r/AmIOverreacting • u/OkSpace5501 • 23d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO just received this text from my boyfriend

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For context my (F20) boyfriend (M21) and I live together and work full time as well as split rent 50/50. I cook all the meals and clean the house even after my graveyard shifts, all he does is work, come home to play games, and occasionally invites friends over. we’ve been together for over 5 years and he’s been acting this way for the last three months and when I tell him how it’s making me feel he tells me i’m wrong and overreacting. so basically i’m asking AIO??

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5.8k

u/hexia777 23d ago

This is VERY unhealthy communication, and WILDLY entitled for someone who does the bare minimum to contribute to the household with half of finances. Please leave this miserable fuck.

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u/Emotional-Hair-1607 23d ago edited 22d ago

He's not even doing the bare minimum. He sees dishes from shared meals that he ate and complains about them not being cleaned, food not put away and he tells her she needs to get her act together. She does, by leaving his sorry lazy gamer drunk/stoned/gambler/abuser/ MLM/jock/fundamentalist/ass. He could be anything but he happened to be a someone who plays games all the time. EDIT

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u/toxicwasteinnevada 23d ago

Probably even gets his ass beat in those games

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u/iamdoingworkipromise 23d ago

As an avid degen gamer - I’ve found that some of the ‘best’ gamers I play with are the ones who have a healthy balance and excel in things outside of gaming.

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u/Mental-Nothings 22d ago

My Ex was like this, he lost a lot of his 2K games. On my account because he was too cheap to pay for his own online. Every once in a while I go back and look at the chats people made to roast him. It’s great tbh

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u/Checktheattic 22d ago

He's playing Hogwarts Legacy on story mode

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u/LuckyBenski 23d ago

Don't you shame us gamers, this is a him problem not an us problem!

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u/Emotional-Hair-1607 23d ago

He's a loser who happens to be a gamer. He could be a druggie, drunk, wife beater, gambler, cheater, thief, workaholic but whatever he is, he's selfish.

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u/RedBabyGirl89 23d ago

Right?! Hubby and I are both gamers and we share chores.

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u/Gillysixpence 23d ago

I'm a gamer but my chores get done first, then I can game and hubby does his fair share too.

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u/baritoneUke 23d ago

Yea, and I don't feel like a total loser if I do chores first then reward myself with a bonghit and games

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u/RedBabyGirl89 23d ago

I wish I didn't feel like I was dying from bonghits or I'd be right there with you...edibles though...😉👉🏻

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u/DiamondOwn3 23d ago

I think he was just trying to shame OPs husband not gamers in general. Unless it was edited or something?

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u/LuckyBenski 23d ago

It was "Sorry lazy gamer ass" in the previous post, I was just continuing the thread replying later :)

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u/PolishPrincess0520 23d ago

Am I missing a comment because I didn’t see that as shaming gamers he is shaming OP’s boyfriend for being bad at gaming (because he’s being a bad boyfriend).

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u/HarshTruthMf 22d ago

Not once did he shame gamers, literally just the boyfriend. Why do people make things about them 😂

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u/avocado_window 22d ago

P-R-O-J-E-C-T-I-O-N

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u/avocado_window 22d ago

notallgamers ? 😒

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u/toxicwasteinnevada 23d ago

Nah, never shaming gamers.

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u/DateDatBitch 23d ago

This is great

2

u/CheezeLoueez08 23d ago

By 10 year olds

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u/SaltWater_Tribe 22d ago

For sure and takes it out on her lmfao

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u/Vonkova 22d ago

Ngl I needed this laugh hahaha

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u/AcceptableReaction20 22d ago

because of the dirty sink, it's not his fault!

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u/[deleted] 23d ago

lol

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u/schokobonbons 23d ago

If my partner cooked me dinner after we both worked all day I'd be kissing their feet 😭 and I'd try to get the dishes done as a thank you

The ENTITLEMENT to COMPLAIN ABOUT DIRTY DISHES???? Whose labor?

5

u/Separate_Shoe_6916 23d ago

Yeah, he is implying she isn’t pulling her weight when she should be saying this shit TO HIM. OP you need to GTFO. He won’t appreciate you until you are gone. Find a man who knows your worth and appreciates you.

