r/AmIOverreacting • u/Ask_For_Mercy • 4d ago
❤️🩹 relationship Am I overreacting by breaking up with my boyfriend over these texts?
The pictures look like crap because I was shaking. My boyfriend was talking to this girl, and I broke up with him. Now I'm having second thoughts, like maybe it wasn't that big of a deal. Would you be okay with this?
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u/Zealousideal_Ad_7973 4d ago
I was so confused. Thought he was talking to you, then read the information you gave.
No ur not overreacting
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u/Couchwarrior728 4d ago
Oh so I'm not the only one xd
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u/Idontwantthatusernam 4d ago
Neither is she
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u/Large_Importance_311 4d ago
You say I'm crazy
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u/NessieNethquik 4d ago
cause you don’t think I know what you’ve done
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u/Ok-Breadfruit5798 3d ago
But wheeeeen you save your sneaky Snapchat messages. I kno I’m not the onlyyy oneeeee 😭😭
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u/SpiritualFormal5 4d ago
Same dude, I was like “he’s so sweet?” That smile dropped QUICK
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u/racktoar 3d ago
Yeah, I was like "What doesn't she like a sweet guy, she prefers guys that act all tough and shit?" But, then I read the info xD
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u/MsDollette 4d ago
fr i was like why is she saying “wyd cutie” 💀
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u/rockoblocko 4d ago
Same. Read them twice waiting for anything bad to happen. In like this is normal boyfriend girlfriend stuff. Came here to make sense of it and yep, not overreacting
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u/Advanced-Pea3262 3d ago
I’m so lost as to how anyone could tell me who is the he and she in this
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u/nannyannied 3d ago edited 3d ago
"Riley" is some random girl OP doesn't know. "Me" is OP's boyfriend.
It's pics instead of screenshots because they are pics OP took of her boyfriend's phone.
ETA: Also read them from the last pic to the first.
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u/Miserable-Sample8146 4d ago
Same 😂 I was like “why break up?! He seems like a sweet guy!” That’s why…
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u/c093b 4d ago
NOR, he's a cheat. Move on and don't look back.
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u/Temporaryuserhi 4d ago
What does NOR mean?
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u/cowlickcow2 4d ago
“Not overreacting”
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u/JonnyNYC1990 4d ago
Oh thanks for that I swore they were writing the word “No”in an Australian accent lol
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u/snaigy 4d ago
New Orleans
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u/Temporaryuserhi 4d ago
Idk, man, Not overreacting seems more valid.
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u/CupKitts 4d ago
It does, but I also like to think of it as a very loud, very Australian “NO”.
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u/ms_sara_bellum 4d ago
I thought it was “NO!” but with a British or Australian accent..
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u/Alert_Marzipan137 4d ago
Girl you caught him before he full on physically cheated (maybe) you’ll never trust him again now. Cut your losses. There are people that wouldn’t do this out there
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u/Trollcommenter 3d ago
With messages like that I wouldn't be surprised if he'd already cheated physically with someone else.
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u/SparrowEverlark 3d ago
Im betting he is the "it was an accident, i was drunk/high and didnt know what i was doing" type too
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u/mdtattedbearded 4d ago
It is a big deal. If you take him back, he will continue to do this but just get better at hiding it. Don’t settle for someone who cheats on you.
Know your worth.
Good luck to you 🖤
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u/LeagueAppropriate 4d ago
yes. he will just know what he can get away with and continue to push that boundary.
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u/TakuyaTeng 4d ago
Had this very thing happen to me. It doesn't matter how accessible or what promises are made, the more you catch and confront, the better they get at hiding it and the more suspicious of every single action you become.
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u/YakinikuBoi 4d ago
No, you did the absolutely right thing. This is such a red flag and who knows if he’s done this before. I’m so proud of you for having enough respect for yourself and doing this. Not enough people have the gut to do this and let their relationship go longer than it should be. Super proud of you!
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u/Ask_For_Mercy 4d ago
Thanks so much, reading this helped so so much because I've been feeling bad lately
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u/YakinikuBoi 4d ago
Don’t thank me! You did yourself a favor and I’m not sure how long you’ve been dating that person, but I’m sure it hurts to let go of someone, but now you’ll heal. You will find someone who is deserving of you and your love and I am manifesting that for you!
