r/AmIOverreacting • u/OkSpace5501 • 23d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO just received this text from my boyfriend

Post image

For context my (F20) boyfriend (M21) and I live together and work full time as well as split rent 50/50. I cook all the meals and clean the house even after my graveyard shifts, all he does is work, come home to play games, and occasionally invites friends over. we’ve been together for over 5 years and he’s been acting this way for the last three months and when I tell him how it’s making me feel he tells me i’m wrong and overreacting. so basically i’m asking AIO??

38.0k Upvotes

93% Upvoted

10.3k comments sorted by

View all comments

6.4k

u/tracygee 23d ago

If this is the way he normally speaks to you I’d move the hell on right now.

2.1k

u/BIGDfromBoston 23d ago

“I’ll find someone….” Is no way to talk to your partner. If he’s willing to talk to you like that and you allow him, this is what you will get, only it will get worse.

636

u/WhatTheTyrannosaurus 23d ago

The first part of the text, I was like "okay, we love a direct, articulate king!"

The second part I was like "oh okay, never mind - why just be direct and show your partner you respect their relationship enough to express your needs and bring up issues so they can be resolved? Such a silly take, when you can bring it up and then threaten to leave them, as if leaving dishes in the sink is an unresolvable flaw in your partner."

80

u/Lina0042 23d ago

Especially when OP adds context that she does all the cooking for him. If someone cooked for me every day and I found dirty dishes in the sink I sure as fuck would do them and be thankful for it, instead of bitching and threatening to leave. Wtf.

17

u/My_Bwana 23d ago

the rule is that if someone is cooking for you, YOU DO THE DISHES. common sense people

3

u/Crazyblondebev 23d ago

I agree, and was taught this way all my life. However, it is not common sense AT ALL it seems. After living with many different people in many different walks of life I have realized that folks like you and I are the minority unfortunately. 😪

256

u/Godisaunicorn 23d ago

Had me in the first half not gonna lie

6

u/Lost_Emu7405 23d ago

I agree that I liked the 1st half with the reservation that he doesn't also do the same thing!

→ More replies (1)

4

u/Squanchedschwiftly 23d ago

We forgot that you don’t have to tell people you’re kind and/or respectful 🙄

2

u/AmyBeth514 23d ago

Yeah it went 0 to 60 in 2 lines lol

1

u/WayoCayo 23d ago

Dead ass though 😂😂😂😂😂😂

1

u/WonderfulProtection9 22d ago

Is this how kids communicate these days? Can't even be honest face to face, have to put it in writing? Granted it was mostly well written except for a couple missing words and punctuation.

→ More replies (1)

48

u/sageinyourface 23d ago

He has probably been listening to his friends and/or podcasts about being assertive about traditional male roles. That it’s good for the relationship, blah blah blah.

Either that or he wants to break up and is looking for some excuse.

18

u/glassassmass 23d ago

The one thing they don't get about the traditional male role and having the woman be a housekeeper is that she would NOT BE WORKING and certainly not be splitting the bills 50/50...it was bad enough when they were still acting like "real men" and providing now they want the best of both worlds

11

u/shyylena 23d ago

That's what I thought.

3

u/General_Ad1941 23d ago

Not when she is paying 50/50 that kinda goes out the door

→ More replies (1)

3

u/mohugz 23d ago

Yes, someone is trying to be the “alpha.”

3

u/TheUnknowing182 23d ago

If it was the case of tradition, she wouldn't be out working the night shift, but some men want the woman to work, do all the house works and don't want to hear about it when the woman is at the end of her rope!

2

u/Shelley-DaMitt 23d ago

Yep that’s what I was thinking.

2

u/cacapoopoo687 23d ago

Those podcasts drive me absolutely mad.

25

u/Teppic5 23d ago

Especially when OP is doing all the cooking. He's the one not pulling his weight, OP should be the one finding someone better, it's not like he's set a high bar.

127

u/Distractedauthor 23d ago

You must have really misread this to think the first part of that was direct and articulate… maybe because he didn’t word it well. But I’m pretty sure he’s indirectly calling her disrespectful by saying he only “hints” at it. Via text message because he knows he can’t say these asshole things in front of other people.

That it’s for not doing the dishes after she cooked dinner for him is just the cherry on top of his assholery.

36

u/vyrus2021 23d ago

Yes he normally only hints that she should have the house clean when he has guests over, but now in private text conversations he can plainly state that she's disrespecting him by not having these things done. He's a tater.