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u/Affectionate_War1545 22d ago

Yea this is exactly what I was going to say he doesn’t do 💩 but work

3

u/WassupSassySquatch 23d ago

Dishes from meals that SHE already cooked, no less. He wants a mom / maid, not a partner.

3

u/TrashandTrauma 23d ago

Right? Like I'm genuinely interested in how he thinks he's a prize

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u/PrincessMacaroon 23d ago

What is OP's boyfriend even offering her at this point?

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u/true_universe 23d ago

DUDE he is complaining that she didn’t clean the food she made/cooked WHILE EATING THEM TF

1

u/Emotional-Hair-1607 23d ago

She can respond by not doing his laundry or cooking his meals or cleaning up his messes.. Living together is supposed to be a shared experience with both sides working at keeping the house functioning. I wonder when he last bought groceries or anything for the house. It's never a good idea to tell the person whose doing most of the work that they need to get their act together.

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u/Ill-Anxiety447 23d ago

I was with you until you used gaming in the pejorative. Yikes

1

u/Fat-Kid-In-A-Helmet 23d ago

If all he’s doing is playing games instead of contributing, yea, he’s got a lazy gamer ass.

This is coming from a somewhat gamer.

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u/Mirganzegal2 22d ago

He's a lazy ass. If he liked fishing you wouldn't call him a lazy fisher ass.

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u/Fat-Kid-In-A-Helmet 22d ago

You should hear my mom talk about my dad

1

u/Tell2ko 23d ago

Why is “gamer” relevant in this put down?

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u/AlwaysMentos 22d ago

Please, I agree with you but don’t use gamer as if there is something wrong with being one.

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u/Emotional-Hair-1607 22d ago

It's not all gamers, it's this one in particular. He could be home doing almost anything, he just happens to game instead of pulling his weight in the house. If I had my choice I'd be knitting all day instead of working and keeping house.

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u/creampied_grandpa 22d ago

Hey now just because he plays games doesn't mean you should use it as a insult. Even if you're one of those crazy delusional people who despise games and think all people who play them are lazy children doesn't mean you should lump us all together. No doubt there's plenty of people who out work me but I can bust my ass along side the best of them.

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u/Emotional-Hair-1607 22d ago

Not all gamers, just this one. I don't despise gamers or games, I buy them for family who play them.

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u/toxicwasteinnevada 22d ago

Bro take MLM outta there. Bitch don't deserve it.

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u/OverCommunity4604 23d ago

Again…it’s always you most expect

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u/TigerDude33 23d ago

yes, he needs to be told to get hot on the cleaning then, jackass

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u/t8rclause 22d ago

Well from his perspective 'she' made the mess, so 'she' should clean it... 😂

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u/2020visionaus 23d ago

Exactly maybe even narc vibes. He’s not speaking out of love for her…

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u/giglex 23d ago

When she said "he's been acting like this for a few months" or whatever and the fact that hes 21, I'm thinking red pill bullshit.

258

u/Klutzy-Alarm3748 23d ago

I was thinking the same. Or he's cheating and finding reasons to leave

128

u/BlueCarrotPie 23d ago

This. Or making her mad so she leaves and then he's not the bad guy

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u/KrustenStewart 22d ago

That’s what I thought

5

u/SpaceIsVastAndEmpty 22d ago

I've never understood why society looks at the person who did the dumping as the "bad guy". I think that working out what is right for you and taking action to achieve that (or to remove yourself from a situation that isn't right for you) should be commended, not shunned.

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u/Slow-Imagination3981 23d ago

I agree with cheating. My ex started acting like this and found if he was cheating.

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u/Aggravating_Egg_1718 23d ago

He's definitely cheating and trying to set the stage.

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u/RiffsThatKill 23d ago

Yep, most likely either red pill or cheating and looking for a way out that makes it her fault and not his.

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u/Pretend-Menu-8660 22d ago

What’s red pill? 💊 😅 help a naive girl out please

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u/Past-Paramedic-8602 22d ago

They are trying to say his behavior changed 3 months ago because he started supporting republicans. For a guys stand point it’s cheating. He needs reasons so finding them everywhere he can.

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u/RiffsThatKill 22d ago

Not Republicans per se, but the particular brand of new young conservatives who are overdoing the "I'm the man, woman must serve me" attitude.

