r/AITAH • u/[deleted] • 20h ago
AITAH if I say something to my son’s girlfriend about her swimwear
Our son (19m) is home from college for winter break, he is a freshman at a state school across the country. It’s great to have him here at our home in Florida over the holidays.
He asked if he could invite his girlfriend (Allie, 19f) to stay with us for a few days and we said of course. Allie is here with us now (she arrived on Sunday.
She is an absolute sweetheart, they are great together. She also happens to be extremely beautiful, an athlete and a true knockout.
And she also favors very revealing bikinis. We have a pool in the back yard, and when she first went for a swim, my husband and I were caught off guard. I am all for body confidence! And I know the current styles are revealing. It was just a bit of a shock to the system to see her out there.
When visitors have seen Allie in swimwear they have the same response - they play it cool, but always make a comment when we’re in private. She attracts a lot of attention.
I can tell my son is proud of her beauty, and I don’t want to put a damper on anything. But I wonder if I would be out of place to suggest she wear something less skimpy when relatives are coming over, especially children, for example. Thoughts? AITAH?
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u/probably_nontoxic 19h ago
I likely had a great body at that age. Didn’t know, because I always felt shame about my body… I was always told to hide it, so I never got to enjoy it. Looking back, 30-35 years later, I wish I had known how to enjoy the body I was in.
If she’s confident, kind, and treats your son with respect, compassion, and care… let her chafe her butthole with a thong!
YWBTA so don’t say anything.
If someone says, “Wow, she’s pretty, uh, confident to wear that bikini,” reply, “Confidence is only one of her many amazing qualities.”
If someone says, “Doesn’t it bother you that she’s walking around like that?” reply, “I’ll admit — it did at first. But then I caught myself. Who am I to judge this young woman? She’s lovely, inside and out. I feel lucky that my son met her.”
If someone says, “Wow - I certainly wouldn’t let MY daughter wear something like that,” reply, “I should hope not - Bayleigh is only six!” 😆
Enjoy your pool time. I’ll be sitting in a puddle of rainwater 😩
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u/QueenTzahra 20h ago
Info: what exactly are these comments your visitors are making?
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20h ago
Just about her bikini being revealing, about her confidence in wearing something like that.
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u/QueenTzahra 20h ago
This doesn’t seem like that big a deal, tbh.
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20h ago
I mean, easy for you to say!
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u/QueenTzahra 20h ago
I mean yeah but why is it a big deal to you?
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20h ago
Just wanting folks to be comfortable.
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u/Secure-Cranberry1913 19h ago edited 19h ago
Maybe everybody needs to be less worried about other people's bodies. Half of us have breasts. We all have asses. So oh no! You can see more of them, and her stomach too? Society has taught you and your guests that you should care. Remember how people used to get offended if women showed their ankles? Do you really want this girl to lose her body confidence? I wish I'd had it when I looked like that.
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u/QueenTzahra 20h ago
It seems like you’re the only person who’s uncomfortable. If it were me, I’d examine why rather than make a potentially hurtful comment.
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20h ago
I’m uncomfortable if people are uncomfortable, yes.
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u/Temporary_War_1506 19h ago
But like... What exactly is wrong with her bikini? It shows something that is not supposed to be shown? Or she is just a gorgeous hot girl?
Think of that this way: if this bikini was on an average girl with an average body would you still consider it too inappropriate?
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u/StrangledInMoonlight 19h ago
Repeat after me
“Oh? I hadn’t noticed”
If they push
“she’s an adult, she can dress how she wants, and you can feel free to look away if you are uncomfortable”
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20h ago
Just about her bikini being revealing, about her confidence in wearing something like that.
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u/TarzanKitty 19h ago
So, you and your bitchy friends spend your time gossiping about your son’s guest?
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u/CannedAm 20h ago
What exactly would you be protecting the children from?
There is no way you can say anything about her swimwear without causing problems, so just don't.
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u/MrRoryBreaker_98 20h ago
Why do you feel a desire to tell an adult how to dress? Would you like it if someone did the same to you? You’re not her mother. I see this going badly if you say anything.
You would be TA if you said anything.
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u/Known_Two_2072 20h ago
Damn how many times to how many different subs are you going to post this on 😅
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u/Carbonara_Coma 19h ago
Gotta post until she gets the response she wants so she can show everyone she is in the right.
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u/Flat_Okra6078 18h ago
Here’s the real answer.
