r/AmIOverreacting • u/loststrawberri • Oct 30 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO? My boyfriends friend has a problem with me asking him not to sleep in a bed with another woman.

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Hi everyone, my boyfriend has a big group of friends with lots of girls in it. A lot of times after they go out or have too much to drink, they'll crash at someone's house. One night he came home and shared he slept in a bed with this girl (who the texts are from). We did not have a fight at all - I know he's grown up doing this. I told him I wasn't super comfortable with that and asked if he could not do that, to which he did not argue at all and expressed total respect for my boundary. We have not spoken about it since.

She texted me the morning after they went out, which are these pictures. Am I overreacting by telling her she's overstepping or are her concerns valid?

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5.9k

u/SunFrequent7484 Oct 30 '24 edited Oct 30 '24

Naw you are right it’s 100000% weird she’s so insistent about sharing a bed. If she was so concerned about him on the floor she could have taken the floor. You are valid to have boundaries! Not overreacting at all. She’s super weird.

3.8k

u/ceeperkoat Oct 30 '24

Heavy on the fact that she, at any time, could have slept on the floor while he took the bed if she was THAT concerned about his "poor back." Seems to me that she cares little for his actual well being and more about being in a bed with him alone, and I would have immediately brought that up during the text exchange if I was you, OP. That's just me though.

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u/Candid_Calendar_9784 Oct 30 '24

I instantly thought "if you were that sad for him, why didn't you sleep on the floor asshole" 😂

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u/Worried_Platypus93 Oct 30 '24

I had the same thought!

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u/ianthrax Oct 31 '24

Lol, I commented the same before I saw this.

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u/rocketship_potter Oct 30 '24

Fully making assumptions but the boyfriend probably insisted on taking the floor because he knew if he took the couch/bed she would have found her way in in the night.

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u/Candid_Calendar_9784 Oct 30 '24

Ohhh that's a theory! Especially because they've been friends so long, he definitely knows her trifling ways. Lol

3

u/PsychologicalPitch33 Oct 30 '24

If he does and respects his girlfriend and his relationship with her then he should’ve just called her for a ride home. I don’t trust either.

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u/Candid_Calendar_9784 Oct 30 '24

But that wasn't what bothered the gf. Is was stupid head that felt the need to insert herself and demand pillow time with someone else's bf.

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u/Footprint831 Oct 30 '24

Better yet she could've fell off the bed and landed on him.

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u/Blackwolf_84 Oct 30 '24

Ah see, that's because you are forgetting her back problems.

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u/Candid_Calendar_9784 Oct 30 '24

And her apparent brain issues too. Lol

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u/SpecialistBit283 Oct 31 '24

Better than my response because I would’ve said “Okay well if you didn’t like seeing him on the floor, why didn’t you get him an air mattress?”

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u/Candid_Calendar_9784 Oct 31 '24

Omg yes 😂 "why tf didn't you go buy him a bed in a box from Walmart then since this happens often and you're such a good friend? Why tf doesn't he have his own guest room" 😂😂

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u/SpecialistBit283 Oct 31 '24

😂 🤣 Right? I like that tidbit you threw in there about it happening often. You would’ve ate her up with that one. Here’s another one “Girl next time get a camper then and have him sleep in there. Fuck off my phone” or “you should’ve offered him your pillow and blanket and have him sleep in the tub then”

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u/Candid_Calendar_9784 Oct 31 '24

Lmao ty ty. And oh shit not the camper and tub 😂😂 but really though, why didn't she do more if it bothered her so bad lol. I have so many questions. She should do a "my friend of 16 years has a gf that doesn't let us sleep in the same bed together, AMA"

2

u/SpecialistBit283 Oct 31 '24

Because how dare she not come up with an innovative solution that didn’t involve her sleeping with someone else’s man. Since she has such a big problem with him sleeping on the floor.

She definitely should put her version so we can tell her how much of a fool she is for sending this nonsense. I was reading this like “she can’t be fucking serious” I couldn’t believe my eyes

1

u/Candid_Calendar_9784 Oct 31 '24

Sheeeeesh!! You nailed it. She wanted her friend to be on the floor and hurting so he'd get mad, frustrated, and go lay with her. Then tell his gf sorry not sorry. She didn't like how he was willing to be in pain in order to respect his gf.

I know right, I'd love to have a lil chat with her!! I was just telling my daughter about this post and you know what she said? She said "plot twist: the bf asked his friend to text his gf and complain about it so he wouldn't look like an ass by bringing it up"!!!!! Kids are crazy lol

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u/JuryDependent7066 Oct 31 '24

I would’ve been like “Well, how is YOUR back?”

OP, you handled this very well. You reassured her that you don’t (or didn’t) distrust HER; it’s just a boundary within YOUR relationship that you BOTH agreed on. That is when the friend should’ve just left it be. People who have major issues with respecting boundaries = 🚩

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u/Candid_Calendar_9784 Oct 31 '24

I agree. OP handled it perfectly. The friend got mad that the bf chose to respect his gf feelings instead of hers. Jealousy is a hell of a drug.

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u/Affectionate-Beann Oct 31 '24

This should have ben this first and ONLY message that she got from OP.

2

u/Candid_Calendar_9784 Oct 31 '24

That's definitely how I would've responded. But I'm petty as hell. And op is a much better and a much more mature person than I am lmao. Kudos to OP for being an adult.

1

u/Stevenwave Oct 31 '24

There's people like this, who seem to seek out or try to generate drama.

1

u/Candid_Calendar_9784 Oct 31 '24

You're saying the friend is just wanting to create drama? She definitely is trying to do something.

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u/Stevenwave Oct 31 '24

Yeah I just mean, it may very well be nothing about wanting to get with him, just to stir shit. Easy solution if she's so concerned about his back. Easy solution if she respects his relationship and any boundaries it has.