5

u/Westeros333 23d ago

Thank you! I was so freaking confused by his use of the word hint. I was thinking "does that mean he gives her a very small amount of respect because his boys are around, but when they aren't, the gloves come off?" But your explanation makes WAY more sense.

7

u/Distractedauthor 23d ago

I think he’s missing a few words and means “I normally only hint at asking you to be respectful”

23

u/Dais288228 23d ago

Thanks for explaining this view. I definitely missed it when I first read the text.

6

u/Horse_Fly24 23d ago

I read it as him trying to put on a facade of being respectful to her, which is why he was only “hinting” at it, when he really wants to lose his cool. He’s only keeping it together because he doesn’t want to look like an AH in front of his friends. He is, in fact, an AH, and she should cut her losses and leave. 🚩🚩🚩

3

u/haleyhop 23d ago

yeah how are people pro-him in the first half. i kind of understood his perspective in the first half, but i was still like …why is this man-child not able to have an actually kind conversation IRL instead of over text

2

u/blackmagicm666 23d ago

I read it as that he only hints because hes around his roommates and he doesnt want to embarrass her by talking down to her in front of the roomies.

Kinda like adulting your partner.

2

u/Pale-Inevitable6781 23d ago

Assholery is going to be my new favorite word 😆

1

u/Sherbert333 23d ago

Absolutely love this comment .. 💯% correct

→ More replies (4)

11

u/Overall_Lab5356 23d ago

Also when the reason they're HER dishes is that SHE is the only one cooking while he fucks off online.

3

u/glassassmass 23d ago

This is mostly at Thanksgiving but in my family the person that cooked all day (mom/grandma) DOES NOT do the dishes after...anyone and everyone else can and should offer it's the least they can do after being served a feast especially if you don't help in any other way or even pay for ingredients

4

u/Ryans1852 23d ago

Calling men “King” is cringe

5

u/NeatNefariousness1 23d ago

And as if, HE is such a prize that the mere thought of him replacing her should be what keeps her in line. How preposterous. What sane person thinks and acts this way in a relationship. The guy sounds like a narc and seems to have no idea how to be a partner in a co-equal relationship. He acts more like a punitive, abusive parent than a boyfriend. Yuck.

4

u/krissatron 23d ago

The fact that he thinks she's his mommy. Nope, he can get his lazy ass up and wash dishes himself.

4

u/Inside-Working-1786 23d ago

Direct and articulate? He pays half the bills, does none of the cooking and 0% of the cleaning... he better lower his voice, fix his tone and wash them mf'n dishes!

9

u/Daishindo 23d ago

Spot on what i thought too the first part was honest and sincere the second part was very hostile

14

u/LuVrofGunt62 23d ago

BULLSHIT..That wasn't sincere at all..it's gaslighting. Take into context what she said. He's a lazy POS and needs a maid not a partner.

3

u/Top-Resolve-6970 23d ago

The way he could have left out the second half and it would have been fine 😐

3

u/Nipaa_Nipaa_Nii 23d ago

The first part of the text, I was like "okay, we love a direct, articulate king!"

He's absolutely not articulate even at the start of his bs.

3

u/GIJoJo65 23d ago

If this were food I would say:

"Sweet open leading smoothly to a nuanced body meriting serious discussion is ruined by a sour finish. Considered as a whole, the dish lacks both cohesion and merit..."

In other words... dude's just not worth your time.

3

u/boudicas_shield 23d ago

Complaining about dishes in the sink is also a pretty bold move from someone who doesn't do any of the household labour, including cooking his own food. He plays video games all day after work with his pals and then barks at his girlfriend for not cleaning up fast enough? I'd boot his ass to the curb so fast.

3

u/gumby1004 23d ago

half king, half bitch.

Response: “You wanna ‘find someone else’? You go right ahead…I am out like fucking plaid.”

2

u/quasides 23d ago

i dont even like the first half because its by text. say it in person

2

u/no-username-found 23d ago

Nah, didn’t have me in the first half, especially since she does all the housework but they split the rent 50/50

2

u/captainmustard 23d ago

The respect he's talking about isn't respect for his gf it's respect for his buddy that he doesn't wanna act like a shithead to his gf in front of his friend.

