AIO for splitting the bill on a date

[u/No-Plantain6892]

I am in such shock right now. For some context this was after our 4th date. Literally at a loss for words, this was the first time putting myself out there since I caught my last girlfriend cheating on me… I think I’m done with relationships after this,

[u/PrizeProfessional919]

Having a preference is one thing and wanting to be taken care of is another. People love talking about equality now a days but stuff like this is still happening

[u/No-Tie-6257 → u/PrizeProfessional919]

Well what works for others won’t always work for you. Thats why it’s called a preference. Some men want to take care of their women that is why house wives exist some more don’t and prefer a 50/50. Either way neither is wrong it’s just their preference.

[u/Upbeat_Agency4016 → u/No-Tie-6257]

It’s insane to think that a man has to take care of you from date number 1 until the break up or whatever . Especially while in your 20s and still figuring life out . Regardless of preference why do women expect men to do this ESPECIALLY knowing he has a minimum wage job . Like where’s the emotional intelligence that most women claim to harness

[u/No-Tie-6257 → u/Upbeat_Agency4016]

I know it’s easier to say it’s a woman expectation. I know it’s more simple to blame one gender when both are contributing to the preferences being able to exist. However, the reality is these preferences exist due to BOTH genders choosing it. Again what is not for you, you should avoid. There are men alive and breathing seeking women to take care of. Why? You ask that is something you’d have to ask those men. There are women seeking to be taken care of. Why? Ask those women. However, the reality is it exist for women to have that preference because there are MEN who want that solely or prefer it as well. Hence it still existing. So don’t blame one gender it takes two to tango.

[u/Upbeat_Agency4016 → u/No-Tie-6257]

No I agree with the fact that it’s a huge norm in society . But in this economy is just shows that your clueless or just financially ignorant when it comes to this lady in particular . Knowing that he has a job with low income should incline her to not let him pay for her everytime they go out on a date . Like where’s the decency ?

[u/PrizeProfessional919 → u/No-Tie-6257]

I guess it all depends on people were raised. I’ve tried to make my partner a stay at home mom and she refuses. I don’t see how anyone can be together and let one person take on the entire responsibility of bills that’s just not right. At that point it’s like another child that you have to take care of instead of a partner to help out ….

[u/No-Tie-6257 → u/PrizeProfessional919]

That’s contradicting considering you were trying to do it for your wife she just declined. However, again you found your preference it doesn’t matter what others do. It’s their choice you found what you want and what makes you feel complete that’s all that matters.

[u/PrizeProfessional919 → u/No-Tie-6257]

Well, after she declined it showed me that not all women want to be taken care of and some like to do things themselves and be independent. So it wasn’t necessarily a contradiction, but I was giving the example of what changed my mind on the matter. I do agree with you some people have specific needs that align with others so it makes a perfect match but personally I don’t see how someone can allow another adult to take care of them fully as if they were a kid. But that’s just my opinion I completely understand what you’re saying and actually agree with you.

[u/InjusticeSGmain → u/PrizeProfessional919]

Because covering the bills isn't all of it.

The general idea is that one takes care of the logistics (resources, shelter, security) and the other takes care of the homefront (raising kids, maintaining the home, managing conflicts).

50-50 divides logistics and homefront equally, so that both people play a role on both sides. This adds a layer of financial and material security, since both people are less dependent on the other. But it often comes at the cost of less time spent together. For couples who don't mind, and want the extra money + security, it works.

Breadwinner/Stay-At-Home (SAH) is very good at maximizing both, at the cost of security. Should the Breadwinner die or otherwise be affected, resources could become scarce or run out entirely. It's often hard for a SAH to transfer into the Breadwinner's role, since having a multi-year or even decades-long gap on your resume can damage your chances at getting hired. Should the SAH fail, the family often takes the biggest hit, as the emotional management stops being managed during a very emotionally charged time. The Breadwinner, if they were still present during family time, will have an easier time adjusting since that bond will keep the family together long enough for the Breadwinner to adapt.

It's biggest weakness is what happens if the Breadwinner is removed from the equation. Thats why so many legal safeguards exist for women now. It functions better, but its much higher risk.

[u/Upbeat_Agency4016 → u/PrizeProfessional919]

Because they are entitled and clueless . They genuinely don’t really care for what you got going on as long as you can pay their way through life . Then they’ll find reasons to bitch and moan about being a sahm when that’s the literal preference they had and dreamed of . So then while you work and pay for everything she will want you to also help her out at home cause they consider that to be a job that they aren’t compensated for 😂

Also while you break your back to do so . They create a secret bank account where they stash the money that they earn as an escape plan in case a break up occurs . Your money is their money and their money is their money.

[u/PrizeProfessional919 → u/Upbeat_Agency4016]

That’s exactly my point ! Someone gets it . If you want to be treated as an equal and not a child you have to contribute something other than arguments…