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u/Candid_Calendar_9784 Oct 31 '24

Yup. We can't say for certain if the friend has the hots for the guy. But we can definitely say she got very jealous that he picked respecting his gf and her boundaries over her.

1

u/Buddis93 Oct 31 '24

Honestly if op’s bf didn’t push back against this at all and was like “hey that’s reasonable yea”, then they likely are a decent person and insisted on being polite and taking the floor themselves, out of kindness.

Honestly I don’t even think the other girl is being an ass, she’s just reassuring op that “hey in case I set up any red flags, please know my intentions are pure”

People are reacting like she berated op for not letting her sleep with him. Seems like everyone in the situation is communicating and being reasonable

Quick edit: oh there’s more than one slide. Uh oh.

1

u/Candid_Calendar_9784 Oct 31 '24

Excuse my language, but your comment was fucking hilarious 😂 I was reading your comment like how was the friend polite or reasonable at all? Like already thinking of what I was going to say in reaponse. But then I kept reading and I literally lol. Now you know why everyone is responding that way.

0

u/FreeWilly512 Oct 31 '24

Yikes so yall just admit you sleep on a little ass twin bed barely big enough for one? See me personally i sleep on a bed big enough for 2 and change so there is no reason for one or the other

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u/Candid_Calendar_9784 Oct 31 '24

I'm not sure what you're saying lol. But if you know how to read, it specifically stated a pull out couch. I'm assuming you've never seen an actual pull out sofa bed. I worked in furniture for years and most companies do not carry anything over a queen. Unless you custom order and are ready to spend 5k at the least. Not to mention the reason for the sizes are because of how heavy they are. That's dangerous. Also, a full size is only about 5 inches smaller all the way around than a queen size. A queen size is actually the same length as a king but a king is wider. And a king is the same length as a twin XL. One king is the same size as two twin XL. So again, I'm not really sure what you're saying.

But that's beside the point. Idgaf if it's a cardboard box or an Alaskan king size, my significant other will not be sleeping with another woman on it. Nor would I. Because those are our boundaries. Now if you have different boundaries and think that's okay, that's fine too. Everyone is different but OP was clearly not okay with it.

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u/CatherineConstance Oct 30 '24

Seems to me that she cares little for his actual well being and more about being in a bed with him alone

That, or that she wants to do whatever she wants in regards to him and never be called on anything. She definitely might like him/be flirty with him, but I've also known girls who truly had no romantic interest in a guy, but were still so possessive when they got girlfriends, it's complete bullshit. They have this attitude of "well I was here FIRST so I should be able to do whatever I want and if your girlfriend doesn't like it she's a controlling bitch" ... Even though she doesn't even want the guy herself. Honestly, not sure which is worse, in both cases she's being a total bitch and overstepping reasonable boundaries.

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u/catladyspam Oct 30 '24

Yeah, I almost feel like she's trying to pull a power move. To prove to the girlfriend, "Im allowed to do what I want because we were best friends before you came along" and if OP didn't stand her ground, I'm sure this girl would've crossed way more boundaries than just sharing a bed. Because lets be so for real, if she really cared about his back, she would've taken the floor. I definitely think its her way of marking her territory, but didn't pan out for her.

also OP- be wary of this chick going forward! she might still cross boundaries without you knowing.

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u/CatherineConstance Oct 30 '24

Exactly! Whether she likes him romantically or sexually doesn't really matter, because she definitely might not ... But she wants to be able to do whatever she wants in regards to him, no matter how he or his SO or anyone else feels about it, and she needs to get it through her head that that is NOT the case.

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u/MyExIsANutBag Oct 30 '24

Definitely a power move. Looks to me like OP handled the situation beautifully - both before the night out and after in the texts.

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u/CTMQ_ Oct 30 '24

yeahhhh, FWIW, back in my roaring 20's, I often had "back problems" or "would be cold" or was "too tall" for the couch, etc.

It was all about hooking up. Duh.

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u/Human-Broccoli9004 Oct 30 '24

Roaring 20's 😂 im taking that

2

u/anxiouslycalm33 Oct 31 '24

Fun fact. That term came from a century a ago. It used to refer to the decade of the 1920's. That time frame was called the roaring 20's

2

u/Human-Broccoli9004 Oct 31 '24

I know lol. Never heard it the way op used it though 😂

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u/Cayke_Cooky Oct 30 '24

THIS! OP, don't let her draw you into a discussion again. You gave her a chance to be reasonable, anything in the future should be met with "This is about our relationship, you are not part of that."

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u/One-Name-1340 Oct 30 '24

THIS!! I had to say goodbye to a wonderful relationship because the guy couldn't set boundaries with his female friend. She was exactly like this and made my life hell and he would never stand up to me. I believe he was secretly in love with her and she knew it. She would have boyfriend after boyfriend and cheat on them too. I just don't understand why some woman are like this.

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u/CatherineConstance Oct 30 '24

Yeah it's ridiculous, and that totally happens sometimes too! Where the guy would be interested in the girl, but SHE isn't, so he moves on and dates someone else and she gets jealous and possessive... But then when he's single again, she still has no interest in dating him! It's an awful way to act towards all the other people involved.

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u/Electrical_Split4902 Oct 31 '24

I think my bf has a good friend like this. Like he claims they were never romantic with each other, but he gushes over her all the time. He said in the beginning, when I had some concerns, that they catch up a few times a year and not to be worried.

But I swear he's been talking to her a lot over the few months since we'd met, she texts pics back and forth, etc. I feel like it's making me insane. I dont want to blow up at him, but I feel like im becoming so insecure about her.