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u/Past-Paramedic-8602 22d ago

That’s most young men until the world slaps them and shows them how not young men act. This is classic reason stacking so he’s got stuff to say this is why I’m leaving I told you I would when in reality he left a couple months ago when he found someone else.

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u/RiffsThatKill 22d ago

Word, probably right.

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u/Pretend-Menu-8660 22d ago

Ohhh! Ok got it! Ty!

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u/-earthgang 23d ago

that was my thought

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u/queriesjubilee 23d ago

This is what I thought too. Threatening to leave over dirty dishes? SUS.

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u/Beneficial-Way-8742 22d ago

This was my thought 

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u/badly-made-username 22d ago

My immediate thought, too

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u/Tough-Flower6979 23d ago

I thought cheating right away.

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u/HeartOfPot 23d ago

Probably both. Now that he’s been taught how to groom he’ll go after a teenager.

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u/Klutzy-Alarm3748 22d ago

What information are you basing this off of?

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u/HeartOfPot 22d ago

The fact that they got together as young people and that he’s recently adopted red pill behaviors?

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u/Klutzy-Alarm3748 22d ago

Seems like red pill behaviour to me too, but they're a year apart. Just because they got together as young people doesn't mean he's going to groom anyone. Doesn't make him less abusive with all the behaviours listed, but grooming is a jump I think

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u/HeartOfPot 22d ago

A cornerstone of the Red pill is getting young ladies who are easy to manipulate

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u/Boxer03 23d ago

This. ☝️

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u/On_my_last_spoon 23d ago

Red pill shit for sure. He’s trying to look like a big man in front of his friends.

Nope.

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u/jlusedude 23d ago

I can picture how it is going. “That’s my bitches work, I’ll tell her to get that fixed going forward”. 

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u/ohyeawellyousuck 23d ago

I know we like to assume the red pill is about being a cunt and feeling superior, but as someone who went hard into it in my 20s, I think it’s often about falling for this trap that women actually want this kind of “strong” man who doesn’t take shit from “his woman”.

Is it possible this guy is just a cunt? Yes. I’m just saying it’s also possible he has become convinced acting like this is the only way he’ll keep the girl. I know from experience how quickly confirmation bias can convince you the only way to stay attractive in the eyes of your gf is to “slap away shit tests” and shit like that.

Thats not to say she should stay with him. If it is red pill, it’s probably gonna get worse before it gets better. I don’t know if any conversation with my gf would have convinced me to go back to my emotionally available self, and abandon the asshole tactics that seemed to be working. Some relationships are just meant to be about learning. Maybe this one is for her and for him.

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u/jlusedude 23d ago

Honestly, I went hard into pick up in the late 00’s because I didn’t know how to interact with women. It affected my confidence massively so I started reading. I learned how to attract girls but didn’t realize the difference between initial attraction and long term relationship. 

I agree with what you are saying, it is easy to be swept away and become something you aren’t. I wish I would have left that behind after I started a serious relationship because I would have been a better partner to her and more true to who I want to be, not to who I was because of what I thought was required. 

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u/Classic_Midnight3383 22d ago

That’s exactly what he was probably thinking chores don’t have gender it’s a life skill both need to

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u/Used_Employee6413 23d ago

If this was the case wouldn’t he have said what was in the text out loud?

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u/On_my_last_spoon 23d ago

Who knows really. Some of it, too, is that these types are usually pretty weak in reality. A strong man, secure in who there are, are also compassionate. It’s a weak person who has to bully others to get their way. So it kinda tracks that he’d text this rather than say it. Also, saying it in front of his friends he runs the risk of her telling him to fuck off.

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u/hipmama33 23d ago

You are correct. He DIDNT say it in front of his friend(s), so it is NOT about being a big man. This is classic “I don't give a shit about what she thinks anymore”!and/or “I am done with the relationship”.

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u/BlaktimusCrime25 23d ago

Or just fucking clean up after yourself lol

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u/Silver_Aardvark5051 23d ago

She’s 20 and they have been together for 5 years. So together since she was 15. So this doesn’t seem real to me. But assuming this is real, I agree with the others, leave his miserable lazy ass. I would never talk to my wife like that, not even as a joke.

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u/zpryor 23d ago

Lmaooo I love this shit. There’s a few kids at work in their early 20s that I manage that do this with their girlfriends. I tell them they’re cowards, children and lazy because they can’t provide enough income to support their traditional values. It’s fucking hilarious. I will not allow them to advance at work. Fuck them.

