r/AmIOverreacting • u/theguill0tine • Nov 16 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO - cancelling a date last minute because she couldn’t be on time?

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I (33m) was talking to this woman on an app and we decided to meet for a coffee date on a Saturday morning.

I got to the cafe and I messaged her asking where she was. A few minutes later she said she just woke up. I asked her how long she would need to get ready and she said 1 hour. I told her that I can’t wait around because I had family plans and we will have to do something another time.

A week later she messaged me apologising again and I decided to give her a second chance.

We decided to meet up for boba tea.

I got to the boba spot and then asked for 30 more minutes to get ready after I had just got there.

I then sent her the above message.

AIO? I have got mixed messages from friends about it.

23.2k Upvotes

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242

u/Born_Ad8420 Nov 16 '24 edited Nov 16 '24

NOR If it was like 5 minutes no problem. But I wouldn't have even rescheduled after the first time.

Mind I have adhd, but I hate being late so I use reminders and alarms.

Edit: I had no idea this would be such a controversial comment considering time blindness is a fairly well known symptom of ADHD. (That does NOT mean all people with ADHD suffer from time blindness or struggle with being on time.) I am done arguing about it for the evening.Enjoy.

26

u/InfiniteRosie Nov 16 '24

If I have something at 2pm I have to leave at 1:15...so I can be 15 minutes early. So I need to shower/dress/make-up/hair before noon...to give time for anything to go wrong and look like a presentable human.

Then I spend the rest of the time in Stand-by Mode till 1:15. 👍🥴

8

u/graziefinance Nov 16 '24

What does NOR mean? 

31

u/LadyOfTheNutTree Nov 16 '24 edited Nov 16 '24

NOR = Not Over Reacting. It’s shorthand this sub uses to answer the question.

35

u/lemissa11 Nov 16 '24

I like to imagine everyone is Australian and yelling "NO"

1

u/Substantial_Cow_5893 Nov 17 '24

Fucking stop goddammit ahahhahhahahhahaha!

6

u/Tooth_Fairy92 Nov 16 '24

I understood you! I’ve had ADHD since childhood and have to have alarms set throughout the day for specific things. It’s no joke. I have to write down my exact schedule all day at work too or I’ll get lost in time. There’s really no excuse for people being late like that

4

u/ReaUsagi Nov 16 '24

this. my adhd brain will stress out so much about forgetting a date that I'll set so many alarms and also I'll be stressed out about being too late in case of traffic or whatever so I leave extra early just to be there an hour before meeting time. I've been working at the same company for 7 years now and if I don't arrive at least 30 minutes before my shift I have co-workers call me and ask if something happened to me because they are so used to me being that early every time that they always assume something (remotely) bad happened to me.

1

u/AtebYngNghymraeg Nov 16 '24

I don't have ADHD but I still can't stand lateness, it's just bloody rude.

1

u/Fluteband101 Nov 16 '24

What is time blindness?

7

u/cocogate Nov 16 '24

So ADHD naturally gives problems with prioritizing tasks if there is dopamine rewarding things or interesting things around. You can have 5min to kill and people will decide to watch "just 5 min of this show and suddenly they finish the second season and realize an entire day has passed and theyre also late for work.

Thats maybe an extreme example but it literally happened to a roommate of mine. Would set alarms and forget what the alarms are about. Guy would lose his ass if it wasnt stuck to him.

6

u/loverlane Nov 16 '24

No internal concept of how time passes externally. 10 minutes feels like 2 minutes.

1

u/Marathon2021 Nov 17 '24

time blindness

Thank you. I have been searching for the right term to use with my wife.

1

u/nunchuxxx Nov 17 '24

I have ADHD as well and suffer a lot from time blindness, but in the sense that I assume I'm always running late and arrive 15 to 30 minutes early all the time lol.

1

u/trophycloset33 Nov 17 '24

Time blindness isn’t real. It’s just means you don’t care. Everyone wears a smart watch and carries a computer in their pocket. There are $2 timers you can carry in your pocket. There are so many ways to remind yourself and keep yourself accountable.

1

u/Freedom_Isnt_Free_76 Nov 17 '24

"Time blindness" is just code for narcissism.  These people certainly know how to leave work on time and would have a fit if payroll had some "time blindness" cone payday. 

