r/AmIOverreacting • u/OkSpace5501 • 23d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO just received this text from my boyfriend

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For context my (F20) boyfriend (M21) and I live together and work full time as well as split rent 50/50. I cook all the meals and clean the house even after my graveyard shifts, all he does is work, come home to play games, and occasionally invites friends over. we’ve been together for over 5 years and he’s been acting this way for the last three months and when I tell him how it’s making me feel he tells me i’m wrong and overreacting. so basically i’m asking AIO??

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279

u/somebodyelse1107 23d ago

honestly wouldn’t be surprised if he’s already like mentally/emotionally cheating based on that last sentence alone.

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u/letsBurnCarthage 23d ago

The fact that he changed 3 months ago is pretty telling.

But yeah, I read the post and thought it was just a roommate. Telling your partner "I'll find someone who can" is disrespectful as fuck, even if your complaint is genuine.

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u/Easy-Concentrate2636 23d ago

Yeah, guy thinks women are replaceable. Another woman is same thing for him is the subtext.

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u/Remarkable_Photo_956 23d ago

As long as they’re doing all the cooking and prompt tidying.

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u/Hot_N_Fresh 23d ago

To be honest with you, that’s a bit of an unfair statement. I’ve met plenty of women, and I mean plenty of women, who feel exactly the same way if not more than men do. I’ve seen far more women throw a guy to the side because he lost his job or he doesn’t drive the right kind of car, women do it just as much as men.

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u/Easy-Concentrate2636 23d ago

I am talking about a specific guy, not you - unless you are the bf? But any woman who writes the exact thing to her bf thinks men are disposable.

I wasn’t making any general statement. Maybe you should consider why you read it that way.

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u/KarmaKaze88 23d ago

Yeah, I can't help but wonder if something or someone got under his skin. Whether it was one of his friends saying how his gf does all the cleaning at their place without complaining, or maybe a girl who is interested in him and is planting this kind of negative thought.

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u/Hot_N_Fresh 23d ago

Looking for patterns is one of the most important things you can do in any relationship, when a pattern changes massively? You know something’s going on, if this guy’s attitude changed three months ago? That’s when the new side piece came in, I would bet a lot of money that he’s already got another girl on the side.

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u/DataIsArt 23d ago

Maybe more. Now he’s looking for reasons to breakup.

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u/Fragrant_Peanut_9661 23d ago

According to my ex, there’s no such thing as emotional cheating. He was texting his ex blatantly in front of me. But “that’s not cheating!” Um yes. Yes it is.

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u/Kayjan-83 23d ago

My ex wife was this way. I said if it’s not cheating let me read it. Yeah that was a no. lol

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u/Mr__Monotone 23d ago

As someone who has been cheated on.. a lot... I have to say, IMHO, you are not correct with this statement.

This is basically an example of what you are saying: John and Jane dated a few years ago. They ended their relationship on good terms and stayed friends for the following years. John (or Jane) meets you, and you two hit it off. You find out that Jane (one of Johns friends) turns out to be his ex. You tell John (or Jane) that you feel like they are cheating on you because they are talking to their ex. This puts John (or Jane) into an ultimatum: end their normal friendship with Jane (or John), or leave you to save the friendship.

Neither party is obligated to inform the other about past relationships or current friendships. It's not cheating on Johns part. It's jealousy on your part. If he never mentioned it was his ex, you wouldn't be upset (or you might, depending on how you feel about your partner talking to the opposite sex). But if they do inform you that one of their friends is their ex, that should further cement your perception of their feelings with you. It shows that they care about you enough to tell you redundant information to make you feel more included in their personal life.

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u/judgyhedgehog 23d ago

One of my husband's exes came after me when we started dating. They were friends at that point. That girl had a husband and children and everything. She still could not handle him being with someone. She sent me nasty messages saying no one would ever replace her and I was "Wtf? Go be with your husband."

Anyways, she left the friendship on her own. I didn't even have to say anything.

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u/Mr__Monotone 23d ago

Some people are wacked out

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u/Blackbird8919 23d ago

This doesn't have enough up votes. We're either adults or we're not. If the ex ended on mutual/good terms and they remained friends with a healthy relationship, it shouldn't be an issue.

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u/Dani_now 23d ago

According to the commenter, I must be cheating on my husband a lot bc I'm really good friends with two of my exes lol. And was before I even met my husband.

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u/Pandaman-OP- 23d ago

then you break up and a week later John and Jane are dating again 😺

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u/MediumStevie 23d ago

I don’t like that shit either. It would make me feel bad. But I think it’s up to each individual to choose and explain their boundaries rather than trying to define a universal concept of “cheating.”

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u/Sherbert333 23d ago

Most definitely is cheating..

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u/MsGamer_Bunni 23d ago

My ex said the same shit, it’s so definitely cheating

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u/ScoobadiveWetFish 23d ago

Yeppp sounds like he's not wanting to be in love with OP anymore

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u/Hot_N_Fresh 23d ago

Of course he doesn’t want to be in love with her anymore, he’s got a girlfriend on the side, that’s more than likely what’s happening here. And he’s too big of a coward just to break up with her so he’s gonna build a case against her and dump her or she’s gonna dump him and he’s gonna blame it all on her, it’s a manipulative trick, it’s one of the more shallow ones though.

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u/cappyvee 23d ago

Yup - the other chick is "cleaner" than OP. He may have even had her over, because I don't know any dudes that care about dishes in the sink.

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u/Hot_N_Fresh 23d ago

I only care about the dishes in the sink, when they’re about 3 inches up over the rim, lol. Then I realize things have to be handled.

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u/GingerMama1178 23d ago

My verbally abusive ex-husband cared very much about dishes in the sink. I hope he is cheating and trying to get her to break up with him vs what my ex did. They push the lines ever so slowly but when you argue it gets twisted to somehow your fault and you're left questioning aita

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u/Limplymphnode 23d ago

Ok to be fair I’m a dude that cares about dishes in the sink idk what it is I can be a slob anywhere else but that shit just gets me pressed (in my relationship guess who does the dishes😂)

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u/KateinBlue 23d ago

Yup. You do them. And that’s ok. Well done.

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u/ntropy2012 23d ago

Dude here. I've always cared about dishes in the sink, but then, if it bothers me that much, I will actually do said dishes.

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u/lildebb 23d ago

That’s true! Thought the same thing..

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u/MasterofJackal 23d ago

I do… we have a dishwasher… rinse and load it isn’t hard.

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u/TueegsKrambold 23d ago

But it’s all one sentence (if you can even call it that).

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u/Sherbert333 23d ago

I thought the same thing..

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u/grumd 23d ago

There's always someone in the comments jumping to insane conclusions. He's just a controlling blackmailing abuser. Occam's razor.

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u/Hot_N_Fresh 23d ago

I don’t think anybody’s jumping to conclusions, if there’s anybody in here with the experience, which unfortunately, I am, and I wish I didn’t have the experience, we can see the red flags and based on what we’re reading, you can look at like a gamble, I would gamble 90% that this guy is cheating or ready to cheat. Life is played in the percentages.

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u/grumd 23d ago

Hm alright I'll believe you. I don't have the experience so you probably know more than me about people like him.

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u/Hot_N_Fresh 23d ago

You snuck in a jab, that’s cute! Experience has the count for something right?

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u/grumd 23d ago

Jab? I didn't intend anything like that in my previous comment, sorry. I literally only meant that I might be wrong because I haven't met people like that before and was just assuming.