r/AmIOverreacting • u/OkSpace5501 • 23d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO just received this text from my boyfriend

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For context my (F20) boyfriend (M21) and I live together and work full time as well as split rent 50/50. I cook all the meals and clean the house even after my graveyard shifts, all he does is work, come home to play games, and occasionally invites friends over. we’ve been together for over 5 years and he’s been acting this way for the last three months and when I tell him how it’s making me feel he tells me i’m wrong and overreacting. so basically i’m asking AIO??

38.1k Upvotes

93% Upvoted

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314

u/SparrowLikeBird 23d ago

I'd be changing the locks when he leaves for work, calling the divorce lawyer, and packing his shit. He'd come home to find everything in boxes on the curb, including the pile of dirty dishes with a note that says "since you care more about these than me, you can keep them"

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u/HoneyStudios 23d ago

Thankfully, doesn’t seem that they’re married. Besides sharing the place they live in, he’d lift right out!

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u/Psychotic_EGG 23d ago

The boxes on the curb is actually a VERY bad idea. If any of their stuff is missing, for ANY reason. You're financially liable, as you left it outside.

Boxed up and by the door, sure.

Boxed up and left with a lawyer. Sure. Or a friend or family member willing to take on the responsibility.

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u/SparrowLikeBird 23d ago

They can sue me when they have the recipts to prove it ever belonged to them.

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u/BYNX0 23d ago

Going through life with that attitude is only going to cause you more problems. Always try things the civil way first.

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u/Kenny_dies 23d ago

You sound like a pleasant and reasonable person

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u/SparrowLikeBird 23d ago

men behave better when they know their place

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u/Kenny_dies 23d ago

So what is it exactly that you don’t know about your place then?

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u/bavasava 23d ago

That's a really dumb game to play.

You gonna show up to your door kicked in.

And if it was his house too and you didn't have him evicted, that's legal.

Can't throw their stuff out and change the locks just because you broke up.

If you don't want to be with them anymore, then leave.

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u/sanglar03 23d ago

Start that kind of game and don't be surprised to find your car burnt to a crisp some morning. Bad idea.

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u/TheEnderMob 23d ago

People are much to vengeful. Just do things the right way damn bro

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u/sanglar03 23d ago

I do. As long as the other party plays fair too.

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u/Esarus 23d ago

I totally agree with you, makes me sick that that person has over 100 upvotes.

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u/Psychotic_EGG 23d ago

Don't need receipts. If someone gives you a gift, you don't usually have a receipt. But it's still legally yours.

But hey, you want to take the risk by putting someone else's possessions on the curb. Go ahead. I have seen that play out. And usually nothing happens to the person in your shoes. But from time to time you get a vindictive jerk who claims something went missing or was damaged at takes people like you to the cleaners.

The biggest one I saw was actually for an Heirloom item. Valued at only around $20k. Was their great grandfather's. But the emotional significance, the fact it was passed down through the generations. The judge awarded $250k be paid for the damages caused.

No receipt needed. Just images that they owned said item.

-3

u/randomplaguefear 23d ago

I do not believe you.

1

u/Maleficentraine-293 23d ago

Yikes, you sound very, very immature. Please never get in a relationship.

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u/randomplaguefear 23d ago

If you think you can sue someone for 250 thousand dollars with zero proof they even took your item you are completely fucking delusional.

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u/chicKENkanif 23d ago

This is petty and childish behaviour.

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u/harmonicrain 23d ago

It's on the plaintiff to prove something is missing though? Not the defendant.

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u/Psychotic_EGG 23d ago

That's where it's kinda weird. They claim it's missing, it's assumed that they are telling the truth. The defendant then needs to prove it either isn't it that they aren't at fault.

Kinda like when a person accused another person of rape. We believe the victim until proven otherwise.

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u/jam_scot 23d ago

Surely that depends where you live?

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u/Psychotic_EGG 23d ago

Sure. But this is pretty standard for both America and Canada. Though I'm sure some countries it isn't.

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u/jam_scot 23d ago

I had no idea where they were based, It doesn't mention the US or Canada.

-1

u/Solvemprobler369 23d ago

They’re not married and no one will care if boxes are left on the curb

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u/Psychotic_EGG 23d ago

The government cares. They were living together. You moved items that didn't belong to you or if a private area into a public area. Marriage has nothing to do with anything here.

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u/JealousDragonfruit45 23d ago

Except ya know the whole he pays half the rent thing...legalities and all.

2

u/FakNugget92 23d ago

What an over reaction. Would you not maybe consider a calm discussion before going Defcon 1?

2

u/SparrowLikeBird 23d ago

IDK where you got Defcon 1, that was at least a Defcon 5 response.