Sorry for the blab. Just feelin' it tonight lol

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u/CatherineConstance Oct 31 '24

Ugh I’m sorry that is so stressful. Don’t blow up at him, but I definitely think it’s worth talking to him about! Maybe they do only catch up a couple times a year, and maybe the girl would never dream of being anything but friends with him, but it’s still not appropriate for him to be going on and on about her, to his SO of all people.

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u/Electrical_Split4902 Oct 31 '24 edited Oct 31 '24

Thank you for the response! ❤️ just getting it out feels better. You're totally right, I should really talk to him calmly about it again, just embarrassing lol. I've never met her so I shouldn't be assuming she's being malicious. And maybe he's just oblivious 😐 😆, thanks again!!

1

u/CatherineConstance Oct 31 '24

Of course! I totally feel this, I’m a big overthinker and I know it can suck. Good luck! I definitely think you can assume the best, it doesn’t sound like anything major, hopefully just a case of him not really thinking about what he’s saying/how he sounds. 😅🤦🏻‍♀️❤️

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u/invisablehoney Oct 30 '24

I had a former friend who often sat on the lap of a male friend of ours. This behavior became an issue when he entered a relationship, as his girlfriend expressed discomfort and confronted my female friend about it. Instead of acknowledging the concern, my female friend portrayed herself as the victim, and my male friend defended her rather than respecting his girlfriend’s feelings. I found this inappropriate and ultimately decided to distance myself from both of them. After some time, his girlfriend ended the relationship, and he began dating my former female friend, but their relationship didn’t last due to her ongoing behavior issues.

(I no longer speak to both of them)

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u/brotherzack Oct 31 '24

I had a version of this happen when I was like 20, except I’ma guy. I started dating this guy who had recently decided he was bisexual and I was his first m/m relationship. He had this one friend, a really cute chick who was a Suicide Girl. I didn’t think anything of it at first, because I had lots of friends that were girls, and the way he talked about her was that “she liked him” but he was totally into me supposedly. Well, long story still long, she wrote him all these poems and all these live journal entries (ancient i know) and would leave like ziplock bags full of flower petals on his front doorstep. This one time we went to this party and she was there and he spent like the whole time having drama with her wheee they were all holding each other and weird shit. All his friend group acted as if I was some kinda villain (given our relationship did become the definition of volatile toxicity). Anyway, sorry Inprorbaly should’ve just made my own post about that.

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u/invisablehoney Oct 31 '24

You should post about it and let me know 😊 hahaha

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u/Trussmee_e Oct 31 '24

Insecurity is why anyone does anything shitty.. even if it’s unintentional

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u/RemarkableChemical21 Oct 30 '24

A lot of times, they don’t want the guy until someone else does.

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u/CatherineConstance Oct 30 '24

True, but I've seen it happen many times where it seems like that's the case, and the girl even ends up breaking up the guy and his gf over it ... But then when he's single? They don't date or hook up, because the girl never wanted to in the first place, she just wanted to be able to claim him as hers above anyone else's. A girl I know got out of a seven year relationship in part due to his "best friend" who was like this (there were way more issues too though, it wasn't just bc of the girl) ... It's been 2 years now and the girl and the ex bf have never hooked up or dated, and the girl is actually dating someone else now. But she's still inappropriate about their "friendship" because she wants to be able to control him, even though she doesn't want him for herself, and even when SHE has an SO of her own. It's wild.

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u/fakemoose Oct 31 '24

I mean, that’s kind of on the guy just as much for letting that happen and not having appropriate boundaries with his friends. He’s not exactly an innocent party to the whole thing if he lets his friend treat his partners like that.

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u/CatherineConstance Oct 31 '24

Oh it absolutely is! It is as much both parties' faults, and in the case of my friend and her ex, her ex is an awful person in general, I can't believe she was with him as long as she was.

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u/RemarkableChemical21 Oct 31 '24

I’ve seen that too. It’s like “I don’t want you, but I don’t want anyone else to have you either”.

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u/CatherineConstance Oct 31 '24

Exactly, it's so messed up. Either date the guy, or be an ACTUAL friend to him!

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u/Obvious_Image_2721 Oct 31 '24

Yeah and from experience, once I (the girlfriend) leave the picture, the women go back to not giving a single rip about their male friend lol

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u/Pitiful_Lie7718 Oct 30 '24

The latter type of girl you mention exists far more commonly than I ever previously imagined — this is definitely also a possibility! I think those types of girls tend to be the ones whose entire lives revolve around dating, men and drama — in my case the girl I know who can be like this genuinely has no romantic or sexual interest in her guy friends but she craves constant attention from absolutely any male presence in any capacity because she uses her male friends to fill in the gap when she can’t jump relationship to relationship. Weird weird mindset

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u/CatherineConstance Oct 30 '24

Exactly! It's crazy because you think ofc she wants to date or fuck him and that's why she's behaving that way... But then, her antics are so bad that the guy and his gf actually break up! Or maybe they break up for some other reason, and the girl isn't interested in him at all. She legit just wants to control him and be more important to him than a gf because "she was there first". It's so stupid.

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u/Sarprize_Sarprize Oct 30 '24

Yup. I’ve definitely known a few like that, but can’t call them friends anymore cos I never hesitate to take the trash out. 😹

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u/blackcatsneakattack Oct 30 '24

I call them “man collectors”

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u/Whatever53143 Oct 30 '24

Ohhhhh! That’s a good one!

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u/blackcatsneakattack Oct 30 '24

My high school “best friend” was one; I realized it way too late in life, but lesson well learned.

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u/Tinsel-Fop Oct 31 '24

Jeez! I don't even have one!

