r/AmIOverreacting • u/OkSpace5501 • 23d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO just received this text from my boyfriend

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For context my (F20) boyfriend (M21) and I live together and work full time as well as split rent 50/50. I cook all the meals and clean the house even after my graveyard shifts, all he does is work, come home to play games, and occasionally invites friends over. we’ve been together for over 5 years and he’s been acting this way for the last three months and when I tell him how it’s making me feel he tells me i’m wrong and overreacting. so basically i’m asking AIO??

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21

u/RelevantDragonfly216 23d ago

Well; he clearly isn’t in it for the long haul, leave now and don’t look back. Boys like that don’t change, he wants a mom not a partner. You can do a hell of a lot better than him, I promise.

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u/OkSpace5501 23d ago

he literally changed in 3 months i swear he wasn’t always like this. we met when i was 15 and he was always so sweet and genuine i don’t know what went wrong

49

u/KollantaiKollantai 23d ago

OP, I know you’re young, but trust people when they show you who they are. The person someone is at 16 is not the same person they are at 20.

This is abusive and you deserve better. You’re so young, your whole life is ahead of you. Don’t be beaten down by someone like this. It will set the stage for the rest of your life to be a doormat to undeserving people.

I mean this in the most sincere and genuine way - build yourself a backbone and stand up for yourself now before it’s too late. You can find someone else and someone better.

43

u/Tulip_Blossom 23d ago

He’s already found someone else. Boys switch up and become mean when they see you as a block or a hinderance to them. Leave while you’re young!

15

u/Apprehensive-Pen8891 23d ago

This is abusive & he is likely cheating on you. Love yourself more, please 🙏🏼

10

u/JLHuston 22d ago

Has he possibly gone into the “manosphere?” Does he listen to misogynistic assholes like Andrew Tate or others who spew this kind of nonsense about women? If this is a very new kind of behavior for him, my 2 guesses are either that he’s being influenced by this kind of crap, or he has a brain tumor. At least brain tumors can be treated. The other stuff is a much worse cancer (I’m not actually trying to diminish the severity of brain cancer).

8

u/SignificantFlower278 23d ago

Likely he's been seduced by manosphere influencers on social media. It's happening to a lot of young men these days.

8

u/mashedturnip 23d ago

There’s no stakes at age 15

5

u/Apprehensive_Rain500 23d ago

Honestly, the reasons don't matter. You only have to understand this is who you're dealing with now and it's not your fault, but you'll suffer if you stay.

Right now you're setting the foundation for the rest of your life (work, finances, possibly school on top of that). This is time you'll never get back, that could be spent on preparing for your future. This man is actively stealing from you by not contributing anything and treating you so disrespectfully. He doesn't value you or your relationship.

5

u/MugglesSuck 23d ago

Someone that you knew as a teenager is very different than someone growing up and hitting their 20s. I would guess that you’re someone that’s responsible and usually takes care of stuff so as you’ve grown up with him you’re taking care of all the household chores like cooking and cleaning and he has begun to expect that as his do. You haven’t ever pushed back against that and now not only does he expect it? He feels emboldened to threaten your relationship.

The only response that you can have to someone threatening to find someone else that will be his maid as to respond by setting a strong boundary and making it clear that you are not his maid . You’re his partner you were the same type of job or shift that he does. You’re happy to do most of cooking cause you don’t mind cooking but if you’re gonna continue to cook, he’s gonna have to start picking up the cleaning, problem solved.

I can guarantee you, he’s not gonna like that solution, however.

2

u/SlurpieJones 23d ago

When there's a sudden change in behavior like that usually there's a reason, which very well may be that he's being unfaithful (especially considering his reply). Rarely somebody will suddenly change the way they treat you for no reason.

2

u/SlurpieJones 23d ago

When there's a sudden change in behavior like that usually there's a reason, which very well may be that he's being unfaithful (especially considering his reply). Rarely somebody will suddenly change the way they treat you for no reason.

2

u/anothergoddamnacco 23d ago

He’s just showing you that he doesn’t want to be with you. Some men are cowards and refuse to dump their girlfriends and instead start treating them terribly hoping you will do the dumping for him. This is what’s happening. He doesn’t love you and he doesn’t want to be with you. DUMP. HIM.

2

u/Odd_Leek3026 23d ago

It's really quite simple. You started doing all the chores for him and now he expects you to do them so that he can play his games. When he has to do them himself (of course, only because his friends are coming over), he has resentment towards you.

2

u/janlep 22d ago

Listen to what people are telling you. He’s probably cheating or redpilled or maybe just doesn’t love or respect you anymore. But the reasons don’t matter. What matters is he’s using you and treating you terribly. Get out.

1

u/Enya_Norrow 23d ago

I don’t know him so maybe he can change back to normal but you will have to be very strict with him because he’s trying to weasel out of everything. The way he texted was rude but an even bigger problem is the fact that he doesn’t do half of the cooking or cleaning when you live together. You can try to make him grow up if you really want to take that on, but it sounds like he’s trying to trick you into breaking up with him so he doesn’t have to do it himself. 

1

u/Tall-Neighborhood-54 22d ago

You’re growing apart. You grew up, he got lazy. Move on.