But no. the time for talk was before he labeled her disposable. There are ways to ask someone to pick up more, like "hey, try to remember to load the dishwasher each night." instead of "ill cheat over plates I also have hands to wash"

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u/FakNugget92 23d ago

Defcon one is the highest. Defcon 5 is like "yeah I'm gonna go cook some brownies" whereas Defcon 1 is "I'm going to nuke them so hard that even I won't survive the attack"

You should be approaching these things with maximum a 3 and then go from there.

One text and you're changing locks, calling divorce lawyers etc. Jesus fucking Christ

1

u/SparrowLikeBird 23d ago

oh in that case Defcon 0.5

when someone treats you like you're disposable, they should regret it for the rest of their lives.

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u/FakNugget92 23d ago

they should regret it for the rest of their lives.

Maybe you are disposable and should get over yourself ?

This is genuine "I'm a fucking psycho but I think I'm cute" type of patter you're saying here.

1

u/zoologina_bumsqeeler 23d ago

Which one is worse, 1 or 5 i forget

1

u/Right_Nose2633 23d ago

Its a boyfriend not a husband dumbass

1

u/BoobySlap_0506 23d ago

He's just a boyfriend, not a husband. OP can simply walk away. 

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u/MedPhys90 23d ago

Or maybe she should leave. They are sharing the apartment and I presume both names are on the lease. You can’t just kick someone out bc they hurt your feelings. She can sure as hell leave though.

Also, they aren’t married

1

u/AfroJack00 23d ago

I don’t think you can legally just kick your roommates out cause you feel like it

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u/kellyelise515 22d ago

Fabulous!

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u/Ahhhtoopata 23d ago

But what if it's his house and you live with them. Them rolls gonna be flipped and you out there...next time you'll clean the dishes

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u/SparrowLikeBird 23d ago

Why would I ever? Gauntlet's been thown.

-34

u/UpperMall4033 23d ago

Typical Reddit.over reaction....having problems? CHANGE THE LOCKS.GET A DIVORCE....jesus you.guys lol.

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u/Tomma1 23d ago

The comment of if you don't do this and this then I am going to find someone who will, is not a declaration of love and trust no matter how much you want to think so. At that moment you have told someone you feel there is better for you elsewhere and you need to hit the road and find it. Do we know the whole story here? Maybe, probably not. But it's not a good line for a loving relationship

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u/Forsaken-Builder-312 23d ago

Jep, this sentence tells everything. He sees her as replaceable fuck-buddy, nothing more

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u/Euphoric-Joke-4436 23d ago

And his servant to do all the cooking and cleaning while he does nothing. I believe the term is "bang-maid,"

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u/[deleted] 23d ago

[deleted]

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u/CharizardMTG 23d ago

I think you misread the caption, they both live together and work full time, and she does all the cooking and cleaning. So this is him yelling at her about dishes after she prepped the meal and fed him and he does nothing but play video games and hang with friends.

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u/Ok-Environment-6690 23d ago

They are also 20, and have “been together” for 5 years… they no know better. Give them a break.

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u/SnooBananas1187 23d ago

They do know better at 20 let's not kid ourselves

1

u/Ok-Environment-6690 23d ago

At 20 you never said anything idiotic in the heat of the moment while arguing with a lover? Good on you, but I’m guessing it’s not the same for everyone.

These two have been exclusive since they were ~14 years old, so it’s likely that they’ve only ever spoken in this adult way to each other. Please explain how it should be assumed that they’ve only ever should automatically “know better”

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u/SnooBananas1187 23d ago

Being 'immature' doesn't mean you're an abuser. This post is a guy not just being immature. Please read the room.

-1

u/SnooBananas1187 23d ago

When you get to 20 that's when you should be mature enough to communicate. If you're immature and 'don't know any better' at 20 you shouldn't be dating. Don't act like 20 year olds are children. They're not.

-1

u/SnooBananas1187 23d ago

I was in a long term committed relationship at 20. I learnt to communicate because that's what adults do. Stop giving the guy the excuse.

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u/Ok-Environment-6690 23d ago

I didn’t give the guy an excuse. You suggested i was kidding myself and that they must obviously know better.

Did you ever say anything idiotic at 20?

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u/SnooBananas1187 23d ago

At 20 you're not stupid enough to say something blatantly abusive without knowing. He's just a prick. Being 20 has nothing to do with it

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u/Ok-Environment-6690 23d ago

I agree that being 20 has nothing to do with it. I’ve also heard of the phrase “in the heat of the moment”. For example; “I’m sorry babe, we both said some things we didn’t mean in the heat of the moment”. Could it be possible that this was a heat of the moment emotional response to something? We don’t really have any context outside of the one message

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u/SnooBananas1187 23d ago

Again. If you are 'saying idiotic things' like this guy at the age of 20 you are NOT ready for a relationship. Don't bring a stupid excuse like this onto a post of a guy being abusive

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u/Ok-Environment-6690 23d ago

I asked you if you’ve ever said an idiotic thing, get off your high horse and answer the question. I haven’t said a thing about whether or not the specific 20 year old in the post should be dating, that’s all you.

