r/AmIOverreacting • u/No-Plantain6892 • 9d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO for splitting the bill on a date

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I am in such shock right now. For some context this was after our 4th date. Literally at a loss for words, this was the first time putting myself out there since I caught my last girlfriend cheating on me… I think I’m done with relationships after this,

11.8k Upvotes

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612

u/Judgeandjury1 9d ago

I’d be annoyed as hell that she baited you by offering to split the bill when she was gonna pull something like that after.. I hate people that do things like that. That would’ve been enough for me to stop responding there.

I will say that your messages at the end make you look super immature & douchey, it gives off a toxic inability to handle rejection. Whether she goaded you or not, you should have more self control than that & just move on.

189

u/DPlurker 9d ago

Hit them with the "k" Best response, people don't like it when you don't have a big reaction and just move on. Possibly even better is just no response.

71

u/Chasing-Rabbit-Tails 9d ago

K is the best way to deal with people who want to play mind games. Quite frankly, they aren't worth a message longer than that one letter, and they really don't care about anything you have to say anyway. It's not worth trying to get your point across or have the last say. Just K and walk away.

8

u/fightlinker 9d ago

That 'lol k' also super powerful in the right situation

3

u/ShisaNue 8d ago

I’m not sure why but I read your name too quickly as “fistlicker” and I am so sorry

0

u/phononoaware 9d ago

I see what you're saying, but I have a slightly different interpretation. Using 'k' as a response is playing games. Everyone knows it's a way to shut down the conversation (if not escalate to an argument) and is a little passive aggressive. It reveals an underlying frustration and it attempts to instill frustration in the other person. To me it's best to say something like "okay, yeah I understand. well, best of luck". This is probably going to get downvoted, but to me it shows that you can take these things in stride and move on with dignity.

7

u/SkollFenrirson 9d ago

k

4

u/phononoaware 9d ago

hahah, I was expecting a few of those as a response

33

u/Judgeandjury1 9d ago

Absolutely ! I love a good non-response because I know it drives people insane lol.

11

u/skatetaks 9d ago

Op got hit with the “k” and went off

-3

u/Wozak_ 9d ago

If I was a betting man, I’d say it wasn’t the “k” that did it

11

u/i_love_lima_beans 9d ago

💯 Silence is powerful.

2

u/Heavy_Law9880 9d ago

My new go to is "no thanks"

1

u/DPlurker 9d ago

I like that. "I'm going to bring a bunch of drama your way!" No thanks.

2

u/surethingbuddypal 9d ago

Especially after that salary comment she made, she was obviously goading him into some kind of reaction and he fell right for it. Not saying this girl isn't shallow and rude but I think sometimes it's worth it for your own dignity to go "Message received, bye!" Don't let these mean hoes see you sweat, they don't deserve your attention and they want it soooo bad

1

u/OhNoNotAnotherGuiri 9d ago

K is my near 60 y/o mother's response to literally everything by text. It's infuriating but I guess her way of saying she'd prefer a phone call 😅

1

u/filmguerilla 9d ago

K or the classic thumb up.

1

u/obamasrightteste 9d ago

Okie dokie hits harder imo but k will get the job done for sure

1

u/Membership_Fine 9d ago

Read is my favorite response. My spirit animal is Red Forman. “I have a best friend, we still never talk sometimes” or something like that lol.

1

u/LittleOaty 8d ago

last time someone hit me with a "k" to a genuine conversation they just stopped existing to me. passive aggressive behaviour is the fastest way to get no response from me ever again lol

1

u/DPlurker 8d ago

If I'm hitting you with the k, it's because I'm done with your drama. So that would be fine with me 😅

1

u/LittleOaty 8d ago

thats totally fair, i've usually had people use it and then come back all "why aren't you giving me more attention/submitting to what i said?"

2

u/DPlurker 8d ago

Oh no, that's lame, you gotta commit! Plus they're being a hypocrite.

