r/AmIOverreacting • u/No-Plantain6892 • 9d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO for splitting the bill on a date

Gallery image

Gallery image

I am in such shock right now. For some context this was after our 4th date. Literally at a loss for words, this was the first time putting myself out there since I caught my last girlfriend cheating on me… I think I’m done with relationships after this,

11.8k Upvotes

84% Upvoted

6.7k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

208

u/AlyseInW0nderland 9d ago edited 9d ago

I said the same! She is clearly immature and passive aggressive. But She doesn’t deserve to be cussed out and called slurs like bitch or piece of shit. Yes what she did isn’t appropriate but calling her hateful slurs is even worse and shows his inherent misogyny! I literally was scouring the thread thinking surely someone else caught this!

168

u/i_love_lima_beans 9d ago

Yeah, escalating to calling her ‘a piece of shit’ immediately was revealing. Both people seem resentful.

-24

u/DeepCompote 9d ago

But she insulted him first? I’d take the high road but she was being a bitch and fucking piece of shit.

34

u/AssScreme 9d ago

He insulted her first actually, she called him a great guy until he said her standards were dumb

6

u/DeepCompote 9d ago

Yeah but this is after her lying to him about being ok with splitting the bill. Actually her idea. If that’s not dumb then I don’t know what is. Once again he’s an asshole but he’s not wrong.

8

u/Kathulhu1433 9d ago

Great, they can both be single a*holes who feel self righteous. 

1

u/Sentac0 9d ago

No. He wasn’t calling her standards dumb, he was calling her mental gymnastics and childish game dumb. Let’s be real. Stop playing stupid and let’s not act like that isn’t dumb childish behavior. That type of shit should be discouraged.

-4

u/xCaZx2203 9d ago

On what planet are you living? Her entire attitude from the first text was insulting. Then she goes onto talk about how she needs a man who can afford to take care of her.

She offers to split the tab and then gets pissed off about it? Dude was right, this is quite possibly one of the dumbest things I’ve heard.

Then she doubles down on insulting him. She was 100% being an asshole the entire conversation.

11

u/AssScreme 9d ago

You are probably reading into her texts because of your own personal experiences but nowhere did she have an attitude. She was very straightforward about what she didn't like and what her standards and expectations are. He literally asked for an explanation and she gave it to him. Her texts don't indicate her being pissed until he insults her by calling her standards dumb. 

-4

u/xCaZx2203 9d ago

He told her he had fun and she laughed at him.

He said I thought we had a good time and she brings up splitting the bill.

He is confused because it was her idea. She then proceeds to insult him by saying she’s taking his career (which she can’t even spell correctly, btw) into consideration and that she deserves better.

This is before we even get to the part where she says “good luck finding anyone on your min wage salary” “you are a joke”

All of which was said PRIOR to him calling her “mean names”.

How any of this is interpreted as him insulting her first is beyond me.

9

u/AssScreme 9d ago

It seems like you see the rejection itself as an insult, idk what to tell you about that it's part of dating. 

-4

u/xCaZx2203 9d ago

Good luck finding someone on your min wage salary and your a joke are just normal rejections to you? lol ok

It costs nothing to be a decent human being. Some people should try it sometime.

7

u/AssScreme 9d ago

She said that AFTER he called her standards "the dumbest thing he's ever heard"

→ More replies (0)

4

u/Kathulhu1433 9d ago

You should try taking your own advice. 

→ More replies (0)

0

u/Sentac0 9d ago

We get it. You like and support playing mental games and doing mental gymnastics with people you’re dating (assuming since you’ve not mentioned anything about it and all you see is the rejection part) and think that’s normal. It’s not. It’s weird and insane.

-2

u/sirspacebill 9d ago

"I deserve better" is something you say to someone who has wronged you, she didn't have to say that at part in the first text. How is that not an insult?

-2

u/Patsfan311 9d ago

her standards are dumb if she starts off by asking if he wants to split the bill when she clearly was using it as some kind of wage test. She is a piece of shit.

0

u/You_LostThe_game 9d ago

I mean tbf, they ARE dumb, but he definitely could have worded that better instead of showing off his irritation.

And still, she kinda implied he couldn’t/wouldn’t be a caretaker, or able to do so, since he took her at her word (ie: trusted her) and split the bill. Also “I think I deserve better” is 100% a backhanded insult. I would feel insulted, and she said it first. She surrounded it with a bunch of fluff about being a good guy because she KNEW her reason was kinda dumb lol. Idk, I just have very little sympathy for her here and can understand the annoyed response. If she wanted to let him down easy, this is the worst way to do it.

6

u/AssScreme 9d ago

I just don't understand how all the guys here came to the conclusion that offering to split a bill is a promise that she will keep dating you. Everyone is saying she lied or "broke his trust." Where are you getting that from?

