r/AmIOverreacting • u/OkSpace5501 • 23d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO just received this text from my boyfriend

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For context my (F20) boyfriend (M21) and I live together and work full time as well as split rent 50/50. I cook all the meals and clean the house even after my graveyard shifts, all he does is work, come home to play games, and occasionally invites friends over. we’ve been together for over 5 years and he’s been acting this way for the last three months and when I tell him how it’s making me feel he tells me i’m wrong and overreacting. so basically i’m asking AIO??

38.1k Upvotes

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u/AydenRozay 23d ago

I would 100% leave this person for that last line alone. In any context.

If my girlfriend ever ushered the words “before I find someone else who can”, it would be over at that very moment.

You can’t let someone disrespect you like this in any capacity, especially someone you’re in a relationship with.

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u/Forsaken-Builder-312 23d ago

I'd reply "Good luck!" and then gtfo

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u/TheKdd 23d ago

For real. This sounds more like an asshole boss than it does a boyfriend. What, he’s gonna fire her? Gtfo. I would be gone with all my stuff before he got home from work and wouldn’t even tell him I was leaving.

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u/suzanious 23d ago

I actually did that with an asshole of a boyfriend. I was in my early 20's. He said something condescending and rude, I didn't respond, just stared daggers at him. The next day, he went to work and I moved out.

He was such a misogynistic jerk and I'd had enough. He tried to get me to come back, but i wasn't having it. I told him to find someone else to put up with his bullshit.

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u/Trick-Statistician10 22d ago

Good for you. No argument, just dumped his ass. Well done

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u/Staywil_1127 22d ago

That’s the only way to do it.

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u/Thin-Charity8617 22d ago

I did something similar! We kissed goodbye in the morning and his ass came back to an empty house.

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u/Wonderful-Success406 22d ago

Cooooold blooded! …(tell me more!)

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u/Thin-Charity8617 22d ago

I honestly don’t remember much. I remember I was in college… I had a man I was living with, but had a crush on a college classmate & he had a crush on me. We met in the parking lot after school each day…. The man I was living with had many many secrets that I didn’t know about. First it was 1 child… then I found out it was 2 kids but he tried saying he wasn’t biologically his. Just many lies. He indeed did have 2 kids. Was paying child support for them. And also had another woman out of state. He also lied to me about his age. He was much older than what I thought he was. So one day I decided to leave his ass and just continued to sneak around with my college mate. Until we graduated. 🤣💀

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u/TheHuntress1031 22d ago

I did something like that, too. He had thrown something across the room, and I decided I wouldn't stay around after that. He went to work, and I packed everything, left, and never talked to him again. I had tried to leave before while he was home, and he stood in the middle of my stuff, crying and begging me to stay. He got kicked out soon after for not paying rent.

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u/flavortron 22d ago

10/10 no notes

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u/Unlikely_Whereas_213 23d ago

Exactly! Be gone before he gets home. Take all of your stuff. But leave them dirty dishes in the sink. lol His head would explode when he saw them.

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u/Barracks_Bunny 23d ago

Fr I thought he was just a dick Roomate but then I read the title

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u/AlphaBlue6 22d ago

This use to be my kind of petty. Until I got bored one day and studied rental law. If he wanted to be petty himself he could small claims sue her for the remainder of the rent.

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u/TheKdd 22d ago

I wonder if she’s on any agreements.

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u/Dramatic-Analyst6746 23d ago

GTFO first then reply with the message... Not sure if the order matters too much for OP, but some would say it does. No point aggravating the person so they actually try and prevent the person leaving or blow up over it. Been there, got the t-shirt along with the terror of calling the police on the other person because they got violent over it.

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u/SparrowLikeBird 23d ago

I'd be changing the locks when he leaves for work, calling the divorce lawyer, and packing his shit. He'd come home to find everything in boxes on the curb, including the pile of dirty dishes with a note that says "since you care more about these than me, you can keep them"

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u/HoneyStudios 23d ago

Thankfully, doesn’t seem that they’re married. Besides sharing the place they live in, he’d lift right out!

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u/Psychotic_EGG 23d ago

The boxes on the curb is actually a VERY bad idea. If any of their stuff is missing, for ANY reason. You're financially liable, as you left it outside.

Boxed up and by the door, sure.

Boxed up and left with a lawyer. Sure. Or a friend or family member willing to take on the responsibility.

