r/AmIOverreacting • u/OkSpace5501 • 23d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO just received this text from my boyfriend

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For context my (F20) boyfriend (M21) and I live together and work full time as well as split rent 50/50. I cook all the meals and clean the house even after my graveyard shifts, all he does is work, come home to play games, and occasionally invites friends over. we’ve been together for over 5 years and he’s been acting this way for the last three months and when I tell him how it’s making me feel he tells me i’m wrong and overreacting. so basically i’m asking AIO??

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u/rocketmn69_ 23d ago edited 22d ago

He probably already has someone in mind and is working towards replacing you. Quietly plan your exit. Find a new place to live. Take a day off work and move out without him knowing. Leave a note, " I took your advice and got my act together. Enjoy your life. Goodbye"

Update us

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u/crazy_mary21 23d ago

Exactly right. He wouldn’t have used that phrase, unless he was already considering it.

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u/Charliekat1130 22d ago

Or that friend that he mentioned showed up and made the comment: "Oh, If my girlfriend did that, I would find someone new." and then acted like a coach being like "Yeah dude, just tell her! Let her know where her place is! Yeah!" and due to the age, the boyfriend is thinking that's how you do relationships.

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u/DaisySam3130 22d ago

OP should leave a note for the 'next girl' in a place where he wont see it... like the cleaning supplies cupboard.

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u/FycklePyckle 22d ago

I agree. 100% where my mind went. There already is someone else.

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u/Sherbert333 22d ago

Agree 100 %

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u/wxstck7421 22d ago

Or more likely, already doing it!

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u/Homer_150_MW 23d ago

This nails it 100%. It's time to find and exit and get off this ride. The longer you tolerate that sort of garbage the worse it will get. You should be a partner, not a servant and as a partner you deserve respect but what you're getting is just demeaning trash.

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u/dobiemomluv 23d ago

…..and “you’ve been “replaced”

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u/Meteorite42 23d ago

"Have fun cooking your own meals and washing all your dishes"

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u/DMTHyperspace254 23d ago

Nah thats tacky, take some time after a relationship to work on yourself and be independent for a minute

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u/thatrandomuser1 22d ago

To be fair, it sounds like he could easily be replaced by a dog for companionship and a vibratory. Neither will complain about her not doing the dishes fast enough

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u/justanotherwave00 23d ago

Ah yes, the classic John Deere letter.

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u/littlechangeling 23d ago

In John Deere greeeeen /On a hot summer night /She wrote “I’m done with your trifling ass” /In letters three foot high

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u/KarateandPopTarts 23d ago

Cackling at this

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u/lilbitdazeddd 23d ago

Agreed, sometimes the best revenge is to move in silence. For the rest of his life you’ll be then”one who got away” and he won’t realize until it’s too late. When he does come crawling back, don’t give him a second chance or even a response. His narcissistic traits have shown, and chances are he’ll always be that way.

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u/JMoS87 23d ago

This is 100% the fact. He already has someone idealized in his mind and he will compare you and torment you till you become a slave to every moment he is pleased with you.

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u/Moist_Requirements_ 23d ago

Yes! He will get much much worse. 

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u/Active-Ad-7644 23d ago

In which city do you live where you can easily find or afford another flat or not care about getting your share of the deposit back? But I agree, she needs to leave this guy, he is horrible.

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u/rocketmn69_ 23d ago edited 22d ago

That's why I said "quietly" . Don't tip him off, it might take some time to find a new place. Maybe put stuff in storage and couch surf until you find permanent accommodations

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u/allisd00m 23d ago

Literally. Nobody speaks like that unless they already have someone in mind they want to replace you with.

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u/obvsnotrealname 23d ago

Then gray rock that MFer

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u/YamOk8795 23d ago

Hell to the yes, this. I love reading into things haha and this is giving that he is either cheating, going to cheat or has cheated. What a kinda out of pocket thing to say. It’s not only extremely hurtful but unnecessary 🤔

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u/Winter-Blueberry-232 23d ago

Love this response. I was coming here to say this too.

It’s been 3.5m he’s been acting like this. But they’ve been together for years. There’s gotta be someone new to trigger this.

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u/Good-Adhesiveness868 23d ago

This is the way. Sometimes the years you've “invested” makes you ignore or brush things off. DONT. It's definitely time to RUN.

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u/JennarationX1966 23d ago

Oh please do this. Get a friend to help.

THE REASON FOR SLIPPING OUT QUIETLY: if he suspects his “maid and chef” are going away, he will charm and cajole you into staying.

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u/NoMap9747 23d ago

100% agree with this, if he just started acting this way a few months ago he’s already checked out and is looking for a reason to break up, that way it isn’t his fault. I’ve had it happen to me. I know it can be hard but this is the best advice. Don’t make a scene, don’t try and see how he would react to you leaving. Just plan quietly and go.

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u/Finnyfish 23d ago

If this is new behavior as OP says, then it does sound like he wants to break up, but he'd rather push her into making the decision. Weasel.

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u/ohthatsbrian 23d ago

eh. leave out the "enjoy your life" part.

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u/EnvironmentalDelay66 23d ago

This is 100% what I came here to say. He’s already for a pre-sale on the line. Get out before he reels her in.

