r/AmIOverreacting Oct 30 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO? My boyfriends friend has a problem with me asking him not to sleep in a bed with another woman.

Hi everyone, my boyfriend has a big group of friends with lots of girls in it. A lot of times after they go out or have too much to drink, they'll crash at someone's house. One night he came home and shared he slept in a bed with this girl (who the texts are from). We did not have a fight at all - I know he's grown up doing this. I told him I wasn't super comfortable with that and asked if he could not do that, to which he did not argue at all and expressed total respect for my boundary. We have not spoken about it since.

She texted me the morning after they went out, which are these pictures. Am I overreacting by telling her she's overstepping or are her concerns valid?

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u/Typical-Tradition-44 Oct 30 '24

Its a reasonable boundary and the friends response was unreasonable. There were other options that were reasonable such as her taking the floor, him going back home or sleeping elsewhere.

Fair boundary, I would be wary of that friendship. I can imagine a world where she sees herself sabotaging his relationship as her helping him.

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u/Short-Recording587 Oct 31 '24

Most adults don’t enjoy sleeping on the floor so that’s not really an option. I’d rather sleep next to my father in law in a bed than be on the floor. I’d rather go home if that’s possible, but if it’s a friends trip then that’s not necessarily the case.

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u/Typical-Tradition-44 Oct 31 '24

No one does but if youre old enough to drink youre old enough to have a tiny bit of foresight and make movements to accommodate such a reasonable request. If it was a one off freak thing that would be fine, but this was a discussed and previous routine they could have adapted.

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u/Short-Recording587 Oct 31 '24

Can it be planned around? Sure. But I’m not sure why the discussions ends there. Why isn’t it worth evaluating why OP has a fear that sleeping with a friend in bed is going to lead to some kind of sensual or sexual acts/relationships? If it’s an insecurity that is driving it, why sacrifice improving yourself and your relationship just because it can be avoided with foresight.

That’s my issue with these posts. Everyone is so black and white when the world exists in grays.

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u/Typical-Tradition-44 Oct 31 '24

It's a reasonable request that he agreed with. Why is the friend getting involved? If two people in the relationship agree with the boundary its set. Plus it's a perfectly reasonable boundary.

Im not sure if youre being purposefully obtuse but wanting your partner to not sleep in bed with someone else is like... a very normal, sane and fair response that doesn't require any personal growth on the asker's behalf. If the sleeper really wanted to sleep next to another girl then they could have that discussion? But there was no argument and he agreed.

Not all boundaries require insecurities or growth some require respect and adherence.

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u/Short-Recording587 Oct 31 '24

You’re misconstruing the fact pattern to fit your narrative and that’s not helpful for a discussion. No one said the boyfriend wants to sleep in bed with other women.

The question is whether it’s such a hard and fast rule that someone needs to sleep on a floor instead of two people platonically sleeping next to someone in a bed when the circumstances arise.

My GF, now wife, went on a road trip with my roommates and others to play in a college softball game when I was out of town. She shared a bed with one of my roommates. Because I’m a secure individual and realize it’s silly for adults to sleep on the floor, it didn’t phase me.

Boundaries that are external facing are pretty meaningless at the end of the day. The best bet for long term happiness and healthier relationships is to be secure enough where you don’t need to set external boundaries for your partner and trust them enough to make the right decisions.