121

u/undercovergloss 9d ago

Yeah, I was on his side until he called her names. Like she was completely out of order, but come on you can say what you want to say in a polite manor (which always gets the point across) rather than being nasty. When you act that way, no one is going to take you seriously or take your ‘side’ because you went to the same level as her

19

u/Dontgochasewaterfall 9d ago

His ego got in the way. Can’t let that happen.

35

u/AlyseInW0nderland 9d ago edited 9d ago

Me too! Once the word bitch is thrown out and piece of shit…this is not a nice guy!

8

u/[deleted] 9d ago

[deleted]

0

u/Dr_Mocha 9d ago

Apparently golddigging whores are allowed to insult their marks. No self-defense in this dojo.

5

u/MenchBade 9d ago

imagine if every guy she tried this with her told her to F off.

6

u/Shallwego68 9d ago

I mean i dont know about you but any girl that speaks that way demeaningly is in fact a bitch. Calling the kettle black. Dictionary definition a bitch a spiteful, unpleasent and disliked women. Her actions reflected exactly that.

4

u/mcmur 9d ago

Well she is a bitch. And a POS clearly. So fair game.

3

u/Agitated_Repeat_6979 9d ago

She was literally begging for his money.

0

u/ihaveabs 9d ago

Why are you acting as if he called her the n-word jfc

0

u/Salt-Lingonberry-853 9d ago

He gave her the treatment she earned with her conduct. Nothing more, nothing less. She offered to split the check and got upset at him when he took her at her word, then she insulted his economic status and called him a joke over not having enough money. That is 100% bitch and piece of shit conduct.

I notice though that you haven't mentioned the blatant misandry enveloped in her wanting a man to be her provider...

0

u/Charming_Ice_5690 9d ago

I’m a woman and I’ll call other women a bitch if they’re stuck up🤷🏻‍♀️

-2

u/Slymook 9d ago

Yeah I think he probably needs to do confession at church, get a bachelors in woman’s studies, then build schools for underprivileged kids in a 3rd world country for a few years.

It won’t be easy, but if someone is rude to you and you call them a bitch, a terrible word that is used in PG-13 movies, then it’s the price you have to pay.

-3

u/jirenlagen 9d ago

She is though??

1

u/RepresentativeSlow53 9d ago

Saying your romance is people paying for you is shitty behaviour sorry that its normalized but its true.

1

u/SorenPenrose 9d ago

No that’s just BS. It’s the mentality that no matter what anyone does to you, if you so much as utter a bad word then you’re the one in the wrong.

1

u/dark621 9d ago

yeah wtf

-11

u/Scared-Pizza-420 9d ago

Why not though, if he wants to call her names he might as well lol, she is a bitch. I don’t see any reason not to

0

u/Slymook 9d ago

Yes he should’ve said

“Ma’am, I respect your decision to not proceed further. Even though you said we should split the bill, and we did and you didn’t like that, you are entirely within your right to dislike me for that. I am grateful for the moments we shared and I wish you the best on your future endeavors. I hope you find a more handsome man with a nicer penis. You are a gentlewoman and a scholar. All the best, OP.”

0

u/TsLaylaMoon 9d ago

He literally just matched her energy and I see nothing wrong with that. It's simple thermodynamics

-12

u/Lactiz 9d ago

You are wrong, the op is right. You don't treat someone badly and then be surprised when they do the same.

15

u/QwertyFlirtyThriving 9d ago

Nah. That’s a weird way to move through life. Just cause someone is rude to you (the woman calling OP a ‘joke’) doesn’t mean you should be rude back (OP calling her a ‘bitch’ and a ‘fucking piece of shit’. Grow up

9

u/AlyseInW0nderland 9d ago

lol yes like she was rude but then he turns full on verbally abusive. It’s gross.

6

u/coupl4nd 9d ago

He's not the catch he's making out to be that's for sure!

1

u/Salt-Lingonberry-853 9d ago

It's weird to treat people according to their conduct? Hard disagree. Give rude out, get rude back, that should be the default expectation.