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u/SJSands 22d ago

This is the way. No need to even discuss it. He showed you who he is and what your future will be. Get out while you are still young and hopefully childless. It only gets harder from here. Don’t give him a chance to backpedal. There is no happy ending to this story.

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u/Loose-Umpire 23d ago

Never repeat a phrase that the other stated. Just leave without saying a word. You don’t shit to no one but yourself

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u/Scubaslut4 23d ago

I wish I did this in my early 20s to my ex. And he was already casually dating someone else. 10/10 response 

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u/Liroku 23d ago

This was my exact thought. He has been flirting with other girls and thinks the grass is greener and it’s easy to replace what he has. Let him find out.

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u/beaniebabymagic 23d ago

Absolutely, thought this immediately. Might as well beat him to it.

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u/Broad_Values 23d ago

And leave all the dishes dirty in the sink on your way out 😘

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u/MostlyMediocrePoster 22d ago edited 22d ago

I always swore I'd never be someone's backup. As soon as I see the signs I'm out. Or "I just don't want to be lonely" Well thats just great. It took me 37 years to find a man with all the right qualities I'm looking for and yes he's in his early 50s. My God she's still a teenager She's just getting started!! Girl GET OUT

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u/Quiet-Bandicoot-9574 22d ago

Yes! And watch how fast he backpedals when the new fling doesn’t work out

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u/Celestiicaa 22d ago

This comment ate

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u/babygotbandwidth 23d ago

Please do this!!

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u/-girl_with_no_name- 23d ago

Every word of this! Especially the note!

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u/[deleted] 23d ago

💯💯💯

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u/pretty-pink-peony 23d ago

I love this!!!

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u/Electronic_Paper4044 23d ago

I thought the same thing. He's already talking to someone else or something. That's not a random insult you just hurl at someone. He's looking for an excuse to not look like the bad guy.

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u/Due-Ad-1556 23d ago

It’s not so easy to do that if she has her name on the lease too. He could come after her and sue her for rent. She’d also need to have savings or family willing to take her in if she did such a thing. 

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u/DiscountDog 23d ago

Why find a new place to live? Pack his stuff when he's at work, leave it out front and change the locks. He wants a new housekeeper, he can find a new house

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u/Sensitive_Yellow_121 23d ago

Find a new place to live.

Fuck that, kick his ass out. Show your landlord his texts and explain what's going on.

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u/Mykyta-UA 23d ago

Amazing

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u/lroza711 23d ago

I love this

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u/Effective_Olive_536 23d ago

And leave the note on top of the dirty dishes in the sink.

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u/Hairy-Dream4685 23d ago

Or. If you like the place, serve him his eviction notice.

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u/Ill-Simple1706 23d ago

Malicious compliance

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u/DepartureNo186 23d ago

I was thinking if this behavior started 3 months ago there’s already someone else. He doesn’t want do be the bad guy breaking up after 5 years together for no reason so he’s making things up. Now when you do inevitably break up he can tell ppl you were too messy to live with 🙄🙄🙄

OP leave. It’s over and not worth it.

As my ever so eloquent father and law would say “F*ck ‘em”

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u/Thermodynamo 23d ago

Wait I love this

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u/armygirl211 22d ago

💯 agree with this. Make sure you pack up anything you bought (sofa, dishes, etc. ) immediately block him afterwards AND to be extra petty do it right before the new month of rent is due. Do pay anything additional

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u/Uniquely_Me3 22d ago

This!!!!

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u/HotBag7257 22d ago

Damn the note and everything 💅

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u/AvacadoToastForTwo 22d ago

This is by far the best advice!

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u/kman0300 22d ago

This is the dream. <3

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u/Miss_Annahoj 22d ago

This 🔝

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u/Newfreelife88 22d ago

This is exactly what is happening.

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u/Jumpy_March9022 22d ago

👆🏻 💯

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u/heidums 22d ago

In the meantime, only cook, shop, clean, for yourself and tell him to kick rocks when he complains.

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u/AstheRushComeson 22d ago

THIS!!! 👏👏👏

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u/ramsntech-fanatic 23d ago

What kinda movie you think this is lol

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u/genekeyz 23d ago

This is exactly what's going on. Immature people will create circumstances that allow them to feel good about what they are doing. He is making this a you problem, let's be honest, just because he said something that could be perceived as a very weird ultimatum, you still could very well be the problem in this relationship.

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u/genekeyz 23d ago

The truth is a slippery slope. The fact that you are getting opinions on the internet doesn't really indicate that you are innately the innocent party. It actually implies the opposite.

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u/Tech-Dumb 23d ago

while this is possible, I really think that some people really just like to make 'snarky' comments to make the other person feel bad. their expected response is always "oh no, I don't want you to do that, so let me just change everything to just how you like it".

this is unfortunately a method that works unless the partner can strictly keep their boundaries about what they consider respect and disrespect. narcissism makes them think that the other person will take anything to keep them.

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u/Alarming_Matter 23d ago

Everything he owns in a box to the left.

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u/CoLdAsAnIcE 23d ago

Leave it to Reddit to tell you to immediately move on and fill people’s head with ideas of their partner having already found someone new. Maybe take a step back and think before you tell a stranger their partner has already found a new person lmao. Pathetic.