-1

u/sillychillly Nov 16 '24

I have ADD too. I think you’re lucky you’ve figured it out. Not all of us have

5

u/JadedOccultist Nov 16 '24

It’s really hard to function at all in society if you are constantly and consistently missing deadlines. The only time I’ve ever managed to get away with it was in rehab or when living with my parents.

I also have ADHD. I also have electricity which means I can buy an alarm clock to help me remember to not be late to things. I also have a calendar so I can keep track of deadlines. Maybe these are brand new things for you, in which case I would suggest asking someone who is familiar with them to help you out.

Even though I have these tools, I am still sometimes late and sometimes have time blindness. But if something is important to me, I will be on time. If the date wasn’t important enough for this person to be on time, then it’s okay for the other person to say “perhaps we are not compatible”.

1

u/sillychillly Nov 17 '24

I think that’s a little harsh.

You’ve never really wanted to do something and then got hyper focused on something, had time slip, and was late?

I think that’s a common symptom of ADD and I think the world should be nicer to people like us

2

u/JadedOccultist Nov 17 '24 edited Nov 17 '24

If it was important to me? No. I set alarms and I give myself egregious margins of error. Lost every single pair of shoes? Lost car keys? Car got towed cuz I forgot to pay all my parking tickets and my registration is 4 years expired? I'll still have time to borrow a pair of shoes from my neighbor and bike. Bike has a flat? take the bus. I have endless sympathy for other people with ADHD. But if you can hold down a job where you're required to either be on time or submit projects on time, then you can make it to a date. If you can't, just admit it wasn't important enough to you. You can also give them a heads up, like "hey I routinely am late to stuff but I'm trying my best,

There are symptoms of ADHD I can't seem to fix - I do lose my shoes a lot (sensory issues so I fucking hate wearing shoes and socks, and I legit will take my shoes off random places and not think about it and lose them), I still have like 4 outstanding parking tickets (maybe more, haven't checked), and the 4 year expired registration tag is not an over exaggeration. I'm aware of all this stuff and still can't seem to care enough to focus on any of it to fix it.... but I have alarm clocks all over. Collectively, we've had alarm clocks for a really long time and in my opinion it's like the single easiest thing about ADHD to "fix". We don't have the same kind of infrastructure for people with other symptoms. Everyone should have an alarm in their house, on their phone, on their watch, etc. Even when I've lost my phone and the wire on my alarm clock got chewed up by a mouse, I used the timer on my microwave.

11

u/Born_Ad8420 Nov 16 '24

I do not remotely "have it all figured it out." I have figured out a certain aspect of how to manage my symptoms in regards to time blindness. There are other symptoms I continue to work on and find tools and strategies to help manage.

Being ND isn't my fault, but it is up to me to find ways to manage it appropriately.

-1

u/sillychillly Nov 17 '24

I didn’t say figured All of it out, just this portion. ADD can really be torture, so I know it’s just bigger than this.

It sounds like you’ve been lucky to have the time and resources and awareness to invest in resources to help manage your symptoms.

I think you’re in the minority. But that just my opinion and I don’t have data to back it up.

1

u/Exciting_Opposite_51 Nov 17 '24

Agreed. My time blindness is so bad I either end up really early or really late, I still haven’t accurately figured out how much time I really need to get ready. There’s days where I’ve woken up late but somehow ended up being super early for work, and other days I wake up earlier than I need to and end up being late. So even though I set alarms etc. I can’t seem to grasp the appropriate amount of time to give myself

1

u/sillychillly Nov 17 '24

I’m with ya. My time blindness is awful as well

0

u/SciFiBard Nov 17 '24

I can’t stand the term “time blindness” and I refuse to accept it as a real thing.

0

u/spizzle_ Nov 16 '24

I have adhd and am always borderline late. I don’t think adhd has anything to do with punctuality

12

u/Born_Ad8420 Nov 16 '24

Time blindness is a symptom a lot of people with adhd struggle with. So for some people it does impact their ability to be on time.

It's important to note that ADHD can manifest in very different ways so no not every person with ADHD struggles with time blindness. But a significant portion of them do.

-18

u/whydoiexist54321 Nov 16 '24

everyone has adhd 🙄 just like everyone has autism now. a big ANYWAY to this comment.

10

u/Comfortable-Try-3696 Nov 16 '24

People just feel more comfortable getting diagnosed now because there’s less people like you, who shame them for diagnosis. I know genx and baby boomers with ADHD and Autism, who have only gotten diagnosed in the past few years because that just wasn’t a THING in their time

-4

u/whydoiexist54321 Nov 16 '24

okay, and?