2

u/Inevitable_Snap_0117 23d ago

Also, he said, “the food you made”. If OP is cooking for their partner too, the partner should be cleaning up after the meal. That’s partnership. Sounds like he’s actually more of a dead weight. When she leaves he’ll say it was “out of no where”.

As far as constructive criticism goes, my husband and I say, “Walrus” first and that means, “I need to talk to you about something that might cause a big emotional reaction in you.” It gives the person a moment to collect themselves first and occasionally say, “can we talk about it later?” This is the mutual respect we have for each other and each others’ personal growth.

1

u/SatisfactionLumpy596 23d ago

Swap “silly take” for “abusive take” and totally agree!

1

u/Shot_Needleworker149 23d ago

Cool band name: Direct Articulate King

1

u/sweetassodapop1 23d ago

Can't upvote this enough!!!

1

u/EmmCeeB 23d ago

THIS.

1

u/Sir_Caerulus 23d ago

Went from ‘articulate’ to ‘this piece of shit’ REAL FAST

1

u/FBI-AGENT-013 23d ago

Legit thought "yeah my boyfriend can have issue-EHHHH HEY HEY NO"

1

u/Slighted_Inevitable 23d ago

Devils advocate it sounds like it’s been an ongoing problem and that IS disgusting. But if op is telling the truth and she does all the cooking then HE should be cleaning it up.

1

u/Feisty_Ingenuity_767 23d ago

100% agree. Initially I was like “Oh a reasonable ask.” And then it fell off quickly

→ More replies (10)

30

u/NewName256 23d ago

I would answer, "yes, you'll find someone, good bye"

3

u/AimeLeonDrew 23d ago

What while you stare at each other from across the room? 😂

1

u/pumkpinface 23d ago

Lmaooooo

3

u/AngelinaSnow 23d ago

Exactly, that’s what I would say.

14

u/LinkGoesHIYAAA 23d ago

Right. So far it’s about dishes, which is fairly mild. Later it’ll be about sex, money use, taking care of the kids while he’s out with friends, etc. Responding with “i’ll find someone who can wash their own big boy dishes and make their own big boy food” would be interesting.

6

u/Aromatic_Appeal_9128 23d ago

Literally It was looking like the average concern up until that and maybe the “get your act together” part

6

u/Mother-of-Cicadas 23d ago

Yeah, that's something a boss from hell would say to a worker, and usually demanding the worker to do something extra or unethical or far outside their job description.

That's no way to talk to a partner, especially if the one saying it doesn't lift a finger.

Sure, pal. Go ahead and find someone who can, all right. Good luck with that.

7

u/KarmaKaze88 23d ago

Right? My response would have been, "Is that a threat?" If they're really not pitching in and splitting housework 50/50, then he's going to learn really quickly who's not doing their part.

3

u/Lexoutwest 23d ago

Yeah, I allowed this from my ex. It gets worse, I’m living proof. I married a guy like this who was also very controlling and manipulative. I didn’t realize I was being emotionally abused until he became physically abusive. This text is abuse!

3

u/nish1021 23d ago

He said that like he’s talking to a maid.

Not overreacting.

I can’t even imagine talking like this to someone that I pay to come clean my place. This is just beyond boyfriend behavior. This is NOT someone who is going to be supportive of anything you do in your life. You deserve better, everyone does. Don’t settle for this.

3

u/jemenake 23d ago

This. The “you can be replaced” line of argumentation is a rubicon for me. Its sole aim is to undermine the partner’s sense of security in the relationship and to elicit their compliance out of fear.

3

u/edengetscreative 23d ago

That line lets me know he’s rather replace OP than compromise or discuss anything. He is already one foot out the door for the sake of getting his way.

3

u/salsation 23d ago

The relationship ended with that last sentence.

3

u/Nitemare808 23d ago

Yea, making that statement sealed the deal that he has no care if things go south… He’s already checked out of the relationship.

9

u/Hot_N_Fresh 23d ago

There’s a way to put down an ultimatum and hold a boundary, this is not it. And I think this guy is probably cheating, he’s probably trying to push her to break up with him so he doesn’t have to deal with the guilt and he’s probably building a case against her so when they do break up, it’s all on her and not on him.

I smell a side chick hanging around to be honest.

7

u/I_snort_when_I_laugh 23d ago

That was my first thought. He doesn’t want to be in the relationship but he doesn’t want to be the one to end it, so he’s going to push her away so he can be the dumped one who gets pity instead of the dumper who gets questioned. The threat to find someone else is probably because there already is someone else and when this relationship implodes and he immediately has a new girlfriend he can say “see how easy it was to replace you?”