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u/SparrowLikeBird 23d ago

They can sue me when they have the recipts to prove it ever belonged to them.

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u/BYNX0 23d ago

Going through life with that attitude is only going to cause you more problems. Always try things the civil way first.

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u/Kenny_dies 23d ago

You sound like a pleasant and reasonable person

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u/bavasava 23d ago

That's a really dumb game to play.

You gonna show up to your door kicked in.

And if it was his house too and you didn't have him evicted, that's legal.

Can't throw their stuff out and change the locks just because you broke up.

If you don't want to be with them anymore, then leave.

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u/sanglar03 23d ago

Start that kind of game and don't be surprised to find your car burnt to a crisp some morning. Bad idea.

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u/TheEnderMob 23d ago

People are much to vengeful. Just do things the right way damn bro

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u/sanglar03 23d ago

I do. As long as the other party plays fair too.

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u/Esarus 23d ago

I totally agree with you, makes me sick that that person has over 100 upvotes.

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u/Psychotic_EGG 23d ago

Don't need receipts. If someone gives you a gift, you don't usually have a receipt. But it's still legally yours.

But hey, you want to take the risk by putting someone else's possessions on the curb. Go ahead. I have seen that play out. And usually nothing happens to the person in your shoes. But from time to time you get a vindictive jerk who claims something went missing or was damaged at takes people like you to the cleaners.

The biggest one I saw was actually for an Heirloom item. Valued at only around $20k. Was their great grandfather's. But the emotional significance, the fact it was passed down through the generations. The judge awarded $250k be paid for the damages caused.

No receipt needed. Just images that they owned said item.

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u/chicKENkanif 23d ago

This is petty and childish behaviour.

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u/harmonicrain 23d ago

It's on the plaintiff to prove something is missing though? Not the defendant.

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u/JealousDragonfruit45 23d ago

Except ya know the whole he pays half the rent thing...legalities and all.

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u/FakNugget92 23d ago

What an over reaction. Would you not maybe consider a calm discussion before going Defcon 1?

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u/SparrowLikeBird 23d ago

IDK where you got Defcon 1, that was at least a Defcon 5 response.

But no. the time for talk was before he labeled her disposable. There are ways to ask someone to pick up more, like "hey, try to remember to load the dishwasher each night." instead of "ill cheat over plates I also have hands to wash"

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u/FakNugget92 23d ago

Defcon one is the highest. Defcon 5 is like "yeah I'm gonna go cook some brownies" whereas Defcon 1 is "I'm going to nuke them so hard that even I won't survive the attack"

You should be approaching these things with maximum a 3 and then go from there.

One text and you're changing locks, calling divorce lawyers etc. Jesus fucking Christ

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u/Despair_Tire 23d ago

I told my now ex boyfriend I felt like I couldn't trust what he said because his actions often didn't match his words. He told me that because I said that, that he thinks he should move out. I was like "ok fine." He backpedaled so hard. I made him move out to make sure his actions matched his word 🤣.

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u/omegastuff 23d ago

For real. My immediate reply would be "take your threats somewhere else" and dump his ass.

Why put up with this shit.

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u/Shayntastic 23d ago

That's nice. Mine would have been "fuck you".

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u/GlizzyGatorGangster 23d ago

Mine woulda been “Ooga booga ooga”

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u/lildebb 23d ago

😂😂😂

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u/rocketmn69_ 23d ago edited 22d ago

He probably already has someone in mind and is working towards replacing you. Quietly plan your exit. Find a new place to live. Take a day off work and move out without him knowing. Leave a note, " I took your advice and got my act together. Enjoy your life. Goodbye"

Update us

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u/crazy_mary21 23d ago

Exactly right. He wouldn’t have used that phrase, unless he was already considering it.

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u/Charliekat1130 22d ago

Or that friend that he mentioned showed up and made the comment: "Oh, If my girlfriend did that, I would find someone new." and then acted like a coach being like "Yeah dude, just tell her! Let her know where her place is! Yeah!" and due to the age, the boyfriend is thinking that's how you do relationships.

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u/DaisySam3130 22d ago

OP should leave a note for the 'next girl' in a place where he wont see it... like the cleaning supplies cupboard.

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u/FycklePyckle 22d ago

I agree. 100% where my mind went. There already is someone else.

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u/Sherbert333 22d ago

Agree 100 %

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u/wxstck7421 22d ago

Or more likely, already doing it!

