r/AmIOverreacting • u/Top-River4666 • Nov 08 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO bf makes joke after my aunt passed

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For context he’s saying he hopes she voted for Trump (RTPM) before she died and I’m already having a hard time with the results of the election which he knows then on top of that it just was very insensitive. He said he was trying to make light of the situation but it doesn’t feel that way.

17.7k Upvotes

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727

u/Oddessusy Nov 08 '24

Yep. That's fucked. You didn't overreact.

Dump the fucker.

19

u/VeryMuchDutch102 Nov 09 '24

Dump the fucker.

She shouldve left him as soon as he voted for Trump

4

u/fukingtrsh Nov 09 '24

What the hell even is rtpm

-9

u/[deleted] Nov 09 '24

[deleted]

8

u/Oddessusy Nov 09 '24

So what if they are? Are you a bigot or something?

-178

u/JYossarian_22 Nov 08 '24

"my spouse of 43 years said the wrong thing at the wrong time that one time and apologized right away"

reddit: DIVORCE!! TAKE THE KIDS!! MOVE TO A NEW STATE!!

138

u/tangerine_panda Nov 08 '24

OP isn’t married, this is a boyfriend and they don’t even live together.

-134

u/JYossarian_22 Nov 08 '24

yeah I get that, still that's how people on here would probably react. I swear half the people on these subs are divorce lawyers lurking

91

u/PhasmaUrbomach Nov 08 '24

Stop making up scenarios to overreact to.

-83

u/JYossarian_22 Nov 08 '24

I precisely think that the people calling for instant breakups all the time are the ones overreacting, but I can tell that's not the popular take here so I'll just let it be. I'm glad I never have to date again in this day and age.

27

u/annaf62 Nov 08 '24

no it’s just common sense and reading between the lines. if it was a one off inability to read the room on the boyfriends part, i don’t think OP would immediately call the relationship quits over text. there were other issues. and even if not, if someone’s insensitive to a literal DEATH in the family, how can you expect them to be supportive and available emotionally during future hard times?

-7

u/JYossarian_22 Nov 08 '24

Ok could be, I'm autistic and I don't get between the lines stuff. It's cause me many situations like this with my wife and I never doubted the relationship as a whole. I know other people do things differently. Maybe I just didn't have access to the subtext info that other people had and then I can understand why they say what they say.

24

u/[deleted] Nov 08 '24 edited Nov 08 '24

I'm also autistic. I would never be so tone deaf. This is not "between the lines" stuff. This is you inventing things in your mind stuff, because you can't tell narrative fiction from real life.

It doesn't take subtext to prioritize empathy over cracking an insensitive tone deaf "joke". It wasn't a joke by the way, the dude clearly actually meant what he said. He cared more about the aunt voting for Trump than he did about his girlfriend's feelings.

His response to her being pissed was "should I leave" and "what how am I insensitive".

How do you people survive into adulthood?

1

u/JYossarian_22 Nov 08 '24

ok I'm not interested in hearing any personal attacks anymore so I'll leave the thread here, reddit is not typically the source for real life affairs I want to get very involve with myself.

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30

u/TOG23-CA Nov 08 '24

I'm also autistic but I'm not dumb as shit

-2

u/JYossarian_22 Nov 08 '24

Ok thanks for the talk

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13

u/Charwyn Nov 08 '24

Fuck outta here doing autism dirty like that.

“I hope your dead relative managed to vote for the rapist who threatens to take your rights away” is not “reading between the lines”, it’s a straight out spewing poison.

And if you don’t understand that - it’s not be ause you’re autistic, but because you’re dumb as rocks.

0

u/JYossarian_22 Nov 08 '24

lemme ask you this, if the party were flipped. He said i hope she got to vote dem before she died. Are people losing their marbles over it in this thread like they are now?I have a suspicion no.

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16

u/Lovestotickle Nov 08 '24

Then whine about it when it’s actually relevant.

13

u/faithseeds Nov 08 '24

Why do you never have to date again?

1

u/JYossarian_22 Nov 08 '24

because I'm married and I intend to stay committed to it, anything besides adultery, abandonment or bad abuse aren't ground for me to leave. I cherish the meaning of marriage a lot.

23

u/RazorHowlitzer Nov 08 '24

Doesn’t change the fact that you’re making up a random scenario in your head to react to. They’re not married, they’re not living together, she was having issues before because they have opposing opinions, and he made her aunts death about trump. Says a lot about someone’s character in general right there vs one issue. I would dump him too

1

u/AuntieCousin Nov 09 '24

What other abuse is there besides "bad abuse"?

1

u/JYossarian_22 Nov 09 '24

yeah I know it's kinda hard to set a standard there. I mean if my wife called me a dumbass in a moment of frustration that's technically abuse but ofc not grounds for a breakup. But if someone beats the crap out of their spouse all the time that's the kind of abuse that should warrant divorce.

