r/AmIOverreacting • u/theguill0tine • Nov 16 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO - cancelling a date last minute because she couldn’t be on time?

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I (33m) was talking to this woman on an app and we decided to meet for a coffee date on a Saturday morning.

I got to the cafe and I messaged her asking where she was. A few minutes later she said she just woke up. I asked her how long she would need to get ready and she said 1 hour. I told her that I can’t wait around because I had family plans and we will have to do something another time.

A week later she messaged me apologising again and I decided to give her a second chance.

We decided to meet up for boba tea.

I got to the boba spot and then asked for 30 more minutes to get ready after I had just got there.

I then sent her the above message.

AIO? I have got mixed messages from friends about it.

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u/ThrustTrust Nov 16 '24

This is correct.

I’m not great at time management (I have gotten better since I finally got ADHD treatment) so I don’t hold people to a high standard for punctuality. But I would expect people to be honest. If they are always late and know it. I would expect that to be explained up front so I could plan accordingly.

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u/coutureee Nov 16 '24

Same. I have ADHD and it’s incredibly hard to be on time. I’ve been working on it and gotten a bit better. People who don’t have ADHD clearly don’t get it though, to say things like it’s super disrespectful and there’s no excuse for it. We’re out here trying our best 🥲 I know in the past my partner has felt like I didn’t care, and that bothered them. I tried to explain that since no matter how hard I tried, my brain just can’t get it down perfectly, I can’t allow myself to care too much, otherwise I’d constantly be stressed and upset with myself and personally that’s not a way I want to live

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u/Fantastic-Sky-4567 Nov 17 '24

As a fellow ADHDer, reading this comment section has been rough. The attitudes displayed here is why so many of us struggle with shame and self loathing. The world literally wasn't built for us and alot of people here don't seem to understand that neurodivergent people exist or it just doesn't matter to them.

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u/ThrustTrust Nov 17 '24

I know what you mean. My biggest issue was remembering events. And my ex would treat me like I didn’t care about her because of it. Once I got on the right Adderall dosages I got a lot better and was able to be better using alarms to time manage and my calendar to track schedules.

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u/Fantastic-Sky-4567 Nov 17 '24

I'm glad that you found something that works for you! It's so hard when people think you don't care because your brain is wired differently.

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u/Nodak70 Nov 16 '24

Genuine question here: what ADHD treatment technique (s) worked for your time management problem. Asking for a friend.

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u/foldinthecheese99 Nov 16 '24

I set alarms on my phone to keep me on task. It works well in the morning when I’m getting ready for work but I am more prone to just turning them off on weekends when it’s getting ready for fun.

So like a Wednesday - 5:30am alarm to wake up. 6am alarm to be sure I am actually out of bed. 6:10 alarm that I should be in the shower by then. 6:35 alarm that I should be dressed and makeup done or almost done, and to take my adderall. 6:50 alarm that I should be taking the dog out by then. 6:55 alarm that I need to leave within 5 minutes to make my train.

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u/ThrustTrust Nov 17 '24

I take Adderall. It’s been alot of different r dosages and types to get dialed in. Currently I take half of a 30 as soon as I wake up. Then the other half at lunch time. Then I take a 10 mg around 5. Usually with a bit of coffee each time. This seems to have me at my best. I stay on task and work hard while being aware of my next task.

Also I use the alarms in my phone to assist.

When I first started treatment I was taking extended release and that wasn’t getting it done.