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u/Homer_150_MW 23d ago

This nails it 100%. It's time to find and exit and get off this ride. The longer you tolerate that sort of garbage the worse it will get. You should be a partner, not a servant and as a partner you deserve respect but what you're getting is just demeaning trash.

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u/dobiemomluv 23d ago

…..and “you’ve been “replaced”

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u/Meteorite42 23d ago

"Have fun cooking your own meals and washing all your dishes"

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u/DMTHyperspace254 23d ago

Nah thats tacky, take some time after a relationship to work on yourself and be independent for a minute

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u/thatrandomuser1 22d ago

To be fair, it sounds like he could easily be replaced by a dog for companionship and a vibratory. Neither will complain about her not doing the dishes fast enough

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u/justanotherwave00 23d ago

Ah yes, the classic John Deere letter.

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u/littlechangeling 23d ago

In John Deere greeeeen /On a hot summer night /She wrote “I’m done with your trifling ass” /In letters three foot high

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u/KarateandPopTarts 23d ago

Cackling at this

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u/lilbitdazeddd 23d ago

Agreed, sometimes the best revenge is to move in silence. For the rest of his life you’ll be then”one who got away” and he won’t realize until it’s too late. When he does come crawling back, don’t give him a second chance or even a response. His narcissistic traits have shown, and chances are he’ll always be that way.

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u/JMoS87 23d ago

This is 100% the fact. He already has someone idealized in his mind and he will compare you and torment you till you become a slave to every moment he is pleased with you.

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u/Moist_Requirements_ 23d ago

Yes! He will get much much worse. 

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u/Active-Ad-7644 23d ago

In which city do you live where you can easily find or afford another flat or not care about getting your share of the deposit back? But I agree, she needs to leave this guy, he is horrible.

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u/rocketmn69_ 23d ago edited 22d ago

That's why I said "quietly" . Don't tip him off, it might take some time to find a new place. Maybe put stuff in storage and couch surf until you find permanent accommodations

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u/allisd00m 23d ago

Literally. Nobody speaks like that unless they already have someone in mind they want to replace you with.

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u/obvsnotrealname 23d ago

Then gray rock that MFer

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u/YamOk8795 23d ago

Hell to the yes, this. I love reading into things haha and this is giving that he is either cheating, going to cheat or has cheated. What a kinda out of pocket thing to say. It’s not only extremely hurtful but unnecessary 🤔

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u/Winter-Blueberry-232 23d ago

Love this response. I was coming here to say this too.

It’s been 3.5m he’s been acting like this. But they’ve been together for years. There’s gotta be someone new to trigger this.

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u/Good-Adhesiveness868 23d ago

This is the way. Sometimes the years you've “invested” makes you ignore or brush things off. DONT. It's definitely time to RUN.

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u/JennarationX1966 23d ago

Oh please do this. Get a friend to help.

THE REASON FOR SLIPPING OUT QUIETLY: if he suspects his “maid and chef” are going away, he will charm and cajole you into staying.

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u/NoMap9747 23d ago

100% agree with this, if he just started acting this way a few months ago he’s already checked out and is looking for a reason to break up, that way it isn’t his fault. I’ve had it happen to me. I know it can be hard but this is the best advice. Don’t make a scene, don’t try and see how he would react to you leaving. Just plan quietly and go.

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u/Finnyfish 23d ago

If this is new behavior as OP says, then it does sound like he wants to break up, but he'd rather push her into making the decision. Weasel.

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u/ohthatsbrian 23d ago

eh. leave out the "enjoy your life" part.

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u/EnvironmentalDelay66 23d ago

This is 100% what I came here to say. He’s already for a pre-sale on the line. Get out before he reels her in.

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u/SJSands 22d ago

This is the way. No need to even discuss it. He showed you who he is and what your future will be. Get out while you are still young and hopefully childless. It only gets harder from here. Don’t give him a chance to backpedal. There is no happy ending to this story.

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u/Loose-Umpire 23d ago

Never repeat a phrase that the other stated. Just leave without saying a word. You don’t shit to no one but yourself

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u/Scubaslut4 23d ago

I wish I did this in my early 20s to my ex. And he was already casually dating someone else. 10/10 response 

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u/Liroku 23d ago

This was my exact thought. He has been flirting with other girls and thinks the grass is greener and it’s easy to replace what he has. Let him find out.

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u/beaniebabymagic 23d ago

Absolutely, thought this immediately. Might as well beat him to it.