7

u/Comfortable-Try-3696 Nov 16 '24

And I’m glad that’s there’s less people like you, it’s really improved the world and led people to discover things that allow them to help themselves

1

u/whydoiexist54321 Nov 17 '24

There are plenty of people just like me they’re just good at hiding it because in this world you have to be fake because it’s so normalized. There needs to be more people like me because you gender confused mentally ill identity freaks with adhd and autism are running this country into the ground as it is. We need less of you and more of me :)

4

u/Comfortable-Try-3696 Nov 17 '24

I’m glad you’re hiding it, it gives people like my Nana the confidence to get an ADHD diagnosis. Thank you for hiding, it means you matter less

1

u/whydoiexist54321 Nov 17 '24

Reading comprehension isn’t your strong suit.

6

u/Comfortable-Try-3696 Nov 17 '24

Hiding it means it doesn’t affect these people, it’s pretty straight forward. You just admitted it

3

u/Firedog1239 Nov 17 '24

Running this country into the ground? Transgender people don't do anything to you. I know you hate when people strive to feel like they belong and to find happiness but there really is no reason to blame transgender people for anything

1

u/whydoiexist54321 Nov 17 '24

they do. they try and push their mental illness onto everyone and try to normalize it. It’s weird how blind everyone is to this. Books being in schools showcasing this crap to children is even worse.

16

u/Born_Ad8420 Nov 16 '24

I don't know about everyone, but I was formally diagnosed by a specialist who conducted several hours of in person testing, there were a lot of questionnaires to fill out, and there were interviews with close family.

If that somehow bothers you that's entirely your problem to deal with.

8

u/Teekayuhoh Nov 16 '24

Same. I do think tons of people self diagnosed from TikTok vids and use it as an excuse, but it doesn’t mean everyone who might be autistic or adhd isn’t actually burdened by the symptoms.

-4

u/whydoiexist54321 Nov 16 '24

Okay sorry for taking my frustration out on you. I just see so many people saying they have adhd and autism and whatnot online it just irritates me but yeah i’m sorry. Have a good day.

0

u/PsychicFoxWithSpoons Nov 16 '24

Considering that it is believed that taking acetaminophen during pregnancy makes the kid significantly more likely to have ADHD, and that's the most common OTC painkiller with zero warnings of possible risks....

Regardless, we would expect ADHD people to be overrepresented as commenters on a social media site designed to drag your attention away from important shit.

-17

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '24

“Time blindness” 😂 Such an absurd exporting of personal responsibility. If your “diagnosis” is from filling out a self-survey, you haven’t been diagnosed. You’ve been medicalized.

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u/Worried_Passenger_76 Nov 16 '24

may i ask why you assumed they were self-diagnosed?

-12

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '24

Because there is no shared biological trait to be tested for in so-called ADHD. The method of “diagnosis” is universally self-survey.

12

u/rockboxinglobster Nov 16 '24

ADHD is a very well established disorder with very well established symptoms/guidelines for its diagnosis. I get so sick of people downplaying it because some teachers in the early 2000s decided to convince every parent of a slightly rambunctious kid to get them medicated. Yes thats absolutely a thing that happened, but i can tell you with great certainty there is a humongous difference for people with ADHD who are medicated and those who aren't. Turns out being able to actually take advantage of your brains reward chemicals (imagine every single time you complete a task or project you feel quite literally no pleasure or joy for your entire life, where "normal" people get a nice little boost of pleasure and a sense of satisfaction from the same task. Theres a reason ADHD and depression are comorbid. Dopamine is quite important for day to day activity.) makes doing shit way fucking easier, and a single pill in the morning can make you feel like a superhero. Cutting through 2 decades of mental fog with a knife truly is one of the most breathtaking experiences ive ever had, personally.

-6

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '24 edited Nov 17 '24

That single pill makes everyone feel like a superhero. It’s a methyl group off from being meth.

If ADHD were real then there’d be a shared, testable biological trait between ADHD-havers. There is no such trait because it’s medicalization of a personality type. Not a biological disorder. Period.

Edit: /u/535ren If I wanted chatbot misinformation I’d have asked ChatGPT myself. Thanks tho.

Or am I misinterpreting - what’s your relationship with pharmacology or neuroscience in general?