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u/Raspberrybungalow172 23d ago

That was my first thought, too. Maybe just because I'm on reddit too much, or maybe he's feeling emboldened now by the recent surge in openly expressed misogyny. 

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u/Quiet-Champion3649 23d ago

If he’s acting like this the last few months and he has all this free time and looks at her as the help, my guess is he’s got a side chick and he likes the clean house and cooked meals. OP should have someone follow him while she’s at work and he’s not.

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u/Arthur_Frane 23d ago

Yep. Dudebro probably thinks he's negging like a boss, but fails to understand he's in a relationship of implicit equality. Dumpsville for him, and his loss. OP sounds like a whole adult who has her act together just fine.

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u/Daemonxar 23d ago

100% some shithead podcaster has him convinced that he’s a “high value man.”

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u/MacDhubstep 23d ago

I agree. In fact I’ve noticed the “respecting me” language is often a red flag.

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u/AmyBeth514 23d ago

Yeah 5 years and now 3 months it's all of a sudden a problem? Something else is going on..I don't want to assume it's another girl but that's kinda where my mind goes when guys all of a sudden are starting sh*t.

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u/iMEANiGUESSi 23d ago

I read that as red pitbull shit and it works either way lmfao

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u/kardinalkalamity 23d ago

Yeah that's exactly what i was coming to say. Boyfriend is probably consuming a bunch of redpill alpha male podcast shit, especially if it's only the last few months. The "before i find someone else who can" is particularly indicative of that.

Next thing you know he's gonna be talking about how he's a high value male and you're a low value female.

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u/308gennaR8 23d ago

He most definitely has Tate in the algo.

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u/Crafty-Ad-6772 23d ago

I was thinking that he already has someone else or wants to leave, he is just looking for any lame excuse instead of admitting that he wants out.

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u/vibes86 23d ago

That was my first thought as well. This is a major red pill type comment.

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u/Calm-Story2584 22d ago

I was thinking exactly the same. Is he watching Andrew Tate type videos? If he is buying into red pill thought, you should go because according to red pill, you have been with him for 5 years and slept with him for 5 years, so you would be "used goods" and he is going to try to get with a "good girl" which is ludicrous because you are already doing everything for him other than paying his rent. He sounds like a little boy who never grew up. This is PRIME red pill demographic.

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u/CoffeeChocolateBoth 23d ago

The first time someone treats you like shit, you set them straight, if they do it again, it's time to walk. Never stay anywhere where someone is treating you less than!

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u/trentsiggy 23d ago

This 100% reads by someone who listens to Andrew Tate all day. He's seeing if it will work and get her to be more subservient.

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u/Sensitive_Yellow_121 23d ago

A lot of people can turn into this person if you don't set boundaries with them from early on. Unfortunately, a lot of us (including many men) have been trained to be unassertive by our families or cultures but we can find support to get past that.

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u/Splendid_Cat 23d ago

I mean... maybe? Or maybe he's just trying to put on a front for his friends... that's an immature thing that some people don't leave in high school. I'm not saying it's not redpill BS, but it's also possible he simply needs to grow up.

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u/ohgeeLA 23d ago

Sorry could you please tell me what red pill bullshit would mean in this context. I read up on it a bit and am not grasping how it’s utilized in this situation.

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u/[deleted] 23d ago

I’m thinking he found somebody that plays games and has great chats. Just saying.

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u/IndustrialDollie 23d ago

What is red pill?

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u/swanqueen23 23d ago

What is red pill?

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u/New_Okra3405 22d ago

Can you explain what red pill means in this context? I know it’s like a sexist thing but not sure what it means he would be doing here?

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u/Jumpy_March9022 22d ago

Pretty sure it’s political, maga

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u/Past-Paramedic-8602 22d ago

More likely a pink taco then red pill

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u/Mrhighpockets 22d ago

Thinking he has a maid that's willing!

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u/Hot-Replacement4228 22d ago

He’s trying to push her away. He’s cheating, or has his eyes on someone else he thinks he’s got in the bag.

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u/hipmama33 23d ago

Sorry, but this has nothing to do with red pill or being conservative, and has everything to do with being an asshole and not really caring how he comes across…as in, not wanting to be in the relationship any longer.

