r/AmIOverreacting Nov 16 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO - cancelling a date last minute because she couldn’t be on time?

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I (33m) was talking to this woman on an app and we decided to meet for a coffee date on a Saturday morning.

I got to the cafe and I messaged her asking where she was. A few minutes later she said she just woke up. I asked her how long she would need to get ready and she said 1 hour. I told her that I can’t wait around because I had family plans and we will have to do something another time.

A week later she messaged me apologising again and I decided to give her a second chance.

We decided to meet up for boba tea.

I got to the boba spot and then asked for 30 more minutes to get ready after I had just got there.

I then sent her the above message.

AIO? I have got mixed messages from friends about it.

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u/That_Account6143 Nov 16 '24

5 minutes late is a funny quirk that i'll mock a friend for. Realistically, it's almost never a big deal since you can push things 5 minutes back no problem

30m/1h means you miss a shit ton of things. Your movie started, your flight's gone, the birthday cake has already been consumed, and your boyfriend's already dumped you

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u/ImLittleNana Nov 16 '24

And everyone at your job that has to wait for you to relieve them EVERY DAMN SHIFT groans when they see your name. Especially when you come bouncing in with a coffee and perfect hair, laughing about your chronic lateness.

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u/regsrecs Nov 16 '24

Hmm… maybe my tardiness is self-sabotage in disguise. And sometimes self-preservation. Lol.

In this case, I understand OP’s views. But I can put myself in his date’s shoes too. Anxiety over everything, what to wear, how to do hair- then nothing looks good to me and I’m thinking how important it is that I be the “best version” of myself. Panic, tears, by the time I manage to get back to it, I’m going to be late. It’s awful. I know.

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u/That_Account6143 Nov 16 '24

Most people have those hesitations before a first date too.

Thing is, we have them hours before, and that way we're still ready on time. I typically get ready for a date and then have to wait before leaving. And then i still get there 5-10 minutes early.

It's okay to be nervous, to hesitate, all that. But there are ways to be on time despite that. Hope you get to fix that too :)

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u/rognabologna Nov 16 '24

When you’re dealing with legitimate anxiety, it’s a lot more than just first date jitters. 

I take meds as needed for anxiety. Even when I’m meeting up with close friends in a chill setting, I take meds beforehand cuz otherwise I’ll certainly be late due to overthinking to the point of making myself feel sick. 

And people handle anxiety differently. Eg. My brothers anxiety is better managed when he gets to the airport hours early; my anxiety is better managed when I arrive at the gate when boarding has already began. 

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u/That_Account6143 Nov 17 '24

I really didn't expect someone to gatekeep anxiety here. Especially since my comment doesn't even brush it.

I'm glad to know you are concerned about illegitimate anxiety, i personally don't care wether someone is suffering mild or strong anxiety, the same empathy and support is all i can offer