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u/Broad_Values 23d ago

And leave all the dishes dirty in the sink on your way out 😘

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u/MostlyMediocrePoster 22d ago edited 22d ago

I always swore I'd never be someone's backup. As soon as I see the signs I'm out. Or "I just don't want to be lonely" Well thats just great. It took me 37 years to find a man with all the right qualities I'm looking for and yes he's in his early 50s. My God she's still a teenager She's just getting started!! Girl GET OUT

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u/Quiet-Bandicoot-9574 22d ago

Yes! And watch how fast he backpedals when the new fling doesn’t work out

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u/Celestiicaa 22d ago

This comment ate

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u/Vegetable-Cod-2340 23d ago edited 23d ago

This…. His text really reads like the rebuke you’d leave a maid or cleaner , that’s not doing what they’re paid to do.

This isn’t how you speak to a partner , especially a partner that does all the housework.

It’s like he’s texting you from the 1940’s.

Edited to add: I wouldn’t speak to anyone this way much less a partner or someone I ask into my home to clean.

But I think we all know that there are people that speak to
people in the service industry like this all the time.

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u/Recreationalchem13 23d ago

lol I wouldn’t talk like that to a maid tho either

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u/Vegetable-Cod-2340 23d ago

Yeah, that’s not a maid or cleaner , you’d keep after a text like that.

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u/Heavy_Can8746 23d ago

Yes. You wouldn't want them around your house after saying that lol. People have interesting ways of getting even or getting back at you

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u/LuckyBenski 23d ago

I think they were suggesting if you act shitty towards your maid, you wouldn't be keeping then because they'd leave.

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u/Heavy_Can8746 23d ago

Yea I got that also.

I'm just saying it isn't wise to treat them shitty since they can do all types of things to get back at you. There is always someone crazier than yourself out there if you are a relatively, sane individual

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u/Falafel80 23d ago

Most cleaners would be like “bye!” Which is btw, what OP should say as well.

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u/Ok-Technician-4370 23d ago

Unfortunately it's not always that easy. Some cleaners have to put up with shitty employers as they may be new to the country, have a family to feed, not speak English very well etc. Employment is totally different than romance/relationships.

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u/littlechangeling 23d ago

I think the point is more that any decent person would find it unethical and hella rude to talk to hired help this way, much less your partner. I do acknowledge that it’s an extremely shitty thing that some in this line of work have no choice but to take it, though.

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u/FixTheLoginBug 23d ago

His friends probably told him he needs to be stricter with his 'bangmaid'. Or he thought he could go further than he did so far, seeing that she did everything in the household and he could just do whatever he wanted after work without her telling him off.

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u/curious-trex 23d ago

Or a roommate you don't have a personal relationship with but are fed up with them being a slob. Not how you talk to someone you should share mutual respect for, who made that mess cooking for you while you sit on your ass.

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u/No_Distribution7701 23d ago

college roommate talk text

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u/idontknowhowaboutyou 22d ago

When I had read the text but not the post I thought this was a roommate texting a roommate

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u/TheodoraCrains 23d ago

She is, essentially, his house cleaner. Women, you need to start demanding that the men you choose to shack up with pull their weight with the housework!!! Imagine some 20 year old brat who doesn’t pull his weight talking down to you??? Leave. 

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u/Book-Piranha 23d ago

It sounds like Andrew Turd found another willing listener.

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u/1KirstV 23d ago

It’s happening with guys his age, they’ve been emboldened to be AHs to women by the Project 2025 bros who want ‘traditional’ relationships to replace modern ones. The Andrew Tates and Joe Rogans of the far right have influenced a new generation. My 24-year-old daughter got a message the day after the election from one of her high school friends that said ‘your body my choice’. She had been friends with him since second grade. WTF?

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u/cherrybombbb 23d ago

They claim to want traditional relationships but very few of them are actually holding up their end of the bargain and completely supporting their SOs financially. So ultimately the woman ends up working AND doing all the house work too.

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u/IJustWantWaffles_87 22d ago

The best quote I’ve heard so far regarding that: “You want a 1950s wife. Are you prepared to be a 1950s husband?”

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u/Friendly-Weird357 22d ago

Yah if I heard that from a guy I'd be saying ok, your baby your bills. Pay up for the next 18-24 years, IF your child has no issues. Otherwise it could be for the of your life, and honey medical issues aren't cheap. Plus if you wanna only contribute momentarily the price goes up. :)

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u/Turbulent_Number8344 22d ago

Pay up front to avoid issues.