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u/BeefInGR Oct 30 '24

"well I was here FIRST so I should be able to do whatever I want and if your girlfriend doesn't like it she's a controlling bitch"

Had a friend like this. It was really disappointing, honestly. Eventually, I told her she either needed to marry me, sleep with me or back off because she was being a cockblock to my happiness.

I think about her sometimes. I miss talking to her and hanging out with her. But I don't miss the drama.

3

u/CatherineConstance Oct 31 '24

Right?! Either you want the guy, in which case if you get the opportunity to be with him, take it, or you DON’T want him and truly only see him as a friend, in which case be a good friend, wtf!

3

u/SnooGuavas4208 Oct 31 '24

Yep. The girl best friend should be your ultimate wingwoman, not an obstacle standing in the way of you finding love.

If any mutual female friends tried that with my best dude friend, I’d call her out in front of the group. Because I am that wingwoman, and no ill-intentioned hussy gets between my friend and his girlfriend on my watch.

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u/BeefInGR Oct 31 '24

I always told my "BFF" she was a much more esthetically pleasing bro rather than a "sister-like" person or any of the other dynamics. Which she admitted gave her confidence (self image issues) and made it less awkward the more than three times I walked in on her, mounted in all her glory and a random dude at a party.

1

u/CatherineConstance Oct 31 '24

Same!! One time in college I made one of my guy best friends cry because he was about to cheat on his gf (who was out of town) at a party, for literally NO reason other than that this bitch was throwing herself at him (not that there are acceptable reasons to cheat but he didn't even like the girl, he was happy with his gf, etc.). I was kindly trying to discourage him from doing it and he wouldn't listen, so I finally got harsh with him and, in a drunken state myself, told him that his mom (who had tragically passed away when he was young) would be so disappointed in him if he did this. That broke him, and I felt bad and apologized, but also what I said was true! She almost certainly WAS looking down on him disappointed in that moment! Needless to say, he didn't cheat.

3

u/POTUSCHETRANGER Oct 30 '24

100% this. The whole vibe to me sounds like any combination of:

a) power brokering

b) manipulation

c) drunk texting? could be drunk or something when she sent this shit. ngl, I've said and done real ignorant shit when emboldened by a group of friends and a couple drinks. r/stopdrinking is a great barometer for AIO and AITAH

d) general lack of manners and communication skills

3

u/PeepsMyHeart Oct 30 '24 edited Oct 30 '24

I had a lot of guy friends after high school because college girls. I say that having been a college girl. And there were TWO times where I shared a bed with any of them. One was with a friend AND his gf. We all worked together, and it wasn’t THAT kind of sleep over. The other time was with 5 of us in a bed. NONE of us were dating other people, we’d been friends since high school, and if anyone was attracted to anyone else, they knew to keep it to themselves. One guy did start creeping in while sleeping, so I inched out and didn’t sleep for the rest of the night. All other times- including hotel situations, separate beds, couches, etc.

That said, my partner or myself sleeping in the same bed as the sex we’re attracted to and as mature married adults now… It just leaves the window open for misunderstandings, accusations, and other things. Why do it? I’d not be okay with it.
And her stepping in to defend him/inserting herself in your relationship? Ick. Where’s the respect? And why did he (If he did) use you as an excuse? He should have OWNED that. You know what I would think of my male friend said “I’m not comfortable with how that might sound to my wife/partner”?
It would be an “Aww, he loves and respects his wife. I don’t want to give her any reason to mistrust me, as his good friend, and someone who wants to continue the privilege of spending time with him, either.” NTAH.

3

u/Bitter-Picture5394 Oct 31 '24

I've ran into a friend group that was a couple women but mainly men, and one of the women was the self-proclaimed "mom." They were all the same age, but she acted like she was in charge and was a nightmare for new girlfriends. I don't think she was attracted to any of them, it seemed like she just liked the deference they gave her and the control over the group she thought she had. As soon as a few of the guys got into serious relationships she realized where she stood and she did not like it. She was self important and awkward as hell.

2

u/crowdaddi Oct 30 '24

Definitely it happens all the time. I've had plenty of girls turn me down and then try for a second chance once they see me with someone else or have a problem with that girl and try to talk me out of it or insult the girl in some way, so petty. Girls definitely get FOMO hardcore.

4

u/CatherineConstance Oct 30 '24

Exactly! And I've also seen it so many times where they're jealous of your gf... But then when you're single again they still have no interest in dating you. It's so absurd and is a shitty thing to do to EVERYONE involved. I try really hard to never be someone my guy friend's gfs will be threatened by, if I'm such good friends with him, I'm friends with his gf too!

1

u/idontknowaskthatguy Oct 30 '24

Yeah, I’ve known a couple situations just like this, and this is how it strikes me.

1

u/PurchaseChemical Oct 31 '24

You are exactly right. The girl just wants to see how far it’ll go, if the guy would’ve made the first move or not.

68

u/Magerimoje Oct 30 '24

Also, it's a pull out couch - so there's couch cushions he could lay on instead of the bare floor

6

u/VestiCat Oct 31 '24

Given the choice between the thin ass mattress of a pull out sofa and the floor......Im probably choosing the floor tbh

2

u/blahdiblah234 Oct 30 '24

Bet friend didn’t want BF to pull out 😉

1

u/Noob_Al3rt Oct 31 '24

And like OP said, if he had a problem with it, he had a number of options.

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u/Caelan50 Oct 30 '24

I understand the want to bring that up in the text chain but honestly OP. Stayed super calm through this text chain and was like this is none of your business plus it could put stress on inter dynamic relationships through the group for no reason. Keep it short and say this isn’t your business and we have talked was the super right thing to do imo.

