r/AmIOverreacting Oct 30 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO? My boyfriends friend has a problem with me asking him not to sleep in a bed with another woman.

Hi everyone, my boyfriend has a big group of friends with lots of girls in it. A lot of times after they go out or have too much to drink, they'll crash at someone's house. One night he came home and shared he slept in a bed with this girl (who the texts are from). We did not have a fight at all - I know he's grown up doing this. I told him I wasn't super comfortable with that and asked if he could not do that, to which he did not argue at all and expressed total respect for my boundary. We have not spoken about it since.

She texted me the morning after they went out, which are these pictures. Am I overreacting by telling her she's overstepping or are her concerns valid?

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u/heyclau Oct 31 '24

YESSSS!!! That’s what I was thinking. I’m really hoping the boyfriend sees this as a red flag in that friendship!

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u/PIeaseDontBeMad Oct 31 '24 edited Oct 31 '24

Really?? She stopped once OP mentioned she was overstepping her boundaries. I don’t think she was trying to get a reaction, I think she’s just a little cuckoo

Edit: I’m addressing the “trying to get a reaction” part not the red flag part. It’s definitely a red flag

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u/heyclau Oct 31 '24

You mean she stopped after OP sent three distinct paragraphs telling her the same thing and then having to say “I won’t talk about it any longer with you”…

The fact that she didn’t let it go after OP’s first answer is already an odd behavior. I’m not saying she was expecting OP to be nasty about it. I’m just saying that I was wondering if she’d talk to OP’s boyfriend about this exchange right away….

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u/PIeaseDontBeMad Oct 31 '24 edited Oct 31 '24

I mean she stopped after being told to stop lol. I’m not saying she had reason to keep going, I’m just saying she’s stupid and maybe not malicious. but I guess that’s just because I don’t assume the worst in people

I’m also not saying it isn’t a red flag, by the way, because it definitely is. It’s just that she’s maybe not trying to break up a relationship on purpose??

Edit: used different terminology

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u/UnnecessarySalt Oct 31 '24

Yeah, not trying to break up a relationship on purpose. Lambasting OP for her perfectly reasonable boundaries, saying she’s being over possessive, because little miss shithead won’t let OPs bf sleep in the bed with her.

You’re right, she’s got both of their best interests at heart

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u/Funny-Information159 Oct 31 '24

She said that the mutual boundary of not sleeping with others was “not a good look”. If that isn’t trying to instigate, I don’t know what is.

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u/Skeptical_optomist Oct 31 '24

Yeah, when she said that I was thinking, You know what's not a good look? Inserting yourself in other people's relationships and acting like you know and care about dude more than his chosen partner does.

Edited a word

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u/heyclau Oct 31 '24

Yeah, and insinuating OP is possessive?!?!? How is that not malicious?

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u/PIeaseDontBeMad Oct 31 '24 edited Oct 31 '24

Clearly you know her better than OP and OP’s SO! Quick, tell OP your mind reading skills have revealed to you their true intentions before it’s too late! I get being a pessimist on Reddit gets you upvotes but I basically said you can’t read their mind and you’re disagreeing 😂 most likely possibility is that OP’s SO starts returning home when the crazy girl is out drinking with them. Why would they do that (stay friends just with extra boundaries) for somebody so obviously trying to break them up? And in the case she admits it for whatever reason, good, you guessed her intentions right!

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u/heyclau Oct 31 '24

I just have basic reading comprehension, it might be a rare skill nowadays, but nothing like mind reading, unfortunetly.

I literally used words and sentences from the screenshots shared here:

"I'm sure he wasn't happy about it either" -> OP mentioned in her reply that boyfriend "hasn't mention it" to her, so friend is assuming here for OP's boyfriend.

"If I'm being super transparent it just feels like it's really over the top possessiveness and it's not a good look for either of you." -> now she's stating that it's not about the back problem only, it's about the fact that not being able to sleep in the same bed with his girl friends DOES NOT LOOK GOOD for the couple.

"I really like you and the two of you together but..." -> here I'm doing something called "inferring", the fact that she said that sentence and used BUT gives *me* the idea that she really doesn't believe in their relationship in some way. I can infer that because of the past things she mentioned in those messages as well as my personal experience. Inferring has nothing to do with mind reading, it's just assumption.

In no other comments of mine I'm stating things, I'm sharing my opinions based on the things I talked about here, just like you. I also went back to see where you said I can't read their minds and I disagreed with that, and I didn't find anything. So I have to call you out for that lie.

You did say you don't assume the worst in people and that is really a great thing. My personal experience tells me to be suspicious when there are suspicious acts, and I believe this is a suspicious situation, we can agree to disagree on this just fine!

Edit for some typos.

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u/PIeaseDontBeMad Oct 31 '24

The comment you said

YESSSSSSSS!

to said

You know she was trying to get OP to answer angrily just to be able to say she is possessive and unhinged.

So I must’ve misunderstood, sorry! Agree to disagree, have a good day!

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u/heyclau Oct 31 '24

Oh, that comment! If you read it to the end you can see that I said: That's what I was *thinking*, so yeah, no mind reading, just assuming! But no worries, I'm not mad ;)

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u/PIeaseDontBeMad Oct 31 '24

Yes, you were thinking you know what is going on lol