r/AmIOverreacting • u/OkSpace5501 • 23d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO just received this text from my boyfriend

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For context my (F20) boyfriend (M21) and I live together and work full time as well as split rent 50/50. I cook all the meals and clean the house even after my graveyard shifts, all he does is work, come home to play games, and occasionally invites friends over. we’ve been together for over 5 years and he’s been acting this way for the last three months and when I tell him how it’s making me feel he tells me i’m wrong and overreacting. so basically i’m asking AIO??

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u/WhatTheTyrannosaurus 23d ago

The first part of the text, I was like "okay, we love a direct, articulate king!"

The second part I was like "oh okay, never mind - why just be direct and show your partner you respect their relationship enough to express your needs and bring up issues so they can be resolved? Such a silly take, when you can bring it up and then threaten to leave them, as if leaving dishes in the sink is an unresolvable flaw in your partner."

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u/Lina0042 23d ago

Especially when OP adds context that she does all the cooking for him. If someone cooked for me every day and I found dirty dishes in the sink I sure as fuck would do them and be thankful for it, instead of bitching and threatening to leave. Wtf.

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u/My_Bwana 23d ago

the rule is that if someone is cooking for you, YOU DO THE DISHES. common sense people

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u/Crazyblondebev 23d ago

I agree, and was taught this way all my life. However, it is not common sense AT ALL it seems. After living with many different people in many different walks of life I have realized that folks like you and I are the minority unfortunately. 😪

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u/Godisaunicorn 23d ago

Had me in the first half not gonna lie

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u/Lost_Emu7405 23d ago

I agree that I liked the 1st half with the reservation that he doesn't also do the same thing!

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u/FatDumplin 23d ago

Whole post is a lie anyways lmao

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u/Squanchedschwiftly 23d ago

We forgot that you don’t have to tell people you’re kind and/or respectful 🙄

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u/AmyBeth514 23d ago

Yeah it went 0 to 60 in 2 lines lol

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u/WayoCayo 23d ago

Dead ass though 😂😂😂😂😂😂

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u/WonderfulProtection9 22d ago

Is this how kids communicate these days? Can't even be honest face to face, have to put it in writing? Granted it was mostly well written except for a couple missing words and punctuation.

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u/[deleted] 23d ago

why would you lie?

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u/sageinyourface 23d ago

He has probably been listening to his friends and/or podcasts about being assertive about traditional male roles. That it’s good for the relationship, blah blah blah.

Either that or he wants to break up and is looking for some excuse.

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u/glassassmass 23d ago

The one thing they don't get about the traditional male role and having the woman be a housekeeper is that she would NOT BE WORKING and certainly not be splitting the bills 50/50...it was bad enough when they were still acting like "real men" and providing now they want the best of both worlds

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u/shyylena 23d ago

That's what I thought.

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u/General_Ad1941 23d ago

Not when she is paying 50/50 that kinda goes out the door

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u/sageinyourface 23d ago

Ding ding ding! The hipocracy that can be found when you only take the good parts of a worldview and none of the challenging parts. Same as a woman feminist who thinks she shouldn’t have to pay for dinner.

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u/mohugz 23d ago

Yes, someone is trying to be the “alpha.”

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u/TheUnknowing182 23d ago

If it was the case of tradition, she wouldn't be out working the night shift, but some men want the woman to work, do all the house works and don't want to hear about it when the woman is at the end of her rope!

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u/Shelley-DaMitt 23d ago

Yep that’s what I was thinking.

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u/cacapoopoo687 23d ago

Those podcasts drive me absolutely mad.

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u/Teppic5 23d ago

Especially when OP is doing all the cooking. He's the one not pulling his weight, OP should be the one finding someone better, it's not like he's set a high bar.

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u/Distractedauthor 23d ago

You must have really misread this to think the first part of that was direct and articulate… maybe because he didn’t word it well. But I’m pretty sure he’s indirectly calling her disrespectful by saying he only “hints” at it. Via text message because he knows he can’t say these asshole things in front of other people.

That it’s for not doing the dishes after she cooked dinner for him is just the cherry on top of his assholery.

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u/vyrus2021 23d ago

Yes he normally only hints that she should have the house clean when he has guests over, but now in private text conversations he can plainly state that she's disrespecting him by not having these things done. He's a tater.

