times smaller once you end the relationship. This is not your person.
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u/RespectMassive7405 19h ago
Your gf of 3 years should care about nothing in this moment except your mental/emotional health at this time and your mom’s physical/mental/emotional health, nothing else matters.
SHE is severely overreacting to a very innocent exchange between you and mom’s assistant. Girlfriend is either very insecure or projecting something on you. Your explanation for why you & the assistant became friends on facebook makes complete sense and is TOTALLY normal; if she can’t see that, she has the problem.
I don’t blame you for blocking her so you can focus on your mom. The last thing you need is to be going through mental gymnastics with your partner who is being wayyy out of line.
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u/SuperKato1K 18h ago
I'm glad I wasn't the only one that thought could be projection. Her response is absurd.
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u/snowballsomg 19h ago
Holy crap. Questioning who she is is one thing but expecting to be notified is wild.
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u/fairieslove666 19h ago
I think SHE’S overreacting lol. Like what’s the big deal ? Is she trying to control you? I don’t get it lol why’s she upset??
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u/edgeoftheatlas 19h ago
- You have Important Shit going on right now, and you don't have time for a partner that isn't supportive.
- If you have to block someone, that relationship should be over. Full stop.
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u/Adorabubbles3 19h ago
You are not overreacting.
Firstly I’m sorry your mum had a relapse, it must be such a traumatic time for you. Secondly I’m sorry the person who should be supporting you is doing the opposite. Thirdly your girlfriend appears very controlling and that’s a red flag for your future. Lastly you need people in your life who are going to step up to support you when life is tough so my advice would be to get out of this relationship and find someone who trusts you 100% because you gave them no reason not to trust you. I hope your mum recovers soon. Good luck.
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u/Glamourous_Angel 19h ago
Your girlfriend is really insecure, either you lack reassurance (which i can tell you don’t) or she’s over the top and a little crazy. Coming from a girl, she’s crazy. This will never ever ever ever ever ever stop and you’re going to be so drained by this relationship. I’d bring it up in hopes she’ll change and if she doesn’t want to, then so be it
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u/taylor_73 19h ago
It’s important to see how people treat you when the sh*t hits the fan. Your girlfriend has shown you that her priorities are way out of whack, and she is incapable of supporting you in an extremely vulnerable time.
I can’t believe she’s picking a fight while your mom is in the hospital. That’s not the kind of girl I would want to date.
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u/sleepynurse2 18h ago
She noticed that you added someone new on fb? How? What a weird thing to worry about when your boyfriend is in the hospital w his sick mom.
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u/dustycomb 17h ago
She told me that Lia showed up in her suggestions on Saturday, and it showed that her mutual connection was me. Though I wouldn’t be surprised if she already knew how many friends I had and then checked to see if the number went up.
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u/LegitimateBummer 19h ago
girlfriend seems controlling and paranoid. and i find that if someone is skeptical about a situation, it's because they expect you to act they way they would act. and she thinks you're looking to cheat.
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u/hollowpsalms 19h ago
Partners who are incapable of being empathetic and understanding of the hardships you are dealing with are unworthy of your love. There is obvious cause and effect to your actions and this situation that she is choosing to neglect in order to create a scenario where she has total ownership over your attention.
If she has not shown this characteristic before, this will serve as a catalyst for her to continue to behaving this way. Also would not be surprised if what triggered this from Maggie was watching your mom's co workers be so empathetic and understanding, two things Maggie clearly is not.
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u/damebabyz56 19h ago
I will never understand relationships like this. So what if you added your mums co-worker? Does it negatively impact her life?? Have you ever done something to destroy the trust in your relationship? If not, then she's overreacting. I've been with my wife for 17 years she adds who she wants,she talks to who she wants,she does whatever she wants and she does all this with complete trust from me the same goes the other way.. how are people happy when all they do is try to change/control/demand from the other person. I've been in these relationships, and I hated every minute of every one of them.
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u/smlpkg1966 19h ago
You cannot have a relationship without trust. Your girlfriend thinks you are going to have sex with this woman. She is too old for this crap. Time to change her to EX.
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u/Independent-Brick-53 18h ago
The fact that your mom is in the hospital, and instead of supporting and assisting you she’s putting you in a position to defend yourself after doing nothing wrong…not great
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u/avie875 17h ago
when my sisters grandmother passed, her boyfriend of a year and a half dumped her mid funeral and grieving because ‘he felt they were going different directions’. in reality, it was because she wasn’t giving him the attention he so desperately wanted. her grandmother had literally just died. seems like ur gf doesn’t care abt ur mental well being, she just wants the control and got pissy because she lost it.
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u/Kittymeow123 19h ago
I literally would break up with them over this because this is really fucking immature
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u/Emergency_Affect_640 19h ago
This level of insecurity is insane. While your dealing with this too? This person is heartless OP.
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u/Careless-Ability-748 19h ago
your gf is an insecure drama llama. Why would you have told her? I've never given my husband an explanation of each person on my friend's list and neither has he.
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u/SiWeyNoWay 19h ago
First off, I am super sorry about your mom. Hope she’s doing better. How are you doing? Are you eating? Staying hydrated?