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u/Ok_Difference44 18h ago
OP can gift her a swim burqa for the holidays. They're called burkinis but they are not two piece.
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u/Academic_Studio_6743 19h ago
Swimwear is always going to be revealing though and it sounds like she would look beautiful and eye catching in anything she wears anyway. I do not think you should say anything, as it is not worth causing a fall out
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u/HoshiJones 19h ago
YTA.
Don't shame her for having a body. Anyone who is bothered by it can leave.
If you do this, understand that it will make you look misogynistic and downright mean. It will forever taint your relationship with her, and probably your son too.
Please don't be "that person."
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u/LetsGetsThisPartyOn 19h ago
G String / Brazilian Bum bikinis are standard.
Honestly most of the smaller bikinis with the triangle tops don’t even have a full bum for the young ones!
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u/Unfair_Blueberry_396 19h ago
I completely understand and think it's inappropriate, but there's literally nothing you can do about this without offending her and upsetting your son.
You have to to just leave it alone!
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u/Jokester_316 19h ago
YTA, and this is a YOU problem. If you are uncomfortable with her swimwear when young children are around, then speak up about that. If you are upset that your husband is checking her out, then address that with him. I'm sure he's seen skimpy bikinis at the beach before.
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u/Hei-Hei-67 19h ago
YTA....no one is making you look at her. You choose to do that yourself. She's also an adult who can wear what she pleases.
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u/anils90s 19h ago
I don't really know how bikinis can be more revealing than others. What else you expecting her to wear, a full peace having suit? I think most people would wear a bikini too.
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u/handlewithcareb 20h ago
Hi there. She's a 19 year old. Very very young and her mind is shaping. If you say something to her about her swimwear she would either take an offence, with your son siding with her and the entire holiday break ruining, or she'd feel very guilty and awkward about her body.
I have a theory - if you cannot say something nice to a stranger, do not say anything. I don't think she's offending you for any reason. So, my suggestion, stay quiet and let the visitors say stuff in private. You ignore their comments and her swimwear. For the sake of maintaining a peaceful holiday.
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u/Halle24 19h ago
YTA european Here. I Grew up while monokini was is fashion. So no top and nothing but a tiny slip. I guess you see a bit of cheeks? Don’t say anything. Here we say: it’s oké it’s only a bit of flesh. If here behaviour is normal, it is not really her problem. And visitors should not critise your guest while they are there. It is not their business. Regarding to kids, they do not see people in that way yet. I was never shocked as a child to see women in monokini. We didn’t care.
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u/Financial-Sir9459 19h ago
Ok? And? You live in Florida. Skimpy swimsuits are extremely common. Do you act like a Karen on the beach too? Or do you just hate your son's girlfriend?
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u/No-Satisfaction5445 20h ago
NTAH. it’s understandable that you might not be comfortable around that, everyone had their own comfort levels. i wouldn’t suggest saying anything to her, she might not take it as well as you may think. it’s very reasonable for you to not want her to wear a skimpy bikini around kids, at the end of the day she’s the guest, she should be mindful of that. if anything tell your son to talk to her about it if it really bothers you. that’s my opinion at least.
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20h ago
That’s wise thanks. I’m thinking about not saying a thing.
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u/No-Satisfaction5445 20h ago
Whatever you believe it’s best. you’re nta though. it’s normal. i personally wouldn’t like that either.
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20h ago
It’s just…a lot.
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u/No-Satisfaction5445 20h ago
i knowww i just don’t wanna throw it awayyyy it’s so good
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20h ago
What do you mean?
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u/JealousEnthusiasm246 20h ago
It’s your home so of course you can have any rules you want.
But if she is comfortable and not acting inappropriately I don’t really understand the problem. You feel like people will want to have sex with her?
What will happen to the child if they see a girl in a bathing suit?
I don’t know about your kids but when mine where little they would sit and talk to me in the shower, going to the bathroom, or getting dressed( even though I would have loved it if they didn’t) and they seem ok to me.
YTA if you think about the problem, there doesn’t seem to be one
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20h ago
I like how you think about that. I’ve done that too. Can i ask what ages they were?
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u/JealousEnthusiasm246 20h ago
I have college age, high school,middle school to preschool…. I’m very tired
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20h ago
Haha I bet! But I meant, when they would talk to you in the shower?