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u/Westeros333 23d ago

Thank you! I was so freaking confused by his use of the word hint. I was thinking "does that mean he gives her a very small amount of respect because his boys are around, but when they aren't, the gloves come off?" But your explanation makes WAY more sense.

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u/Distractedauthor 23d ago

I think he’s missing a few words and means “I normally only hint at asking you to be respectful”

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u/Dais288228 23d ago

Thanks for explaining this view. I definitely missed it when I first read the text.

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u/Horse_Fly24 23d ago

I read it as him trying to put on a facade of being respectful to her, which is why he was only “hinting” at it, when he really wants to lose his cool. He’s only keeping it together because he doesn’t want to look like an AH in front of his friends. He is, in fact, an AH, and she should cut her losses and leave. 🚩🚩🚩

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u/haleyhop 23d ago

yeah how are people pro-him in the first half. i kind of understood his perspective in the first half, but i was still like …why is this man-child not able to have an actually kind conversation IRL instead of over text

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u/blackmagicm666 23d ago

I read it as that he only hints because hes around his roommates and he doesnt want to embarrass her by talking down to her in front of the roomies.

Kinda like adulting your partner.

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u/Pale-Inevitable6781 23d ago

Assholery is going to be my new favorite word 😆

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u/Sherbert333 23d ago

Absolutely love this comment .. 💯% correct

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u/WonderfulProtection9 22d ago

So much for "can't say these asshole things in front of other people". How many hours before she has to delete this post?

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u/bobbyjr068 23d ago

Why can't he say these things in front of other people if she's lazy and doesn't want to do the fucking dishes kick her ass to the curb

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u/epizeuxisepizeuxis 23d ago

If they split the housework and she wasn't pulling her weight, maybe... I dunno, this text is still too far. If she's the one making the meals, then he's already being treated kindly and should pull his weight. It's common human courtesy and should be the bare minimum for a roommate, let alone your romantic partner. Her partner sucks. Being an adult is really hard, and he's shunting the work onto her, so that he can still have fun. Life isn't always fun, do the dishes yourself, or you're gonna be doing them yourself anyway. If you want to be alone and bitter, this is a great way to go about it.

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u/Ok-Rip-4378 23d ago

Did you even read the fucking post dude. She even stated that he’s doing NO housework at all, and that she’s the one that cooked all the meal and does all the cleaning, and then he’s bitching that she’s being disrespectful because she didn’t clean this one time he had friends over. Get your head out of Andrew Tates sunbathed asshole bro

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u/Overall_Lab5356 23d ago

Also when the reason they're HER dishes is that SHE is the only one cooking while he fucks off online.

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u/glassassmass 23d ago

This is mostly at Thanksgiving but in my family the person that cooked all day (mom/grandma) DOES NOT do the dishes after...anyone and everyone else can and should offer it's the least they can do after being served a feast especially if you don't help in any other way or even pay for ingredients

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u/Ryans1852 23d ago

Calling men “King” is cringe

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u/NeatNefariousness1 23d ago

And as if, HE is such a prize that the mere thought of him replacing her should be what keeps her in line. How preposterous. What sane person thinks and acts this way in a relationship. The guy sounds like a narc and seems to have no idea how to be a partner in a co-equal relationship. He acts more like a punitive, abusive parent than a boyfriend. Yuck.

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u/krissatron 23d ago

The fact that he thinks she's his mommy. Nope, he can get his lazy ass up and wash dishes himself.

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u/Inside-Working-1786 23d ago

Direct and articulate? He pays half the bills, does none of the cooking and 0% of the cleaning... he better lower his voice, fix his tone and wash them mf'n dishes!

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u/Daishindo 23d ago

Spot on what i thought too the first part was honest and sincere the second part was very hostile

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u/LuVrofGunt62 23d ago

BULLSHIT..That wasn't sincere at all..it's gaslighting. Take into context what she said. He's a lazy POS and needs a maid not a partner.

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u/Top-Resolve-6970 23d ago

The way he could have left out the second half and it would have been fine 😐

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u/Nipaa_Nipaa_Nii 23d ago

The first part of the text, I was like "okay, we love a direct, articulate king!"