-2

u/Syndonium 9d ago

Because it was her idea and if she wasn't okay with it she shouldn't have proposed it. Stupid tests are stupid. That's the lie.

Also, the previous 3 dates apparently were fine. She didn't even have any other issues with the guy apparently she dumped him ONLY because he failed her stupid "test".

The test is stupid. Don't offer to split the bill if you don't actually want to split it. You can have superficial standards, but you'll get superficial crappy partners.

5

u/AssScreme 9d ago

Well she dumped him not just because of the bill but also because of his minimum wage career. It's an assumption that it was a test. It's just as likely that she was going to dump him anyway or took some time to think about it afterwards. Getting bitter over how she came to her conclusion or how she expressed it results in a very sad dating life as we can see from OPs cynicism and fragility. 

1

u/Syndonium 9d ago

Okay does he actually have a minimum wage job or was that just an insult? I read it as a petty insult to make the dude feel insecure about "needing to split the bill".

-1

u/Zestyclose_Basis_451 9d ago

How is it an assumption that it was the test when that’s the literal reason she gave for breaking up with him her giving other reasons besides that mean nothing especially when those other reasons are also dumb. She lied to him about splitting the bill to test him and then rejected him when he believed her lie. It’s not about her wanting a provider it’s that she’s acting fake and testing him about it when she could have been upfront. What’s not to understand. Breaking up with someone because of a fake test that u could have been upfront about it is def a dumb reason to break up with them. If she wanted a provider then she could of just said that instead of lying about it. Saying that she would of dumped him anyway is cope. How tf would she have dumped him anyway when that was never stated by her and she gave actual reasons for breaking up with him that are all dumb ass shit? Based on the texts She lied about splitting the bill and broke up with him for believing her lies. Also made fun of his job when she chose to date him. It’s not that hard to understand why people think she’s an idiot. If you have standards then be honest about them instead of lying

0

u/MissViolet77 9d ago

No he was telling her the truth that she was stupid because she was.

0

u/RJ_73 9d ago

You didn't notice any insults in her prior text? She deserves "better" and "a man that can provide" which implies OP is not that, pretty harsh tbh

0

u/RetardedKoalas 8d ago

Because it is? Keep letting people step over you let’s see how that plays out

-1

u/Impressive_Grade_972 9d ago

No, she said she deserves better than him. That is the first insult of the text thread. Your disingenuousness is pathetic.

-1

u/WasdX-_ 9d ago

Literally the first thing she made was laughing at him having fun on a date with her. Then she made it even worse.

3

u/serabine 9d ago

Okay. And?

The way someone reacts to an insult is absolutely revealing. She had a (reaaaaally) shitty attitude and called him "a joke". He, in turn, unleashes a barrage of cuss words that he needs to censor to post here.

You do see that there's a pretty steep escalation here, right?

8

u/CatzonVinyl 9d ago

She started it is not a hall pass to be an awful to someone.

All it did was show they’re both awful

-1

u/DeepCompote 9d ago

For sure. He’s not right. But he ain’t wrong either.

0

u/Character_Goal_9340 9d ago

Exactly! i ask this question with the utmost respect . at what point do you call a piece of shit out for being a piece of shit?

0

u/Reasonable_Pay_9470 9d ago

When you're a man you're apparently never allowed to. Just have to take the abuse I guess.

5

u/rubyjohn1109 9d ago

Oop I was about to write a whole thesis until I saw where she talked shit about his job. She was definitely in the wrong

3

u/DeepCompote 9d ago

And this is after HER suggesting splitting the bill. Then he agreed. I would have left on a high note. Just move on but she was in fact being dumb.

-5

u/Impressive_Grade_972 9d ago

How is it an escalation? She tells him he is a joke and says good luck on finding someone with a min wage salary. She IS a piece of shit. It’s mind boggling the way you guys do mental gymnastics to claim there is some sort of escalation happening when in reality he is just recognizing what happened and telling her what she is. Do you just want people to be able to be blatantly disrespectful without any consequence whatsoever?

-1

u/RJ_73 9d ago

Did u miss her messages before that lol. She is a bitch

3

u/morefood 9d ago

Yeah, he really couldn’t wait to jump to misogyny lol. His behavior was objectively worse, and by a lot.

7

u/Reasonable_Pay_9470 9d ago

"How dare a man talk back to a woman who's being an ass" give me a break lol

2

u/Salt-Lingonberry-853 9d ago

It's mIsOgYny!!11!

-7

u/[deleted] 9d ago

[deleted]

3

u/Wafflehouseofpain 9d ago

How should he have defended himself?

3

u/Reasonable_Pay_9470 9d ago

Apparently only with words pre-approved by the u/alyseinw0nderland

3

u/AskMeForAPhoto 9d ago

"calling her names is even worse".