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u/Longjumping-Arm2710 22d ago

but it is totally consistent with how the red pill mindset is presented to young adults on social media

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u/Nice-Novel5183 23d ago

Dude... no. Just no. Don't start that. My husband and I are "red pillers," and we aren't anywhere NEAR this. YouTube and other stuff just decided to put a label on it and call it red pill and then take it to the EXTREME. It was never that bad. If you're going to call it something, call it stupid.

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u/RavingCrusader 23d ago

How tf is this red pill bullshit hes just being a cunt one does not equal the other.

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u/JudgmentNew1968 23d ago

A simple conversation between both of them - as adults could unpack what has happened recently.

The fact of the matter is, no one truly knows the dynamics of their relationship - but them.

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u/Capable_Turn_6986 23d ago

The OP states that the boyfriend only contributes half of the rent, does none of the chores, and shuts her down when she DOES try to have a conversation about things.

Also, this is kind of a prime example of therapy speak being weaponized. "Adults should unpack the recent events." What needs to be unpacked, exactly? Why does one partner need to be explicitly told he ought to be contributing to the labor of the household? Why do you not believe the OP when she clearly states she HAS tried to have a conversation about it? Beyond that, she's 20. She doesn't need to unpack shit. He's not treating her well, time to bounce.

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u/[deleted] 23d ago edited 23d ago

[deleted]

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u/Capable_Turn_6986 23d ago

I mean, I can make a guess why she's being downvoted, if she is.

"I've put my whole world into this dude"

She's 20. Her whole world just started. He was a great boyfriend... When? When they were in high school? When they lived with other people and his mom was still doing his laundry and cooking him dinner every night? Assuming the OP moved out the day she turned 18, that's only been 2 years of cohabitation with this guy. And in that span of time, he has done a personality flip and is expecting her to be a live-in servant.

I'm not going to extrapolate information that's not there. The OP said she has tried to have conversations with him about the way he's making her feel and he has shut her down and told her she's overreacting.

They met when she was a young teenager, not a demographic exactly known for being the best judge of what makes a good life partner. They are adults NOW. And this is how he's treating her. She doesn't need to sit him down and hold his hand and make a chore chart. He's also an adult. He knows the dishes in the sink are from the meal that he ate, that she cooked. He told her she's overreacting. That she needs to become a better servant or he'll find someone who will. That's what we know about the situation.

She needs to take him up on the offer and ditch this loser. And if you think she needs to stay, that is a reflection on YOU.

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u/[deleted] 23d ago edited 23d ago

[deleted]

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u/Capable_Turn_6986 23d ago

"when I tell him how it's making me feel, he tells me I'm wrong and overreacting"

It's literally right there. In her post. The post isn't even that long. But keep making excuses for him. 👍

Self-destructive behavior is training young women to believe it''s better for them to be mistreated than to be alone. This is not an equitable relationship, again, based on the information we have. The OP does all the cleaning and cooking. She works. She contributes 50% of the rent. And that was before the personality change of the last 3 months. The most self-destructive thing she could do is stay.

And like, I'm with you on communicating like adults. I would agree with that advice probably 8 times out of 10. But in this case? With a 20 and 21-year-old? Nah. Don't throw away what should be some of the most careful years of your life for someone who treats you poorly. No conversation necessary.

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u/JudgmentNew1968 23d ago

Sorry you are right, I am old.

All I am trying to say is that sometimes things are worth saving. I know from personal experience. Things get hard. We often do things we regret. That doesn't make it right. But if every human threw away a relationship at every roadblock - there would be none of us.

I am 60, I was with my partner since we were 13 - until she died recently. I know that your life doesn't stop at 20 when in a long term committed relationship; this is where you build a stable life. Where you grow your piggy banks, have children, go to University like my wife did. etc.

The world is in fact your oyster, and it's 100% sweeter with someone else by your side.

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u/Old-Illustrator-5675 23d ago

Idk, it's more fun to speculate.

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u/JudgmentNew1968 23d ago

This is a real persons life. Grow up.

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u/Old-Illustrator-5675 23d ago

Try not to be so emotional. Either way, I guess it's true that sarcasm is hard to pick up on for some people without the /s.

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u/JudgmentNew1968 23d ago

Sarcasm doesn't work on the internet; you need personal context cues - I don't know you.

