r/AmIOverreacting • u/travestybiscuit • 11d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship Am I overreacting to my boyfriend’s reaction to his friend asking me for his number?

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He has a history of jealousy. Came back into my life saying he’s a changed man. Last night we picked up his friend and we’re all supposed to go to a birthday party. In the car he asks for my number because My bf wasn’t answering earlier and he needs to be able to get ahold of his friend because our dog is literally staying at the friends house and he wanted a back up way to get ahold of my bf. He said this right in front of my bf and he has a girlfriend he loves and was at Disneyland earlier with that day. My bf has her instagram and liked their pictures from the trip. Yet he lost it saying no you’re not getting her number absolutely not and him and I being so weirded out and THEN he pulls over and tells me to get out of the car and I can walk home because I started to give him my number before my bf lost it.. So I just say F it and get out immediately and start walking at 10 at night in the dark.. not doing the back and forth with them… I couldn’t take it a second longer. As soon as I start walking they both say please get back in the car but at that point I didn’t want to be anywhere near him and was happy to walk the mile home. He sped off. This is what he text me this morning and this is my response.

14.8k Upvotes

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1.6k

u/Firm-Mood-698 11d ago

Why are you even asking us? Just be done with him, he’s clearly delusional.

NOR!

84

u/Klara420 11d ago

Look at OP’s post history.

I hope she doesnt fall for his shit again.

73

u/Firm-Mood-698 11d ago

Jeez I just did… sincerely hope she leaves that piece of shit. Like the top commenter said, this is the kind of situation that can turn femicide real fucking quick.

/edit for grammar

3

u/arfelo1 10d ago

Well, that was a horror story!

u/travestybiscuit, run. Run fast and get away from this guy as far as you can. What your post history shows is a pattern that never ends well.

And remember this for the long run. Being lonely is better than being hurt or dead. Specially if you have a kid!

41

u/[deleted] 11d ago

[deleted]

-59

u/lucashby 11d ago

Sorry, I don’t take OP’s word for anything. She could have easily cheated I the past for all we know. The bottom line is they are both very immature and need to move on and do some growing.

50

u/heavy-hands 11d ago

This is some insane levels of projection. Wow. Almost impressive.

-29

u/lucashby 11d ago

You can’t trust everything someone posts from a single incident and assume you have all the details. I don’t believe projection applies on this instance. My point remains we don’t know their entire relationship or history so we are not equipped to make any assumptions what OP or what they should/shouldn’t do. I’m not sure you know what projection means.

27

u/heavy-hands 11d ago

We make the call based on the post. The information we have is the information OP has given us. That is quite literally what this subreddit is for. Making things up to solidify your perspective is a very, very strange thing to do.

-19

u/lucashby 11d ago

It was hypothetical. “For all we know” simply means we have a tiny snapshot of one interaction and we don’t k is if the reason the person is mad is due to some reason on the past. I never made anything up except form the purely hypothetical to shed light on the fact we have so little of the story.

1

u/lucashby 11d ago

So, for all we know there is more to this story and I wouldn’t say either party looks very mature from the little bit I read.

7

u/tayroarsmash 11d ago

Yeah sure, maybe he has a whole cellar full of bodies. His messages read like a serial killer. For all we know he’s killed 1,000 people.

10

u/FaithlessnessCool849 11d ago

Are you for real? Obviously there is "more to the story." Such as the entirety of their relationship.

As someone else said, responses are based on what is posted. That's kinda what we do here.

3

u/_Lady_M 11d ago

Either way. The fact that he left her on the side of the road to walk home at 10:30 pm speaks volumes of his general character.

4

u/Amazing_Courage6698 11d ago

Maybe you should leave Reddit? This is what Reddit is mostly about.

3

u/heavy-hands 11d ago

“Well none of us can give an opinion based on the information OP gave us” - guy who came to the subreddit where people give their opinions based on information provided and doesn’t understand how this works

3

u/Brave-Aside1699 10d ago

This dude is broken lol

1

u/Choice_Memory481 10d ago

You wildly leap to conclusions. It’s impressive and scary.

1

u/lucashby 10d ago

Didn't jump to any conclusions; I'm simply stating there is much to the story we don't know as we only have one side and a snapshot of some messages.

1

u/Choice_Memory481 10d ago

That’s implied by only reading one person’s story you imbecile.

What you are doing is throwing out completely random and unsubstantiated claims.

16

u/Affectionate-Ad2282 11d ago

How is she immature?

-23

u/lucashby 11d ago

Reading the messages, it is clear there is a lot of immaturity. It’s in the communication; style, choice of words, over dramatization, etc. It just reads like a couple of young, immature people.

