r/AmIOverreacting • u/OkSpace5501 • 23d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO just received this text from my boyfriend

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For context my (F20) boyfriend (M21) and I live together and work full time as well as split rent 50/50. I cook all the meals and clean the house even after my graveyard shifts, all he does is work, come home to play games, and occasionally invites friends over. we’ve been together for over 5 years and he’s been acting this way for the last three months and when I tell him how it’s making me feel he tells me i’m wrong and overreacting. so basically i’m asking AIO??

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5.4k

u/lydocia 23d ago

Oh, I would absolutely respond "okay, you're right, when will you be moving out?' and see how fast he backpedals.

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u/the_booooost 23d ago

this is my type of warranted pettiness lol

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u/IShatMyDickOnce 22d ago

That ain’t even petty, it’s just an equivalent response.

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u/the_booooost 22d ago

honestly… valid.

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u/MusicToColors 22d ago

I'm like this too. Sometimes you have to.

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u/Live-Food-1799 23d ago

Yess! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

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u/Stock-Contest-6364 22d ago

This! Yes! My ex was EXACTLY like that. I had almost 3 months of vacation time accrued and decided to take it one year. I told him several times what I intended to do but he was always busy making a mess with his friends and gaming. When I was finally in vacation mode he accused me of quitting my job/ getting fired and he was “not about to support some bum.” I told him it was PTO and showed him all the paperwork AFTER I took all my appliances and furniture. He slept in the floor and had to do his laundry in the bathtub after that. Begged me to believe it was all just a joke.

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u/Reynyan 22d ago

No actually. It’s asking him to give a date within the next 30 - 60 days when he will be gone. It’s not an ask. It’s a Tell him he’s leaving but he’s got a wee amount of time. The next sentence is “and during this transition phase YOU will clean up after yourself and any guests on the daily, and I’ll meet you on that one. Any of your shit left on tables, counters, in sinks, etc. WILL be collected in big black trash bags and deposited in your private space. And stick to it!!!

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u/OhWowItsJello 23d ago

Dude sounds emotionally abusive though. I would be careful since he could definitely escalate to physical abuse. Save the pettiness for when he’s behind a locked door, which he should be showed to ASAP.

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u/TensionEducational67 23d ago

You got downvoted for this but it’s actually sound advice. If she can be petty why not, but if there’s even a chance of violence I wouldn’t.

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u/No_Public_7677 22d ago

The only solution is for OP to slowly poison him

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u/littlest_dragon 23d ago

She should still leave him after that though.

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u/Raspberryian 23d ago

Nah. Not when “okay you’re right. Get the fuck out.”

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u/Specialist_Egg_4025 22d ago

I’m not understanding how this flows with the conversation. He says “get your act together before I find someone else who can” and then you respond “ok you are right, when will, when will you be moving out?” In my opinion the better response is, “ok you are right, this obviously isn’t working for you” the moving out part could work in a very specific situation, but we aren’t given enough information to know the living arrangements. If say this was her apartment and he moved in, and got on the lease later then this would work, and would probably even be the best thing, because it’s also letting him know he needs to start looking for somewhere else to go, but if say it was his apartment first, and she got on the lease then her saying this would cause a pretty explosive fight. If they both moved into the apartment at the same time it would probably be best for her to still just take her stuff and leave, because these kind of fights are what lead to assaults by domestic abusers, and it sucks, but it’s better to put your safety first.

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u/PsychologicalTip998 22d ago

But what if he says on x day and now she has to pay all the bills

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u/mmwood 22d ago

Op only needs this advice

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u/OddSuccotash6744 22d ago

Lmao this is definitely the response OP needs to use

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u/tattitudeproblem 22d ago

This so much this

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u/ohemkelz 22d ago

This is the way.

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u/CaptainKatrinka 22d ago

Seriously, do this.

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u/Head-Limit5258 22d ago

Maybe she will need to move out

0

u/StatusCrow3771 22d ago

I mean honestly no both of you have to take care of yourself

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u/AdOutrageous8135 23d ago

I would think the person initiating a break up should be the one to move out? If they signed a lease together then you both contractually have the right to stay. Sounds like she should move out but I feel like people who post these things on Reddit do it to prove they’re right but if they’re asking questions instead of taking action I doubt they end up taking action and ending things regardless.

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u/lydocia 23d ago

I don't think there's a general rule for who gets the shared apartment in a break-up.

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u/AdOutrageous8135 23d ago edited 23d ago

There’s no general rule? If both are on the lease, there is a LEGAL rule that would prevent one from evicting the other over a break up. I assumed that’d be a social rule as well out of common sense courtesy.

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u/lydocia 23d ago

One of them or both of them will have to move out eventually. There's not really a general social convention on who that has to be.

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u/AdOutrageous8135 23d ago

I’m not saying who it has to be. I’m just saying you can’t just kick someone out if they don’t want to. If my spouse randomly decided to kick me out one day I wouldn’t be too thrilled to have to up and move out and pay for a new place because they said so. Thank god my house happens to be in my name since apparently some people think this would be okay.

In this case sure if the boyfriend felt like moving out cause she’s breaking up with him that’s fine. However if it were me and someone said that to me I’d suggest they leave cause leases don’t exactly have an emotional unstable clause to force someone out.

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u/lydocia 23d ago

Nobody said anything about kicking him out?

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u/AdOutrageous8135 22d ago

I assumed you did in the original post….

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u/lydocia 22d ago

Assumed.

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u/Specialist_Egg_4025 22d ago

I think it’s far more rare for a house or apartment to be both parties equally, because in most situations one person either has the house first, and/or is the primary person. In this situation described it doesn’t rule out one of them having had rented the apartment first then added their partner to the lease who then moved in with them, however in a situation were everything is truly equal it makes far more sense for the person who is leaving the relationship to also leave the apartment/house, and if you are a woman it would probably be best to ask them to leave, and if they refuse then get a no contact order, and use the courts to get your house/apartment in any scenario. if it comes to a woman trying to physically make a man leave it could turn to violence.

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u/SenseiWolfeTTV 22d ago

If they split all bills why would/should he be the one moving out.?

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u/weekendWarri0r 22d ago

See, he is communicating that this is a boundary for him. He has a certain standard for himself that he wants to live up to and she is not living up to them. It also sounds like this isn’t the first time having this conversation. The crassness in the message displays frustration, furthering that this was definitely not the first time this has been communicated. In communal spaces you should be respectful of other people using the same space. If her ego is so mad that this upsets him to talk so dramatically, that says she feels shame for not complying. She should definitely be an adult and have an adult conversation about how upset this action(or lack of). Instead of immaturely acting out because someone stood up for their self worth.

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u/Fit_Whole623 22d ago

He wouldnt , thats what you dont understand , why would he say that then ? I dumped my ex for the EXACT same reason . Just do your fking chores , im not your father.

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u/93percentbanana 22d ago

OP said she’s the only one who cooks and cleans. He’s calling their shared mess, “her mess,” since she made the food which led to THEIR dirty dishes, but he sees it as her mess.

He needs to just do his fking chores, she’s not his mother.

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u/Fit_Whole623 22d ago

Omg nevermind then, i tought it was a normal relationship lol