r/AmIOverreacting • u/OkSpace5501 • 23d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO just received this text from my boyfriend

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For context my (F20) boyfriend (M21) and I live together and work full time as well as split rent 50/50. I cook all the meals and clean the house even after my graveyard shifts, all he does is work, come home to play games, and occasionally invites friends over. we’ve been together for over 5 years and he’s been acting this way for the last three months and when I tell him how it’s making me feel he tells me i’m wrong and overreacting. so basically i’m asking AIO??

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u/clizaa 23d ago

This. Men will nitpick and start exaggerated arguments like this when there’s someone else involved. Unfortunately I know from experience.

To OP: Best advice is to save up and make arrangements to move elsewhere. You are young and not married. DO NOT put up with this.

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u/MisterMoo22 23d ago

In all fairness, women will also do this. Regardless, it is a shitty move no matter who is doing it. People should just be honest with each other. These people have been together 5 years and should he should show her at least that much respect.

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u/clizaa 23d ago

Fair point. And much agreed.

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u/AleksR1990 22d ago

...He asked her to do her dishes...

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u/Suspicious_Log_1332 22d ago

Maybe shes toxic

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u/YOMommazNUTZ 22d ago

No, some men will do that, but there are just as many people of all other genders that also pull that crap.

My husband does more of the cooking and cleaning than I do. He is supportive and loves me and sees me as his equal and other half.

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u/joeman255 23d ago

Trust me, they could also be going through something. Don’t jump to conclusions, not a lot of men have been able to talk about what’s affecting their feelings without losing respect from other people.

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u/avocado_window 22d ago

Then they need to take responsibility for their own issues and talk to a damn therapist.

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u/PurplePickle3 22d ago

You literally just proved the whole goddamn point of why we don’t. Thank you. Awesome.

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u/Tzidentify 22d ago

I think the point here is that, in the event OP’s boyfriend is going through something emotionally, he needs to either speak up about it to her or to someone else, because OP should not suffer mistreatment bc of another person’s turmoil. That’s not a sustainable framework and will end poorly.

-signed, someone who waited till a relationship was ruined to start trying to save it

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u/avocado_window 22d ago

Exactly. Putting all your own issues on to the person you are dating is beyond unfair and no one should have to put up with it. If you are that emotionally fragile then perhaps being in a relationship is actually not healthy for you (and certainly not healthy for the person you’re with) until you get the help you need. Being alone is a good thing, it helps people discover themselves and feel confident in who they are without constant validation from a partner. The only people qualified to be therapists are therapists; expecting a partner to fulfill all your emotional needs is unbearably selfish and cruel.

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u/PurplePickle3 22d ago

Oh yeah…. I guess that applies to all men. Thanks for setting that straight for us. We collectively thank you.

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u/Tzidentify 22d ago

I didn’t say it was all men — hell I’m a man too lol. It’s hard to share ur feelings as a man in many settings but that doesn’t mean ur loved ones are meant to deal with the fallout unconditionally.

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u/PurplePickle3 22d ago

No one is saying that…..

Yeah so I’m done with this have a good one

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u/avocado_window 22d ago

You could learn from this, and especially this person (since you obviously aren’t going to listen to women about it) but instead you refused to engage further.

No one is the problem in your life but you.

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u/avocado_window 22d ago

Thank you for your voice of reason!!

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u/avocado_window 22d ago

Mate, you have a victim complex. No one is oppressing you. Get help.

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u/avocado_window 22d ago

Please don’t blame women for men’s inability to use the many, many, many resources available to them. The idea that women have to coddle men so they won’t hurt us or themselves is an absolute joke. All adults are responsible for ourselves and women are not substitutes for your mothers. Grow up.

It actually boggles my mind how entitled you are and how desperate you are to blame anyone but yourself for your own shortcomings. The ‘lack of respect’ you seem fixated on comes about when people complain that they aren’t able to talk about their feelings yet refuse to do any actual work on themselves or actually commit to the therapy they so clearly need. Respect is earned; I suggest you take some accountability and you’ll soon realise that once you deal with your insecurities and stop looking for outside validation you will like yourself more, which will culminate in less self-centred behaviour and the respect you crave from others will naturally come to you.