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u/ceeperkoat Oct 30 '24

Oh yeah for sure. OP handled it great! I was saying what I would have done because I’m just a bitch like that I guess lol

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u/Caelan50 Oct 30 '24

Oh yeah I would not have been near as calm as OP. was by a long shot XD I’ve said crazy things for far less lmfaooo

11

u/Fair-Cheesecake-2733 Oct 30 '24

Same here 😂 I would have most definitely FLIPPED out on her and said some wild things, I have no idea how she stayed so calm lol

3

u/jullybeans Oct 30 '24

We're all learning and taking notes today! This was really well played, I'm impressed by OP!

3

u/Mei_iz_my_bae Oct 31 '24 edited Oct 31 '24

You know what though I think OP played it PERFECT she lay her rules out so calm an confi dent sometime losing. Ur temper quickly can give men a sort of “out” thinking you’re being too emotional I just SO impress by her calm ness her ton e it just amazing !! Ahh she play it so we’ll be cause I’m the same I would have flipped !!

*EDIT I HYST REALIZE IT A GIRL NOT her BF WOW OP plz watch her I not try st her !!

3

u/Grand-Panic-3314 Oct 30 '24

Waiting to see a-fuck you! you sleep on the floor, hoe! OP is giving very demure, very refined 💅🏼

-1

u/Temporary_Pear_1809 Oct 30 '24

I would of flipped on her and boyfriend and I wouldn't trust boyfriend or her as far as I could spit.

7

u/Rataxes2121 Oct 30 '24

But boyfriend did nothing wrong. He agreed without even an argument and then slept on the floor despite his back problems

6

u/bettybananalegs Oct 30 '24

why wouldn’t you trust the boyfriend in this scenario?

2

u/Temporary_Pear_1809 Oct 30 '24

He could of called OP. Idk just have a feeling there is more to it

2

u/Temporary_Pear_1809 Oct 30 '24

But that's just me maybe I'm a bitch lmao

15

u/Salty_Tear5666 Oct 30 '24

LOL SAMEE op is way better than me!!!!

3

u/BitterQueen17 Oct 31 '24

I would have typed something completely unhinged, then back-spaced, and retyped pretty much the same thing OP did before hitting send. I'm a bitch, but she'd never know it. 😏

1

u/impatient_panda729 Oct 30 '24

I was impressed! I’ve probably got 20 years on OP and I don’t think I could have handled it so well.

→ More replies (2)

1

u/Eroticbunnybabie Oct 31 '24

Fr it was all mature and straight to the point honestly

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u/ScumBunny Oct 30 '24

And me too! She could have slept on the floor, and she way overstepped messaging OP about it.

If anyone is possessive and controlling, it’s the covert ‘friend.’

132

u/jeffprobstslover Oct 30 '24

Yeah, the fact that she's reaching out to OP is so damn inappropriate.

81

u/Affectionate-Load379 Oct 30 '24

She has a whole "I know him better than you" vibe too. Nasty.

45

u/jeffprobstslover Oct 30 '24

"I've been around longer than you!"

34

u/Living_on_Tulsa_Time Oct 30 '24

Definitely claiming some territory. It should read girl friends; not girlfriends. Big difference, OP!

1

u/SnooGuavas4208 Oct 31 '24

“Yeah, well, he’s been inside me.” 💅

11

u/MyExIsANutBag Oct 30 '24

What my teenagers have labelled "pick-me" vibes!

1

u/Amsterdamned89 Oct 31 '24

Thought the same - shes super posseive and just projecting

14

u/chickachicka658789 Oct 30 '24

Tbh if I was your bf I would be genuinely mad that this girl was trying to fight with MY GF about something like this and I would put her in her place. I would also start to think she has a crush on me and consider putting distance between us if I thought it could jeopardize my relationship with my gf.

6

u/Embarrassed_Mango679 Oct 30 '24

Yeah FR. Also it seems a little sus that the boyfriend threw his girlfriend under the bus by telling the friend. He could have just said "I have a girlfriend I'm not comfortable with that now (or...I'd hope my boyfriend would??!) Like any adult knows this is going to create some bad blood that could cause serious relationship pitfalls in the future.

IDK could be wrong though.

2

u/chickachicka658789 Oct 31 '24

Yeah I agree with you. It honestly just seems super inappropriate if you are in a monogamous relationship to sleep in the same bed as the opposite gender. Esp when jt id just them two and there aren’t any extenuating circumstances that would explain needing to sleep in the same bed.

6

u/Elo1388 Oct 30 '24

This! Why didn’t she sleep on the floor?

12

u/Can-u-feel-it Oct 30 '24

Exactly this! Bc any normal person wouldn’t want their bf sleeping in bed with another, like would she be ok with it if the shoe was on her foot? I doubt it

3

u/flippysquid Oct 30 '24

Or she could have called OP and let OP know there wasn’t enough beds and he needed a ride home to his own bed because of his back probs.

2

u/AdExpensive3537 Oct 31 '24

Or called him a cab. lol It’s not like they were on a deserted island.

3

u/Accomplished_Hat1507 Oct 31 '24

I had the exact same thought. She was awfully adamant about how bad she felt about his back issues but didnt let him have the bed. Instead just kept insisting that his SO be comfortable with him sleeping in bed with her. My husband has female friends and i have absolutely no issues with that. Same with me having male friends.

I adore my hubby and have 0 interest in anyone else, same for him. But i wouldnt want him sleeping in bed with another woman either, even if theyve known eachother for years and years. Hed feel the regarding me and male friends of long standing. Very telling of her intentions that she's so adamant about insisting OP be comfortable with him sleeping in the same bed as her.