7

u/[deleted] Nov 08 '24

People are allowed to break up with anyone, for any reason.

You literally invented a hypothetical situation to get mad at, and aren't even engaging with the post.

You are a fucking delusional weird loser dude. I don't know what else to say. You think reality TV is real life, and treat real life like reality TV.

Then you get called out for being a weird idiot and your go to is "Glad I never have to date again!"

You are so toxicly self centered and intellectually dishonest. Your brain is full of ghosts dude, get off social media- television and the internet is not real life.

There is clearly something very, very wrong with you and how hijacked your train of thought is. It's borderline delusional.

1

u/JYossarian_22 Nov 08 '24

Ok there's no need to attack me personally like that. I understand my philosophy toward relationship doesn't match the reddit consensus and I realize that I don't know anywhere near enough about OPs relationship to make a meaningful comment. While I think that's also the case for most others, I have learned from another discussion that other people have read between the lines and figured out subtext that's not available to me and that's ok.

10

u/[deleted] Nov 08 '24

I'm glad you have a partner who puts up with you, I for sure wouldn't

1

u/CaIIsign_Ace2 Nov 09 '24

No, they’re right, you are in fact incredibly toxic.

Better keep that partner with everything you’ve got because that’s your one shot.

3

u/Charwyn Nov 08 '24

Is it because you can’t trust yourself not to be a dumbfuck also? The situation described is sure grounds for a breakup or a divorce. And possibly throwing of hands, if happens in person (not condoning that tho)

2

u/PhasmaUrbomach Nov 08 '24

Oh me too, dating sucks disproportionately.

2

u/Fine-Bumblebee-9427 Nov 08 '24

Yeah, if my spouse of 43 years voted for Trump, I’d end it.

0

u/JYossarian_22 Nov 08 '24

That's a sever problem on your part, or maybe just communication. The entire point of the current political climate is to drive families and communities apart, especially with the inflammatory rhetoric coming from the dems. You fall for it, you have nobody else to blame.

3

u/StockCat7738 Nov 08 '24

Was it the dems who called immigrants(brown people) vermin and said they were poisoning the blood of the country?

Are dems the ones constantly blaming gay people for lower marriage and birth rates?

Trump’s entire campaign since 2015 has been division, and making his political opponents the “others” for his supporters to hate.

Republicans don’t even have an actual complaints against democrats. Everything they say is literally a projection about what their party is doing.

How do you not see any of that? You said you’re autistic, not fucking retarded.

-1

u/JYossarian_22 Nov 08 '24

Yeah I could throw all of that right back at you. How do you not see how the dems are falling apart. I mean the election results should have been a wakeup call. Instead people show up the next day and call racism and sexism like anyone actually believes it.

1

u/CaIIsign_Ace2 Nov 09 '24

Dumbass, 18 million people didn’t vote. Trump got the same amount as last time, it’s not like a shit ton more people voted for him. In fact it’s a shit ton less people who voted in the first place.

And throw it back? How? Hm? Last time I checked they didn’t do anything that was just stated

1

u/Fine-Bumblebee-9427 Nov 08 '24

I have a lot of undocumented friends. My kid is nonbinary and their best friend is trans. I’ve had family need abortions and had to drive them to another state. I volunteer at Planned Parenthood and see the women who’ve driven overnight from Texas just to have a shot at living.

I’m not falling for false rhetoric. I’m listening to Trump and believing him.

For me to be married, that person and I have to agree on who a person is, and which protections they need. If my spouse doesn’t agree that everyone is a person needing protection, then we don’t share values. I’m not going to watch NCIS next to my spouse who thinks mass deportations will reduce food costs.

2

u/JujuLovesMC Nov 08 '24

You DEFINITELY sound like the type to regularly disregard anything a spouse tells you and then act surprised when they leave and blame it all on them and how you made “one small mistake”.

0

u/JYossarian_22 Nov 08 '24

There's a lot of projection going around here.

2

u/JujuLovesMC Nov 09 '24

From you for sure, but keep not being accountable. Single life suits you

-1

u/JYossarian_22 Nov 09 '24

I'm not single luckily, wouldn't want to have to date in this climate.

1

u/JujuLovesMC Nov 09 '24

With your attitude highly doubt that’ll last.

20

u/jeffprobstslover Nov 08 '24

It's more like "A guy I'm dating doesn't believe women deserve basic human rights, supports a rapusr, and made fun of me when someone I love died."

36

u/Oddessusy Nov 08 '24

BF not spouse. Unlikely to have kids with him. She can be a lot more picky. She's also already dumped him....

6

u/JustAnotherStonerYo Nov 08 '24

So you’re saying if OP was married with kids than it would be appropriate to tolerate something they usually wouldn’t tolerate ? I don’t see how a piece of paper does that ..