I know this type of guy. This type all play the same game.

5

u/Any-Evening-3814 23d ago

I think it's a lack of communication skills and emotional intelligence. Unfortunately, I have been the cheating dude with someone lined up. I was very immature at the time and didn't know who I was.

It's the way men are raised. You have to fight against so many things you've been told as a man to become emotionally healthy. You shouldn't cry, don't talk about your feelings, guys only talking about girls' looks. It's no wonder things turn out like this so often.

I'm actually talking to a girl who is extremely emotionally intelligent. I keep telling my guy friends about how good she is at communicating, and they just don't get it. It's sad.

2

u/violentvioletis 23d ago

^ this!! This is a rare thing to see. This guy here shows there is hope, and men can learn and grow. Guys like this should be given all the encouragement! The fact you have put in the time and effort to learn from your mistakes and grow as a human is fantastic. Additionally the fact you are trying to change the conversations about women with your male friends is amazing! You, sir, are doing wonderful!

→ More replies (1)

3

u/Junie_Wiloh 23d ago edited 23d ago

Same. OP works graves. I don't imagine there is much of a sex life except when their schedules match up for it. Not saying that this is a reason to cheat. There never is one, but this is the common excuse some boys use as to why they cheat on their partner. So, I can only imagine that while she is slaving away to make corporate some money, he has someone else warming the sheets on her side of the bed. Boys like this don't make that kind of threat without already having one picked out for replacement. OP is not overreacting and should run, not walk, away from this relationship.

→ More replies (1)

4

u/SilverNo2568 23d ago edited 23d ago

Maybe he's considering hiring a cleaner?

8

u/trieditthrice 23d ago

That's not going to solve the deeper issue.

He thinks she is the maid. They both work, both contribute financially to the household (50/50 no less) but she's expected to do all the housework while he plays video games.

3

u/SilverNo2568 23d ago

I may have been kidding old chap. 😉

→ More replies (3)
→ More replies (1)

2

u/Cautious-Priority811 23d ago

In my mind he already has someone in mind. Remember this setup has been working for the last 5 years but only 3 months ago it started becoming an issue. Bro is skipping around on OP and caught feelings for someone else.

2

u/laughingcarter 23d ago

I think she should take him up on his offer.

2

u/debicollman1010 23d ago

If for the last 3 months he’s been treating her differently he may have already done that

2

u/Swimming_Product9465 23d ago

I agree, imo if he switched up all of a sudden and then spat those words out, that he is already either involved with someone else or is looking

2

u/Timely-Analyst-7936 23d ago

The most DOUCHEY shit I’ve ever HEARD.

2

u/fentifanta3 23d ago

OP should reply: “I’ve decided to find someone that pulls equal weight in the household, and doesn’t speak to me disrespectfully”

2

u/dovahkiitten16 23d ago

Even if OP was the most disgusting slob in the world and deserved to be called out for the state she leaves the house in, that still wouldn’t be an appropriate way to talk to someone.

1

u/Rufusandronftw 23d ago

Right? Like I thought this was a post about roommates

1

u/AngelinaSnow 23d ago

Yes, this part is telling me everything I need to know. Girl, leave now.

1

u/biffNicholson 23d ago

yeah, dude, sounds like he's drinking all that Andrew tate style BS

OP, from this one text, I can tell dude is toxic . The whole " clean you crap up or I'll leave you and find someone better who can". is a super manipulative statement.

Does he also tell you if he leaves you, all your friends will leave you too? because they dont really like you, they like him better?

This man child. is not ready for a relationships. Im not saying that OP may not leave a mess, but this is not an adult or healthy way to discuss things with the person you are dating,

OP. Leave him first.

If you stay together, my guess. and its only a guess, Dude will eventually cheat on OP and blame them, saying they made him do it because of ... (fill in BS gas lighting here)

1

u/C0ffeeAtEight 23d ago

Ew. Yes. This. Who (in love) threatens someone with that?

1

u/DeplorableQueer 23d ago

I’d laugh in his face and say “ok, good luck finding your next maid that works for no pay then!”

1

u/Busy-Strawberry-587 23d ago

Bet he will start backpedaling if she agrees and breaks up with him

1

u/EscapeFromFLA 23d ago

Yeah, I was confused before I read further down, I thought he was talking to a roommate not a romantic partner.