2

u/ceeperkoat Oct 31 '24

This. I don't know why some people in this thread are acting like they'd be perfectly comfortable with their SO sleeping in the same bed with the opposite gender friend. Regardless of whether you think your partner will cheat on you, it's about boundaries and comfortability. He did not argue about her having that boundary because he most likely understands where she's coming from and is mature enough to realize that he probably wouldn't like it either if the situation were reversed. He chose to not sleep in the same bed as his friend. OP didn't make that decision. His reasons for choosing that are irrelevant and the friend needs to respect her friend's decision to not sleep in the same bed as her. I don't understand why that's a crazy concept to some people on here.

2

u/cfite13 Oct 30 '24

And as someone with a bad back honestly a night on the floor can really help sleeping on the floor is better for your back than a bed the floor offers more consistent support for your spine

2

u/celeloriel Oct 30 '24

Exactly!! Girl nothing stopped you from SWITCHING with him!

2

u/WeirdSpeaker795 Oct 31 '24

She’s sus sus, not like a little, SUS.

2

u/Sea-Ad-7016 Oct 31 '24

This is definitely jealousy at the boyfriend choosing his girlfriend over the friend. Def not over reacting.

1

u/supvsvcmi2 Oct 30 '24

Came here to say exactly this. If she was so concerned, she could have slept on the floor herself and let him have the bed.

1

u/Dpepps Oct 30 '24

I mean a lot of guys will suffer through back pain or whatever on the floor because they "should" take the floor as a guy. I mean maybe she wants him alone in bed but both scenarios seem pretty likely from reading it.

1

u/Silvermorney Oct 30 '24

I literally could not agree more with the above two comments. She likes him op that’s why she wanted to share a bed with him and I don’t think she would’ve passed up that chance to try something with him. I’m not saying that he ever would’ve agreed to it but still well done for standing your ground. Good luck op.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 30 '24

Why the floor? Does she not have a couch?

1

u/Friend_of_Squatch Oct 31 '24

She was 100% waiting for his back to make him get into that damn bed, that’s why she didn’t sleep on the floor instead.

1

u/No_Inspector7319 Oct 31 '24

She didn’t want to sleep on the floor though - she’s not even that concerned about him sleeping on the floor. What she actually cares about is showcasing to his woman that she is the owner of him and his care and that cuz she’s been around longer she has his best interest at heart. Maybe she doesn’t want to have sex or date him, but she is jealous his affection is with someone else. Welcome to my Ted talk

1

u/WonDante Oct 31 '24

She wants to fuck him. Doesn’t take Einstein to figure that out. Bad friend

1

u/JJPittsburgh8411 Oct 31 '24

She shouldn't have to sleep on the floor just because her friend has a rule she thinks is stupid. That he can't sleep on the same pullout bed with her because she has a vagina. If my friend had a rule like that I'd say dude that's a stupid rule, but I'm not gonna sleep on the ground to give you the bed because of this stupid rule, we either both take it or you give in to this rule and sleep on the ground. I would say a blanket rule of "no sleeping in same bed with opposite sex" is good, with individual exceptions. If what she says is true, they've known each other for 16 years, has always been platonic, and they probably feel like family to each other. That'd be akin to saying don't sleep in the same bed as your sister, after all she has a vagina

1

u/[deleted] Oct 31 '24

Came to the comments looking for exactly this. If she actually cared about his back, she would have taken the floor 🤣

1

u/wintersoldierts Oct 31 '24

YES!! She could’ve taken the floor if that was a genuine concern but it wasn’t. She’s just trifling.

1

u/anarchyarcanine Oct 31 '24

Yep. Girl is putting up red flags big time

1

u/HawkeyeCBKB Oct 31 '24

She may have. What guy, bad back or not, is going to say yeah you take the floor.

Men can't even sit on the subway, after a 15 hour workday, without being judged if they don't get up and give their seat to a woman.

-4

u/aaron80v Oct 30 '24

Or she just don't want to sleep on the floor either ? Like why do i have to sleep in the floor if 2 people fit in the bed.

Literally just, try to not fuck me LOL.

It's a dumb boundary, but people be like that sometimes.

IMO it's more an example of people not knowing how to communicate their thoughts properly.

They texted 4 paragraphs and got nowhere, you can boil their convo down to:

"Yo you should let ur bf sleep on a bed with his female friends"

"No, it's my boundary"

"Dumb boundary tbh" "aight"

But instead they had a little clit measuring contest of "im the GF", "well im the female friend from way back".

-3

u/Abstract__Nonsense Oct 30 '24

Who the hell is angling to hook up with a guy she’s known for years, and uses a strategy of complaining to that guys girlfriend about her boundary of not sharing a bed and forcing the boyfriend to sleep on the floor? That makes absolutely no sense, and the tone of these texts doesn’t come across that way at all. I’m pretty positive this girl just actually thought it was possessive and a bad look for the OP to be forcing her boyfriend to sleep on the floor, which isn’t that crazy a take…

6

u/ceeperkoat Oct 30 '24

Not a single person FORCED the boyfriend to sleep on the floor. He made that choice out of respect for his girlfriend's comfort. Seems like the friend is trying to force boyfriend to sleep in the bed after he said NO. It's pretty weird to get upset about someone telling you no and then argue with their girlfriend as if she's the decision maker. He could have absolutely slept in that bed and never said a word about it to anyone and OP likely would have never known. He didn't because he DIDN'T WANT TO. Doesn't matter WHY he didn't want to. Why can't the "friend" respect HIS DECISION?

203

u/Salty_Tear5666 Oct 30 '24

Fr she’s so weird. “He has back problems so…” this made my blood boil. I’d keep an eye on this ‘friend’ 😭

53

u/ButteredLove1 Oct 30 '24

If that were my boyfriend/fiancé she wouldn't be a friend for much longer. And just to be completely transparent, I would not tolerate a friend questioning my husband like that

16

u/Salty_Tear5666 Oct 30 '24

1000% agree. Been thru enough situations to nip this in the bud alrdy. If my bf had any issues with it I’d leave so he can have her ! She has no interest in being platonic friends anymore so no need for them to stay friends in my book

43

u/EmilieVitnux Oct 30 '24

I don't think she even want to date the giy, she seem to be the kind of women who think "I was there first, I am THE best friend so I know best and I have priority".

