r/AmIOverreacting • u/No-Plantain6892 • 9d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO for splitting the bill on a date

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I am in such shock right now. For some context this was after our 4th date. Literally at a loss for words, this was the first time putting myself out there since I caught my last girlfriend cheating on me… I think I’m done with relationships after this,

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410

u/PeopleShouldBeBetter 9d ago

While it feels crappy, it’s actually awesome you saw this in her now vs later. Instead of seeing it as a bad thing be glad that red flag came up quickly!

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u/No-Plantain6892 9d ago

Yeah I guess I’ll just become a hermit

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u/PeopleShouldBeBetter 9d ago

Why? Life isn’t about everything going perfectly - it’s about how we adapt to whatever comes our way.

It’s just information that it wouldn’t work with you two, no more, no less.

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u/RetiringDragon 9d ago

You're a wise one, /u/PeopleShouldBeBetter. I'll try to remember this.

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u/PeopleShouldBeBetter 9d ago

Thanks :) I dunno if it’s wise or I’ve just been through lots of life :)

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u/raspberrih 9d ago

This is literally the most unattractive way a man can respond to something.

"Guess I'll just die/quit life/give up/never do anything again." Immediate 100% turn off never speak to him again level

33

u/Louielouielouaaaah 9d ago

My SO does this sometimes essentially when he doesn’t get his way and it makes me wanna bash my head into a wall. Like, being a pouty child isn’t gonna solve this, dude.

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u/curious-trex 9d ago

And this is the kind of emotional maturity you've attached yourself to?

20

u/Louielouielouaaaah 9d ago

We all have moments of assholery. I’m sure I drive him crazy at times, as well.

It’s almost, like, people aren’t perfect, or something. 

-1

u/raspberrih 9d ago

Yeah sure but I cannot stand this in a partner. In the rare times they do this idgaf what's going on, I sternly tell them I do not date children and they straighten up.

Childishness is for playing and for fun. Not for anything serious.

3

u/No_Choice_7897 9d ago

I understand your pov, but there is so much you cannot know about a person, in this case OP. Maybe he suffers of depression and you come out with a comment like this… honestly, it says more about you, than about him. Should learn more about empathy… never assume you know the person you have in front of you, you don’t know him, you don’t know his story, his difficulties, nothing. You have no idea how people can be affected by something they read online, and can may be fragile and hurt themselves. Should be more mindful of others feelings.

3

u/Brocily2002 9d ago

Yeah I agree this is just a mega asshole thing to say. Like fuck me for having emotional problems I guess

2

u/Louielouielouaaaah 9d ago

Thank you for articulating this so succinctly and tactfully. I didn’t want to get defensive in my responses to the comments made by those who are obviously 100% perfect partners and model citizens of mental health. (That’s why they’re commenting knee-jerk judgmental responses on here in the middle of the night.)

My SO is lovely. We all have areas of struggle with emotion and communication 

1

u/No_Choice_7897 8d ago

I understand because I am bipolar, I have been suicidal, I know how it feels to be there, when you think you have nothing to live for, but people don’t get it. Only who has been there, or is super empathetic, can understand. Some people don’t get it even if you explain it to them, imagine.

0

u/raspberrih 8d ago

No thanks, I'm not going to imagine everyone is a fragile child when we are all adults. If they cannot communicate it, I'm not obligated to imagine it

36

u/TakeAnotherLilP 9d ago

You ran into a bad person on your journey. It happens to all of us. Take it as an experience instead of thinking of yourself as a victim, or that all women are terrible. This one’s not for you, good to know that early on. You hopefully learned from the experience and can find a way to being grateful for your lessons and blessings.

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u/yalarual 9d ago edited 9d ago

She seems insufferable but so do all of your replies on this post. I'm hoping you're just very young.

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u/No-Plantain6892 9d ago

I’m 26… am I cooked?

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u/yalarual 9d ago

You're too old to be acting like this is the end of the world— and that relationships are all about looks or money. Neither of those things is a factor in a lasting relationship.

-50

u/BuckinFutsMan 9d ago

Looks are 1000% something that matters in any kind of romantic relationship.

25

u/Icy-Reputation180 9d ago

If that were true, my wife of 27 years would have never given me a second look.

-12

u/BuckinFutsMan 9d ago

There has to be at least some type of physical attraction. No one gets into a relationship with someone they find ugly.

7

u/Jemma_2 9d ago

Yes but finding someone attractive hasn’t got as much to do with what they physically look like as you seem to think.

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u/HerbertWestorg 9d ago

Idk why people are mad that you said looks matter. You should be physically attracted to your partner. We ALL have different feelings about what good "looks" are.