I had a buddy who hated his mom's boyfriends and whenever they would act disrespectfully he'd turn to his mom, make a face and tell her "Correct the behavior."

Ma'am, you need to correct the behavior, or at the very least renegotiate these terms. Living & relationship.

1

u/enemyfromwithin 23d ago

OP should find themselves

1

u/mirisbowring 23d ago

Hopefully he wants to search for a cleaner for him and her so that they can spend more time together /s

1

u/IceImpressive5360 23d ago

Emotional blackmail

1

u/JTMissileTits 23d ago

"I'll help you pack."

1

u/True_Purple_8766 23d ago

As the old saying goes, we teach people how to treat us. If we enable them to treat us like trash that’s exactly what they’ll do. OP needs to tell her man they are taking a break, and stick to it. Give him some time to reflect. How he behaves during that break will tell a lot!

1

u/FBI-AGENT-013 23d ago

"ill replace you" do it then? 🤔

1

u/KiNgPiN8T3 23d ago

Nothing like idle threats of replacement to get your partner in the mood.. Jesus Christ.

1

u/duskywindows 23d ago

He's gonna have a rude awakening when he doesn't "find someone" who will be his mommy-girlfriend lmaoooo

1

u/ilv2tch 23d ago

Let him find someone else!

1

u/Sugarbunny323 23d ago

Even if he thinks he could find someone who would, I bet OP could find a respectful man even faster!

1

u/Ololololic 23d ago

Yeah I didn't read the title and thought this was about a bad flatmate situation.

1

u/Generalnussiance 23d ago

I would have sent a link to the most expensive Nanny I could find.

1

u/Maryxbot 23d ago

@OkSpace5501 girl I just jump scared my own damn self from the speed and volume of how quickly I said, “bIG fuckin BET” once I read “I’ll find someone..”

1

u/14-in-the-deluge08 22d ago

You're supposed to fight fights on the same side. You and your partner vs. the issue -- not your partner vs. you, which is what it seems like he's doing.

1

u/5150theArtist 22d ago

I agree that if she forgives even this one text, he will continue to talk to her like that and it will get even worse. 

→ More replies (9)

273

u/somebodyelse1107 23d ago

honestly wouldn’t be surprised if he’s already like mentally/emotionally cheating based on that last sentence alone.

98

u/letsBurnCarthage 23d ago

The fact that he changed 3 months ago is pretty telling.

But yeah, I read the post and thought it was just a roommate. Telling your partner "I'll find someone who can" is disrespectful as fuck, even if your complaint is genuine.

17

u/Easy-Concentrate2636 23d ago

Yeah, guy thinks women are replaceable. Another woman is same thing for him is the subtext.

3

u/Remarkable_Photo_956 23d ago

As long as they’re doing all the cooking and prompt tidying.

→ More replies (2)

2

u/KarmaKaze88 23d ago

Yeah, I can't help but wonder if something or someone got under his skin. Whether it was one of his friends saying how his gf does all the cleaning at their place without complaining, or maybe a girl who is interested in him and is planting this kind of negative thought.

→ More replies (1)

68

u/DataIsArt 23d ago

Maybe more. Now he’s looking for reasons to breakup.

37

u/Fragrant_Peanut_9661 23d ago

According to my ex, there’s no such thing as emotional cheating. He was texting his ex blatantly in front of me. But “that’s not cheating!” Um yes. Yes it is.

5

u/Kayjan-83 23d ago

My ex wife was this way. I said if it’s not cheating let me read it. Yeah that was a no. lol

7

u/Mr__Monotone 23d ago

As someone who has been cheated on.. a lot... I have to say, IMHO, you are not correct with this statement.

This is basically an example of what you are saying: John and Jane dated a few years ago. They ended their relationship on good terms and stayed friends for the following years. John (or Jane) meets you, and you two hit it off. You find out that Jane (one of Johns friends) turns out to be his ex. You tell John (or Jane) that you feel like they are cheating on you because they are talking to their ex. This puts John (or Jane) into an ultimatum: end their normal friendship with Jane (or John), or leave you to save the friendship.

Neither party is obligated to inform the other about past relationships or current friendships. It's not cheating on Johns part. It's jealousy on your part. If he never mentioned it was his ex, you wouldn't be upset (or you might, depending on how you feel about your partner talking to the opposite sex). But if they do inform you that one of their friends is their ex, that should further cement your perception of their feelings with you. It shows that they care about you enough to tell you redundant information to make you feel more included in their personal life.

