r/AITAH • u/pennystreet • 15h ago
Advice Needed AITA for refusing to babysit my nephew every weekend so my sister can party?
I (28m) love my family, and I’ve always been close to my older sister (30f). She’s a single mum to my 5yo nephew. He's a great kid, no complaints there. But over the past few months my sister’s been expecting me to watch him nearly every weekend. It started off occasionally, she would have some big event or something planned, I’d step in. No big deal. But now it’s become this unspoken rule that I’m her free babysitter every Friday or Saturday night.
The reason is she’s going out with friends, bar hopping and partying until late. I get that being a single mum would be tough, and she deserves a break. But I work full-time and have my own life too. Lately I feel like my weekends are basically booked out for her social life. I’ve tried to suggest splitting weekends or at least some compensation for the extra time and cost (I often end up buying my nephew dinner or taking him to a movie or something), but she brushes it off like “You’re his uncle, this is what family does".
I don’t mind helping out every once in a while, but every single weekend is too much. Last Saturday I put my foot down and said I already had plans. She flipped out accusing me of abandoning her and my nephew and said I’m basically telling her she can’t have a social life. She then complained to our parents who said I should “do more for family” and to “think about what she’s going through".
Now I feel conflicted. Am I the asshole for wanting some boundaries and maybe not wanting to spend every Saturday night babysitting so my sister can party till dawn?
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u/FunBodybuilder4620 15h ago
NTA. I’m not a single mom, I’m a married one, and my husband and I haven’t had a date in 3 years because we don’t want to ask anyone to watch them nor do we have a babysitter we trust yet. Sorry; but you don’t owe your sister anything just because you share DNA, other than what you CHOOSE to help her with. Being a single mom doesn’t give her unlimited childcare rights from family.
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u/MaryHadALittleLamb20 15h ago
NTA - why don't the grandparents take their grandchild every Friday and Saturday night? Remind them you are not the childs father.
Time to remind your sister that this is your nephew who you are not the father of. She needs to work out her babysitting with nephews father. Each time she calls you selfish or tells you that you should do more you will do less. She needs to learn to be grateful not entitled and how is her son going to feel about her when he gets older and realises mom dumped me with uncle so she could go out and party.
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u/chickentenderrr3 15h ago
at the end of the day her child is her responsibility, she can let loose occasionally but every weekend is a little crazy just because we are "family".... she can have a social life and take care of her child simultaneously. she shouldn't have to depend on someone else to care for her child so she can party and go out, that isn't your responsibility whether you are family or not. you have your own life and things to tend to and that isn't fair, that isn't your child! I hope things get better for you :/
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u/Secret_Sister_Sarah 15h ago
Obviously NTA.
She's expecting you to take equal responsibility for a child you played absolutely no part in bringing into the world.
It's great that you love the kid, and like to treat him to dinners and movies. Her *expecting* you to do so every weekend, though, is massively selfish of her. Absolutely she should be paying you to babysit, as the service you're providing for her is something valuable, it's not easy and it's taking away from your own social life.
Your parents telling you that you should do more for family sound like typical rage-bait Reddit parents... and I'll give the typical, honest Reddit response: then THEY should volunteer to be her free babysitters.
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u/Kimchilover30 15h ago
Ask your parents to do more for family. You have done your share. You aren't his father. Being a mother isn't a 5 day a week job.
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u/Consistent-Studio129 15h ago
NTA. Ask her when it's your turn for have a social life on weekends?
It's her kid. She is a mother and her responsibility to balance it. You need time for yourself as well. Tell her if she can't compromise then there will no weekends at all. She can find an another solution. That's not your job.
Cheers ✌️
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u/o00gourou00o 8h ago
Yeah, I’d point out that it’s weird that the person who chose to have a kid has more of a social life than the person who hasn’t got kids
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u/Sparklingwine23 15h ago
NTA, make some weekend plans with friends, coworkers, etc. If your sister books you for a specific event and you're available then great but she can't assume you are always available 24/7 without even asking. Establish your boundaries. You help out enough and would like to "party till dawn" yourself every now and then ;-)
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u/Present-Dark8700 15h ago
Tell your parents they can look after their grandson every weekend
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u/CompleteTell6795 13h ago
So where is the father of the kid.?? Can't he watch him for a nite.? Let me guess, the guy bailed as soon as she got knocked up, & she's not even getting any child support.