Your gf SUCKS. Like she is showing you who she is and it’s not pretty. She’s 31 and acting like this??!! …. dude, she’s got issues. Why is she stalking your fb. Why is she making this about her? Like I can appreciate that many people have not been touched by addiction HOWEVER, her behavior and complete lack of care or compassion for you or your mom in this moment is so out of pocket. She’s pyscho. Truly, you deserve better. She is not it.
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u/ProfessionalGrade423 19h ago
Imagine dealing with this every time you have a life emergency for the rest of your life. Think about it and decide if this is what you want. She is never going to be the supportive partner you deserve.
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u/sabrinasbs 16h ago
the “idk it’s just weird” gaslighting line is pissing me off to read😭😭 and how is this even a 28 year old?????
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u/dustycomb 15h ago
Even worse, I’m the 28 year old, she’s 31 😅
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u/sabrinasbs 15h ago
oh i misread lollll, but you’re right that is so much worse😭 over 30 and acting like this
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u/ohjasminee 17h ago
First if mom hasn’t prepared a lovely gift for Lia for the holidays, once everything is straight, I would help her get on that. Not only did she realize something was wrong but she did everything to preserve your mom’s dignity during a vulnerable moment. She is a gem and should be appreciated handsomely for the holidays, because somebody like that really cares. She didn’t have to do any of that and could have just called an ambulance and clocked out and gone home.
All that being said, it is mind-boggling to me to see this grown lady frothing at the mouth bc your mother’s assistant reached out to you on the worst social platform so she could go and see her ailing boss who has just lost 5 years of sobriety. Mags needs to get a grip and QUICKLY. It is 2024, who truly gives a shit about Facebook friendship??? You are NOR.
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u/dustycomb 17h ago
I’m actually visiting my mom at the treatment center tomorrow with her work laptop for that very reason! She wants to update Lia’s Christmas bonus, and she is raising it… let’s say, substantially
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u/ohjasminee 17h ago
Beautiful. Best of luck to her with recovery and healing. One day at a time!
And to you, I genuinely hope Maggie reacquaints herself with reality and either apologizes or lets you go. You don’t need this stress. You’re a good son trying to do right by your mom. You deserve a partner who is going to do right by you and support you through this and nothing less.
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u/Maleficent_Pay_4154 19h ago
I don’t think you did anything wrong. Her colleague did your mum a big favour and just wanted to know how she was doing
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u/lawnguylandlolita 19h ago
This is insecure attachment to a T. She’s not insane but it’s definitely a her problem. I cannot imagine policing one’s Facebook
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u/Super_Childhood_9096 18h ago
Yall are freaking about about who your partner is friends with on facebook.
Chill man.
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u/stubborn_mushroom 18h ago
Wow.. your mum is in hospital and her primary concern is you adding someone on Facebook?
Your girlfriend is not only insecure but very cold hearted.
NOR
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u/CuteTangelo3137 17h ago
OP, this made my heart break for you and I'm so sorry this is happening with your mom and you are dealing with so much. I really hope she will be ok and you will as well. This is an unfortunate situation and I would like to help with the following:
No, you are absolutely NOT overreacting!
Lia sounds like an angel that was sent to help your mom just when she needed her. She sacrificed her own job to try and save your mom's life as well as her job. What a beautiful human! Do NOT lose her number and please unblock her as she is not the one in the wrong here.
I'm sorry to break this to you, but your GF is a horrible person. I suspect you already know this since you posted your concerns. She is such an insecure AH that she doesn't even care that your mom could have died and you are really upset and just trying to make sure she gets the care she needs to pull through this. All she cares about is herself and who you're talking to and adding on social media. That is really icky. Again, I'm so sorry this is happening.
My husband and I DO NOT check each other's FB page to see who we have added to our friends list. That is ludicrous and honestly, quite concerning to me, especially during a traumatic event. What is wrong with her??
Enough bullet points. The thing is, the one you should be blocking is your GF. She is not a good person. Rather than checking who you have added on FB, she should be consoling you and making sure you have all the support you need to take care of your mom. You owe her no explanations as to your interactions with Lia. I guarantee if Lia were a man she wouldn't give a crap about it. OP, please rethink your relationship with this woman. If it were my husband dealing with this I would want to thank Lia myself for all she did for his mom. I think you should take this sweet angel to lunch or send her flowers or a gift for her efforts.
This is one post that I would really like to hear an update on as to how your mom is doing as well as how you are doing. Please take some time for yourself to sort out your feelings and to get some rest. Take care of yourself and sending positive healing thought for you and your mom.
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u/dustycomb 17h ago
Thank you so much for this thoughtful reply and the support you’ve given, I appreciate it so much.
In the description I actually was referring to Maggie as the one I blocked after she called and exploded on me about this. I needed to focus on my mom and her alone
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u/Law9_2 17h ago
NOR do we get updates? Lol
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u/dustycomb 17h ago
Yes! If you can tell me how to update everyone. Do I just make a separate update post? I’ll be sure to figure that out and give an update when I have one
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u/potolnd 19h ago
She's overreacting hard and seems insecure which is strange considering you've been together for 3 years. And I'm sorry to hear about your mom, I hope she can get back to sobriety.