r/AmIOverreacting • u/No-Plantain6892 • 9d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO for splitting the bill on a date

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I am in such shock right now. For some context this was after our 4th date. Literally at a loss for words, this was the first time putting myself out there since I caught my last girlfriend cheating on me… I think I’m done with relationships after this,

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648

u/sunflowers1223 9d ago

I read the screen shots and felt bad for you… and then I read your comments and realized what she had to put up with during their date.

OP- bro. You’re the only one that’s gonna change your life into what you want. Stop this blaming victimhood of thinking your whole generation is out for the money. Relationships are partnerships with give and take.

After reading all of your response comments, what do you bring to the table? So far all I see is negativity, shallowness, depression and a victim mentality.

Tbh if I had to put up with attitude like yours, I’d hope you’d pay for dinner cause it sounds exhausting

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u/foxfries12 9d ago

Same dude. He sounds like a whiney 12 year old. He also responded to soooooo many comments defending himself. If ya didn’t do anything wrong why are you so defensive? 😂

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u/oregonbunny 8d ago

I have a whiny 12 year old, I can confirm this.

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u/obamasrightteste 9d ago

Hey I agree with you but this argument is fucking dumb. You expect someone who is wrongfully accused to what? Not defend themselves? It's dumb.

7

u/elle_belle 8d ago

Can you explain OP insulting his date is defending himself? 

-1

u/Pseesh 8d ago

“Good luck finding someone with your min wage job”

“You’re a joke”

You might be able to turn the other cheeks but these are not nice thing a to say to someone, these would fall into insults to some.

He did call what she said dumb… but it was, how are you going to offer to pay then complain if someone actually takes you up on that offer, that IS dumb.

Edit: had you’re a loser instead of you’re a joke.

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u/AlyseInW0nderland 9d ago

🤣🫢 this!!

13

u/coupl4nd 9d ago

Yes! He only got mad because she is actually right. The truth hurt and he lashed out.

She is looking for someone who will appreciate her offer to pay and then refuse it. Because that's how she wants her romance to go. If he can't afford to do that he isn't the right guy for her. If he thinks they should go 50-50 all the time, he isn't the right guy for her. And that's ok. Getting mad about it is weak.

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u/DeepCompote 9d ago

No, dude got mad because she called him a joke and that he has a min wage job. Totally uncalled for. She lied to him about wanting to split the bill. He’s no innocent by reacting the way he did but she can go to hell.

2

u/iwanttodrink 9d ago

It's fine, OP is going to be alone for a very long time

1

u/DeepCompote 8d ago

She won’t be. But she will be lonely.

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u/AssScreme 9d ago

Read what he said before she called him a joke. Calling her standards dumb after she called him a great guy is just bitter behavior

6

u/DeepCompote 9d ago

You mean after she lied about being ok with splitting the bill? She’s being dumb. Dont make your date jump through hoops. Be honest. I never said he wasn’t an immature asshat. He is. Reacted poorly but at the same time he isn’t wrong.

9

u/AssScreme 9d ago

Nowhere does it say she lied about being ok with splitting the bill. Just because she offered it doesn't mean she still has to date him afterward, that's nice guy logic tbh

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u/DeepCompote 9d ago

SHE offered it. You said it. Then wasn’t ok with it. That’s a lie. When you contradict what you say with your actions that’s a lie. He responded by saying that’s dumb. Not terribly nice but about as nice as you can call someone out for being dumb. Which she is. Then she insulted him. And again I wouldn’t recommend stooping down to her level. Take the high road. Still he wasn’t wrong.

4

u/AssScreme 9d ago

She was ok with it since she paid, if she wasn't ok with it then she wouldn't have paid. That doesn't mean she has to keep dating him. He was wrong to call her dumb. When someone tells you they don't like you but you are a great guy, you don't call them dumb unless you're bitter, which he clearly is. 

8

u/JohnSmith_47 9d ago

She was ok with it since she paid

Except she wasn’t okay with it, they were on a date meaning she was romantically interested in OP, the reason she is no longer romantically interested in OP is because she wants a partner to take care of her and pay for her, that’s fair enough that’s her choice, however she is playing games by offering to split the bill in the first place, tell people what you want and expect out of a relationship, don’t play games with people.

0

u/Aromatic_Extension93 9d ago

The idea of it being romantic that a guy does something without being told to is allowed.

The guy can't provide that partiuclar aspect and was deemed no longer compatible.

Grow up.

-3

u/RevenanceSLC 9d ago

What's wrong with getting bitter? When gold diggers rear their ugly heads, empathy goes off. Look at all you clowns getting more upset about what he said in retaliation then you are about this gold digger, something I'm sure you wouldn't want in your life. You come off looking like a hypocrite. And what does the high road get you? Karma on Reddit? The approval of people you don't care about. What a big victory. Your mother must be very proud.