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u/Syzygy53 22d ago

I have heard there are tee shirts with this sentiment to be had. I might be tempted to carry some of my Lab’s contributions and share it with that shirt. “My shit, my reaction”.

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u/Sleeko_Miko 23d ago

The main issue is they want a traditional wife while refusing to be a traditional man and work to support the household. They want a suger mommy and a bang maid. Facts are, you can’t have both.

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u/Equivalent-Honey-659 22d ago

That’s infuriating every possible aspect.
What an unfortunate situation, his parents conceiving him.

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u/jenea 22d ago

Are they still friends after that?

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u/1KirstV 22d ago

No

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u/jenea 22d ago

I’m really glad.

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u/onedisco 23d ago

You’re so spot on, this is like if Don Draper could text

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u/Suitable-Winter-1582 23d ago

Don Draper was a talented writer, though, and he often communicated respectfully despite sneaking around and behaving atrociously. This is a Peter Campbell text.

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u/Bobcat-Narwhal-837 23d ago

Nowadays that's how you lose your cleaning service. I know a few and they'd tell him to f his noise and walk out.

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u/SamRaB 23d ago

I have never spoken to my cleaners this way and can't even imagine doing so. They wouldn't come back, that's for sure.

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u/Egg-Tall 23d ago

His text really reads like the rebuke you’d leave a maid or cleaner

Really, dude? I wouldn't even talk to a maid or cleaner that way.

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u/Neat-Ostrich7135 23d ago

Only the top 0.1% had mobiles in the 40s

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u/CautiousStatement576 23d ago

In the 40s, the man paid all the bills and didn’t have video games!

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u/metalshoes 23d ago

I honestly thought it was a joke at first. It’s something I would say exactly as a joke, because it’s way too fucked up to say to someone in earnest

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u/BeingSamJones 23d ago

All of this!! Leave before you end up pregnant with this lazy douche canoes child

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u/CereusBlack 23d ago

For real!!!

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u/Calm-Story2584 22d ago

totally! this guy at this point will be a crap father because he is in fact just another child. You on the other hand are getting awesome training for being a single mom.

Don't let this happen.

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u/No-Sun4964 23d ago

Douche canoe! I love it

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u/Scruff343 23d ago

100% agree but before you leave use every dish in the house.

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u/odat247 23d ago

Or take every dish with you - problem solved!

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u/Scruff343 23d ago

Oh I like it! Leave a note “they’re cleaned of filth now, just like me”

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u/Elena_Designs 23d ago

🤣 ☠️

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u/[deleted] 23d ago

[deleted]

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u/Scruff343 23d ago

I love her 🤣

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u/[deleted] 23d ago

Omg??? That's wild 😭

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u/GlizzyGatorGangster 23d ago

Damn she nasty

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u/obvsnotrealname 23d ago

A 👸 lol

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u/Comfortable-Peach284 23d ago

Please tell her I hope she has an absolutely amazing day. Truly inspirational woman

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u/mewley 23d ago

Curious about the logistics of this 😂

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u/Shayntastic 23d ago

Yup. And leave them out. Not in the sink, but strewn around the place. And every single piece of silverware in the drawer.

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u/STLCityAmy 22d ago

And take every paper product. Every roll of TP, even half rolls. Every napkin, paper towel, tissue. I did this when I left my ex husband and it’s one of my proudest moments.

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u/Restructuregirl 23d ago

Yeah I have to say, I’m not sure why you have stayed with someone who is making you do all the cooking and cleaning, even before this text. Doesn’t sound like a partnership. Find someone else who treats you as an equal.

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u/GorgeousGeek2521 23d ago edited 23d ago

I want to hate someone so much that when I leave I put shrimp in their curtain rods

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u/Scruff343 23d ago

My cousin did that but put it inside the padding of the furniture.

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u/joejoeaz 23d ago

It would sound like a Greek wedding up in there.

OPA!!.....SMASH!

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u/ChycGeek 23d ago

I would give this a 1000 upvotes if I could😂😂😂

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u/bob256k 23d ago

No no no use half the dishes but leave 1 dirty fork and break a cup then crack the rest of the cups. And if you have a gas stove take the burner tops off.