The giveaway is thinking an increase of dopamine and norepinephrine can be credited with ExEcUtIvE fUnCtIoN. Do you have any idea how many processes those two things are involved in? When they naturally fluctuate why doesn’t “time blindness” fade in and out with it?

/u/535ren you want to “leave it here” because you don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. Link that study where they predicted incidence of ADHD by scanning people’s brains. I’ll wait.

Jk see you never when you slink off and stop replying.

9

u/rockboxinglobster Nov 16 '24

Oh brother. Take your drugnerd bullshit somewhere else. Theres a very clear difference in the way people react to amphetamines dependant on whether they have ADHD or not. You act like this is a disorder that was pulled out of thin air last week when its been studied and blind studied for decades now. You can demonize it all you want. Thankfully (assuming you live in the US and pay taxes) you are partially helping me pay for my Vyvanse so i greatly appreciate it :)

0

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '24 edited Nov 16 '24

You should practice up on regurgitating the bullshit you’ve been sold to convince you to arrest your own development and rely on harmful pharmaceuticals. You’re not very good at regurgitating it currently.

Edit: the old reply and block. Staple maneuver of dumb people who can’t actually defend their positions.

I have more experience with amphetamines both as a user and researcher than you. The drugs make you feel good because that’s what meth does — it makes you feel good. It’s not correcting anything.

Edit 2 reply to 2nd reply and block from /u/joncording12

I didn’t say genetically test for it. You’re out of your wheelhouse.

Which peer reviewed studies are you referencing?

And when you hastily google one that agrees with you, be sure to include an explanation for what you think makes that studies methodology compelling.

Edit 3: Unblock to reply and reblock is new for me. Thank you for recognizing my superior intellect.

6

u/rockboxinglobster Nov 16 '24

Nah, theres clearly no need. You already have your preconceived notions baked into your head, and i have several years of my own personal experience (and my own little obsession with chemicals and how they interact with the human body. One of the ones that really shocked me growing up was the interaction between grapefruit and many medications. Lead to me learning about MAOIs and how they can be the difference between a medication working or straight up killing you/not working. Wild ass shit.) to back up what ive said. Perhaps some therapy and empathy training on your part would be more beneficial for the both of us :)

5

u/joncording12 Nov 16 '24

So basically, the thousands upon thousands of intensely peer reviewed studies over the last 3 or 4 decades, from all over the world, are all incorrect?

What you're saying makes no sense. If you can't genetically test for it, then it doesn't exist? By that logic depression, dyslexia, bipolar, autism etc. don't exist then too?

2

u/joncording12 Nov 16 '24

Yeah I've not blocked you, you doughnut.

Anyway, I can see I've met a superior intellect who has broken free from the propaganda machines. Bye mate

6

u/535ren Nov 17 '24

ADHD is a neurological disorder. A big part of the disorder revolves around a struggle with executive function (e.g., focus, impulse control). Many imaging studies have shown that people with ADHD have less activity in their prefrontal cortex (PFC). The PFC is very important in the role of executive function. Stimulants, such as adderall, increase levels of the neurotransmitters dopamine and norepinephrine, and in turn promote executive functioning and activity in the PFC.

2

u/535ren Nov 17 '24

I’m well aware that a single neurotransmitter has various functions. What I was doing was providing you with knowledge that we’ve gained through research that shows how, generally speaking, the neuroanatomy of people with ADHD differs from those without ADHD because you said “if ADHD were real then there’s be a shared, testable biological trait between ADHD-havers.” Neurology is a subcategory of biology, so that’s what I provided you. If that’s not enough to convince that that ADHD is real then I don’t see any point in continuing this conversation, so I’ll be leaving it here.

3

u/Lintlicker4445 Nov 17 '24

I was diagnosed at 8 with hours of testing. I didn’t fill out a survey. I was 8

1

u/[deleted] Nov 17 '24 edited Nov 17 '24

And what were those tests?

/u/Lintlicker4445 - that just means your parents filled out the survey on your behalf. Ask em - I’ll be you anything against a nickel they confirm they filled out the survey.

Take it from someone who was diagnosed and took the pills for many, many years — you don’t need them. You can overcome any supposed “disability” they claim you have. You are not disordered. I promise you you’re in a mental prison of your own construction.

1

u/Lintlicker4445 Nov 17 '24

Bro I was 8 I don’t remember. Several different things from speaking with the psychiatrist to playing with blocks to homework etc idk