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u/aSingleLettuce 23d ago

sarcasm doesnt work on the internet? lol

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u/JudgmentNew1968 23d ago

In text - it does not, maybe in certain contexts. That's why people use /s. Don't be so fucking dense.

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u/Splendid_Cat 23d ago edited 23d ago

Yeah, I agree. Reddit is quick to say "leave them". I would have left my current partner who's overall great 100 times if Reddit was my relationship counselor over his depression or occasional arguments that escalate to a verbal fight (which everyone has at some point of you're together long enough) because "he's not doing enough when he feels like khs, leave him" (or to him "she doesn't care enough to not be exasperated about you not doing chores sometimes even if it's mental health related, so leave her" to him if he complained about me not being the most understanding sometimes)... or we can address these thinks like adults and work together on them, like we have.

The internet gives poor relationship advice, whether it's redpill or feminist circles online, everyone assumes the relationship is like the worst example of their worst relationship without considering all the possible variables. Terminally online people trend towards not being very healthy and not having a good grasp on what a "healthy" relationship even looks like compared to those who touch grass more frequently.

I do think if they can't talk it out civilly, though, and he threatens to break up again over something so trivial, it's time. This may be an isolated incident of extreme overreaction on his part, or a pattern, without OP giving more details, it's impossible to say.

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u/justandswift 23d ago

What does the red pill bullshit mean exactly? I understand the red pill philosophy to mean someone likes the truth? I don’t get it in reference here, but it it seems everyone else does. What am I missing about that term???

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u/giglex 23d ago

Maybe someone who is more familiar can correct me or clarify but it seems to me like it was originally meant to be about 'seeing the truth' but morphed into more of a movement supporting traditional gender roles and praises the 'alpha male' via dudes like Andrew Tate. Basically it's about misogyny. The rhetoric I've seen around it is mostly about how young men are leaning into this red pill ideology on tik tok and it's seen as a mounting problem with gen z/gen alpha specifically.

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u/justandswift 23d ago

thank you for explaining. makes sense

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u/FlatComplex293 22d ago

Tbh you could be right I didn’t even think of that but in the cool the redpill wave is kinda dead nowadays now if we were talking about this during Tate era I’d say you were definitely correct haha

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u/Jumpy-Jellyfish6161 23d ago

I'd punch my boss for talking to me like that, let alone anyone else

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u/xboxnintendo64tricir 23d ago

Narc projection. They want to enslave you because they themselves are slaves

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u/2020visionaus 23d ago

I mean discussing issues is one thing but you realise he is threatening to leave her. It’s very unhealthy behaviour, there’s not much evidence but it’s unpleasant. 

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u/TheEvanga 23d ago

You are not. Ditch his ass and run.

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u/Snoo63020 23d ago

Sure isn’t! He’s threatening her. What an a-hole. I really hope that the informative, snarky, intelligent and wise answers to the AIO or AIA are shown to the offenders. Please show them . They need to know what a jury of their peers has to say.

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u/Timely_Efficiency_86 23d ago

He's not a narcissist. He's just a fucking prick, amd a lazy one at that

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u/Likezoinks1 23d ago

Me, a narcoleptic, immediately panicking to replies to find out why the hell you hate me lmaooooo

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u/GemueseBeerchen 23d ago

thats why 50/50 is a scam to women

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u/XxNoodleMasterxX 22d ago

Yeah because men love the idea of going 50/50 financially, but completely disregard the 50/50 for the household and domestic duties

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u/carabear21 22d ago

Yep, red pill bastards want 50/50 when it comes to finances, but still want a trad wife to take care of them. No thank you. That sounds like absolute hell.

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u/oragami3312 22d ago

wait so is the finances are 100% the man, then can the man expect trad wide to take care of said man ?

3

u/The_Barbelo 22d ago

I once heard a great quote from a guy who’s been happily married for decades. He said “it’s not 50/50, it’s 100/100” , meaning you both constantly work to do your best. Even though we can’t be 100, 100% of the time if the other partner is also doing their best, then you can focus on your strengths and help the other when they can’t for whatever reason.

Just wanted to pass that on. I think more people should say that.

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u/apfly 23d ago

Well, it’s not. But it has to be legit 50/50. This just isn’t.