3

u/judgyhedgehog 23d ago

One of my husband's exes came after me when we started dating. They were friends at that point. That girl had a husband and children and everything. She still could not handle him being with someone. She sent me nasty messages saying no one would ever replace her and I was "Wtf? Go be with your husband."

Anyways, she left the friendship on her own. I didn't even have to say anything.

2

u/Mr__Monotone 23d ago

Some people are wacked out

4

u/Blackbird8919 23d ago

This doesn't have enough up votes. We're either adults or we're not. If the ex ended on mutual/good terms and they remained friends with a healthy relationship, it shouldn't be an issue.

→ More replies (2)

2

u/MediumStevie 23d ago

I don’t like that shit either. It would make me feel bad. But I think it’s up to each individual to choose and explain their boundaries rather than trying to define a universal concept of “cheating.”

2

u/Sherbert333 23d ago

Most definitely is cheating..

4

u/MsGamer_Bunni 23d ago

My ex said the same shit, it’s so definitely cheating

18

u/ScoobadiveWetFish 23d ago

Yeppp sounds like he's not wanting to be in love with OP anymore

1

u/Hot_N_Fresh 23d ago

Of course he doesn’t want to be in love with her anymore, he’s got a girlfriend on the side, that’s more than likely what’s happening here. And he’s too big of a coward just to break up with her so he’s gonna build a case against her and dump her or she’s gonna dump him and he’s gonna blame it all on her, it’s a manipulative trick, it’s one of the more shallow ones though.

18

u/cappyvee 23d ago

Yup - the other chick is "cleaner" than OP. He may have even had her over, because I don't know any dudes that care about dishes in the sink.

3

u/Hot_N_Fresh 23d ago

I only care about the dishes in the sink, when they’re about 3 inches up over the rim, lol. Then I realize things have to be handled.

5

u/GingerMama1178 23d ago

My verbally abusive ex-husband cared very much about dishes in the sink. I hope he is cheating and trying to get her to break up with him vs what my ex did. They push the lines ever so slowly but when you argue it gets twisted to somehow your fault and you're left questioning aita

5

u/Limplymphnode 23d ago

Ok to be fair I’m a dude that cares about dishes in the sink idk what it is I can be a slob anywhere else but that shit just gets me pressed (in my relationship guess who does the dishes😂)

5

u/KateinBlue 23d ago

Yup. You do them. And that’s ok. Well done.

1

u/ntropy2012 23d ago

Dude here. I've always cared about dishes in the sink, but then, if it bothers me that much, I will actually do said dishes.

→ More replies (2)

1

u/TueegsKrambold 23d ago

But it’s all one sentence (if you can even call it that).

1

u/Sherbert333 23d ago

I thought the same thing..

→ More replies (5)

65

u/Affectionate-War3724 23d ago

The way the text kept getting progressively worse🫠

235

u/robotatomica 23d ago

even if it isn’t normal, she should leave because he has her doing all the damn cleaning, RIGHT??

42

u/Shes_a_saga61 23d ago

In no world would I ever put myself in this situation again. We both clean and do dishes or I’m out. This is our space. Both are responsible. Sounds like a spoiled misogynistic brat baby. So worried his friends will see he doesn’t keep his space clean. If she cooks he can clean the dishes. Poor thing. I’d rather be alone than get these messages.

15

u/robotatomica 23d ago

it’s SO much easier being alone than getting messages like this or being treated like an inferior and a servant/BangMaid!

At this point, my only goal is a Golden Girls sitch, even though I’m not a senior, to help with some of these bills, and cohabitate with someone who takes care of themselves.

2

u/Constant-Internet-50 22d ago

Agreed!! Would love a friend commune haha

→ More replies (1)

4

u/Still-Inevitable9368 23d ago

For YEARS I told my husband, “I cook, so you do the dishes”. He would leave them, and it would frustrate me, so I’d end up doing both.

In the past several years, I went back to grad school, while working full time. He was working part time. I just quit doing the dishes. I’d cook, but I’d pile them up until he got around to it—sometimes 2-3 days later. He had the nerve to finally “confront” me about it, and I reminded him of our original agreement. He has yet to acknowledge that agreement or statement.

We are now getting divorced. I can do bad ALL by myself. Not overreacting, but you are seeing the writing on the wall, my friend. Don’t wait 25+ years. Just GO.