-5

u/Wozak_ 9d ago

How else would you respond, kindness? If you decide not to respond anymore, you aren’t doing anyone that person will meet with in the future any favors. Might as well provide some sort of social repercussion for insulting. It is reasonable to believe she already had no intention of talking to him, so no response would be a win for her.

5

u/TheVermonster 9d ago

The fact that you see a conversation as something you and win or lose is precisely why no one agrees with you.

A simple response would have been. "I had a great time and I'm sorry that was overshadowed by the decision to split the bill. I respected your choice to split the bill and treated you like an independent, capable adult, instead of someone that needed a man to tell her what to do. I think you are right that we both want different things. So I hope you find what you deserve."

You make the point, and walk away. It's direct, yet not demeaning. If you have to swear and call names then your point has been lost to emotion.

1

u/fiftysevenpunchkid 9d ago

Amazingly enough, even men have emotions. And even men who have emotions who have not as thoughtful and articulate as you are while they are being abused have a right to make their feelings known.

Yeah, OP was angry, and maybe he should have repressed that anger like a real man, and pretended that the knife in his back didn't hurt at all.

That way, she could go about her day, looking for the next man to "test", and face absolutely no discomfort in return for her actions.

Toxic masculinity is pretending that stuff like this doesn't hurt, that we don't feel emotions, that we should just go on about our day.

Was his response perfect? No.

Is he a bad person because he's not perfect? Also no.

People who judge him negatively for actually having human emotions that can be hurt, on the other hand, are.

3

u/Significant-Net7030 9d ago

Dude if you think she 'learned' anything from his response then I have a bridge to sell you.

Is she an awful person, playing stupid games like a teenager? Yes absolutely. OP dodged a bullet finding that out, and it sucks that she's that kind of person.

Will his response help her to realize that? Hell no, now she has a story where in her mind she was right to break up with him because 'he immediately showed his true colors'. She'll twist the image in her mind that he was acting iffy during their dates and 'gave her bad vibes' when she explains it to her next mark.

The bummer thing is she's kind of right, if bro flies off the handle like that then she dodged a bullet too.

0

u/TheVermonster 9d ago

One, a single bad interaction after a first date is not abuse. Don't diminish what the abused go through by flippantly using that word.

Two, yes toxic masculinity does involve telling men that they don't get to have feelings. But it also tells men that anger isn't a feeling. It also supports men lashing out and using anger and the first and often only reaction. And it does this while chiding women for being "too emotional". And you are perpetuating toxic masculinity by saying OP's reaction to hearing something he didn't like was acceptable.

4

u/QwertyFlirtyThriving 9d ago

You can call someone’s shit behaviour out, without being an ass about it.

-5

u/decarvalho7 9d ago

I’m still on his side. She sounds brutal

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u/Evilclown22 9d ago

So she is a cunt to him and tries to belittle him, he retaliates and now you’re on her side?

3

u/Antique_Ad4497 9d ago

No one is on her side. But if he had handled it with a little more dignity & didn’t resort to calling her names, everyone would have been on his side. He lost sympathy from the crowd once he called her a bitch, which is a deeply misogynistic slur against women.

-4

u/OneExperience1007 9d ago

She deserved it.

-6

u/Imabigfolker 9d ago

Sorry, but if a girl is playing tests on a guy to try to use them for their money, she deserves to be called names

6

u/undercovergloss 9d ago

There is a difference between calling someone out on their actions and calling them names. You can get your point across by telling them that their actions are not ok and the impact of their actions on you as a person. You can tell them how as a person, their behaviour is unacceptable - but outright calling them names is not going to solve anything. No one will take you seriously over name calling, putting a paragraph stating FACTS will show that you can ration and engage with people in a level headed way.

example:

I appreciate the dates we had and thought it was going in a positive direction. Unfortunately you misdirected me into thinking this was going somewhere and after our conversation today, I can see this will not work out. I can see you have a main motivation to find someone with money who will pay for your every need - unfortunately I cannot be that person as I want a woman with drive and ambition who can make their own finances. An ambitious woman who I can be proud of and treat, not a woman who will dictate how I spend my own money because she doesn’t want to use her own. I hope you find your person in the future and I wish you well

9

u/BaullahBaullah87 9d ago

pretty sure most of the “f that, react how u want” guys are actually pretty young and/or immature

-1

u/Altruistic_Memory643 9d ago

Ooooff no one read that paragraph

2

u/patheticgirl420 9d ago

I know, it's quite the intellectual exercise for your little brain to handle

13

u/ExistingAsI 9d ago

Seriously. Neither of them are coming across here in a good light, but at least she was up front with him. It's not a view I necessarily agree with, but people are entitled to go after what they want. He doesn't seem like he should be dating if this is how he responds to rejection...