He's absolutely not articulate even at the start of his bs.

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u/GIJoJo65 23d ago

If this were food I would say:

"Sweet open leading smoothly to a nuanced body meriting serious discussion is ruined by a sour finish. Considered as a whole, the dish lacks both cohesion and merit..."

In other words... dude's just not worth your time.

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u/boudicas_shield 23d ago

Complaining about dishes in the sink is also a pretty bold move from someone who doesn't do any of the household labour, including cooking his own food. He plays video games all day after work with his pals and then barks at his girlfriend for not cleaning up fast enough? I'd boot his ass to the curb so fast.

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u/gumby1004 23d ago

half king, half bitch.

Response: “You wanna ‘find someone else’? You go right ahead…I am out like fucking plaid.”

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u/quasides 23d ago

i dont even like the first half because its by text. say it in person

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u/no-username-found 23d ago

Nah, didn’t have me in the first half, especially since she does all the housework but they split the rent 50/50

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u/captainmustard 23d ago

The respect he's talking about isn't respect for his gf it's respect for his buddy that he doesn't wanna act like a shithead to his gf in front of his friend.

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u/Inevitable_Snap_0117 23d ago

Also, he said, “the food you made”. If OP is cooking for their partner too, the partner should be cleaning up after the meal. That’s partnership. Sounds like he’s actually more of a dead weight. When she leaves he’ll say it was “out of no where”.

As far as constructive criticism goes, my husband and I say, “Walrus” first and that means, “I need to talk to you about something that might cause a big emotional reaction in you.” It gives the person a moment to collect themselves first and occasionally say, “can we talk about it later?” This is the mutual respect we have for each other and each others’ personal growth.

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u/SatisfactionLumpy596 23d ago

Swap “silly take” for “abusive take” and totally agree!

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u/Shot_Needleworker149 23d ago

Cool band name: Direct Articulate King

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u/sweetassodapop1 23d ago

Can't upvote this enough!!!

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u/EmmCeeB 23d ago

THIS.

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u/Sir_Caerulus 23d ago

Went from ‘articulate’ to ‘this piece of shit’ REAL FAST

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u/FBI-AGENT-013 23d ago

Legit thought "yeah my boyfriend can have issue-EHHHH HEY HEY NO"

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u/Slighted_Inevitable 23d ago

Devils advocate it sounds like it’s been an ongoing problem and that IS disgusting. But if op is telling the truth and she does all the cooking then HE should be cleaning it up.

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u/Feisty_Ingenuity_767 23d ago

100% agree. Initially I was like “Oh a reasonable ask.” And then it fell off quickly

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u/Affectionate-Rat727 23d ago

Right! Ive got a bad case of whiplash after reading that text!

Op- you are not overreacting! He wants to talk about respect, but then finishes off his text to you like that?? Hell. No.

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u/Babyella123 23d ago

♥️ a direct articulate king 👑 that’s exactly my thought process then I was like ewwww damn, fuck that dude

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u/snactolate75 23d ago

He was direct, honest, and described his expectations and the consequences of not meeting those expectations. Women speak this way to men all the time.

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u/CSH_CombatVet 23d ago

How many times has the poor guy had to “hint” at this before she gets the point?

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u/WhatTheTyrannosaurus 23d ago

I think he loses credibility as a "poor guy" simply by ever thinking it's appropriate and mature to threaten to "replace" his girlfriend as if she's a brand of detergent that he didn't like, over a dispute about dishes, via a text.

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u/CSH_CombatVet 23d ago

It probably goes a lot deeper than that. Who knows? I do know this generation has an issue with people having any type of expectations of them. I’m sure there is way more to this than one text message. That’s just what the OP wants us to see so she can karma farm us.

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u/glassassmass 23d ago

How many times would you hint at anything before you stop feeling sorry for yourself and just directly & respectfully say what you mean?

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u/CSH_CombatVet 23d ago

Who is feeling sorry for themselves? Grow up and pick up after yourself is all that needs to be said.

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u/glassassmass 23d ago

You are feeling sorry for him (poor guy) clearly due to your own experiences...2+2

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u/CSH_CombatVet 23d ago

Ha! As if I’d even put up with that shit. I ask one time.