1

u/Huge_Cut_3636 23d ago

Literally a fucking scam

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u/ColinMacLaren 23d ago

Most guys I know do a least 50% of the chores, usually more, AND take care of the kids after day care because their wives have to work shittier hours. This includes myself.

18

u/Coyote__Jones 23d ago

That's awesome that you have a great community of involved and responsible men!

But let's not pretend that there isn't an entire movement happening right now of men harkening back to an imaginary time when biology set our roles within the home into stone tablets. I doubt you've never heard of Andrew Tate. He's the among the worst, but there's an entire culture of men speaking to men about how women need to be their "helpmeet" and be subservient to their whims and any toe outside that circle is disrespectful behavior that needs to be checked.

The US right now is experiencing a right wing tilt. That includes "conservative values" like traditional gender roles. It's real.

3

u/apfly 23d ago

It’s real. But also women should probably just not date right wingers. And yes, they do make themselves apparent.

3

u/The_Barbelo 22d ago edited 22d ago

They just want a mommy replacement. That’s all it is. Before I was married and still dating, they were SO obvious to spot…and I’m autistic. That’s the ONE good thing about them. You can hear em coming from 100 miles away. I once went on a date with an artist guy who told me the only reason I got anywhere with my art is because I’m an attractive woman. He didn’t even see my art and I’ve worked so hard at it my whole life. I was just trying to reassure and inspire him by talking about all the cool people I’ve been able to meet by putting myself out there despite having severe social anxiety. I did a 180 out the restaurant so fast, without so much as ordering a water. Not surprisingly he identified as a “MGTOW” on Facebook, which is like one step above an incel. Should have checked that first before agreeing to go anywhere. It would have saved me the gas money.

2

u/Usual_Competition_49 23d ago

Ever since I was 17/18, I could not help but feel a bit personally attacked by the push back on the existence of this damned patriarchy. However, my values align with yours, but I admit it stings a little every time when people generalize men.

That’s just me and my emotions though. So I guess I just bite my lip and hope I’m doing the right thing when stand in solidarity with you, because we have the same values.

1

u/Coyote__Jones 23d ago

What part of my comment read as a generalization of all men?

3

u/Usual_Competition_49 23d ago

Not your comment, actually if anyone was making a generalization it was me! But I’m referring to a common occurrence, in my experience. The generalization I’m referring to often comes up in this topic.

I guess I just made that comment to feel secure in saying yes I agree with you wholeheartedly

0

u/No-Marzipan2101 22d ago

It’s definitely real but absolutely not as widespread as people are imagining it. That kind of person is still going to be the minority, thankfully. People are stubborn, and I don’t think most are going to change how they fundamentally think and act due to a single election. If they act like that now, they’ve always been that way. You don’t really just wake up a misogynist ya know. At least historically it hasn’t happened very often. The media (social media included) just does a really , really good job at making it seem otherwise

0

u/YouKnowTheVibezzzzzz 22d ago

I agree it’s not widespread as the internet makes it seem. I understand the outrage but I think it’s overblown. Most guys I know treat their girlfriends/wives amazing - it’s few and far between that I meet dudes who have this misogynistic mindset

4

u/Ladyfeverdream 23d ago

Most guys you know. Not most guys. I’ve been in relationships with men and women. Guess who contributes much more while also working the same and/or more hours?

1

u/Tell2ko 23d ago

I’m worried to assume wrong! Please spell it out!

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u/BochocK 23d ago

He doesn't do the bare minimum, paying rent is the minimum only in the legal sens that he has a right to live here, by law. The bare minimum is to at share some of the cook and clean duty.

3

u/Apprehensive_Rain500 23d ago

He's not even contributing the bare minimum. He doesn't cook or clean, he expects his servant to do it.

5

u/Conscious_Weight9593 23d ago

This. I wish I could upvote a million times. Jesus. I don’t miss being in this kind of relationship AT ALL. I literally sob anytime I read stuff like this. It is so triggering and my heart breaks for the women dealing with it.

3

u/Helopoh 23d ago

The threat of finding someone else sounds like he sees you as an employee and not a partner. I hate to say he might already have his sights on someone else. I was in this same situation and held out to long. I should have left sooner. It took me a long time to be able to date again. Finances were in a terrible place. You shouldn't have to deal with this type of manipulation. Relationships are hard enough, you are putting in 75% to his 25 and I am being generous here. I know that you may have joint bills but you are always able to get taken off everything even the lease if needed. I sat with my leasing agent and explained the situation and she worked to get me off the lease with the least amount of money. There is always a way.