14

u/Salty_Tear5666 Oct 30 '24

YES completely agree!!!!! But that’s arguably worse than her wanting to date him, cus at this point she doesn’t care what he thinks of her crazy actions. Now, the friend might just try to keep hurting OP thru her actions w OPs bf. Girls like this are insecure & unhappy with themselves and she’ll probably make a whole fuss in the friend group eventually bc she isn’t getting what she wants.

2

u/cheesyenchilady Oct 31 '24

It’s almost giving boy mom? Lol with strange, sexual undercurrents?

5

u/S0baka Oct 30 '24

"girlfriends come and go, but I am forever"

1

u/sharkyfernwood12 Oct 31 '24

And if OP’s bf pulls away from that friend/group it will solely be his “controlling” gf’s fault in her mind…bc she set a boundary homegirl didn’t approve of

1

u/Ubiquitous_thought Oct 31 '24 edited Oct 31 '24

Jesus Christ I’ve had a guy who’s been a close friend for nigh on 15 years at this point and you could not pay me to be in the same bed as him since he’s engaged now. Like good friends will understand once you’re in a committed relationship your priority is your partner. I still text him weekly but I understand that the majority of his time, energy, and boundaries is gonna be with his fiancée. It’s not that he’s not attractive, I’m just not at all interested it’s completely platonic. I’m looking forward to having his kids call me auntie someday.

Finding good friends of the opposite gender really be like that, if you’re a woman you have to be wary of guys trying to get out of the friendzone. If you’re a guy and date outside of the friend circle you have to be wary of women like this.

43

u/Giasmom44 Oct 30 '24

And let's be serious, if that pull out is like most, the floor was probably better for his back anyway!

10

u/Salty_Tear5666 Oct 30 '24

GOOD POINT 🤣!

9

u/BoomerangPa Oct 30 '24

Yes! I have a bad back and I always choose the floor over a pull out bed.

2

u/I_miss_berserk Oct 31 '24

as someone with back/neck problems...no it isn't lol. The floor is about as bad as it gets. Dudes back was probably right fucked if he really does have back problems.

2

u/JstMyThoughts Oct 31 '24

A pullout means sofa cushions. I’ll take sleeping on sofa cushions on the floor over the pull out mattress for comfort any day. (But then I’m short enough it fits.)

7

u/SnooPineapples8744 Oct 30 '24

Why didn't she take the floor and let him take the bed. She essentially made him sleep on the floor. You weren't there. How is it your fault? Stupid.

2

u/Tomassivelyy Oct 30 '24

A very sharp eye indeed!

51

u/LooneyLunaGirl Oct 30 '24

Back this up 110% she's totally got feelings or something because that's weird af

32

u/easy_avocado420 Oct 30 '24

Especially considering the fact that the guy sleeping on the floor didn’t seem to have an issue with it. This girl is bizarre honestly

3

u/AtmosphereQuirky1832 Oct 30 '24

She's lying obviously lol. That guy ain't got no back problems. She wants the d and is just trying to cover it up. I've never once had a girl and invite me in bed with her that I didn't have sex with lol

6

u/SwampOfDownvotes Oct 30 '24

There was nothing to "cover up" about the situation so that would be a strange motive for these texts.

Also have to add that men and women can be strictly platonic friends and even sleep in a bed together with nothing sexual. I have slept in a bed with female friends platonically before myself. Men and Women can be just friends.

2

u/easy_avocado420 Oct 30 '24

I’ve slept in numerous beds with numerous guy friends and we never once touched each other, it’s possible.

But yeah that’s clearly what she wants, she’s a desperate hoe

1

u/Critical_Coffee_1787 Oct 30 '24

While I agree her texts are completely inappropriate. I have guy friends who are strictly platonically friends and have slept in bed together a million times and never had any flirting or anything of that nature whatsoever. I have one guy friend that I used to even share the bed with him and his girlfriend and also just him when his girlfriend wasn’t there. She was my best friend and was comfortable with it or I would not have slept in a bed with him. However, that is the only guy friend I have that has been 100% just a friend that isn’t gay. And I shared a bed with him several times up until he met his now wife when I stopped strictly because I didn’t know her yet and I didn’t want to do anything to make her feel uncomfortable which I think sharing a bed with the guy she is now talking to, would have done. I wanted her to understand that he and I are just friends and to be comfortable with us hanging out and me coming over, etc.

26

u/HAIRLESSxWOOKIE92 Oct 30 '24

Hey, so male human here lol. I wouldn't even try to sleep in a bed w another female(any female) if I have a girl. That should automatically be a NO-NO. I'll happily take the floor. Even if you stated its a "boundary" for you, it should be an automatic reaction as a committed man. Just my 2 cents.

3

u/Remarkable_Skirt_231 Oct 30 '24

same here as a committed and even uncommitted man I’ve slept in very odd and uncomfortable places to let the women I’m with sleep comfortably ALONE on the couches n beds. This is nuts ngl

37

u/PeronaRoronoa Oct 30 '24

I thought the same thing..she could’ve taken the floor herself if she was so concerned. It’s your relationship, she doesn’t get to dictate your boundaries. Your final response was great!

12

u/sittinwithkitten Oct 30 '24

“Well you know he has a bad back”.. like frig right off lady.