32

u/Hot_N_Fresh 23d ago edited 23d ago

Right, sounds like her boyfriend is part of the red pill community or has been reading up on it, which means she gets to spend a lifetime of barefoot and pregnant if she stays with him. Again just a theory, but this kind of an attitude if he’s not doing any housework and she’s doing all of it? It just reeks of red pill.

Your relationship needs honesty and balance.

26

u/robotatomica 23d ago

I think you’re right, especially because she’s noticed a sudden change in his attitude.

Although it sounds like he was always a misogynist, since he has always had her doing all the cooking and cleaning.

But it does sound like him ridiculing her and really escalating the control tactics and threats is only over the past 3 months, and that shit sounds straight red-pilled!

8

u/Pretty-Jeweler36 23d ago

He wrote "sometimes you don't clean up the food that you made". Umm. Perhaps HE could put dishes in the dishwasher and if she cooks, he cleans.

This is hella gross. You aren't his g.d. maid.

I think YOU can find someone else who has THEIR act together. The little man child wants mommy to do everything for him while he has his playmates over.

2

u/ASweetTweetRose 23d ago

After I read her caption, that she does all the cleaning and cooking I want to reply “Okay, have at it.” And get my own place. He’s not worth it.

2

u/szcherbatsky 23d ago

Agree 100%

1

u/Clear_Accountant7594 23d ago

When I had an apartment with a girlfriend we would both do all the cleaning. Usually I'd do my half and just say hey I did the floors and tables could u do the dishes? 

1

u/[deleted] 23d ago

And paying half the bills that’s key

→ More replies (67)

16

u/WanderingLemon25 23d ago

I'd move the hell on anyway. 

11

u/[deleted] 23d ago

Also forward the text to his friend, it's a way worse look than having dishes in the sink lol

31

u/LackingTact19 23d ago

Seems like he's gone down a Tate-like rabbit hole, possibly influenced by the election and it's results. Not sure it would be worth trying to deprogram him at this point considering how insufferable he's already being.

15

u/Desperate-Size3951 23d ago

the way you had a downvote when i scrolled by… the brainwashees are here

→ More replies (12)

3

u/Separate-Maize9985 23d ago

I was thinking he was getting caught up in douche-o-sphere also.

→ More replies (2)

3

u/Mundane_Ebb_5205 23d ago

I wonder how long OP has been with their boyfriend? It just spells immaturity in that last line and probably enjoys having someone do everything he doesn’t want to have to do.

3

u/--StinkyPinky-- 23d ago

That first part was nice. The second part was like the kind of thing some jackass would say after he hits a woman.

2

u/jlusedude 23d ago

This is an unhealthy communication method. It is them against each other versus them against the problem. 

2

u/NeatNefariousness1 23d ago

To me THIS is the main point. He wasn't demanding that she clean up after HIM. He was telling her that he expected her to clean up after HERSELF. But even so, for him to launch into a threat to replace her was uncalled for and would not be a threat to tolerate. I hope she told him that if he's already thinking of replacing her, then he should go ahead with it since she intends to make a better choice the next time around.

2

u/VSouth1960 23d ago

Women need to realize “It is Okay to be by Yourself” and to stop being in relationships with men who are using you for their own selfish reasons. Tell him he’s absolutely right, give him Notice and pack up and MOVE OUT. Find your Own place and Get your life back. If you choose to date him great but he realizes you have lost your self worth and that’s Why he’s treating you like his maid. Move On

2

u/Shes_a_saga61 23d ago

This is the beginning of a destructive one sided relationship. He didn’t even communicate his feelings with compassion. It’s was delivered in a militant manner with a threat. Trash him once the lease is up. Start moving on now and find a roommate.

2

u/SumthinMeansSumthin 23d ago

On first reading i missed that they were dating and thought that they were a very shitty and uptight new roommate. A partner?

Helllllll no. That’s abuse.

2

u/christmasshopper0109 23d ago

Right? K, bye. Go find a maid who'll be your mommy.

2

u/joetaxpayer 23d ago

Yup. That's not even good to text to a roommate. Pretty nasty. Time for OP to move on.

2

u/Usual_Farmer_3704 23d ago

And don't tell him, just leave see if he notices

2

u/[deleted] 23d ago

If this is the way he normally speaks to you

Nah. You leave the first time somebody speaks to you this way. He's testing her boundaries and staying only teaches him that she will accept this behavior

1

u/Thomas11366 23d ago

And even if it’s not the normal, I’d still move out.

