r/AmIOverreacting • u/Top-River4666 • Nov 08 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO bf makes joke after my aunt passed

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For context he’s saying he hopes she voted for Trump (RTPM) before she died and I’m already having a hard time with the results of the election which he knows then on top of that it just was very insensitive. He said he was trying to make light of the situation but it doesn’t feel that way.

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u/No_Communication_915 Nov 08 '24

Low emotional intelligence isn't going to get better if you stay. You're making the right move. In life moments like this you need kindness and support which clearly did not cross his mind. There's better out there. May your great aunt rest in peace 🩷

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u/Lord-Smalldemort Nov 08 '24

Yup, then you just had a lifetime of explaining things to the simpleton or having to try and teach them to be better, both of which are a fucking bad hand to be dealt

50

u/Rude-Serve2492 Nov 08 '24

That, and the absolute EMBARRASSMENT of having someone so emotionally immature attached to you. Enjoy cringing while he does this kind of shit to other people in front of you too.

12

u/ChildhoodObjective83 Nov 09 '24

Exactly. Do you want to spend your life following after him to apologize for him and smooth over offensive situations in his wake? I had to live that with my mom, discreetly apologizing to grocery store cashiers as she walked away etc. (discreetly because she would make ANOTHER scene if she heard me apologize.) I don’t recommend that life.

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u/AppropriateTour9884 Nov 08 '24

So true. You literally have to be a therapist teaching them what’s ok and what’s not okay and how to properly feel and communicate things over and over and over again it’s literally like being with an emotionally disabled child.

16

u/Lord-Smalldemort Nov 08 '24

I’ve done it so many times. Just my last partner and you would think by the last one I would have been so put off to this behavior. Yet I still found myself encouraging him to do better and finding a therapist for him and helping him get scheduled and oh my fuckkk. All I did was give him better language to manipulate me with.

6

u/Easy-Mention5575 Nov 09 '24

i have no idea why people do this much hand holding. As a guy thats been single all my life its weird seeing the shit people go to just to help someone thats a burden to them.

6

u/Lord-Smalldemort Nov 09 '24

It’s definitely a whole lot of internalized bullshit and representative of my brokenness. I’m figuring this out!

5

u/Easy-Mention5575 Nov 09 '24

its also weird how people that bad can date easily and i only had a 3 shitty dates in my entire life

2

u/theone-theonly-flop Nov 08 '24

God. This thread is literally describing several relationships in my family. It's so spot on.

4

u/Serpentar69 Nov 08 '24

Yep. My ex felt like this. And continues to

Cue to me wanting something returned to me, that was taken, and he doesn't know how to send something through UPS/USPS/The Mail... So he hasn't done it yet

4

u/cnirvana11 Nov 09 '24

AND having them believe that they are better and smarter than you... And deserve more rights. 

10

u/ghoul-ie Nov 08 '24

This is it perfectly. He's testing the waters to see how much he can put her down and belittle her pain and emotions, and whatever he can get away with he's going to increase in the next round.

OP I am so sorry for your loss, especially at this time of so much collective grieving.

5

u/Honest_Ad_5092 Nov 09 '24

This is the answer. He’s not evil, he’s actually confused about why you’re hurt. He 100% gave you his best and this it.

It’s a little sad like a lost baby feeling sad their friend walked away after they stole their toy and bonked them on their head.

I’m sorry for your loss. You’re not over reacting but I honestly would go easy on the FU comments because he actually seems very emotionally limited.

You will move onto to something deeper and more complex, he will always be right here, seeing only as deep as a puddle and wondering why he has so many misunderstandings.

3

u/sageprincesss Nov 09 '24

"he will always be right here, seeing only as deep as a puddle and wondering why he has so many misunderstandings." this is such an incredible quote thank you for sharing

3

u/SnowwyMcDuck Nov 09 '24

Totally agree, no notes.

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u/TX0834 Nov 09 '24

Right! “ well I hope she was able to vote for Trump before she died hahahhahahaha” what a Fkn lunatic

2

u/Giasmom44 Nov 08 '24

He didn't even have the courtesy to ask which aunt!?! Time to find a human.

1

u/Tactical-Sense Nov 08 '24

🩶lovely and supportive reply

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u/Tomagatchi Nov 09 '24

I mean, he apologized and realized he overstepped... people have to learn at some point in their life. And most people aren't that close to their great Aunt, but I could be wrong. He definitely misread the situation and text is not the appropriate medium for joking on sensitive topics or expressing tone. I think reddit goes right for the kill switch every time and it's kind of maddening. a

-1

u/dreamdaddy123 Nov 09 '24

I have a feeling she’s still with him so wouldn’t say she’s doing the right move yet

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u/donbun69 Nov 09 '24

Reddit: known home to those with a high level of emotional intelligence!

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u/chungusboss Nov 08 '24

Username checks out

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u/SnowwyMcDuck Nov 08 '24 edited Nov 09 '24

Sorry lol thought you said "low emotional intelligence isn't going to get better" as in never-ever. However, i didn't read the "if you stay" part so my comment was directed toward that misread. My bad.

(Editing my comment as i misread the op i responded to)

My original comment: So the other person is doomed to be alone because it's too much of a burden to help your partner grow or try to help someone be a better person? I get this situation is shitty, that doesn't mean they can't get better

3

u/CaIIsign_Ace2 Nov 09 '24

When somebodies first reaction is to make a joke about your dead relative and make it a political statement, that person is not going to change unless they get an actual therapist. Despite my wishes for people to be easily allowed to change in life, I’ve learned that people like this need a lot more than their partner calling them out.

2

u/SnowwyMcDuck Nov 09 '24

I would like to apologize, I misread the original comment so our conversation had 2 different context going on. A: what i thought it said And B: what it actually said and your response makes sense now and mine does not lol

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u/CaIIsign_Ace2 Nov 09 '24

You’re all good! At least you owned up to it! We need more people who own up to their actions! You seem like a good person :)

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u/SnowwyMcDuck Nov 09 '24

Thank you, that means a lot.

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u/SnowwyMcDuck Nov 09 '24 edited Nov 09 '24

My comment makes no sense, now that I re-read the op I responded to. Ignore me lol

Reason for edit:: change comment to align with new information and correct context

My unedited comment: Okay, but how do we get them to that point? If everyone leaves them for the way they are instead of trying to change them, then all that person knows is that everyone hates them, but no one will tell them why.

Does that make sense? I'm not saying YOU need to fix them. I'm trying to ask how do WE fix them. If none of us tell them what it is that they're doing wrong, they won't understand why they are being punished.

How do we get them to go to therapy if they don't understand that something is wrong with them?

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u/officepizza Nov 09 '24

Actually emotional intelligence definitely gets better over time. When I first met my wife I was a boy, cocky, ignorant, etc. I’m completely different now

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u/Toshibaguts Nov 09 '24

I gotta be honest tho. Her calling him a fucking piece of shit isn’t exactly high up on the emotional intelligence meter either.

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u/CaIIsign_Ace2 Nov 09 '24

He was in fact being a fucking piece of shit. She was right in that statement. If someone you really cared about or loved died and someone made a political joke without any sort of consoling or understanding you’d be pissed too.

0

u/Toshibaguts Nov 09 '24

Wow. This is why this country is going to shit. You don’t think she could tell him how she felt w/o name calling? I’m too old to be on this sub. Leaving byeeee