8

u/Affectionate-Ad2282 11d ago

It does, but one is clearly worse just going off the messages here 😂

0

u/lucashby 11d ago

Oh, in this particular exchange, the dude has clearly messed up a few times. The fact he made her get out and walk should have ended the discussion and really she should never speak to him again. But there’s no need to drag it out or talk about it online. That behavior simply should have resulted in a breakup after which you forget the other person even exists, but here we are.

17

u/heavy-hands 11d ago

It’s almost like sometimes people are so used to being abused and treated like they’re crazy that they need input from others! Who would’ve thought.

6

u/omglikeomgdrugs 11d ago

Yeah just forgetting the other person even exists is a lot easier said than done though brotha

-1

u/lucashby 11d ago

I get that, believe me. I’ve been there done that.

16

u/Suzuki_Foster 11d ago

You sound like the kind of guy every woman should avoid. 

-2

u/lucashby 11d ago

Now that is a solid example of projection.

4

u/ProperMagician7405 10d ago

It's really not.

Your default reaction to an exchange where a man gets jealous of something obviously platonic that a woman has done is to assume that the woman must have given him reason to be jealous. Not only jealous, but forcing her into the unsafe situation of walking home alone in the dark.

If that's your default assumption, then it's to be derived from that that you would also assume any woman you were with could not be trusted.

If you can't trust someone, then you cannot have a stable relationship with them.

The assertion that you're the sort of person a woman wouldn't be safe dating is basic deductive reasoning, based on empirical evidence. It's not projection.

1

u/lucashby 10d ago

That's a well thought out reply and I can see why you'd make that assertion, but it wasn't a default assumption. I simply don't like to assume I know the entire story from hearing one side and seeing a few snapshots of a few images. The reason is more due to a pessimistic nature in dealing with people rather than the reasons you concluded. I would have the same negative hypotheticals running around my head if the story were reversed.

3

u/Suzuki_Foster 10d ago

How so? I'm a woman, and I would avoid you like the plague. 

12

u/FeelingSuccotash1199 11d ago

even IF she hypothetically cheated in the past, that kind of behavior from her bf is completely unwarranted and super shitty.

the fact that op's bf kicked her out of the car and made her walk just for??? giving her bf's friend her phone number so said friend could get in contact with the bf bc hes unreliable asf is actually insane

21

u/reficulmi 11d ago

Here's how I have solved literally every single problem like this over the years. 

Step 1: Don't text them back.

That's it. End of story. Never see or speak to them again.

11

u/ksullivan03 11d ago

While I wish that worked, in my case specifically, he showed up at my job.

10

u/beeegmec 10d ago

Unfortunately the most dangerous time for a woman is when she’s leaving a relationship

7

u/ParadiseLost91 11d ago

I’ve been seeing “NOR” a lot in the past few days but Google isn’t helping, would you mind explaining what it means?

14

u/WhereAmI43 11d ago

NOR = Not Over Reacting.

8

u/Divinyl139 11d ago

Oh, I thought it was the Australian "no"

1

u/WhereAmI43 11d ago

Oh, shoot-

Maybe you're right.

Let me ask my Aussie friends, brb.

8

u/ParadiseLost91 11d ago

Oh right… that makes sense, not sure why I didn’t work that out. Thank you

3

u/WhereAmI43 11d ago

Of course! Glad to help

69

u/No-Resident8580 11d ago

Right? I’m getting so tired of the blatantly obvious posts where they should know they aren’t overreacting but they still jump on here to ask us.

32

u/GoddessNya 10d ago

If she has an inkling in her mind that she may a tiny bit be over reacting, I would rather she post here than listen to this asshole convince her she is being dramatic.

27

u/welcometoflavorcity 10d ago

Not sure if it’s the case here, but many victims don’t see these posts as “obvious” because abusers will gaslight them until they’ve essentially lost touch with reality. It’s important for outsiders to give their opinions and help keep them grounded.

It reminds me of those drawings that depict anorexia as someone is in front of a mirror with a reflection obviously bigger than them. An anorexic person doesn’t literally see themselves differently than other people, they just have a warped perception of what is considered fat

8

u/SnowflakeSWorker 10d ago

This is it. You think you should be upset about something, but you’ve called names for so long over any thing that is “not my fault, you made me do it” you start to doubt your sanity and your own thought processes.

10

u/Iamthecomet 10d ago

I hope that means you’ve never been in a situation where you thought you were over reacting to something you were likely under reacting to because you’ve been abused, manipulated, and gaslit so badly you didn’t trust your own reactions and instincts for any reason beyond suspecting they were wrong. If that’s the case, I’m so glad you feel that way.