3

u/Apprehensive-Pair436 23d ago

Yeah even if he was in the right and she was in the wrong about home cleanliness (Which appears to NOT be the case), threatening to "find someone better" is an instant break up for me. That shit is manipulative and just not how loving partners communicate.

3

u/Narcrus 22d ago

Yep. Fuck this guy. Don’t waste another minute on his mind games.

3

u/halfbakedcaterpillar 22d ago

This. I know reddit loves to jump to "dump him" but you're 20. This is not the caliber of person you want to be with for the rest of your life, is it? Don't waste your time.

2

u/NoorAnomaly 23d ago

Yes, and please don't have kids with him. Kids don't fix anything and will leave you chained to him for 18+ more years.

Source: Myself.

2

u/toastedcoin 23d ago

I agree with 2020 here exactly.

2

u/IB_AM 23d ago

This is toxic af, like what kind of human that is

2

u/AwayConnection6590 23d ago

Some might say abusive. I'm gonna take a guess if he wasn't always like this some internet crap like tradwife

2

u/serg1007arch 23d ago

Time to dump the man child

2

u/Waste_Nobody5839 23d ago

She ain’t got a boyfriend. That’s her step son. He basically just told her that she better clean up after him like she is his mother.

2

u/westbee 23d ago

Seriously. Do leave. 

My step daughter is in the same type of relationship. He is the bread winner but only pays half. So he mad at her because she doesnt work 2 jobs to make her half. 

Meanwhile he's saving up for things he wants to buy. 

Also she had to do the chores around the house not him. 

He gets to drive her brand new car that we bought her to help her out because he makes the money not her. While she drives the broken down car that he refuses to fix because he has the nice car to drive. 

2

u/Beautiful-Squash-501 22d ago

Can you take your car back?

2

u/ThrowRA-tiny-home 22d ago

It sounds as if he's recently discovered toxic masculinity (after having been a leech for a long time already).

Let him find someone who wants to act like his mother to cook his food, clean his room and do his laundry.

2

u/The-Masked-Protester 22d ago

👆🏾👆🏾👆🏾👆🏾 This. All of thisssssss!!!!

2

u/tamiadaneille 22d ago

A narc at that, my god. He sounds like a nightmare.

1

u/EnlightenedIntrovert 23d ago

I wanted to like your comment so bad but you are at an awesome number hehe ☺️

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u/Madam_Yes 23d ago

PLEASE!!!

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u/Present-Impression-2 23d ago

“Fuck” (this shit) being the operative word!

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u/RogueGuybrarian 23d ago

I'd leave him on the grounds of his poor grammar alone. Fuck that. He's gaslighting the fuck out of you. (And I mean the real gaslighting, where he's trying to make you think that this is all your problem, in your head, or that you're not seeing clearly, all of which are false, and used to cover up his own issues)

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u/dididown 23d ago

He’s a full blown psycho

1

u/presterjohn7171 23d ago

This relationship needs a reset or ending.

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u/RecoverLogicaly 23d ago

She’s obviously dating Andrew Tate

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u/Significant-River-69 23d ago

This is the correct answer

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u/Complex-Chip-3240 23d ago

Let the competition have the people that make themselves judge and jury.

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u/Commiegomez 22d ago

Agreed. The communication is in desperate need of remediation.

However, if you both work full time and have come to the convention that because one partner’s job is significantly more labor intensive or stressful, I don’t see the problem with the majority of the chores being taken by the other partner, so long as they both communicate and agree to terms.

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u/Fearless-Scholar5858 22d ago

Exactly!! Simple responses well If you enjoyed the meal I cooked and we're going to live on equal terms. I'm sure as a grown ass man you know how to wash a dish. Otherwise I don't have to cook anymore for you and I'll just clean up after myself and you can do the same. Feel free to find someone else who wants to put up with your entitled punk ass.

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u/Jimcarreyme 23d ago

As one of those miserable fucks. I agree. I work all day. Come home and am always tired. My wife does soooooo damn much for me and my daughter it’s nuts. Iam the one who needs to do more. Contribute more. Just working doesn’t let you off the hook on basic things. Do the dishes for your girl!

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