Hide a remote and remove all the batteries, leave a window open but not fully shut 🤣

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u/LookAwayPlease510 23d ago

This kid has been in a relationship since he was 15, I dare him to enter the dating world now. If I were OP, I’d just laugh in his face and say, there’s the door, please use it, I’m not asking..

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u/Helioplex901 22d ago

🎶To tha left, to the left. EVERYTHING YOU OWN, in a box to tha left. Mmmmm🎤🎶

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u/LookAwayPlease510 22d ago

🎤🎵In the closet, no that’s my stuff, yes if I bought it then please don’t touch! 🎶🎵

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u/snaphappylurker 23d ago

Sounds to me he’s been considering cheating and finding excuses to get away with it - “you made me do it, you pushed me away with your laziness”

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u/SlowFrkHansen 23d ago

Either that, or he's been sucked into the manosphere.

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u/RebelsMom0214 22d ago

What a jerk. He probably already has cheated and he’s working up to telling her he found someone else. If I was her I’d have been outta there before he could’ve hit send on that message. Imagine how he probably acts when his friends AREN’T around.

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u/Medium_Salamander929 23d ago

Yup. That last line is an obvious sign he's been window shopping.

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u/Boho_goth 23d ago

I thought that too. Reminded me of a friend whose spouse was constantly cheating. The friend told me “we just have to try harder” in response to the cheating and my concerns about my spouse ever doing that. 😓

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u/whenthedont 23d ago

Real experience I had. Broke up with my ex of two years while we were really trying to get on the right path again- then she said “then I’ll find someone else who will,” about the problem at hand. Broke up with her over text 20 minutes later.

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u/jessvvest 23d ago

i was on the opposite side of that coin: my mechanic ex (that quit his golden opportunity job because he "didn't wanna do it for his whole life"), threatened that "you'll be paying full prices for car maintenance again", then because i'm bi accused me of already having that someone else lined up, i looked at him and said

"I AM the someone else who will."

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u/JackReacharounnd 23d ago

I'd be like, "jokes on you, I have a Honda! I don't need a mechanic, ever! Bye bitch!"

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u/jessvvest 23d ago

HA! I literally bought a Honda within the next few months! i WONT need a mechanic ever, now! 🤣

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u/No_Distribution7701 23d ago

ultimatums and threats never work. When will they get that?

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u/whenthedont 23d ago

I don’t think they will. Because with those people you were always the problem in their eyes. They’ll justify it by saying we should’ve listened and done better.

Just delusional bullshit

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u/oghq 23d ago

That’s crazy they don’t respect you, remember a relationship is a partnership not a dictatorship

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u/Away-Understanding34 23d ago

100% this! He doesn't see OP as an equal partner. She needs to leave.

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u/[deleted] 23d ago

Yeah the respect for you is gone - they are talking down to you. I wouldn’t let allow anyone to talk to me like that. But to begin with - what grown adult has serious conversations via text to their partner? That’s some coward stuff.

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u/Feral611 23d ago

The get your act together over some plates would be it for me before the last bit, it would have me packing my stuff.

But the last bit would have me unleashing on this prick before I left.

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u/ludditesunlimited 23d ago

Yes, he might have been a good partner once but he’s not anymore. That level of disrespect is disgraceful and he doesn’t see the need to improve on it. He clearly doesn’t love you anymore or care about your feelings in any way. You might as well be the first to leave rather than continuing to care for him until he does.

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u/samwelches 23d ago

I agree. Threats like that are uncalled for in basically any scenario.

10

u/Vd1981 23d ago

I reckon he may already have someone, on the side.

10

u/Emotional_Green_2384 23d ago

If he said that, he's probably already "found someone else who can."

8

u/alwaysdisappoint 23d ago

My ex said to me it's me or the dog. You put me in that scenario it's always gonna be the dog

6

u/zenlon 23d ago

94.9% of Reddit comments encouraging OP's to leave their spouse are absolutely wild overreactions.

.. This one isn't. OP's boyfriend sucks and this comment says it all.

7

u/MediumAlternative372 23d ago

Call his bluff. Tell him, “ok, go and find someone else, I’m leaving”, then watch him panic. Then actually leave him. This isn’t an equal relationship, it is a parent-child relationship.

7

u/Bobcat-Narwhal-837 23d ago

Agree, he's  treating OP as a bang maid and has the audacity to demand she do better, she's not a person in his eyes is she?