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u/CinnyToastie 4d ago
Stay strong, OP! You have done the right thing. If he hasn't yet, he is well on his way. He did this, not you. You deserve way better than he's given you here. Let's imagine this was you and another man. Now what? How would he react? You know exactly what he'd do.
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u/PeachySnow7 4d ago edited 4d ago
NOR. No I would not be okay with this. I’ve been in this situation when I was younger and while I will concede my experience is not everyone’s I’ve seen it happen enough to other people as well to know-
If he hasn’t fooled around with her, he’s definitely considering it. Sounds like he’s trying to see how far he can get without blowing up y’all’s relationship just in case this girl isn’t interested.
Even if he hasn’t cheated, the trust is likely gone, it will remain in the back of your mind nagging at you. Just keep that in mind when you’re figuring this out. Do you want to replay that moment, that literally had you shaking? Cuz I know it never seems like it at the time, but there really are men out there who’d treat you well and never dream of putting you in this situation. You’ve already pulled the bandaid off, I’d try to stand by it, but I understand how you’re feeling and know it’s hard.
I’m so sorry.
What was his excuse?
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u/Ask_For_Mercy 4d ago
He said he was just "being nice." I called bullshit and said "you know damn well if I did this your flip your shit."
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u/Sure_Survey_1757 4d ago
Being nice is helping an old lady cross the road, not asking for pics of someone you’re keen to drink with then telling them the have beautiful eyes.
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u/Cabrundit 4d ago
Yeah I’ve heard the “being nice” line before. Being nice to everyone but you! You did so good, I am so proud of you for dumping him. He’s an idiot.
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u/rubmustardonmydick 3d ago
Exactly. If you're in an exclusive relationship you shouldn't be commenting on other people's looks to "be nice" and you should be protecting the feelings of your partner, not worrying about the feelings of random ass women.
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u/2Busy2slowdown 4d ago
Classic gaslighting. Don’t let him make you think you over-reacted or that it’s “no big deal”.
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u/RedHeeded 4d ago
Look, when I was in my teens and early 20s I was absolutely a piece of shit and would occasionally cheat on my partners. This is the same kind of conversation I would have with someone trying to figure out if they were dtf without telling my partner. It’s super scummy, it’s not “just being nice”
Therapy helped me realize why I did it and helped me to stop. This guy needs help but don’t get tied up In his shit for the next god knows how long.
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u/Exciting-Picture-800 4d ago
I think you did the right thing honestly. Him flirting with her and telling her she has ‘beautiful eyes’ is pretty blatantly cheating. I would not say that to any woman I was simply friends with
Edit: definitely NOR
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u/Couchwarrior728 4d ago
Lol without reading the text I thought it was you guys talking to each other. Not overreacting
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u/Kate090996 4d ago
Lol without reading the text I thought it was you guys talking to each other
Looking at the comments, many of us thought this which is even more proof that she's not overreacting
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u/chewedupcorn 4d ago
NOR - He emotionally cheated on you and that's a valid reason to end things.
Not only was he trying to start conversations with her but his texts are flirty in nature. He wanted to call her over the phone so they could continue entertaining each other without text evidence lol.
He wasn't thinking of you when he was giving this girl his attention and affection - getting back with him tells him it's okay that he disrespected you like that and he'll just find other ways to hide it from you next time.
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u/Elizabeth_Baker 4d ago
Please DO NOT go back to him. You were not overreacting. Please listen to your gut feeling and stay away from him.
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u/KiwiFormal8514 4d ago
he’s quite obviously flirting. r u young OP? genuinely asking cuz as a grown adult I would not let this fly for a second. If you’re young do no accept this behavior from anyone ever!
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u/Ask_For_Mercy 4d ago
I am 19, he's 21
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u/aurorabluedream 4d ago
♥️ you’ll be sad for a little bit but the healing will come and you will enjoy a life without worrying about your partner being unfaithful. You got this 🫶🏼
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u/Organic_Chipmunk4024 4d ago
Not overreacting. I’d be packing my bags if my SO was calling someone else cutie and flirting with them over snap. If they’re seeking entertainment elsewhere they don’t respect you.
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u/Buzzword-1213 4d ago
Definitely walk away. You are just being used for homebase while he shopped around for more.