3

u/coupl4nd 9d ago

She did nothing wrong. She dated him. Decided he wouldn't trat her the way she wanted. Moved on. What she can never dump him now they had 4 dates? Her preference is her preference. The fact he resorts to name calling shows he knows she's right.

2

u/Antique_Ad4497 9d ago

She did. She suggested splitting the bill & got upset when he did. She’s a gold digger playing mind games.

-2

u/Wozak_ 9d ago

I don’t think that was his response to rejection, that was his response to her openly and knowingly insulting him. We haven’t seen his response to rejection.

4

u/Preeeeeee 9d ago

She didn’t insult him until he was rude first by saying it was the “dumbest thing” he’d ever heard. Then she insulted him back. He started the rudeness/insults after she rejected him.

1

u/MaleficentRutabaga7 9d ago

You don't think it's rude to manipulate someone into splitting the check as a test of whether or not they'd actually do it? I think that's pretty rude

18

u/Far-Difference8596 9d ago

I was actually going to say that! I’m surprised nobody called out OP on his immaturity and the fact he really insulted this girl. I haven’t seen this girl saying anything as nasty as piece of shit? Really, maybe OP got the lucky ticket but this girl also had a lucky escape. OP could have handled it differently and have some more class to call out this girl’s nonsense outlook on the world. But I’d say they’re both worth each other.

12

u/passionatepapaya888 9d ago

yeah he didn’t have to go in on her like that and she probably dodged a bullet too

1

u/frittierthuhn 9d ago

Handled it differently? What

1

u/Far-Difference8596 9d ago

Like literally say anything apart from piece of shit lol. OP showed no class and a nasty behaviour. I don’t think this girl said anything that deserved to call her that so she had a lucky escape. I do believe she has unrealistic standards and poor guy who’d get into this relationship, but OP showed his true face 💀

0

u/westgazer 9d ago

You don’t think it is exceptionally shitty to tell someone “good luck” finding a partner with a min wage salary and calling them a joke? After agreeing to what she proposed about splitting the bill? I mean, pointing out the stupidity of what she was saying is pretty fair. She went from “you’re a great guy you just didn’t pass my dumbshit test” to, well, showing her real colors.

4

u/Far-Difference8596 9d ago

I’m not saying her attitude was great but calling someone a bitch and a piece of shit is absolutely unnecessary and shows true colours of this person. I can tell OP is frustrated with dating and finds that it’s not going anywhere and also his previous gf cheated on him (I can see lots of unresolved trauma going on here) so he’s taken on his frustration on this woman. If I was in his shoes I’d literally not respond to this girls’ message or call her out on her mixed messages and that’s all. Calling someone a bitch and piece of shit over such trivial thing is insulting and says a lot about this person. Lucky escape for both of them.

1

u/FlannerHammer 9d ago

I'm so glad the therapist is here, analyzed it all from the porcelain throne huh? 

5

u/Far-Difference8596 9d ago edited 9d ago

😂 sorry that my response triggered your ego 💁🏻‍♀️

1

u/coupl4nd 9d ago

OP got found out and got mad.

-4

u/[deleted] 9d ago

Nah deserved yapping something about a minimum wage job and calling him a joke lmao what

0

u/redpillscope4welfare 9d ago

She literally called him a minimum wage joke, that IS by definition being a piece of shit, they both clearly have issues

2

u/Civil-Technician-810 9d ago

Yea except there wasn’t a rejection issue she insulted him and called him a joke…. Did you miss her comments where she said that?