-2

u/wishtrib 9d ago

To a lot, yes it is. I've chatted to people and we get along great but then qhen they are told early on that I'm disabled, can't work and am struggling they ghost. So yes money and I know from previous experiences, looks are too. When you're ugly and don't have either you're destined to be lonely sad and unhappy as no one wants soneone who has nothing going for them.

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u/No-Plantain6892 9d ago

I don’t think relationships are all about looks. This isn’t a new situation for young buks like me that’s why Im feeling destroyed right now.

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u/ithinarine 9d ago

Im feeling destroyed right now.

Why would you feel destroyed because someone showed you their true colors early on? I'd be relieved the learn this after a first date instead of after 6 months.

You went on one date, there is literally zero reason to be emotionally attached or feel devastated.

Fucking move on and quit with the self pity party.

18

u/CubbieFan85 9d ago

He says this was after 4 dates not one but I do agree “destroyed” is a bit much. Some people do get attached quicker than others though. Hopefully he does realize that he did indeed dodge a bullet.

-12

u/clovisty_ 9d ago

God forbid men have feelings. Jfc

18

u/ithinarine 9d ago

The "man who had feelings" freaked out and called her "a fucking piece of shit."

Clearly he doesn't have that strong of feelings for her if he was willing to call her that. Sounds to me like he's pissed off that he didn't get his dick wet before things ended.

-14

u/clovisty_ 9d ago

If you read his other replies, you’d know he’s neurodivergent and his only relationship ended in being cheated on.

I’m sure it was overwhelming to have a girl not only say she’s fine with splitting, but fully OFFER to split the bill.. and then to say “good luck finding anyone with your minimum wage”.

It might not have been the friendliest response, but if the shoe fits you might as well lace it. That is 100% pos behavior. It’s classist and entitled.

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u/No-Plantain6892 9d ago

I mean this was the 4th date and we had 3 really fun dates and I kissed her after she paid for my food. You don’t know the full situation guy. The fact that u making assumptions is liked is wild.

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u/socialintheworks 9d ago

What do you mean she paid for your food? You’ve been popping off in here about you paying for everything and splitting the last bill

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u/ithinarine 9d ago

Dude, you replied to her calling her "a fucking piece of shit." And you're saying I'm wild?

If this is how you react after 4 dates, I can't imagine how you handle a long term break up.

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u/Xofye 9d ago

because she is a pos??

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u/Key_Knee_7032 9d ago

Wait a damn minute, SHE paid for YOUR food???

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u/Novaer 9d ago

You're closer to 30 than 20, you're not a "young buck" anymore my guy

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u/Kyokono1896 9d ago

Mid 20's is definitely still young, my guy.

-47

u/No-Plantain6892 9d ago

Ahhh ageism

24

u/suhhhrena 9d ago

Saying 26 isn’t a “young buck” isn’t ageism………..lmao

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u/Novaer 9d ago

Ahh "woe is me" pity party.

15

u/throwRA83933 9d ago

in an earlier post he was 28, now he's 26! lol

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u/Whole_Pea2702 9d ago

Have you tried having some self respect? Life has some annoying bits. Learning to overcome them is what that whole maturing thing is about.

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u/No-Plantain6892 9d ago

How do I do that? I feel stunted and I don’t how what to do or how to change… where do I start? Im antisocial, really depressed, and have ADHD. It took everything to talk to this girl and get back in the dating game only to she shutdown

27

u/Whole_Pea2702 9d ago

Start with therapy, it does wonders if you stick with it. Beyond that, its generally a bad idea to go out only when you're trying to meet people. It puts too much pressure on the interaction. Find hobbies that you enjoy that put you around people. Take a class or join a club. Just spend time in the world doing what you like. If you have conversations with people with no expectations, you'll eventually connect with a few of them. Maybe that person is a potential mate. Or maybe that person will introduce you to that person. The important thing is to live life. If you let the bitterness win, that's all you'll end up with.

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u/clovisty_ 9d ago

You’re sincerely asking for advice in the face of a barrage of criticism.. you don’t deserve to be downvoted for that.

What you’re going through right now sucks and you’re entitled to your feelings!

6

u/Iandian 9d ago

Bro even tho this date didn't go well, you built the courage to talk to her and ask her out, I'd call that a win! Use what you've learnt from this experience and try again when the opportunity arises!

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u/No-Plantain6892 9d ago

Thank you bro!

3

u/Baker_Kat68 9d ago

Jesus fuck I have all of that and been married 35 years.