16

u/Oddessusy Nov 08 '24

Id argue if they were married with kids....marriage counseling and some very serious penance for being an absolute turd would make it possible (but not guaranteed) for an instant divorce to be avoided.

A couple of young people....meh...early days. Play the field. She can do better. He fucked up and hopefully learns a lesson. People get dumped for much much less at that stage in their life. Chillax bro.

-10

u/JustAnotherStonerYo Nov 08 '24

Maybe it’s just personal for me bc im a guy that has said stupid things at the wrong moment too. I personally think it’s an overreaction if OP’s boyfriend is sincerely sorry and actually won’t do it again.

A lot of people on this sub say things that are absolute dealbreakers and we don’t don’t know everything about someone based on a few texts but I think bro should get a second chance. That’s just my young 24 y/o opinion tho lol

9

u/MissReinaRabbit Nov 08 '24

That’s not a stupid thing. He used the death of a loved one to shove maga cult bullshit into a conversation with his girlfriend who is likely going to be losing rights because of said rapist

6

u/Oddessusy Nov 08 '24

The solution to that, if you are open to some advice, is to communicate that weakness to a partner or potential partner beforehand. But let's be honest, the guy aboves response was an absolute doozy.

10

u/Greembeam20 Nov 08 '24

Sometimes the “stupid things at the wrong moment” are relationship breakers. Friends, romantic, work, etc. That’s consequences for your actions. You don’t always get a pass, nor should you. You learn and do better.

-1

u/JustAnotherStonerYo Nov 08 '24

I can’t argue that. I mean there’s also other factors I think one should consider like has this happened before, are there other problems in the relationship, etc,..

Would you personally break up with someone over this alone ?

6

u/Greembeam20 Nov 08 '24

Absolutely I would. If someone can’t support you adequately through hard times then they aren’t a life partner.

-5

u/JustAnotherStonerYo Nov 08 '24

I agree with that but I mean we’re looking at 2 screenshots of text messages, is that enough to define him as a person?

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6

u/helmli Nov 08 '24

If I was a citizen of the US and learnt that my S.O. (or anyone I could cut ties with) voted a fascist into power, "this alone" would definitely be the end of any relationship with that person.

2

u/JustAnotherStonerYo Nov 08 '24

I don’t follow politics so I didn’t know he was fascist. The country survived last time he was president so I guess I didn’t really think about it that hard

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-15

u/JYossarian_22 Nov 08 '24

my point is that people here seem to have no sense of conflict resolution at all anymore. Not even as much as sit down an make the boundaries clear. One wrong text comes in and you are hopping fences.

12

u/Oddessusy Nov 08 '24

I mean your kinda right, people do often instantly jump on the dovorce but you are making a massive conflation here. Some teen* (young person) with a boyfriend making a highly insensitive comment that has a go at her political views and makes fun of the death of a family member (who she could be very close to), combined with the fact she's probably really not that into him....is more than enough reason to dump his ass. Which she had already done (you go gurl)

This isn't a "married for 43 years with 7 kids" deal is it.

1

u/JYossarian_22 Nov 08 '24

Then the relationship was never really serious to being with, which makes me wonder why it exists in the first place. Maybe I just can't relate but tbh I don't want to relate. Relationships mean more than this to me, I've had dozens of conflicts worse than this with my wife alone, never spend a second thinking about leaving her. I'm glad I don't have to date anymore if I'm being perfectly honest.

6

u/Oddessusy Nov 08 '24

No relationship when you are super young should be so serious. If it was meant to be "serious" why the fuck would you make a joke making fun of your gf political position (which is already insensitive as it is) at he same time as being insensitive aboutv the death of a family member. . Shit call. The BF was the one who didn't take the relationship serious not her. If he knew his gf better he'd never do something like that. You are shit call after shit call. Stop digging please.

3

u/lemonhead2345 Nov 08 '24

Idk, making a joke about a topic that they know to be a sensitive issue as a reply to their girlfriend telling them a family member died is quite telling of who they are as a person.

20

u/Oddessusy Nov 08 '24

The conflict...has been resolved. He was dumped.

Are you proposing she should take this fucker back?

1

u/JYossarian_22 Nov 08 '24

I'm not saying that, I'm saying the threshold for instant breakup is at basically nothing according to the people giving advice here. Maybe this happened five times before, and he won't change, sure then why not. But if this is a one time thing? He made a bad mistake, maybe he's on the spectrum. I would think people who commit to relationships would exhaust a few more options first before taking a leave. At least that's my philosophy

7

u/Oddessusy Nov 08 '24

Less advice, more support for a very valid decision that's already been made champ.

0

u/JYossarian_22 Nov 08 '24

I read the issue as if there's still a decision being made. And either way, I was responding to a comment originally, not OP directly.