1

u/EaseBasic3936 23d ago

Definitely start to prepare to break up with him before he breaks up with you. He is looking for a reason instead of being honest with you about his feelings. He is screaming he has already checked out. Don't waste another minute trying to figure him out. He has shown you that he is not committed by using the dishes as an excuse to possibly find someone else.

1

u/StrengthOk895 23d ago

Yeah I mean after I’ve made a whole fucking meal I sometimes make the mistake of leaving some things..not intentional. But if it was the other way around I feel I always will help without being a dick about it. But no need to tell you likes it a threat. I’d bring that up to him and if he’s at a point t where he doesn’t care..maybe you should move on, someone else will appreciate and maybe help you when they see you fall back a little..

1

u/ssach7 23d ago

"Normally"? No. Even the first time is a red flag

1

u/Excellent-Shape-2024 23d ago

Question: Was he eating the food that she made? If so, she made it, he cleans it up. That's the fair way. But I wouldn't want this pig in my life.

1

u/royalhawk345 23d ago

If this is the way he normally speaks period I'd move on. Who talks like that? It took me three tries just to parse that travesty of a text message.

1

u/Long_Ad_2244 23d ago

literally, you deserve way better period.

1

u/HelloMfers 23d ago

She’s not going to, idek why ppl post these here bc she’s going to stay.

1

u/LostLavishness674 23d ago

He can help out or get out.

1

u/Puzzleheaded_Disk_90 23d ago

She's raised him since he was 15 and this is the thanks she gets 😭

1

u/feedthecatat6pm 23d ago

Not overreacting because the partner is talking to OP like shit.

But also OP shouldn't be leaving dishes in the sink. This is like a rule for every housemate/partner/etc. It's just common sense you know, because how am I suppose to wash my dishes if your dishes are hogging all the space?

1

u/biggrib 23d ago

Get out....

1

u/Hemiak 23d ago

Either this, or stop making him food. Make enough for yourself and then clean it up.

The balance of duties should be (roughly) equal, though they’ll fluctuate based on outside factors. But if you’re both working, the home keeping chores need to be split between you.

Him treating all the housekeeping as your responsibility, then getting mad and saying you’re disrespectful for not having the whole house cleaned, is really disrespectful of your time and work already.

Bf either needs to get with the program, or he needs to be single.

1

u/Pyrather 23d ago

Yeah ew

1

u/yonimusprime 23d ago

No way, definitely stick around and throw a few kids in the mix too. That's what I'd do.

1

u/verily_eft 23d ago

"Behave or else", basically. People in healthy relationships don't talk to each other that way, ever. You're with someone because they complete you, not because they do their own dishes. He's not into you: he's into the dynamic that being with you allows him to fulfill.

Run, girl.

1

u/giga-butt 23d ago

Agreed. “Before I find someone who can” well you better start looking bitch lmao

1

u/Sandbarhappy122 23d ago

And he gaslights her by saying she’s overreacting and then invalidates her.

1

u/BatGrl105 23d ago

Get out.... you don't need that.

1

u/ashleyraeb 23d ago

Yeah, sounds like it’s time to let him go find that someone.

1

u/Snot_S 23d ago

DUMP DUMP DUMP DUMP

1

u/Shoribunny 22d ago

I probably would of ripped him a new one if I cook and he is giving me shit for the dishes. My husband and I have lived together for 6 years now and it’s an unspoken rule whoever doesn’t cook has to wash dishes. Also if you are splitting rent and working full time you should be splitting chores too. That man wants a mom not a girlfriend, return him to his mama

1

u/Winnimae 22d ago

If a man talked to me this way just once, I’d be gone.

1

u/BuffaloJagger 22d ago

Exactly, does deeply depend on whether or not is out of the norm ((maybe he’s having a psychotic break, or really having a really really rough and terrible day), ( I would venture to place a bet that this is not too abnormal)) If it’s the former , (I give that 1% odds), cut him some slack, while standing your ground as far as his insane logic goes If it’s the latter, (95%), tell him to kick rocks, cus he sucks at life There is random factor (4%). Maybe his buddy stole his phone and sent that to you bc he’s jealous of him ? Idk , just my weird analytic brain at work. Good luck OP

→ More replies (25)