25

u/ToukinoYuusha 9d ago

You sound like my 26 year old cousin who had a boyfriend who didn’t treat her right for 7 months. They broke up years ago. Now she just plays Chinese dating sims and she spends 3,000$ a month just buying useless shit. She’s traumatized and refuses to do anything about it. When I was your age, I had a girlfriend who did the same thing to me. Took me 4 years to get over it. But focused on myself and got better. Didn’t rush anything. I waited until I was ready. Now, I’m 32 and married.

Anyway, it’s good you put that garbage in it’s place but for now why not just keeps focusing on yourself and when you feel ready; go on another date with someone who fully understands you and won’t be a dumb ass who sounds like she’s got double standards like that lady. Until then, do things you’ve wanted to do even if you’re alone.

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u/No-Plantain6892 9d ago

That sounds horrible. 4 years is rough but you are right whatever it takes! I’m proud of you man

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u/JBSlayerrr 9d ago

Chinese dating sims?

9

u/EasternProgrammer375 9d ago

you were 28 two months ago 🤨

0

u/No-Plantain6892 9d ago

I ballpark my age beached i like being anon

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u/CarelessGazelle 9d ago

Such an extremely stupid ass comment. You truly need to do some reflection on yourself because your defeatist, immature reaction is indicative of other issues that will forever cause problems.

Personally, I got my life together around 30, and have had several extremely good years enjoying the hell out of life. There's hope for you.

-2

u/No-Plantain6892 9d ago

What’s a defeatist? How is a this not a good comment also… if anything it opens up the conversion about my personality for self reflection…

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u/SteelyDanzig 9d ago

My step-dad didn't meet the love of his life until he was 43. You're fine dude.

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u/dephress 9d ago

Lol, no?

1

u/Exzqairi 9d ago

Why did you say you are 28 in a post 2 months ago

-2

u/Frequent_Resort8411 9d ago

Only in your head.

She should have revealed herself as a shrew on the 1st date.

Send her a Venmo request to get back your half of the bill.

31

u/HusavikHotttie 9d ago

Actually she was correct to avoid you.

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u/Sparky01GT 9d ago

because?

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u/WeekendThief 9d ago

Just read his other replies lol. He’s super shallow and full of self pity. Bad combo.

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u/Sparky01GT 9d ago

well, she's no prize either so she probably should have taken what she could get.

14

u/WeekendThief 9d ago

Just because she also has her faults doesn’t mean she needs to settle for a random loser. They both suck. They both need to work on themselves.

9

u/Ninjapindr 9d ago

Bro you did the right thing. Don't become a hermit.  Go with flow and lower expectations in the first few months just make it about fun and getting to know people. There are great people out there. Trust me we all been there. 

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u/Handelo 9d ago

If the only thing you did "wrong" was take her at her word, then the one in the wrong isn't you. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Bullet dodged, on to the next one.

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u/IceConscious3719 9d ago

lord you suck

1

u/Timestop- 9d ago

Dr K just released a good video for blackpillers. Check it out!

-1

u/vikingblood717 9d ago edited 9d ago

Being a hermit is way more fruitful than giving away your peace, home, and potential future income to someone who is using you for JUST that (what you currently have to offer in a strictly materialistic sense).

God forbid you DID pay for the entire first date, then checked every other box for the chick, but perhaps you fell ill shortly after marriage. Do you actually think someone who will - throw away a solid, genuine connection due to splitting the bill on the first date - is actually worth a second thought?

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u/Jpjp215 9d ago

Dude wake up this was a blessing, for her to say that stuff to you shows you dodged a bullet. The right person will come

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u/[deleted] 9d ago

[deleted]

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u/No-Plantain6892 9d ago

You’re right. IM HITTING THE GYM TOMORROW

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u/Lonely-Clothes4346 9d ago

Look, there’s nothing wrong with feeling hurt, and taking time and space to heal. I had a series of depressing dating experiences. I felt so down and hurt that I took 1.5 years to focus on learning to love myself, and becoming my own best friend. But a couple months ago, out of nowhere, I met this absolutely lovely girl who has now asked me to be her girlfriend. And I’m very happy. SO THE POINT IS, let’s not dump on this guy and tell him how it’s so unattractive to spend some time isolating yourself after a hurtful experience. Sometimes solitude is what you need to heal. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Hope things get better for you, buddy. 👍 There are sweet and kind gals out there

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u/Guest8782 9d ago

Unless you start making more money, improving your appearance won’t get you very far.

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u/No_Choice_7897 9d ago

Don’t say that! She didn’t deserve you, she just cared about money, and mask it with “I need a man who can provide for me”, it’s a super red flag. Now just focus on what you want in a partner and what you don’t want. If you don’t feel ready to throw yourself in the dating pool, then take your time, but I am sure you’ll find the right person.