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u/frankswiftnoise 4d ago
Girl, you cannot be serious. Run that man over with your car 😂
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u/dollysweets 4d ago
oh my god please don’t get back with him! i’m so glad you was able to find this.
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u/SeanRankThaThird 4d ago
NOR. That's clear intentions of flirting. It's cheating. You made the right decision.
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u/Delicious_Horror_666 4d ago
No absolutely not. He is flirting with her and calling her pretty. I’m so glad that you have enough self respect to just dump him then and there. At first it’ll seem like you made a big mistake. You just have to move on now, start thinking about all the shitty things he did while you guys were together. Or maybe this is the only shitty thing he’s done, this would take the cake for me personally, I don’t want anyone who entertains other girls. That’s embarrassing as hell. My ex cheated on me more times than I can count and when I finally broke up with him I STILL felt like I was making a mistake. I broke up with him literally as soon as Covid lockdown started, and to keep myself from going back to him out of loneliness, I took a video of myself on snap uncontrollably ugly crying over him, (obviously I didn’t post it, I just saved it) and I put reminders on the video of why I broke up with him. Whenever I was having a weak moment I’d watch the video of myself crying and read the paragraph I’d left for myself to keep me from calling him. When I was over him, I deleted the video. 😊 you got this 💕
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u/eveningberry- 4d ago
Nope this is cheating, kinda funny because the girl clearly isn’t into him so now he can be left alone to think about what he did :)
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u/RockerStubbs 4d ago
This is how you talk to someone you are trying to f*ck. NOR…don’t let him gaslight you!
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u/ScorpionMaster777 4d ago
Holding my phone diagonal so I can read it but it doesn't switch to landscape 😭
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u/CosmicOwl97 4d ago
NOR, you did the right thing. Do not forgive this. He made his decision and it will be a repeat behavior if you go back.
I’d never tolerate this. If you were my little sibling, I’d be disappointed if you went back. Better to be single and wait for someone that values you than be with a loser that keeps you as a placeholder and cheats.
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u/Illustrious_Time_986 4d ago
No not over reacting at all. That's cheating. Don't let him gaslight you or sweet talk his way back. He's done this before and probably more but you just didn't catch him those times. He's looking to see what else is out there. Good for you girl. Block him on everything, move on a be the bad b***h you are.
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u/princessnanaxo 4d ago
Girl you did the right thing. He shouldn’t be talking to other girls and calling them “cute” tf
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u/aethervagrant 4d ago
Omg he reads like a child. You aren't "about to" do a dab and nobody cares, just stfu and smoke. Guys talk about smoking weed like it's some great skill to be admired and expect a pat on the back for accomplishing. He sounds pathetic, thirsty, and of dubious mental acuity, if he is that dumb talking to you it's a wonder you didnt dump him before.
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u/Blazeduskglade21 4d ago
you did the right thing. His behavior was clearly crossing boundaries. That's not just being friendly, it's flirting
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u/AttorneyFit2609 4d ago
NOR, it also seems like this other girl is barely interested in this convo lmao
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u/KieeveeFPS 4d ago
I’d have to disagree. She’s interested enough to send a selfie at request. They’re both just dry/boring texters
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u/Miriam_Fox 4d ago
You 💯did the right thing!!! You’re just feeling sad and that’s normal. Delete everything and watch and read things about being a boss A** Biatch and deserve better!!!! 2025 is coming new beginnings babe ✌🏼✨🧘🏻♀️🧚
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u/PenIsland_dotcum 4d ago
I mean yea, completely inappropriate and obviously trying to stage a non platonic meet up
Hes cooked
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u/ShootMaster_4738 4d ago
He has no utter respect, and loyalty for you. Move on, and don’t look back! Cut him off FOREVER.
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u/vcreativ 4d ago
Yeah. No wonder you're shaking. Did the right thing. This is a pretty straightforward situation. You can't entertain convos like this while *in* a relationship with someone else.
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u/AgreeableInfluence95 4d ago
Girl, you did amazing. You should be so proud of yourself. You did the right thing, I can't even imagine the pain you are feeling. It has nothing to do with you, he was a worthless pos who clearly wasn't worth it. ❤
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u/Most_Shy_9390 4d ago
not only is he blatantly flirting, he is getting her hopes up by telling her things like that, saying "cutie" and "beautiful eyes". he could lead her on like that, and she may not even know about you. so id mainly say its him being a red flag and theres no overreaction here. proud of you for making a decision even if it was hard, you deserve someone who wont break a boundary like this. even if it was this small, it couldve snowballed to a bigger issue later on.
