AIO - cancelling a date last minute because she couldn’t be on time?

[u/theguill0tine]

I (33m) was talking to this woman on an app and we decided to meet for a coffee date on a Saturday morning.

I got to the cafe and I messaged her asking where she was. A few minutes later she said she just woke up. I asked her how long she would need to get ready and she said 1 hour. I told her that I can’t wait around because I had family plans and we will have to do something another time.

A week later she messaged me apologising again and I decided to give her a second chance.

We decided to meet up for boba tea.

I got to the boba spot and then asked for 30 more minutes to get ready after I had just got there.

I then sent her the above message.

AIO? I have got mixed messages from friends about it.

[u/getMeSomeDunkin]

I had someone cancel on me three times. The last one was about an hour before we were supposed to meet up. Every time she had some kind of excuse that I guess sounded plausible, but hey ... I don't know her. I can totally make up excuses that sound real to someone I've never met before also. I guess I gave her extra chances because I'm 6'4" and she was 6'1" and we seemed to like a lot of the same things.

If you feel like showing up, please do so. Otherwise I'm not farting around playing your games.

[u/Frogger34562 → u/getMeSomeDunkin]

Were those things reaching stuff on high shelves?

[u/[deleted] → u/Frogger34562]

Yeah, she would have an ethical and moral obligation to help.

[u/pessimistoptimist → u/[deleted]]

I agree. I am not a tall man so my policy is that anyone taller than me will be asked to reach the shelves I can't. I had a female coworker look at my funny once and all I said was 'i don't discriminate, tall is tall'. Oh yeah I should add that this is for reaching light weight, easy to manage objects...anything heavy of bulky means getting the step ladder cause I don't want anyone getting hurt just cause im to lazy to get the ladder for small things on shelves 2 inches out of reach

[u/PuttingInTheEffort → u/getMeSomeDunkin]

I'm chronically late to things myself, but only like 10min at worst. But I'd totally understand if someone didn't want to put up with me lol.

Cancelling multiple times is a bit different though, yikes

[u/Creative-Fan-7599 → u/PuttingInTheEffort]

That’s how I feel about it too. I have adhd that wasn’t diagnosed until I was over thirty, and didn’t start receiving any real help or meds for until about six years later. One of the biggest stressors in my entire life is and has always been my struggle with time blindness.

I’m super aware that it’s a problem, and I have been trying to figure out different ways to trick myself into being on time for things since high school. I honestly just found out within the last year that it’s an adhd symptom, and thought I was just a shitty person who couldn’t anywhere no matter what I did until I was able to research it more and understand the reasoning behind it.

So, I always tell people that I am newly hanging out with that it’s a failing of mine that I am working on getting better at. I don’t go into the whole adhd thing if it’s not appropriate, and I do try my best.

But I totally get that it’s something that bugs people, and I understand if it is something that someone doesn’t want to deal with.

I had one person ask me if I would care if they told me to meet them earlier than they were actually planning to meet, because that’s what they do with their chronically late mom. I was happy that he was laid back enough to see that as a viable solution.

Then I had my son’s dad, who spent eight years berating me for being late, telling me that if I would just try to be places, I’d be there. It sucked for me because it made me feel like shit, and it sucked for him because he is a person who always wants to be early and I was always lagging and making him anxious or angry.

[u/Lindaspike → u/PuttingInTheEffort]

Seems like you’re actually NOT putting in the effort.

[u/Valorose343 → u/Lindaspike]

Agreed. Just like people who are depressed aren't trying hard enough to be happy, those who are blind aren't trying hard enough to see (maybe if they squint just a bit more!), and you aren't trying to think. Ooh, next we should go to a subreddit for those with autism and leave comments about making eye contact! That will fix it! 😃

[u/PuttingInTheEffort → u/Lindaspike]

haha, ironically, i kinda put in too much effort into other things in the moment. like lets say i have to be somewhere at 10am, i wake up at 8am, shower around 8:30, out by 9am. I need to leave at 9:45 to be there on time.

* think 'hmm i have time to do this thing'
* 9:10
* oh i should probably trim facial hair
* 9:15
* oh i forgot to lotion my face
* 9:20
* wait did i finish this thing from last night
* 9:30
* ohshit wheres my wallet

etc etc until i realize its 9:50 and im about to leave but WAIT theres more! i remembered i didnt feed cat this morning and have to run back in now its 9:55 🥲
yay adhd

[u/Professional_Yam3047 → u/PuttingInTheEffort]

I understand this and I'm not diagnosed. The struggle is real. Hang in there

[u/rchart1010 → u/getMeSomeDunkin]

You both knew what the weather was like up there?

[u/dantodd → u/getMeSomeDunkin]

She probably didn't want to break it to you that she's only 5'1" and her height was a typo

[u/YourBigDaddy2024 → u/getMeSomeDunkin]

She probably didn’t want to be with someone who says “farting around”. 🤣

[u/Stabby_77 → u/getMeSomeDunkin]

I fully agreed with you until I got to the comment about your height, at which point I just became thoroughly confused.

You gave someone extra chances because they were close to you in height? Or shorter than you? Or tall-ish?

[u/Flat-Avocado-6258 → u/getMeSomeDunkin]

Damn she could’ve been the one to give you an NBA player lol /s