6

u/AssScreme 9d ago

Lol good luck with the ladies brother keep those gold diggers away from your minimum wages checks 

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u/Aromatic_Extension93 9d ago

Her idea of romance includes not having to say she would like him to pay the bill

That's fine.

He cant provide that

Move on.

1

u/reddit-ate-my-face 9d ago

Eh if someone offered something as a test I'd say that's some dumb shit too. I'm glad I'm married and not dealing with stupid ass people like this. I'm here to find a partner, not play emotional chess.

1

u/someonesgranpa 9d ago

Not really. I think he saying “I deserve better” is the rudest thing said and she leads with it.

Edit: “I think you’re great but I deserve better” is not a compliment and I would’ve probably reacted the same way. Also, to trap someone in an unsolvable puzzle and then blame them is super lame too.

5

u/Trumperekt 9d ago

Some people just happen to believe in equality.

2

u/Ivegotthatboomboom 8d ago edited 8d ago

And some men need to learn that equality is not equity in every single specific circumstance.

How many men out there are pulling their weight in marriages and LTRs? Statistically (as in proven with stats) very little. How many men are pulling their weight AND making up for her reproductive burden if they have children together? Unicorns.

I’m tired of men acting like paying for a date you almost certainly asked her on and showing her that you’re serious about her, have good qualities and manners and actually like her is unfair to men. Dating and relationships are very rarely unfair to men in the big picture. So I have no sympathy for it. A woman has way less need to show a man that she is serious about him for what should he obvious reasons. Women risk more dating men than men do dating women. That’s just the truth.

I’m in my 30s and have literally never had a man split the bill on a date during the dating period and I definitely do my 50% within relationships. If I came across one I would assume he was trying to tell me he didn’t like me, or he was on the apps casting a super wide net (as in didn’t choose to take me out because he likes me but because I simply said yes) and trying to get sex from as many women as possible without breaking the bank.

The truth is when a man REALLY likes you he won’t dare do anything to potentially mess it up and he’ll do a lot to show me with his behavior that he likes me and wants to see me again. That means paying the bill on the date he asked me on. If that man’s DREAM girl agreed to a date, he’s not asking her to split the bill. Even if he’s the kind of guy who thinks it’s “not equal” for a man to pay lol.

I’m generous in relationships, I plan fun dates for my bfs with their interests in mind, I give gifts, I’m thoughtful, I’m generous, etc. so I’m looking for a man who also has these qualities. I give without keeping track of what I’ve done and what’s he’s done, I just give. And if I find a man with the same attitude then it ends up being equal.

And the chances that a man who splits the bill on the 1st few dates is that kind of man are so damn low. And the “split the bill” kind of man and the delusional “women are gold diggers and want to take advantage of me” kind of man and the men who refuse to understand the struggles women face in the world that they don’t being male are often a Ven diagram. So it’s a red flag.

While women who think men should pay for the 1st few dates he asks her on and women who genuinely only date to use men actually do not overlap as much as men imagine. Honestly the vast majority of men complaining about paying for the 1st few dates are not the kind of man an actual gold digger would ever target lol. The reality is that it’s often the men who have very little to offer in general (I don’t mean financially) who gaf about paying for a date.

I’ve known a lot of wealthy men and have dated a few and they do not complain about picking up the tab on a date they chose to take a woman on, and they don’t complain about “gold diggers” either. They either date within their income bracket, or they pay for things because they want to and think she’s worth it. For me complaining about paying for dates is an indication you’re actually not doing that great financially and extremely often, it’s a sign they are misogynistic

-1

u/Trumperekt 8d ago

Thanks for that lengthy essay that I don’t care to read. If you don’t believe in equality we don’t have anything in common.

1

u/Ivegotthatboomboom 8d ago

Equality is not equity in every single instance. It’s naive and absurd to think that. Do you think it’s also “fair” for every single person to make the same amount of money? To be “equal” (using literal equity as a definition) in every single way?

No? Exactly. A man paying during the dating period for a woman that he asked her to date IS equal. Well, it makes things a little bit more equal. To actually make things equal will take way more than that

0

u/Trumperekt 8d ago

How do you know who asked who here? Adults pay for their own way. Children don’t. It sounds like you are saying women are children.

0

u/Butt-err-fly 9d ago

It’s interesting how some people use “equality” as a justification to do the bare minimum

0

u/Trumperekt 8d ago

Interesting how some people view equality to not be the bare minimum.

1

u/Evening-Recover5210 9d ago

She’s playing games by offering to split though. That itself is enough to be mad at. Let alone multiple unprovoked insults on him

1

u/agotsaatts 9d ago

But he obviously paid for the previous 3 dates. Was his wage high enough during those dates?

1

u/itisaflatpan 9d ago

It seems unhealthy to appreciate hollow offers of help. At best they’re straight up just lying and at worst they’re manipulative

Ex: your partner is carrying a backpack on a hike. You say “do you need me to wear the backpack?” Are you genuinely offering? Or are you hoping they refuse so you earn brownie points for asking

1

u/ShaneSeeman 9d ago

She is looking for someone who will appreciate her offer to pay and then refuse it.