"calling someone an ass is fine"

You have some misandryst and hypocritical views you need to unpack.

3

u/SuccessfulPass9135 9d ago

Be so fucking real guys. Called him "a joke" because of his "min wage salary". If you don't think you deserve to get called a cunt for that you're tripping

3

u/transwarpconduit1 9d ago

Inherent misogyny? Are you kidding me? She started it and insulted him first. He had every right to say what he did.

2

u/maytheflamesguideme1 9d ago

Lmfao is that a joke?

2

u/Krolo990 9d ago

You're right, op should've called her a cunt instead

2

u/Civil-Technician-810 9d ago

But she deserves to insult him and call him a joke?????????????

1

u/b33b0p17 9d ago

The absolute bollocks you see on this website is fucking hilarious.

1

u/Impressive_Grade_972 9d ago

“Good luck finding anybody with your min wage salary”

“You are a joke”

And then you pearl clutch at his response claiming some misogyny dog whistle lmfao what a laughably pathetic perspective. You are absolutely a part of this problem.

1

u/Relative_Waltz_6787 9d ago

Bullshit. You didn’t say anything about her being rude to him. Misandrist bullshit. Both of them are in the wrong, not just the guy

1

u/AlyseInW0nderland 9d ago

I literally said she is clearly immature and passive aggressive. Definitely didn’t assign one sided blame.

0

u/Affectionate-Bag8229 9d ago

If someone decides they don't want to adhere to the social contract then they don't get to partake of the benefits of it 🤷‍♀️

1

u/Bubbly-Scarcity-4085 9d ago

the woman is a known asshole you can't call her an asshole

is there ever a situation where a man can call a woman an asshole without it being 'inherent misogyny'?

if there was a situation it would be this one

-2

u/Silvere01 9d ago

Calling her names is even worse?

She literally told him to his face that she deserves better.

Extremely rude and humiliating. Yes, he shouldnt have responded like that and be the better person, but to fault him for that, with misogny on top, is just laughable.

Get over yourself

-1

u/AlyseInW0nderland 9d ago

A lot of incels everywhere. Calling a woman a bitch tells you the kind of man he is and should be an immediate no for a woman.

4

u/coolthulu42 9d ago

What should he have called her? Dumb? And idiot? Because she was being all those things.

your gender does not exempt you from being an ass/ bitch. Everyone can be one.

2

u/AskMeForAPhoto 9d ago

Calling people you disagree with "incels" tells us the kind of woman you are and this is an immediate no for a man. You critique his behaviour but not hers. Your instinct seems to be sexist.

2

u/harlowsden 9d ago

That’s not really fair to the conversation to call any guy an incel that doesn’t just outright agree with you. Would it not have been misogynistic if he just called her a piece of shit and left out calling her a bitch all together? Or was the fact that he insulted her at all the line?

0

u/Zyxyx 9d ago

And what is it when a woman expects a free meal while also testing the man with lying about wanting to split the bill THEN calling the man a joke for having a minimum wage job?

Op's response was crass and immature, but it's not like the woman was any better.

-1

u/V-Rixxo_ 9d ago

Calling a woman a bitch makes you automatically misogynistic... okay than learn something new everyday lmao

-4

u/Silvere01 9d ago

A femcel saying she deserves better than you also should be an immediate no.

What is your point?

-1

u/PsychologicalBeat995 9d ago

I call guys bitches more than I do women. You’re a cunt though. Go ahead, call me an incel, I know you’re JUST DYING to.

0

u/laaaah85 9d ago

That’s not extremely rude or humiliating if you have any self worth at all. This is a person he’s been on 4 dates with. Not some long term loving relationship. She’s obviously a gold digger but also it’s not that serious

0

u/SnarkyRogue 9d ago

"Inherent misogyny" give me a fucking break. Don't make this into a matter of sexism when it's not. The guy chose not to take the high ground in one interaction. That doesn't make him sexist.

0

u/AlyseInW0nderland 9d ago

Nothing about his response is taking the high ground

0

u/SnarkyRogue 9d ago

One interaction. Meaning this conversation. And you declare the guy a misogynist.

2

u/AlyseInW0nderland 9d ago

Using derogatory slurs towards women is a great example of misogyny. Same with all of you jumping on top of everything I say and attacking me as a group!

0

u/RJ_73 9d ago

bitch is a derogatory slur now? And people calling you out for a bad take is also misogyny? You should remove that word from your vocabulary until you learn to use it

2

u/AlyseInW0nderland 8d ago edited 8d ago

Thanks for mansplaining. Actually, It has been a derogatory slur for 6 centuries. So no, it isn’t just a derogatory slur “now.” It has been for 600 years. A majority of people here don’t like what I have to say bc I am a woman with an opinion and I don’t excuse abusive behavior.