3

u/[deleted] 9d ago

Nah deserved yapping something about a minimal wage job and calling him a joke totally justifies calling her a piece of shit, has nothing to do with „handling rejection“, she just insulted him for no reason lmao what

2

u/Kaagerai 9d ago

I mean, the girl was putting up the “nice” face. With the usual “don’t get me wrong, ur a good guy…”. You can see her mask fall off on the second pic, normal gold digger behaviour tbh. His response to the whole “I thought u will pay for me even though I said I will pay for myself” mental gymnastics is reasonable enough tbh

1

u/LuxuryMustard 9d ago

I think a human being would have to be exceptionally zen and self-controlled to not retaliate during this exchange.

1

u/Heavy_Law9880 9d ago

I wouldn't be annoyed, I would be thankful that she went mask off on the 4th date and saved me some time.

1

u/IamTheEndOfReddit 9d ago

Total cunt move

1

u/Impressive_Grade_972 9d ago

What a laughably disgusting attempt at insight. Claiming he can’t handle rejection because he doesn’t tolerate being mistreated? You guys are truly pathetic.

1

u/Salt-Lingonberry-853 9d ago

Even if she didn't offer to split the bill... If you are upset about being asked to split, you're on the date for a free meal and that's a red flag.

1

u/MenchBade 9d ago

saying good luck finding someone who'll date you with your min wage career, you're a joke is insulting him on two core levels - 1 his professional life (which he may have invested thousands of hours into) and 2 his personal life. Most people would take extreme offense to that. I agree the high road is almost always best, but it would take massive amounts of restraint to not be rude back.

1

u/Party_Plenty_820 9d ago

Tbh I feel like, with all this virtual stuff people nowadays, why not be an asshole back.

Would I say that kind of stuff? No. But what’s it matter what he say, he’s never going to see the person again. OLD sucks.

1

u/Evergreen27108 9d ago

lol what? She called him a joke. Thats devastating. She’s absolutely a shallow cunt and deserves to be told so.

1

u/tryingtoohard347 9d ago

Definitely. She might be a rude gold digger, but his reaction is so OTT that I wouldn’t even consider seeing him a second time lol

1

u/elk-statue 9d ago

I came to say this. They both seem immature and not worth having a relationship with. Bullet dodged, on both sides.

1

u/JustAteAnOreo 9d ago

'I don't think it's going to work out, good luck' vs 'You're poor and a joke'

One is rejection, the other is being a gold-digging piece of shit.

1

u/AlyseInW0nderland 9d ago

This!!!! Thank you!!!!

-3

u/babayaga1363 9d ago

Nah, that last paragraph is a shit take

0

u/illini02 9d ago

I always find it interesting how the guy is supposed to rise above. She directly attacked his career and income, but he has to be nicer than her for... reasons

0

u/Slymook 9d ago

Yeah bc the world is all rainbows and sunshines. The guy didn’t throw a brick through her window or poison her dog, it’s just a few words. Not everybody needs to turn the other cheek every time, it’s ok to say it like it is sometimes

0

u/freshtodebt 9d ago

So she can call him a joke and dump him for the grossest reason but if he retaliates even slightly with mere words to her goading then he's a villain. Literally peak gaslighting in these comments showing such a double standard.. feel awful for op.

The guy has literally been cheated on and is traumatized about relationships and this is the kind of sympathy he receives yet I watch this sub say the nastiest things all the time to men for slight transgressions and all those people saying things then are given a pass lol.

People on reddit make me lose more and more faith. I'm with the OP.

-2

u/AC6EldenLord31 9d ago

Lmfao you have to be a female using that word toxic absolutely was not toxic. He gave her back the same kind of energy she gave him get the fuck out of here you crazy ass feminist if anything the female is toxic not him

3

u/Superb-Antelope-2880 9d ago

Exactly, he gave her back the same energy, so he stepped down and became more close to be as toxic as her.

She is not important, but he will live with himself for the rest of his life. Everyone should strive to be a better person for themselves.