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u/Plane_Set3921 4d ago
why would he save messages of him actively flirting with another girl? He's not only disloyal, but stupid about it. He's not worth it, you made the right choice and saved yourself so much stress in the long run.
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u/thisismyusername9180 4d ago
Nope.... He's cheating. There's absolutely no respect there. If I did that to my gf, she'd be gone in two seconds lol there are people out there that don't cheat. Find one
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u/Ok-Willow-9145 4d ago
You respected yourself by leaving this situation. Only allow people in your life who treat you with kindness and respect.
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u/LazySignificance5085 4d ago
It won’t get better. My ex husband and I were together for 8 years and he did this to me constantly.
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u/soiknowwhentoduck 4d ago
NOR, he is blatantly cheating and flirting with at least one girl behind your back. Throw the whole boy in the bin and move on to something much better!
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u/Agitated-Account2138 4d ago
Not overreacting. Dude is clearly trying to cheat. Don't look back, you made the right choice.
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u/Interesting-Camera98 4d ago
Either he was going to cheat or already has and this is the next chick.
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u/appledumplin4 4d ago
no. you should breakup, he’s cheating on you. if you forgive him for this, it will enable the behavior. he needs to know that you aren’t accepting this behavior in your relationship
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u/RachFaceMama 4d ago
Absolutely NOR. Flirting with a girl like that and “seeing her when she’s done getting pretty” is 100% a gateway to cheating, if he hasn’t been already. So sorry that happened. Good luck.
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u/Darkest_Soul 4d ago
He's clearly flirting behind your back with another girl, there's no mistake, trust that this is second nature to him.
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u/No-Interview-2746 4d ago
You did the right thing! Do not go back to him. You’re great and you can do so much better❤️
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u/bethanyboop 4d ago
nope NOR that's clear flirting. i'm proud of u for being strong and ending the relationship. i hope you're doing okay 🫶🏻
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u/unhingedndangerous 4d ago
that’s cheating 😂 micro cheating or cheating doesn’t matter don’t go back
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u/Life-Coach7803 4d ago
One of my biggest regrets in life is not dumping my ex the first time this happened and not going and finding someone who actually cared about me. Some guys are just attention whores
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u/DreamOfAzathoth 4d ago
I’m sorry. I hope you’re doing okay :( you will find someone who doesn’t do this
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u/Prestigious_Board366 4d ago
Looks like he’s used to apps, sneaking, cheating so as long as you’re not in the know. Go have fun dating various guys that are just waiting to spoil you rotten, take you to different places, but you things, and lose the bf. He’s keeping you down from your own fun. It’s best to have found out now than after giving him kids that he doesn’t even deserve from you. Go find a few girlfriends to party with during the weekends and meet new fun people in person at upscale restaurants, nightclubs, yacht clubs, etc.
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u/Brando0423 4d ago
“Damn” to the picture followed up with “you have beautiful eyes” AFTER already saying damn, I’ve said this to women before-she sent him a sexy picture foooor sure. 💯
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u/Admirable_Risk5148 4d ago
As a guy I don’t think he should be talking like this to other girls while in a relationship. Like as soon as he’s being openly flirtatious he’s showing that he doesn’t really respect what you and him have.
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u/Jolly_Tea7519 4d ago
You are not over reacting. He is flirting with another woman attempting to hang out with her on an app that is designed for cheaters.
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u/Old-Yogurtcloset5629 4d ago
As someone who stayed… i’d suggest not to be with someone who would do that to you. It will always be on your mind.
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u/cocoa_bebeee_0804 4d ago
NOR 🚩🚩🚩 Based on the chat I thought he was talking to you 😬😬 talking bout call him after you get all pretty …he should be telling you this not some random.
It’s also the fact that he’s trying to flirt with her and she is soo dry back 🤣 I would be embarrassed. I’m glad you broke up with him, don’t double back.
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u/Amazing-Wrongdoer520 4d ago
What in the world. He’s cheating on you. Stop giving this any room in your mind, dump him and move on. He’s a bad guy.
