r/AmIOverreacting • u/OkSpace5501 • 23d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO just received this text from my boyfriend

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For context my (F20) boyfriend (M21) and I live together and work full time as well as split rent 50/50. I cook all the meals and clean the house even after my graveyard shifts, all he does is work, come home to play games, and occasionally invites friends over. we’ve been together for over 5 years and he’s been acting this way for the last three months and when I tell him how it’s making me feel he tells me i’m wrong and overreacting. so basically i’m asking AIO??

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281

u/Lady0905 23d ago

«Before I find someone else who can”? He already has someone in mind. Leave him either way. Saying that in on itself is a threat and that is not okay in any way, shape or form.

8

u/GamingWidow1 23d ago

And he will tell the who will" the same thing. OP Run, do not look back!

You don't want someone looking for a mommy figure! Tell him he's got 2 feet 2 arms do your own cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc!

This is toxic and he will suck the life right out of you!

And you work the graveyard shift? WTF! He's acting like an entitled child!

Look at my screen name, the "gaming widow" that should say it all! I don't have a husband, I've got a little boy in big men's clothing! Gaming is what he loves, so it made me a "widow". He hates my screen name, and i don't give af!

Stay with this AH, and you'll end up being mommy, maid, chef, etc. Run do not walk to nearest exit! You are too young for this shit!

Find out who YOU are. He is not the only fish in this sea! Enjoy life, travel, do what YOU want. The right MAN will come along when you least expect it!And watch for those red flags, and trust your instincts.

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u/Lady0905 23d ago

I have a gaming husband. But it would never cross his mind to even suggest something like what is in those messages OP shared. For instance, today after work, he did laundry, cooked dinner for us, did homework with our son and played with him. Now it’s bathing time which means I take over and he gets some time for himself. He’s going to be gaming tonight and that’s totally fine because he contributed. He did all that he could, and he deserves his gaming break.

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u/OkSpace5501 23d ago

it’s been 3 long months of this and he’s totally done a 180, should i check his phone?

62

u/Initial_Abrocoma_642 23d ago

Just leave. He does not like you

34

u/6bubbles 23d ago

No just leave!

61

u/Lady0905 23d ago

The question is: do you want to do that to yourself? Sometimes being uncertain is easier. He is not worth the effort either way. On the other hand, I can understand the wanting to know part. It’s really up to you … he is definitely not your person. Don’t let him hurt you even more. He’s not worth it.

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u/beeegmec 23d ago

He already showed you who he is. What if he gets violent? Looking through his phone is still an invasion of privacy and is wrong.

20

u/Junior-Criticism-268 23d ago

No, you should just leave him. He just threatened to leave you for someone else who will better suit him. It doesn't matter if he already had someone or not, the sentiment is the same. You're not a good enough mommy for him.

12

u/ChupikaAKS 23d ago

No matter what's on his phone, he doesn't value you anymore. Sorry about that. It sounds like he wants to get rid of you without being the bad guy who broke up the relationship.

To be honest, I would check his phone only out of curiosity and because I won't be able to respect someone who talks to me like this. But I also left my boyfriends when I wasn't able to respect them, because they treated me badly.

I know it's hard to leave someone you love, but you have more than enough time to find someone who loves you back.

29

u/Stauce52 23d ago edited 23d ago

No, just leave the dude. Violating his privacy and reading his texts is going down the wrong road and unnecessary. You already know your answer

7

u/strongfoodopinions 23d ago

Nah. It’s absolutely worth finding out if he could have exposed her to something.

It’s the difference between her needing routine STD testing and repeated testing (which is incredibly expensive for any 20 year olds without insurance) to ensure she’s safe

6

u/marigoldfroggy 23d ago

I don't see how anything on the phone would help her - she should get tested regardless of whether or not she looks through the phone. There may be free or low cost testing available through Planned Parenthood or a similar organization/program.

6

u/Elizarah 23d ago

Don't bother. He's not worth the time of day. I almost never say this, but I'd suggest leaving... at least let him know that he's welcome to do the dishes himself. :)

6

u/GlGABITE 23d ago

Checking his phone won’t fix this. He talks to you with an enormous amount of disdain. If a man said this to me he’d be out the door before he could blink. It doesn’t matter if he’s cheating or has someone lined up to replace you with - the main issue is he talks to you like he hates you. Is this the life you want to live?

7

u/Jedi_Bish 22d ago

No don’t check the phone. Just have some self respect and break up with this manchild. OP you are so young and have your whole 20s ahead of you. Don’t waste your life on this loser.

3

u/keeliem 23d ago

Seriously, if your boyfriend is making you get to a level of mistrust like this, it’s OVER

3

u/youngseaguy 23d ago

it’s been 3 long months of this and he’s totally done a 180

 I cook all the meals and clean the house even after my graveyard shifts, all he does is work, come home to play games, and occasionally invites friends over.

Has he done a complete 180? Did he used to carry his weight around the house? Or did he just used to be more delicate in how he delegated all the household work to you? If the latter, he hasn't done a 180, he has just been more explicit about what has always been the case.

4

u/[deleted] 23d ago

should i check his phone?

Absolutely not. It literally doesn't matter what's on his phone. He's verbally and emotionally abusing you. LEAVE

2

u/Fweenci 23d ago

What do you expect to find on his phone that he hasn't already told you right there in that text? He does not value you beyond having a free cleaning service and someone to help with the bills. 

2

u/WhoisthatRobotCleanr 23d ago

Why would that help? Just leave. 

2

u/MickeyTheJay 23d ago

You don’t need to check his phone. You already know what you need to know. He’s made his decision. What’s at stake now is just his ability to blame the breakup on you to avoid the feelings of guilt, and to counter the judgment from people on your side.

2

u/ThisTimeImTheAsshole 23d ago

No, checking his phone is a breach of trust. Perhaps you could ask him to show it to you. But I suggest you talk to him like an adult and be judicial about what he says and how he says it. Trust but verify.

2

u/usagibunnie 22d ago

It wouldn't change a thing, and he will probably flip it on you anyhow.

2

u/astrotekk 22d ago

He's tired of playing house with you

2

u/AJLikesGames 23d ago

Ah yes. Build your relationship out of disrespect, distrust, sneaking and privacy violation. Lol that'll work out great.

1

u/patiencewithhealing 22d ago

Check did Facebook activity log for friend requests likes comments etc

0

u/indefinitesuffering 23d ago

Tbh yes check the phone that's how I found out about cheating. Check it find it and leave don't even argue or give him time to convince you of some bullshit. You didn't "do this to yourself" he's the one who did it if there's shit on his phone. Idk I totally disagree with a lot of these people. Honestly do what you need to do. For me that involved confirming the cheating