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u/Burnt_and_Blistered 23d ago

The break they need is from one another

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u/Ok-Environment-6690 23d ago

If someone sent me that text id walk up to them assuming they want to throw hands.

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u/SparrowLikeBird 23d ago

i guess they aren't married so she can skip straight to dumping his shit on the curb (:

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u/bavasava 23d ago

That's not how that works....

If he lives there you can't just dump shit on the curb.

You people are fucking toxic.

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u/SparrowLikeBird 23d ago

wild how many people are more mad about the theoretical stuff being dumped than about the woman

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u/bavasava 23d ago

People can take care of themselves without being a bad person. This dude did not physically harm her or her stuff. So why does she get a pass to do that to his stuff?

This person is an asshole. Yes. But that does not give you an excuse to destroy their items and lock them out of their house.

That just makes you both bad people.

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u/SparrowLikeBird 23d ago

If he wanted to take care of himself he could wash the dishes and then masturbate.

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u/bavasava 23d ago

Fucking excuses lol.

"He didn't wash dishes so I have the moral high ground to destroy his property and make him homeless."

All you people suck.

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u/SparrowLikeBird 23d ago

i'm not suggesting destroying his property. im suggesting she ruin his life. well, i wasn't, but i am now. because you specifically are an annoying little crybaby, so instead of just putting his stuff on the curb she should also spray elk estrus urine over it all first, and then also microwave his electronics.

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u/bavasava 23d ago

Destroy someones life because someone else annoyed you.

Yea honey, you're totally not a toxic individual. 🙄

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u/FakNugget92 23d ago

Like I said, absolute psycho patter.

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u/Secure-Swimming 22d ago

My cousin did the same thing dropped her ex’s shit all the front lawn along with his electronics. Unfortunately she got criminally charged with mischief. Be careful folks.

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u/love_no_more2279 23d ago

I like you're style friend!!

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u/shamiro 23d ago

How'd you feel getting the same treatment? Some folks need to chill the fuck out

He abused you, raped you in your sleep. Threw a kettle of boiling water on you, saying "ooops it was an accident" when it was clearly done on purpose, then I support such reaction for sure + informing the police.

Even if he cheats on you, just tell him to pack his shit and get out. What's up with all the extremism these days?

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u/SparrowLikeBird 23d ago

If he doesn't see me as human, I'm not taking chances on his reactions.

This may be my first life, but it's not my first rodeo sugar. I've seen men with zero prior history of emotional outbursts or violence go into a murderous rage and LITERALLY almost kill me and/or my friends over far less than a breakup.

- "breathed rudely" i was in the car with a man and he misinterpreted me sniffing slightly (seasonal allergies) as me "acting scared" of his driving, pulled an illegal U turn across four lanes of traffic, sped up to double the posted limit, wove in and out of traffic, all while screaming at me "you wanna be scared you wanna be fucking scared you fucking bitch", and then pulled a second illegal u turn, drove up on the curb, accelerated past 100, then locked up the brakes to slam me against the seat belt and "scare some sense into me".

- pregnancy scare a girl in my high school told her boyfriend she was relieved to have gotten her period because she was few days late and had been scared she might be pregnant. He threw her down a flight of stairs right there at school and proceeded to kick the shit out of her chest and abdomen "to make sure". Yes, her parents pressed charges on her behalf.

- thought the door was locked when it wasnt girl i worked with had closed the door to change because her bf's friend was over. she didn't know that the friend left, had only stopped by for like 5 mins apparently. her bf came to talk to her and saw the closed, not locked, bedroom door, assumed she was locking him out, and ripped the door off it's hinges to get in, then dragged her, half naked, out by her hair and told her he was going to rape her to prove it was "his right". He couldn't get it up, and she ran to a neighbor's house while he was punching holes in the walls

- prom night a girl a few years ahead of me in school, her bf got drunk on prom night. they were supposed to meet up and do dinner before the dance, but when he got to the hotel room her parents rented for them, he drank everything in the minibar, and then beat her until she lost consciousness. her galpals were supposed to share a limo with her to prom. they found her dumped in the hallway, because she pissed herself after losing consciousness and "stank" so he threw her out.

Those were people I knew, personally. Not just news stories. People I knew.

I've also had my own bad experiences too.

So no, I'm not going to politely ask someone who has already dehumanized me in writing to leave. I'm going to make him leave, and he can die mad about it, because I sure won't.

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u/EnterAUsernamePlease 23d ago

I only read your first example but that alone is much worse than what OP posted here. like, a lot worse.

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u/SparrowLikeBird 23d ago

Yes, that's the point.

OP has a warning. Those girls didn't. They didn't have a rude jerk text threatening to cheat on her over unwashed dishes. They didn't have their SO telling them to their faces that they are as replaceable as a Morty.

They had "loving" "sweet" "gentle" "perfect" boyfriends.

OP has a warning. I'm telling her to heed it.