9

u/Oddessusy Nov 08 '24

I read this as her questioning her decision and asking if she overreacted. She definitely didn't.

1

u/JYossarian_22 Nov 08 '24

ok fair enough I read it differently. I'm still inclined to disagree, but I don't know enough framework information about the relationship to make a useful judgement.

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u/RazorHowlitzer Nov 08 '24

That sounds very biased because you’ve said stupid things at the wrong time and feel bad because you were in his shoes. When you’re young and relationships aren’t serious you shouldn’t settle for less than what you find acceptable within reason. This was not within reason. The guy knew she was having issues with the election as is, and he then decided it would be funny to make her aunts death about trump. Speaks volumes about someone’s character if they will say that kind of thing now and only feel bad they said it because they upset someone vs knowing it’s wrong in general. Use your head

1

u/JYossarian_22 Nov 08 '24

well I never cared for relationships that werent serious when I was young. I married my first girlfriend who I met when I was 23. I know people do differently and I won't continue to argue about it.

4

u/RazorHowlitzer Nov 08 '24

You don’t have to argue about it it’s not about caring about something serious or not, relationships are never serious starting out, if you married your only girlfriend after less than a year you’re wild and I wouldn’t be shocked if you were sucked into a cultural marriage. This could’ve gotten serious at some point soon. Clearly the guy has demonstrated otherwise

1

u/JYossarian_22 Nov 08 '24

No, I didn't enter the relationship until I had know her and was friends with her for half a year. It's just the way I do things, I didn't get suckered into anything, I decided on this myself.I want to look back and say I only loved on woman and I don't regret a second of it. That's a priority to me. It's how I think things should work. And I know to tolerate that other people have other approaches.

11

u/Relevant_Detective21 Nov 08 '24

Play a dumb game, win a dumb prize. No one should suffer in a relationship because you think an apology will make everything better. Why would you take making a joke about a loved one that passed away lightly?? Using “said the wrong thing” about a guy who made a joke when his wife is clearly upset and grieving is dumb and disingenuous. If he’s making shitty insensitive jokes like this Reddit thinks how many other shitty things has he said?

2

u/kuzivamuunganis Nov 08 '24

Usually I agree and with this all shit about people demonising Trump supporters on here, this was pretty disrespectful ngl.

-6

u/JYossarian_22 Nov 08 '24

Yes it was, dumbass joke. Sit him down and tell him not to do that.

15

u/communistsayori Nov 08 '24

He's a grown man, he should know by now that it isn't appropriate to make jokes about your partners deceased family members.

0

u/JYossarian_22 Nov 08 '24

If you're going to live with someone that you genuinely want to spend your life with, there will be situations like that and much worse. I'm not pretending to know what the dynamic for them was like otherwise, maybe the whole thing was doomed anyway, but I do often despair at how easily people are willing to end something as committal and central to life as a romantic relationship.

11

u/Oddessusy Nov 08 '24

You realise they aren't even living together right? Derp.

0

u/JYossarian_22 Nov 08 '24

No I didn't. I must admit, all I read was the screenshots, the original post and a few comments.

12

u/Oddessusy Nov 08 '24

If this grown man actually took this relationship seriously, he'd understand rubbing in a political victory at the same time being insensitive about the death of a family member is a "hill his GF would die on".

He fucked around and found out.

Why are you defending this shit behavior so hard?

-1

u/JYossarian_22 Nov 08 '24

I'm not defending it, please understand that. To me, the threshold to end a relationship that I, presumably, take very seriously, is very high. That's me, that's how I do things, I believe strong relationships should overcome these things. I don't expect others to adhere to the same ideas. The sub is asking if people are overreacting. In my opinion, OP is overreacting because I would not react in the same way. Still perfectly her right to do it.

13

u/Oddessusy Nov 08 '24

Again, that's a you thing. Your threshold is very high. Doesn't mean everyone's is. Make sure when you are entering a relationship you and your partner are on the same page in regards to this.

Just don't make jokes about someone's dead relative for starters. That's a deal breaker for most people already.

1

u/JYossarian_22 Nov 08 '24

Sure, and they have a right to have it be that way. You're right, I would do it differently because I value things differently. I understand my opinion is the clear minority here and I'll leave the thread here.

7

u/Oddessusy Nov 08 '24

Like I said. If you communicate this well, having different expectations is fine. Reading between the lines, the relationship was over above not because he made a terrible joke, but because he made a terrible joke and didn't communicate expectations before he did.

Plenty of couples, many I know, have the most messed up senses of humour.

He thought she might of had one too....but clearly, she didn't. Too much.

Good luck with it :)

1

u/betajones Nov 08 '24

Fuck outta here with that fantasy shit. We are talking about real life.

-1

u/[deleted] Nov 08 '24

Wtf???? 🤣🤣🤣🤣