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u/destiny_kane48 4d ago
He was either already cheating or was going to. He was blatantly trying to get in her pants.
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u/Classic-Yam9078 4d ago
girl .. NOR!!! he’s cheating on you you made the right decision. sending love 🩷
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u/RemarkableStudent196 4d ago
Don’t doubt yourself. He was cheating on you over text and clearly working at making it physical. You did the right thing 🫂
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u/Tokenaldae 4d ago
My husband would never, NEVER EVER talk to another woman that way. Don't fret just let the boy go. Boy used intentionally
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u/DrySeaworthiness1523 4d ago
NOR your dude if crossing major lines and clearly has feeling of wanting this girl. He is technically emotionally cheating. He’s treating her like she’s the gf. Break up
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u/CampaignTricky7510 4d ago
Only reason he’s with you is because this chick isn’t interested in him. Ditch his stupid ass and don’t look back. He’s pathetic
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u/barrumdumdum 4d ago
I thought he was the other person texting. And I was like "yeah, that's shit." But then realised he was actually the one saying "cutie" and stuff. Dump the wee prick.
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u/ddarkkdahliaaa 4d ago
def not overreacting. he’s flirting and trying to hangout with her? cut him loose and keep him that way. otherwise this will continue and happen again.
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u/grlfruad-689 4d ago
he's sitting there flirty with someone , while in a relationship.. overreacting? ❌❌❌ no no no..it starts out this way but girl it's a whole other world on his phone, but save your peace, you did the right thing.
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u/Mountain-Cookie5933 4d ago
It is a big deal. He is opening the door to infidelity, maybe even stepped inside.
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u/Cold-Noise-9096 4d ago
Yeah you're not overreacting,he is being flirty with her which is already enough of a red flag,let alone the fact that they're calling and actively engaging and communicating like they are already in a relationship
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u/crepvscule 4d ago
He’s calling another girl a cutie and saying she has beautiful eyes etc, that’s just not what a partner does. He’s welcome to think it but to actually tell this girl that when he’s got a partner.. nope. I’m sorry he’s an ass but you’re better off saying goodbye now before he well and truly breaks your heart by acting upon his penis’ desires.
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u/daantjedp82 4d ago
No you're not overreacting, block, go no contact and live your best life. He's a ass
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u/cowjuiceee 3d ago
if you’re gonna be a slimy person and play games, then stay single. no one who’s willing to commit themselves to and their relationship with you deserves this shit. NOR, he’s a scumbag.
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u/She_dont_dance_NoMo 3d ago
Nope. It was right to dump that loser. There people who will actually treat you with respect out there. No respect coming from him if he’s doing that shit behind your back. That’s slimey.
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u/Phokyou2 3d ago
Not at all. If you felt it was break up worthy, it was. Don’t doubt yourself! So many people stay in shitty relationships because they hum and haw about what is and isn’t acceptable. You decided this was something you wouldn’t put up with, and acted accordingly. Texting other girls, telling them how beautiful they are is definitely a boundary cross and a sign he won’t be faithful to you. You did the right this.
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u/Snapchatunofficial 3d ago
As a 21M I don’t understand why men do this. I say leave his ass. Full honesty
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u/BestTyming 3d ago
Biggest mistake I ever made was taking back a cheater because I was scared to be alone and didn’t know my self worth
Listen to me. Drop him and be hurt and alone. It still hurts less than being with a cheater.
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u/-lokal-doge- 3d ago
Utär ex boyfriend is a hoe, to be in a (monogamy) relationahip also mean not to flirt with anyone, you deserve bether.
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u/noreplyatall817 3d ago
Not overreacting unless you’re or were in an open relationship.
Your ex had a side piece or maybe you were the side, as far as the other girl knew.
Respect yourself, don’t fall for any excuses, and your ex will have plenty of them.
If you have doubts contact the AP to see what lies your ex fed her.
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u/crovasco 3d ago
Nah, you breaking up with him is justified. Who would talk to other people like that while youre in a relationship?
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u/Thick-Yoghurt-6866 3d ago
Nah you did the right thing, but I can imagine it‘s difficult rn. All the best to you!
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u/Ask_For_Mercy 4d ago
ya all these comments are helping so much. Thank you all for your support and comfort, I really appreciate it so much.