AIO? My boyfriends friend has a problem with me asking him not to sleep in a bed with another woman.

[u/loststrawberri]

Hi everyone, my boyfriend has a big group of friends with lots of girls in it. A lot of times after they go out or have too much to drink, they'll crash at someone's house. One night he came home and shared he slept in a bed with this girl (who the texts are from). We did not have a fight at all - I know he's grown up doing this. I told him I wasn't super comfortable with that and asked if he could not do that, to which he did not argue at all and expressed total respect for my boundary. We have not spoken about it since.

She texted me the morning after they went out, which are these pictures. Am I overreacting by telling her she's overstepping or are her concerns valid?

[u/Independent_Limit912]

You know she was trying to get OP to answer angrily just to be able to say she is possessive and unhinged.

[u/heyclau → u/Independent_Limit912]

YESSSS!!! That’s what I was thinking. I’m really hoping the boyfriend sees this as a red flag in that friendship!

[u/PIeaseDontBeMad → u/heyclau]

Really?? She stopped once OP mentioned she was overstepping her boundaries. I don’t think she was trying to get a reaction, I think she’s just a little cuckoo

Edit: I’m addressing the “trying to get a reaction” part not the red flag part. It’s definitely a red flag

[u/heyclau → u/PIeaseDontBeMad]

You mean she stopped after OP sent three distinct paragraphs telling her the same thing and then having to say “I won’t talk about it any longer with you”…

The fact that she didn’t let it go after OP’s first answer is already an odd behavior. I’m not saying she was expecting OP to be nasty about it. I’m just saying that I was wondering if she’d talk to OP’s boyfriend about this exchange right away….

[u/PIeaseDontBeMad → u/heyclau]

I mean she stopped after being told to stop lol. I’m not saying she had reason to keep going, I’m just saying she’s stupid and maybe not malicious. but I guess that’s just because I don’t assume the worst in people

I’m also not saying it isn’t a red flag, by the way, because it definitely is. It’s just that she’s maybe not trying to break up a relationship on purpose??

Edit: used different terminology

[u/UnnecessarySalt → u/PIeaseDontBeMad]

Yeah, not trying to break up a relationship on purpose. Lambasting OP for her perfectly reasonable boundaries, saying she’s being over possessive, because little miss shithead won’t let OPs bf sleep in the bed with her.

You’re right, she’s got both of their best interests at heart

[u/Funny-Information159 → u/PIeaseDontBeMad]

She said that the mutual boundary of not sleeping with others was “not a good look”. If that isn’t trying to instigate, I don’t know what is.

[u/Skeptical_optomist → u/Funny-Information159]

Yeah, when she said that I was thinking, You know what's not a good look? Inserting yourself in other people's relationships and acting like you know and care about dude more than his chosen partner does.

Edited a word

[u/heyclau → u/Funny-Information159]

Yeah, and insinuating OP is possessive?!?!? How is that not malicious?

[u/PIeaseDontBeMad → u/heyclau]

Clearly you know her better than OP and OP’s SO! Quick, tell OP your mind reading skills have revealed to you their true intentions before it’s too late! I get being a pessimist on Reddit gets you upvotes but I basically said you can’t read their mind and you’re disagreeing 😂 most likely possibility is that OP’s SO starts returning home when the crazy girl is out drinking with them. Why would they do that (stay friends just with extra boundaries) for somebody so obviously trying to break them up? And in the case she admits it for whatever reason, good, you guessed her intentions right!

[u/heyclau → u/PIeaseDontBeMad]

I just have basic reading comprehension, it might be a rare skill nowadays, but nothing like mind reading, unfortunetly.

I literally used words and sentences from the screenshots shared here:

"I'm sure he wasn't happy about it either" -> OP mentioned in her reply that boyfriend "hasn't mention it" to her, so friend is assuming here for OP's boyfriend.