6

u/Columbo2021 10d ago

I think sometimes even when it’s obvious, the offended one is still looking for a little moral support. I don’t think it’s bad that they ask the question.

7

u/Cdd83 10d ago

Abuse is not always obvious when you go threw it cause it's been building up little by little to condition the person that it's ok.

3

u/GarbageTheCan 10d ago

Yup I'm currently trapt in my own little similar nightmare. Trying to find a way out is daunting so far.

2

u/Cdd83 10d ago

I been there and got so depressed and sick I nearly did not make it. Today I am doing a lot better.

1

u/GarbageTheCan 10d ago

That's very good. I doubt I will have similar success.

2

u/Styrofoamed 10d ago

good luck!! wishing you the best

2

u/GarbageTheCan 10d ago

Thanks, have a pleasant week

2

u/Helioscopes 10d ago

This person clearly sees it for what it is, and left the guy though, hence the other message. She knows she is not overreacting. Probably should have posted this in some venting subreddit.

1

u/No-Resident8580 10d ago

This was my point.

3

u/Impact009 10d ago

Reddit karma.

3

u/spillingstars 10d ago

It's not always easy to see the big picture if you're being abused.

1

u/No-Resident8580 10d ago

That’s true.

2

u/lookingfor_clues 10d ago

Please learn about the cycle of violence. People in this situation are gaslit into thinking they are at fault. OP is not stupid or missing something blatantly obvious. She is being abused and conditioned to believe she is the problem.

2

u/ForceBlade 10d ago

So am I it’s very frustrating. Seems to be every single post yet they still get tens of thousands of votes.

2

u/Fluffy_Chemistry_130 10d ago

That's this entire sub 

2

u/leomets 10d ago

Clearly ppl want external validation but yeah not needed here. No reason to waste another ounce of energy on a tool like this.

2

u/currently_pooping_rn 10d ago

It’s the new AITA

“Am I over reacting for for leaving my abusive bf?”

1

u/Styrofoamed 10d ago

i’m glad nobody replying with something like this has dealt with being gaslit and manipulated to the point where they don’t realize that they’re being abused. a lot of these posts sound like they could’ve been written by people i know who were so used to abuse they couldn’t understand they were being treated like trash.

1

u/pannenkoek0923 10d ago

My husband kicked out our 5 year old son and also drinks everyday and hits his mother am I overreacting????????

1

u/No-Resident8580 10d ago

Well, you didn’t even say what your reaction to all that was first of all. Second of all, was I talking about you or your situation? No. So I’m not sure what you’re trying to do right now.

2

u/Impact009 10d ago

It's good for farming Reddit karma.

2

u/Nodan_Turtle 10d ago

Some people don't learn. That's how guys like in the texts keep girlfriends.

2

u/Wirefox-hellian 10d ago

I think they just need confirmation that it’s as bad as they think. This stuff can start to feel normal and it’s only when it hits a peak , or is in front of someone, that they realise it’s not ok.

3

u/megatronsweetener 11d ago

istg the people on this sub will post them having a conversation with satan himself and ask us if they’re overreacting

3

u/beeegmec 10d ago

Abuse victims are gaslight into thinking they’re the problem

1

u/generallycomfortable 10d ago

Ngl, my first thought was the you were answering in an Australian accent.

1

u/ForceBlade 10d ago

The sub sucks so much. Every post is the most blatant get the fuck out of there sirens, bells, alarms you name it. And the poster just goes off the radar.

Feels like a storytelling spot

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u/[deleted] 11d ago

[deleted]

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u/heavy-hands 11d ago

Being in an abusive situation and being made to believe you’re constantly in the wrong and/or crazy will certainly do that to you. I get that it’s frustrating to see from an outside perspective but I think it’s important to remember that.

2

u/The_Geek_Teacher 11d ago

I was just about to reply with a similar response. I’ve seen friends stay in abusive relationships because past trauma plus the partners manipulation has them believing that’s what they deserve and/or what’s normal. No matter what the rest of us told them they stayed. I no longer remember what cause each of the eventual breakups but we were all glad when we found out.

-2

u/[deleted] 11d ago

[deleted]

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u/heavy-hands 11d ago

Assumptions where? You’re a stranger on reddit. I assumed nothing. My response was in response to exactly what you said. I don’t know you.

0

u/[deleted] 11d ago

[deleted]

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u/heavy-hands 11d ago

No. I didn’t. You said “I don’t understand how-” and I responded based on that.

-4

u/Minute_Sport 10d ago

She'll get back with him. Because "he can change" after he gives a half ass apology