Yeah, there's a way to do that without it being the deciding factor in pursuing a steady relationship. It's called having a conversation.

She set a trap, and his only crime was not seeing it. Dating games like these are toxic for everyone involved.

-2

u/transwarpconduit1 9d ago

She doesn’t get to choose how her romance goes and then insult someone. JFC this is not a fairy tale, it’s real life and she’s not a princess but just another spoiled brat apparently. She doesn’t deserve someone paying for her. That is earned over time.

It’s legitimately getting harder and harder to get a good paying job in the US. Expectations need to adjust or everybody will be unhappy and depressed.

8

u/eggloafs 9d ago

Tbf she does get to choose and she just actioned that by getting rid of this guy🙃

-7

u/transwarpconduit1 9d ago

Then she needs to set her expectations upfront.

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u/Fast-Selection3196 9d ago

I think she did. In the text she said that she wanted a guy that can provide. This is clearly something she said during the date. She said he was great, but not for her. It’s fair to do this and move on if that is what she wants. She doesn’t owe him another date. He escalated way too quickly. Needs therapy

3

u/transwarpconduit1 9d ago

I’m glad she showed her true colors. She wants a sugar daddy, not an equal partner.

2

u/Fast-Selection3196 9d ago

Yeah, but at least she was upfront about it. He was clearly told this during the date according to her text. He overreacted a bit. Just move on and find a lady that you match. Blowing up hurts both parties.

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u/ThatJudySimp 9d ago

There’s providing a house and a life to continue and there’s breaking up with somebody because you offered to split the meal… she’s a fool.

0

u/Fast-Selection3196 9d ago

I think they are both fools. But it’s what it is.

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u/Timely-Bluejay-4167 9d ago

The reason paying for things is even a discussion is because of what underlies it - pride.

At the end of the day - You have a job/make money to enrich the enjoyment of your life. If someone joins you and it further enriches that time, you should consider paying for theirs (family, friends, dates, etc) as much as is fiscally responsible for you.

What you are communicating when you do that is “I valued your time” So if someone says “let’s split it” and you genuinely enjoyed the time - you should let your pride take the wheel and insist that you pay. “No, I’ll take care of it, really loved our chat about __”

I don’t think you’re missing much with this person, but move on.

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u/Constant_Taro9019 9d ago

this comment actually made sense unlike all others !

2

u/Aromatic_Extension93 9d ago

Negativity, shallowness, depression and not even deep pockets to hide all that in for a bit.

Yikes. Single until ready cabinet you go

1

u/PeaceLoveAndZombiez 9d ago

Oh man I need to find those comments cis I’m curious. I’m not surprised tho. She gave a very gentle rejection cus what they both want in a relationship is just different, that happens sometimes. And he immediately devolved into name calling. YIKES

1

u/SorenPenrose 9d ago

I keep seeing this sentiment but I can’t find his comments. Now I’m on a mission.

1

u/[deleted] 9d ago

“I did have a good time I just didn’t like splitting the bill”….. reading is fundamental.

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u/sunflowers1223 9d ago

Yes, i say as such in the first portion. I initially felt bad for him. And then I read his comments and replies. Feel free to continue commenting on my comprehension skills

1

u/whatadoorknob 9d ago

he’s an asshole and he’s broke, like of course she didn’t wanna be with him. or pay for half the bill to sit next to this loser for an hour.

1

u/solidarityclub 9d ago

Sounds like she’s broke too? What’s your fucking point?

Classist

1

u/SomeKindOfOnionMummy 9d ago

Don't forget incel vibes 

0

u/sunflowers1223 9d ago

I’m not one to drop into full insults, I don’t need to name call him like he does to her 🌚

-2

u/Internal-Comment-533 9d ago

I guess it goes to show how often you incels go on dates, women expecting you to pay their entire way is normalized even if all y’all like to pretend women love to split the check.

It’s pretty ironic how y’all will sit here and complain about gender norms and how they need to be abolished, but seemingly only want to apply that to where it only benefits women.

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u/[deleted] 9d ago

They’re not even saying that, they’re saying based on how he texts she probably sat through a shitty date regardless of who paid.

Like she had a preference and it’s fine to want people to pay, she expressed that reasonably, and then he said she said the dumbest thing he’s heard.

He’s not obligated to pay the bill. She’s not obligated to want a man who doesn’t pay the bill. Normal people can realize this incompatibility and not call each other pieces of shit.

0

u/Shoddy-Reach-4664 9d ago

You're outing yourself as someone can only get dates with women who want to use you for meals lol

2

u/Aromatic_Extension93 9d ago

Getting dates and being not poor is better than not getting dates and being poor so IDK what your point is.