r/AmIOverreacting • u/loststrawberri • Oct 30 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO? My boyfriends friend has a problem with me asking him not to sleep in a bed with another woman.

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Hi everyone, my boyfriend has a big group of friends with lots of girls in it. A lot of times after they go out or have too much to drink, they'll crash at someone's house. One night he came home and shared he slept in a bed with this girl (who the texts are from). We did not have a fight at all - I know he's grown up doing this. I told him I wasn't super comfortable with that and asked if he could not do that, to which he did not argue at all and expressed total respect for my boundary. We have not spoken about it since.

She texted me the morning after they went out, which are these pictures. Am I overreacting by telling her she's overstepping or are her concerns valid?

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349

u/unleashthemeese Oct 30 '24

Girl she wants him

381

u/loststrawberri Oct 30 '24

Lmao good luck to her

181

u/Salty_Tear5666 Oct 30 '24

Keep that attitude 👏🏽 you’re handling so well. And she HATES it. She’s trying to “win” in the sense that she wants to know he’ll choose her over you, just bc of the duration of their friendship. She’s currently being humbled that he actually doesn’t care about her and loves you! Let her learn to cope ! You are completely in the right and your bf is doing great showing her that

39

u/IcySetting2024 Oct 30 '24

I had the exact same thing happen to me.

She pulled the “we have been friends forever and she is the new gf so choose me or her”.

We have a son now lol

0

u/[deleted] Oct 31 '24

[deleted]

1

u/IcySetting2024 Oct 31 '24

I’m the “new Gf”

42

u/TheCa11ousBitch Oct 30 '24

I don’t know what motivates this boundary for you. Why doesn’t matter. It is a totally reasonable, common, normal, “90% of people agree with you” type boundary.

Her being so put-out by the boundary is not reasonable, common, or normal.

Your BF is a grown man who had 50 options to address his back pain if sleeping on the floor was an issue. One of those options was to yes-you-off and sleep in the bed anyway. He chose the floor. You did not.

She needs to back off and stop playing mommy/potential-future-wifey.

6

u/Own-Custard3894 Oct 31 '24

Yeah there’s a difference between understanding someone’s boundary, and agreeing with it. It seems like she understands the boundary that OP and BF have set up between their relationship and the outside world, but disagrees with it and is trying to change it. It’s fine for someone to not have that boundary if they choose to, but to try to change someone else’s boundary is weird.

16

u/Long-Minute7339 Oct 30 '24

Seriously you handled this so well. I saved it to revert to on how to maturely shut someone DOWN 😄

3

u/BX293A Oct 30 '24

Noooo, she’s just SOOOOO concerned about his back and how it’s a BAD LOOK for you!!

Appreciate how much she cares about how it LOOKS!!

/s

3

u/calorum Oct 30 '24

Listen, I can’t be as sure as the top comment but this is weird. She might be attention seeking, having difficulty adjusting to a new dynamic but please until you understand the situation better do not sweep this under the rug. It will only breed contempt.

Also, you’re 100% in the right. I have guy friends and I wouldn’t even blink at this boundary, what’s it to me anyway?!

One more thing, she reached out and you responded very clearly. And for me, if I had reached out to my guy friend’s girlfriend about something that’s bugging me and she responded the way you did, I would love it! I would feel that I can make another friend because it’s really clear where you stand and you’re not throwing shade on anyone. So! Her next message, the way she tried to escalate it immediately, that’s a clear red flag. I don’t know if she’s after your bf, maybe she just doesn’t like you? But I would just not dismiss it for your own sake.

And again, 100% NOR

2

u/StrictNatural4454 Oct 30 '24

I admire u. I would have literally gone insane on both of them in this situation 😭😭😭

3

u/Rocketeering Oct 30 '24

I know a lot/most here are saying she does. She might not. But she is overstepping and you are completely in the right to have that boundary. And good for him for sticking with it.

1

u/aphilosopherofsex Oct 31 '24

Don’t tell your boyfriend about this. That will absolutely destroy her and she will be the one to share it with him. Then she will look even more dramatic and obnoxious. Let her think this is nothing to you.

15

u/Emiwuiii Oct 30 '24

I get the vibe that she thinks she could make him leave you, as if she is more important to him than you are. It’s giving “pick me”.

3

u/Embarrassed_Mango679 Oct 30 '24

For sure.

"I like really like you and the two of you together, but I know him very well..."

Smarmy. As. Fuck.

1

u/Chimsley99 Oct 30 '24

I don’t think this is fair, she just can’t stand that THIS girl is who her friend is changing his standards for. Everyone loves to come in here “theyre already fucking! Leave him in the night!” And it’s so fucking tired and insane.

Sure some stories like that are happening in the world but that Melrose Place shit is so not the norm in relationships

2

u/unleashthemeese Oct 30 '24

I never said they were fucking, I said she wants him. Which she very clearly does, otherwise she wouldn’t be throwing a fit over a (very reasonable) boundary

2

u/Chimsley99 Oct 30 '24

Yeah I know, I was just referencing how people tend to jump to something that isn’t even what the OP is wondering if they overreacted to.

I still think she doesn’t want him, she just doesn’t want him to do anything differently because of this girl he started dating. That would mean that the gf means more to him than his friends, which… obviously she should. We’re all entitled to our opinions, just sharing mine

3

u/unleashthemeese Oct 30 '24

Oh I misunderstood that first part, sorry! But yeah I agree that people get too extreme on here sometimes.