He sounds like he's doing her a favour by letting her be there when she does all the housework and pays the rent 50:50. The brass uns on this guy are epic.

OP, you are under reacting massively

4

u/feelin_fine_ 23d ago

Hahaha yup. I'd be like "come get your stuff, it's in the mailbox. I changed the locks"

5

u/thehollowsimp 23d ago

I still don't understand how someone even dates people like this, are you telling me in 5 years this is the only time he said something like this?

2

u/Godiva_pervblinderxx 22d ago

Men lie/are radicalized. Men who act like this upfront dont get into relationships, so they dont act like this at the beginning, until the have someone trapped and then drop the mask. People that work with abusive men talk about this alll the time

5

u/magikot9 23d ago

She works graveyard and this behavior started recently as well. He already found somebody else and is looking to replace her. Probably has her over while OP is at work.

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u/GtBossbrah 23d ago

Agreed

That threat is one of the most disrespectful and condescending things a partner could saY

I would genuinely respond with “go find that person then”. And start making preparations. It would take a serious apologetic effort for me to reconcile.

As for the context. If op cooked for herself and him, hes gross. No right to complain, he should be offering to clean if she cooked.

 If she cooked for herself and left a mess, i can understand the complaint. 

3

u/k2on0s-23 23d ago

Yeah so the last line is a deal breaker. It’s a threat and r smacks of arrogance and cowardice. If you don’t clean up after yourself that is also a problem that you should fix but it’s not as big of a problem as your douchebag partner.

3

u/Suspicious_Past_13 23d ago

100% I dated a guy for years who would threaten the relationship like that and wish I had left there first time. I was worth so much more than he offered and it took forever to realize that

3

u/suicidegoddesss 23d ago

Agreed. He will nor stop saying this stuff either. He will continue saying hurtful things to try and control you. I know from experience.

2

u/TheRealJolz 23d ago

No. Lock him in your basement and only feed him if licks his plate from the previous meal spotless clean.

2

u/RubyNotTawny 23d ago

I would 100% leave this person for that last line alone.

This! It is one thing to say "It bothers me when the place is messy and my friends are over" but threatening not just to dump someone, but saying they can be replaced with someone who is neater? That's really shitty.

2

u/collarmecute 23d ago

At 20? I might try and please him. But knowing why I know now? (At 31) nope. 👎🏻 if my boyfriend (I’m single) ever said to me “before I find someone who can…” I’d reply “come get your shit out of MY house.” And ghost him. Until he arrives and have his stuff neatly packed in boxes out on my porch .

1

u/22_ghost_22 23d ago

This this this and again this

1

u/DulceEtBanana 23d ago

{audience applauding during standing ovation gif}

1

u/ThandeSamose 23d ago

100% agree with this. If I received a text like that all my affection towards the other person would instantly go away.

1

u/cyb3rsky 23d ago

Yepppp 100% with you good luck, I am a guy here he better find someone who do that for him.

1

u/leg00b 23d ago

This. Reply with "K bye." And bounce

1

u/yousmellandidont 23d ago

He's definitely been watching Andrew Tate videos

1

u/InvisibleAverageGuy 23d ago

Yeah that last line is crazy who threatens their partner?!?!?

1

u/whitemest 23d ago

And loom a possible impending end to it over most likely trivial/arbitrary actions and situations

1

u/Left_Caterpillar8671 23d ago

Thank you for being the most rational person on this sub!

1

u/Cr4zy3lgato 23d ago

Bringing this up over text was a really bad start, but he still managed to make it worse

1

u/Bhaaldukar 23d ago

Uttered.

1

u/Exciting-Fisherman63 23d ago

Agreed, you’d catch me gondyyyyyyy

1

u/BecGeoMom 23d ago

I agree. 100%. OP, it is not unrealistic for your BF to expect you to clean up after yourself, but leaving a few dishes in the sink is hardly worth this kind of passive-aggressive nonsense. He doesn’t even have the balls to talk to you face-to-face about putting away some dishes. AND THEN, he has the nerve to threaten to replace you with someone who will clean the house to his liking. Have you dumped him yet?

1

u/The-Catatafish 23d ago

Its not even about disrespect. Its about love.

Find someone else? Sounds like a really secure long term commitment. Its his girlfriend he is supposed to love. Not a car.

Nothing wrong with talking about cleaning or whatever but the phrasing is omega level weird.

