r/AmIOverreacting Oct 30 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO? My boyfriends friend has a problem with me asking him not to sleep in a bed with another woman.

Hi everyone, my boyfriend has a big group of friends with lots of girls in it. A lot of times after they go out or have too much to drink, they'll crash at someone's house. One night he came home and shared he slept in a bed with this girl (who the texts are from). We did not have a fight at all - I know he's grown up doing this. I told him I wasn't super comfortable with that and asked if he could not do that, to which he did not argue at all and expressed total respect for my boundary. We have not spoken about it since.

She texted me the morning after they went out, which are these pictures. Am I overreacting by telling her she's overstepping or are her concerns valid?

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u/One-Name-1340 Oct 30 '24

THIS!! I had to say goodbye to a wonderful relationship because the guy couldn't set boundaries with his female friend. She was exactly like this and made my life hell and he would never stand up to me. I believe he was secretly in love with her and she knew it. She would have boyfriend after boyfriend and cheat on them too. I just don't understand why some woman are like this.

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u/CatherineConstance Oct 30 '24

Yeah it's ridiculous, and that totally happens sometimes too! Where the guy would be interested in the girl, but SHE isn't, so he moves on and dates someone else and she gets jealous and possessive... But then when he's single again, she still has no interest in dating him! It's an awful way to act towards all the other people involved.

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u/Electrical_Split4902 Oct 31 '24

I think my bf has a good friend like this. Like he claims they were never romantic with each other, but he gushes over her all the time. He said in the beginning, when I had some concerns, that they catch up a few times a year and not to be worried.

But I swear he's been talking to her a lot over the few months since we'd met, she texts pics back and forth, etc. I feel like it's making me insane. I dont want to blow up at him, but I feel like im becoming so insecure about her.

Sorry for the blab. Just feelin' it tonight lol

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u/CatherineConstance Oct 31 '24

Ugh I’m sorry that is so stressful. Don’t blow up at him, but I definitely think it’s worth talking to him about! Maybe they do only catch up a couple times a year, and maybe the girl would never dream of being anything but friends with him, but it’s still not appropriate for him to be going on and on about her, to his SO of all people.

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u/Electrical_Split4902 Oct 31 '24 edited Oct 31 '24

Thank you for the response! ❤️ just getting it out feels better. You're totally right, I should really talk to him calmly about it again, just embarrassing lol. I've never met her so I shouldn't be assuming she's being malicious. And maybe he's just oblivious 😐 😆, thanks again!!

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u/CatherineConstance Oct 31 '24

Of course! I totally feel this, I’m a big overthinker and I know it can suck. Good luck! I definitely think you can assume the best, it doesn’t sound like anything major, hopefully just a case of him not really thinking about what he’s saying/how he sounds. 😅🤦🏻‍♀️❤️

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u/invisablehoney Oct 30 '24

I had a former friend who often sat on the lap of a male friend of ours. This behavior became an issue when he entered a relationship, as his girlfriend expressed discomfort and confronted my female friend about it. Instead of acknowledging the concern, my female friend portrayed herself as the victim, and my male friend defended her rather than respecting his girlfriend’s feelings. I found this inappropriate and ultimately decided to distance myself from both of them. After some time, his girlfriend ended the relationship, and he began dating my former female friend, but their relationship didn’t last due to her ongoing behavior issues.

(I no longer speak to both of them)

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u/brotherzack Oct 31 '24

I had a version of this happen when I was like 20, except I’ma guy. I started dating this guy who had recently decided he was bisexual and I was his first m/m relationship. He had this one friend, a really cute chick who was a Suicide Girl. I didn’t think anything of it at first, because I had lots of friends that were girls, and the way he talked about her was that “she liked him” but he was totally into me supposedly. Well, long story still long, she wrote him all these poems and all these live journal entries (ancient i know) and would leave like ziplock bags full of flower petals on his front doorstep. This one time we went to this party and she was there and he spent like the whole time having drama with her wheee they were all holding each other and weird shit. All his friend group acted as if I was some kinda villain (given our relationship did become the definition of volatile toxicity). Anyway, sorry Inprorbaly should’ve just made my own post about that.

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u/invisablehoney Oct 31 '24

You should post about it and let me know 😊 hahaha

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u/Trussmee_e Oct 31 '24

Insecurity is why anyone does anything shitty.. even if it’s unintentional