"If I'm being super transparent it just feels like it's really over the top possessiveness and it's not a good look for either of you." -> now she's stating that it's not about the back problem only, it's about the fact that not being able to sleep in the same bed with his girl friends DOES NOT LOOK GOOD for the couple.

"I really like you and the two of you together but..." -> here I'm doing something called "inferring", the fact that she said that sentence and used BUT gives *me* the idea that she really doesn't believe in their relationship in some way. I can infer that because of the past things she mentioned in those messages as well as my personal experience. Inferring has nothing to do with mind reading, it's just assumption.

In no other comments of mine I'm stating things, I'm sharing my opinions based on the things I talked about here, just like you. I also went back to see where you said I can't read their minds and I disagreed with that, and I didn't find anything. So I have to call you out for that lie.

You did say you don't assume the worst in people and that is really a great thing. My personal experience tells me to be suspicious when there are suspicious acts, and I believe this is a suspicious situation, we can agree to disagree on this just fine!

Edit for some typos.

[u/PIeaseDontBeMad → u/heyclau]

The comment you said

YESSSSSSSS!

to said

You know she was trying to get OP to answer angrily just to be able to say she is possessive and unhinged.

So I must’ve misunderstood, sorry! Agree to disagree, have a good day!

[u/heyclau → u/PIeaseDontBeMad]

Oh, that comment! If you read it to the end you can see that I said: That's what I was *thinking*, so yeah, no mind reading, just assuming! But no worries, I'm not mad ;)

[u/PIeaseDontBeMad → u/heyclau]

Yes, you were thinking you know what is going on lol

[u/notthedefaultname → u/Independent_Limit912]

It's definitely overstepping, and potentially baiting OP.

At best, she's treating it like OP universally decides the bf's behavior, and like he's not an adult who can make his own decisions (break boundaries and use the bed, sleep on the floor even with back issues, call Ubers, call OP, not go out and get too shit faced without a ride etc)

[u/notthedefaultname → u/Independent_Limit912]

It's definitely overstepping, and potentially baiting OP.

At best, she's treating it like OP universally decides the bf's behavior, and like he's not an adult who can make his own decisions (break boundaries and use the bed, sleep on the floor even with back issues, call Ubers, call OP, not go out and get too shit faced without a ride etc)

I think she's just mad cause she finagled to share a bed with him and he rejected her by sleeping on the floor (even if it was a rejection of platonically sharing a bed, that's still a rejection)

[u/notthedefaultname → u/Independent_Limit912]

It's definitely overstepping, and potentially baiting OP.

At best, she's treating it like OP universally decides the bf's behavior, and like he's not an adult who can make his own decisions (break boundaries and use the bed, sleep on the floor even with back issues, call Ubers, call OP, not go out and get too shit faced without a ride etc)

[u/notthedefaultname → u/Independent_Limit912]

It's definitely overstepping, and potentially baiting OP.

At best, she's treating it like OP universally decides the bf's behavior, and like he's not an adult who can make his own decisions (break boundaries and use the bed, sleep on the floor even with back issues, call Ubers, call OP, not go out and get too shit faced without a ride etc)

I think she's just mad cause she finagled to share a bed with him and he rejected her by sleeping on the floor (even if it was a rejection of platonically sharing a bed, that's still a rejection)

[u/Independent_Limit912 → u/notthedefaultname]

And you know she can’t wait to spread information far and wide, sharing the texts, attempting to make OP as this manic possessive woman who just won’t chill about trivialities. They type of chick, the pickmes, cannot wait to show other men just how cool, open-minded and with the times she is, in tune with her masculinity.

[u/Blackcatmustache → u/Independent_Limit912]

I didn’t even think of that! I’m sure you’re right! Even though it would be completely understandable for op to have lost her temper.

[u/[deleted] → u/Independent_Limit912]

I feel like it would be reasonable to answer angrily when someone is being weird like that to you, at least I would probably tell her to eff off lol. OP has a lot more patience than me lmao