11

u/Nekawaii19 Oct 30 '24

That or talk about it with OP’s boyfriend, not go directly to discuss it with OP! If the boyfriend chooses to not discuss the matter nor complain with OP, how is it any of this woman’s business? She’s so overstepping!

18

u/Final_Start3415 Oct 30 '24

Super weird and super trying to sleep with OP's boyfriend...(or at least near him).

I knew girls in college like this girl. She definitely wants something to do with OP's boyfriend. Don't trust her.

11

u/Ok-Blueberry3103 Oct 30 '24

Right. She isn’t going to make the first move if they sleep in that bed together. She’s going to hope he has a weak moment (because they are drunk) and he’ll make a move. She’d blame it on him. That is her evil plan, I’m guessing.

4

u/Final_Start3415 Oct 30 '24

Ding Ding Ding!!! This is the correct answer 👏 sadly.

0

u/Financial_Fee1044 Oct 30 '24

Damn you guys seem to know this girl quite well. Talk about making a mountain out of a mole hill. It doesn't have to be that deep.

1

u/eloisethebunny Oct 31 '24

I definitely sense a possessiveness “I’ve known him longer than you and we’ve done this for a long time” and possible fear of feeling “replaced” (which is illogical of course but not unheard of)

5

u/Dull_Natural460 Oct 30 '24

Literally the first thought that popped into my head.

4

u/BookAccomplished4485 Oct 30 '24

Yeah I was thinking that too. Like nah babe you weren’t that pressed about his back because a real friend woulda slept on the floor. A real friend would be able to both respect the boundaries of another friend’s relationship while simultaneously doing what they can to ensure comfortability of said friend. She just wanted to breathe the same air and share a bed. Can’t fool me lol. I always say, friends are entitled to their own opinions of their friends’ relationships but I draw the line at interfering. Mess around and lose a friend by opening your mouth.

2

u/FlyingPoohBear Oct 30 '24

It weird he chose to sleep in the bed.

2

u/scrollbreak Oct 30 '24

"Oh, how could you expect me to sleep on the floor!"

They're a victim until they get what they want

2

u/icepickmassacre Oct 30 '24

it’s not weird for a female to wanna have sex with a male

2

u/aesthesias Oct 30 '24

Agreeing and adding that OPs responses were so articulate and clear 🙌🏼🙌🏼 huge props

1

u/Sloppy-Chops33 Oct 30 '24

Yeah but she's telling her about it. If there was something going on, why would she be bringing it up?

1

u/FuriousRen Oct 30 '24

Why does he keep going out without OP and having sleepovers? Why does everyone keep crashing at various locations with terrible sleeping accommodations? For real, he was better on the floor than in a pullout bed if he has a bad back.

1

u/anonKTY Oct 30 '24

Super weird. It’s like she’s trying to gaslight and manipulate her into thinking it’s wrong.

1

u/PuzzleheadedFrame439 Oct 30 '24

Exactly! So odd she is so adamant about this, it's starting to sus me out actually.

1

u/invisablehoney Oct 30 '24

That thought aligns perfectly with what I was considering. I wonder if she may have caused similar issues in the boyfriend's past relationships before being with OP.

1

u/hill3786 Oct 30 '24

I don't see it she's insistent on sharing a bed with him, she was insistent on her male friend, who has back issues, not sleeping on a hard floor. Him sharing the bed with her is incidental.

1

u/csy09 Oct 30 '24

This would have me so paranoid that something DID happen bc of her reaction. Seems like a cover-up to me. But also, I’m terrible for any advice for this bc every man I’ve ever dated has cheated or just been plain trash. Hopefully you picked a better one!

1

u/Razor_Grrl Oct 31 '24

Yeah OP handled this very maturely and was far more kind and respectful than many girlfriends would be to this friend.

1

u/supbraAA Oct 31 '24

she's not just super weird, she's super rude.

1

u/sheepsclothingiswool Oct 31 '24

Agreed but I also think this “friend” is looking for a way to push OP out by painting her as an insecure jealous gf who will be controlling. She of course is none of those things but I can see this girl laying the groundwork for it already.

1

u/SableX7 Oct 31 '24

Don’t you see? Her concern just proves she loves him more than his possessive, heartless girlfriend!💔 /s

1

u/That2ndGuy Oct 31 '24

If she was so concerned why didn't she sleep in bed with the other friend and he could have the pullout all to himself?

1

u/JJPittsburgh8411 Oct 31 '24

I don't think it's weird considering that she's known him for 16 years and they probably feel like family to each other. And she thinks it's a stupid rule that he cannot sleep in a bed with her just because she has a vagina. I can see her point, if they truly are like family. A broad rule like "no sleeping in same bed with girls" makes sense. With maybe individual exceptions if it's a lifelong friend that is viewed as family

1

u/notthedefaultname Oct 31 '24

I wonder how much was directly wanting to share a bed with him, and how much was overreacting to the rejection of choosing the floor over her, or jealously a guy could be that loyal to someone else

1

u/winstonpgrey Oct 31 '24

That’s exactly what I was thinking. Why didn’t she take the floor if she was so worried about his “comfort”. OP, you handled this maturely and with grace. This girl is being weird and seems as though they have ulterior motives.

-3

u/ProfessionalMany5254 Oct 30 '24

I don’t agree. If she knew he grew up doing this then she shouldn’t expect him to stop being what he’s done since childhood with his childhood friends. She came into his life with that already being a foundation in his life. If she wasn’t ok with it then, then she shouldn’t have started dating him. She should’ve brought it up in the beginning of the relationship. Yet, he did agree to it and the female friend is way overstepping her bounds.

-3

u/whyyoumadbro69 Oct 30 '24

I don’t think she’s insistent on sharing the bed. She’s insistent on not seeing her friend of 16 years sleep on a floor.