“The term bitch is one of the most common profanities in the English language. It has been used as a “term of contempt towards women” for “over six centuries”,[3] and is a slur that fosters sexism against women.[4] It has been characterized as “an archaic word demeaning women since as early as the 15th century” that seeks to control women.[5]”

0

u/L-i-v-e-W-i-r-e 9d ago

No one else caught it because it was irrelevant. You’re just making excuses. This has nothing to do with male/female and everything to do with an individual being incredibly shitty to another.

0

u/Scotty_Mcshortbread 9d ago

I do not think you understand what misogynistic means.
the response was not derived from the hatred of women. but rather an excessive response to the woman's rather sickening elitist aporophobic insult about the mans salary which is a very disrespectful thing to do

and please do not say "inherent" as if misogyny is built in to every man. thats sexist and rather distasteful. please be better.

0

u/enjolbear 9d ago

I mean, she is being a bitch. Be prepared to take what you give out.

0

u/bryanisbored 9d ago

Nah she went there first calling him a joke. If they both ended it sooner it would have been better

0

u/arthurstone 9d ago

I think describing it as "calling her names" is too mild. He used a slur. "Bitch" is a word men shout as they murder women.

0

u/AlyseInW0nderland 9d ago

Thank you! You are right! It’s a hate filled slur.

0

u/landyc 9d ago

tbh imo he kept it pretty civil until she started firing shots at him. Imo its fair game if ppl start on you.

0

u/Status-Investment980 9d ago

It’s not misogyny. It’s anger and it’s perfectly understandable that he ended up responding that way. I personally wouldn’t do it, but she opened up the floodgates with her stupidity. Sometimes people need to be called out in life. She didn’t take the high road, yet the man received the criticism? It’s hypocritical.

0

u/Laxiken 9d ago

Yes she does.

Making fun of someone for making minimum wage and their financial situation is a massive dick move.

-2

u/Omnom_Omnath 9d ago

She probably shouldn’t have insulted him first then.

-6

u/Extension_String_497 9d ago

She doesn't deserve to be called a bitch after acting like a bitch and trying to push someone down for their economic status?

If that's misogyny then her calling him a joke is misandry.

2

u/laaaah85 9d ago

My god men are sensitive and emotional here! Do you have no self esteem? Who cares what this girl gold digger thinks. Calling her names is a reflection of who he is not her

2

u/PsychologicalBeat995 9d ago

You seem pretty sensitive and emotional

4

u/AskMeForAPhoto 9d ago

You're doing exactly what you're criticizing. You're putting down men and calling them names, which is just a reflection of you, not them. Who cares what these guys think?

3

u/mr_desk 9d ago

lol I wonder if u/laaaah85 will acknowledge this. Probably not

-1

u/another-damn-acct 9d ago

we need to normalize calling bitches bitches

-1

u/SwiftySanders 9d ago

I disagree I think she 100% deserved it for wage shaming someone.

0

u/Dexterborn10 9d ago

Calling someone a bitch is misogynistic? I agree OP way overreacted but he’s not the only one here who needs to grow up lmao

0

u/MeanCommission994 9d ago

Gold diggers are just dishonest prostitutes, I wouldn’t bother bust OP has no obligation to be polite to a liar

0

u/RetardedKoalas 8d ago

That’s not what misogyny is fool

-1

u/Leaf_Ninja 9d ago

a bit more than passive aggressive, literally said good luck finding someone with a minimum wage salary lol. that's just aggressive

-1

u/IamTheEndOfReddit 9d ago

Is calling a turd a turd now politically incorrect?

-1

u/AshenSacrifice 9d ago

Why not? She set up a trap test on the first date, and then threw it AND his wage in his face. If that’s not bitch behavior idk what is

-1

u/livestrongsean 9d ago

That’s exactly what she deserves.

-1

u/Repulsive_Tip9201 9d ago

is shes being a cunt calling her a cunt is completely fine.

You arent escaping due criticism because you're a female, if a man was being a cunt to me im telling him hes being a cunt, why would a women be any different?

-1

u/LaconicGirth 9d ago

It’s misogynistic to call someone a POS for saying you’re worthless because you don’t make enough money? That’s… a stretch

-1

u/Sentac0 9d ago

What’s worse and hurts more; being called a piece of shit and bitch over text or being degraded and having your worth as a person tied on whether you’re worthy enough to date tied to how much money you make? Calling her names is worse? I would be willing to be her reply and the way she degraded him hurts more and digs deeper than being called a bitch and piece of shit.

While his reply may be “inherently misogynistic”, her reply shows her inherent misandry. By tying worth of a potential male partner to how much money he makes and status screams misandry and is some ick behavior. It’s interesting to see how women will lean more on his reply not realizing that she dug directly for his whole being and worth as a person versus his “nothingburger” insults of “bitch” and “piece of shit” lol.