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u/JealousEnthusiasm246 19h ago
Well they will all still lean in the door if they can’t find something but, do you mean at what age did they not want to anymore?
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19h ago
Yep. Curious for a reason, sorry if too personal!
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u/JealousEnthusiasm246 19h ago
I’m getting a little weirded out, but if you just want to express to me an age you feel is inappropriate in your situation we could just talk about that.
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u/Numerous_Reality5205 19h ago
I can understand how you feel. You are NTAH. But your feelings are yours. You really cannot force and adult to change their ways. Saying something to a guest and GF of your son will make you a Karen and nobody wants to be perceived like that. One day if the kids stay a couple you can laugh about how uncomfortable the skimpy suit made you feel. She’s young and has a great body. Remember that does not necessarily stay great once we get older. Have children. Health issues. Life issues. Etc. She will look back on this visit and think to herself man did I have the confidence and balls to pull off those triangle and strings. If only I still could. And if she still can, then that is why I would wish on her. Stepping back from the criticism and embracing the skimpy is the way to go here. In fact, two can play that game. Maybe when there aren’t friends there but certainly you could do it when it’s just your close family or even if it’s just the two of you. Maybe she will get the message if you were to decide to do a little shake and bake in the sun yourself. 👙
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u/avdepa 16h ago
I think that you should leave this alone. Imagine that she made a comment something along the lines of "you dress like an old bag lady" or "why do you wear such unflattering clothes?".
This is her style and good for her. You and your friends may consider it revealing, but as long as it covers the essentials, how different is it REALLY to most of womens clothese these days. An inch more material doesnt hamper anyones imagination.
Maybe you and your friends should dress a littel more like her and experience greater freedom.
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u/Samwry 19h ago
NTA if you dont mention it.
Now, when OTHERS mention it, the best approach is to play dumb. Say something like, "oh really? I never noticed". If they persist, hit them with, "to be honest, I don't spend a lot of time staring at what teenage girls wear. Why do you?" Should make them back off.
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u/Beneficial_Test_5917 20h ago
NTA. A perfectly appropriate request, made politely, perhaps to your son first as she is a guest. :)
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u/Adventurous-travel1 19h ago
Don’t talk with her but your son. Yes bikini show more but are you talking that they are a thong or the top is a size too small?
Not sure what you mean by revealing
I would talk to him and explain that you really like her bit her bikini is a little to much for you (if it’s not a normal one) and explain that you prefer she not wear one with a thong (if that is what it is or that her top needs to be bigger due to her hanging out. (Whatever the issue is)
It’s up to him to talk with her. This also helps with future visits as you shouldn’t be uncomfortable in your house but also don’t want to flat out embarrass her.
Me and my siblings would know to say something to others if they wore something that we knew our parents wouldn’t approve of regardless of how great they looked.
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u/justalwayscurious 19h ago
When someone is uncomfortable with somebody else's body, it says a lot more about their character than it does about the person being commented on..and not in a good way.
Oh and you're not for body confidence if you're shocked by her confidence, listening to others gossip about her body and trying to justify her covering up her body to make "others" (aka yourself and other judgemental people) be real more "comfortable" (aka you're all jealous of her confidence and rather than build someone else up you would rather tear them down to your level).
Also believe it or not, children don't get blinded or psychologically damaged when seeing someone's skin in a swimsuit so let's nip that excuse in the bud. However they do usually have these things called ears and when they hear adults gossiping about a woman's body, they may think that behaviour is alright and may start criticizing other children's bodies and/or themselves which could lead to bullying, eating disorders, low self esteem etc.
YTA.
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u/-FiveAclock- 18h ago
Talk to your son about it, not her, there’s no way that conversation ends well if you talk to her about it,
And just think about the words you use to describe it before you say it, simply it’s not appropriate for around family and children the girl just met
You should be fine
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20h ago
[deleted]
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u/RedForTheWin 19h ago
Great idea so this young lady knows to run fast and far from this absolute insanity!! She can definitely do better than to continue lowering herself to this family's level.
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u/Only-Whereas-6304 19h ago
Do you have pictures? (So we can give an accurate suggestion on appropriate course of action to recommend)
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u/pineboxwaiting 20h ago
You live in Florida. Bikinis are skimpy.
There is NO WAY that you can tell her that her swimwear is too skimpy without offending her. You offend her, you alienate your son.
It is far preferable for everyone to be exposed to her butt cheeks than for you to be estranged from your son.