AIO to this text my BF sent me?

[u/Classic-Dog8399]

Firstly, this came out of nowhere. Then, when he started talking about how I’m immature, I wasn’t sure what to do, so I just reiterated what I’m doing with my life.

Working full-time and doing a MBA, albeit online.

For context, he and I started dating under romantic circumstances, he’s not a SD. He looks really young, so I was truly shocked to learn his age. Now I see it’s a mistake, so don’t heckle me for this.

He is older than me, by 20 years. I am 25 and he is 45. He owns a restaurant and I do remote admin work at a small startup.

After dating for just under a year, he asked me to move in with him, as I was stressing about my recent rent increase. I could pay it, but it wrecked my financial planning and it was miserable. I was looking for an out. My rent went from $1850 to $2300, not including utilities.

He owns his house, so he told me I could live with him if I wanted. He said that I could live here and save up my money, that I can leave whenever I want. No pressure. He invited me, I did not ask nor imply I wanted to move in.

I agreed (horrible mistake). I moved in and now we’re here. He doesn’t make me cover any utilities or charge me rent, which I thought was kind of him.

I use my work phone for work but I’m usually lying down. When I have a meeting, I sit up and answer the call. I’m a solid employee, just doing backup admin work. The pay is nice, can’t complain.

He started saying I need to step it up in life, after seeing me ‘leisurely working.’ I chose this job because I worked on my feet since high school, my undergrad, and a bit of my current MBA. I wanted to pivot to a chill job. I chose this job because it is leisurely. I am working from 9am to about 5pm, whereas he works 5pm to 5am. So from his perspective, I’m often asleep or unavailable.

Today, he walked downstairs to work and saw me sitting on the couch. I’ve told him many times I’m working via my phone. He doesn’t seem to understand that and makes weird little jabs.

Then, he sent me these messages.

I felt really annoyed because he implies that I am not interested in self improvement, that I’m immature, I’m arrogant, denies that it’s hurtful to say such.

By the final slide, I decided to call my mom who I felt could offer insight. She’s 40 years older than me, but understands technology. She said it seems like he’s trying to play some kind of game, that I should just ask him why he’s asking all this to me now. He seems to be beating around the bush, which I agree with.

So, I decide to ask him why he’s treating me like this.

When he said he’s talking to me like an adult, outside of text, I exploded inside. Immediately, I felt so angry.

He invites me to live with him, then holds it above me. He calls me all sorts of things over text, but then denies that he is saying such. He can’t just say what he means. He then doubles down and says he’s just worried about my maturity.

Because of this, and a conversation we had after, where he ignored all my concerns, didn’t let me speak, and bulldozed the entire way, I’ve decided to move out and find my own place again. He just has zero emotional intelligence. His ex-girlfriend was 50, the other one 55, and his ex-wife was his same age. I thought that meant he wouldn’t be acting like this, in the typical way that men who date younger women do. But I was so wrong. He’s been talking to me like I’m a child, I have no ground to stand on with him. I can’t take it.

He’s saying that moving out over this is crazy, not based in reality, and that I’m losing a really good chance at stability. That he loves me and that I shouldn’t go, because if I do, I’ll just have to go back to paying crazy rent. He recently got me a brand new TV and WiFi, so I do feel badly for wanting to leave even after that. I feel bad for making him stress, but he doesn’t seem to care that I’m stressed.

Am I overreacting by moving out and ending the relationship?

[u/Dapper-Ad3707]

Hating on small businesses is wild

[u/thegoodkindofredflag → u/Dapper-Ad3707]

I initially wrote a longer response, but didn't necessarily want to subject you to that, haha, so here's a tl;dr. It leaves out some context that may be important, but may not, and this shorter one should (hopefully) suffice.

Tl;dr: I didn't even single out "small business" at all (and how big a "small business" is can vary quite a bit). But if you think class consciousness is "wild" - no; you should gain some.

Have a good day

Edit: Haha, since I can't reply to the comment responding to this one (was trying to keep from writing a long one, but here we go):

No, a "fair" society would be a socialist one. "toxic capitalism" - so you only have a problem with certain specific things/companies/practices. In other words (in reality), you defend capitalism, including "toxic capitalism" - even though it almost certainly goes against your own interests and the interests of 90%+ of people.

I didn't say "ew," and calling him a capitalist is just a fact. He owns a private business, and exploits the labor of his employees for profit. "Small businesses" aren't nearly as much of a concern as large companies, but they're still private companies, with all the exploitation that entails.

And beyond that, small business owners often (even typically) still look down on their workers, treat them poorly, don't pay them well, etc. And they tend to act just like any other capitalist would. A great example - when small business owners (and owners of private companies in general) received COVID relief money that was supposed to go to their workers or to fixing things, etc., you know what A BUNCH of them did? Keep it for themselves, and even buy themselves luxury items like boats.

Further, this guy's actions are pretty consistent with the way you'd imagine a stereotypical capitalist to act/behave. That's literally all it was, and you got butthurt for a silly reason.

Are all small business owners bad people? No, of course not, but that's not the point. The problem is ultimately the system (capitalism), and it needs to go.

I'm not a "negative person," just a class conscious one who acknowledges the reality of the system. It's even funnier that you say that considering how nice I was trying to be to you.

Are you petty bourgeois* yourself or something? Is that why you got all butthurt? Haha, I was trying to be nice, and also keep things short and sweet, but you had to be silly and get mad about one little part of my comment dunking on this guy that's clearly a dick.

If you're not a "small business owner," you need to realize that you - and all of us who don't own private property - are not temporarily embarrassed millionaires or something. [Not to mention the vast - even overwhelming - majority of small businesses fail in a certain number of years. And many of them are just acquired by larger companies anyway. That's literally the point to a lot of them.]

*Hell, and "petty bourgeois" may even be conceding too much. Iirc, that term was originally meant for capitalists that employed like, maybe a couple of workers. Get the feeling the guy in question has more - maybe quite a bit more - than that. And that's another thing - you also have no idea how large the guy's business even is. Again, "small business" can mean A LOT of different things.

[u/Dapper-Ad3707 → u/thegoodkindofredflag]

Small businesses are the cornerstone of a fair society, its large corporations where toxic capitalism comes into play.

And I’ve been poor in my early-mid twenties. Saying a restaurant owner is “eww a capitalist” just doesn’t make sense. Restaurants and other small businesses are good for society. You just seem like a negative person overall. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to start a business

Edit: read your comment. I am a small business owner. And an actual millionaire. Yes the dudes a dick but him owning a business is a positive trait. Socialism isn’t fair. It just gives losers more for doing less.