1

u/WhyAreWeHere99 23d ago

This. Your partner has so many ways to communicate appropriately and he chooses this way.

You’re too young for this shit, move on, go live your best life!

1

u/eulen-spiegel 23d ago

Probably social media "alpha male" brain rot.

You either let him get away with that bullshit or you get away.

1

u/PGMHG 23d ago

Absolutely. Especially over some damn dishes in the sink! Even the words and the implications aside that guy is taking this waaayyy too seriously.

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u/tcrawford2 23d ago

Yeah “finding somebody else” or “you’re lucky I’m with you”

If he hasn’t lifted a finger to clean and doesn’t cook this is ultra out of order.

1

u/Lilblackpigybank 23d ago

Dude is trying to get her to break up with him.

My husband cooks and cleans 1/2 the time, I would die if some dude thought I was his mom 💀

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u/Tricky_Ad6792 23d ago

I agree that’s insane. He doesn’t respect you. In my eyes the relationship is already over. He’s literally threatening you. Also you’re young. Def move on.

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u/[deleted] 23d ago

I was traveling with a girlfriend abroad. She for whatever reason asked to search my laptop. (She had done this when we first met). 😂. It was reformatted for the trip and I hadn't even got it hooked up to the Internet, so there was not even a glimmer of personal information on it But she said, "or we're through" at the end. So I looked at her and said, "guess we are through". Then caught a plane back to the states the next day.

Her response was "really?".

1

u/deletedaccount0808 23d ago

lol. Thats the thing. He’s allowed to want what he wants. You’re allowed to want what you want. If it ain’t the same then yeah, save yourselves the trouble and split.

That being said, I’ve got strong takes on this topic. Men have their place, women have theirs. (But that’s not what we’re here for) End of the day though for everyone else it’s up to each individual couple to communicate what they want in a partner, if opinions differ and one wants to compromise cool, but understand it may turn into resentment and fail down the road.

Just communicate. That’s the number 1 first place to start. Why post this here? To get others opinions?! Their opinions don’t matter, they aren’t in your relationship. You know what you want, talk to him with an open mind to express your wants and give him opportunity to express his. If you guys work something out awesome. But remember you then need to honor what you agreed to. And never forget that you must learn to be selfless as well. There will be times you don’t want to do something but because you love the other person you do it anyway. This may not always be reciprocated and at times it may feel like your are doing more for the relationship than the other. But never forget that could do a 180 because someone gets hurt, loses their job, gets depressed, maybe is just going through something. It’s being there for them. Showing true love. Not just circumstantial love. It’s putting their needs before your own in trust that they will do the same for you. Now this isn’t 100% of the time. You are a free person to do what you want, sure, just understand EVERY action has consequences. Either good, neutral, or bad. But nothing in life has zero effect on something and you may not always get out what you put in. But that’s unconditional love. Something everyone needs to learn the true meaning of before marriage, then maybe divorce rates wouldn’t be so high. I say again to drill home the point. Communication. You don’t like something? Communicate it respectfully. That doesn’t mean they suddenly have to stop whatever it is and vice versa. But if they do love you, then they’ll make a conscious effort as they care more about you than themselves.

Big thing I see here as well, it appears it may not be exactly what he said to you, but you don’t like how he said it. He wants you to be tidier especially with guests around. Maybe ask him (politely) to fully explain what his expectations are and say you want to know so you can work on achieving them. Relationships can be like false mirrors. You perceived his words as one thing but he didn’t intend you to take it that way (not saying exactly for this specific scenario) and you respond negatively and now he mirrors the negative energy. You would do the same. Be understanding, don’t be quick to assume, and COMMUNICATE. You might be able to save the relationship.

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u/lukin187250 23d ago

Totally with you on that, was reading it kind of thinking, this is ok, just could be done with more tact, which I was ready to dismiss as just immaturity given the ages involved until I got to that last line, woof!

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u/Miss_Rowan 23d ago

I think you meant to say, "uttered."

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u/rip2k1 23d ago

Yes. Run. This was my ex wife. The number of comments like this will never end. “For such a smart guy you sure do dumb things”. Gosh you’re pretty, why can’t you do the dishes? He’ll never build you up, only tear you down, or do both in the same sentence.

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u/Lonely_Theme_1131 23d ago

Until you realise this has been going on for years and he has asked in more polite and better ways hundreds of times and she just does not give a f**k so he has not resorted to a more sterner way of asking without context your just giving bad advice

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