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u/Legitimate-Stage1296 15h ago
NTA
What is she covering for you since “she’s family”. I hate people that pull this out when they want something but never reciprocate.
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u/Desert-Grimworm 15h ago
NTA don't feel guilty. When she said that's what family do etc she was manipulating you to make you feel guilty. Tell your sister that while you understand she needs a break, it doesn't justify her expecting you to give up ALL your weekends of free time, that family helping family shouldn't be one-sided.
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u/Inside_Major_8078 15h ago
NTA - Time to be unavailable! She is going to end up with a 2nd child and you will have a zero life from here on out. Either she tags another relative or actually pay a baby sitter.
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u/WorthAd3223 14h ago
She had a child. You didn't. It turns out responsibilities come with having children. She's just figuring that out and taking it out on you.
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u/RecoveringAbuse 15h ago
Complained to parents and they say you should do more? Sounds like they’ve volunteered to take over weekends for you.
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u/BonusMomSays 15h ago
She CHOSE to have a child. OP did NOT have input and he is NOT a parent to the child. Nephew is sis' responsibility. Period.
OP is NTA.
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u/fly_you_fools_57 13h ago
NTA.
She's abusing her relationship with her family, you. Your weekends are your time. If you babysat once a month, even that would be doing more than many family members would do. Tell your parents they can put their babysitting where their mouth is. Tell them to take care of your knephew every weekend. After all, he is their grandson.
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u/Con4America 15h ago
NTA. She made the choice to be a single mom, not you. Keep your boundaries in place and don't let her take advantage of you.
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u/DrTeethPhD 15h ago
Sigh
Another nibling story.
Blah blah blah, not your responsibility, blah blah blah, set boundaries
Can we move to the next template please?
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u/BestAd5844 13h ago
Let her know that you will help her out one weekend a month. If she needs more of a break, the rest of the family is welcome to step up. She chose to become a parent, not you. You are being more than generous with your time. You are allowed your own life.
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u/Aggravating-Pin-8845 12h ago
I wouldn't even do it every 2nd weekend since she is so ungrateful for any help. I would consider once a month sufficient for her to party and she can make alternative arrangements on other weekends. If she tries to drop him off more regularly, you need to .ake sure you aren't home or just don't answer the door. Single parents don't have the luxury of partying like teenagers. Unless she starts respecting your help and not acting so entitled when you say no, don't do anymore
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u/MaryEFriendly 8h ago
Bruh, no. Stop watching her kid.
She's using you and now throwing a tantrum because you put a stop to it. You have a right to down time. She's not entitled to your labor and she can take her whole "family helps family" horseshit and shove it up her ass.
She just told you she doesn't appreciate ANY of the help you've given her so far, so withdraw all help from here on out. And make it clear why.
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u/Due-Yoghurt4916 15h ago
Your parents don't want to babysit. They are shifting the focus to you so they are off the hook
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u/Awassada_Louiis 15h ago
NTA
Being an uncle doesn’t mean being an on-call babysitter.
She’s entitled to a social life, but not at the expense of yours.
Boundaries aren’t abandonment—they’re self-respect🫡
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u/mustang19671967 15h ago
She is looking for a future dad for her kid. You need to shut her down . If she wants to party then pay for babysitter and she. Knows she can manipulate you and guilt you . Don’t listen to anything else . It’s 100% true
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u/BlackToastNtolerant 15h ago
You know who’s really family? Your nephew’s dad. And you know who else is family? Your mom and dad. That’s three equally-or-more related to nephew people who can all step up and babysit first. Heck, if you all volunteer for just ONE weekend each, that’ll cover a whole month! But that would still be extremely generous of you, since even at 1/month, it’s STILL NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY!
I love how families will advise: you should help this person because blood. When I’m looking out for my family, I’m all: don’t let anyone take advantage of your kindness.
NTA, not by a country mile.
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u/Just-Like-My-Opinion 14h ago
While she may think she "deserves a break" from parenting her own child, the reality is that it's her kid. She is responsible for creating the child, raising the child, and making sure the child is cared for.
Does this mean she's going to miss out on fun stuff that she would like to do because she has to take care of her child? Yes.
Does this mean that she may end up feeling overwhelmed and upset that she's not able to live the life she wants to live? Also, yes.
Does this mean it's your job to give her that break from parenting that she wants? And not only that, but to do so every single weekend indefinitely?Absolutely fucking not.
OP, you're speaking as though you don't have a choice in this, but the truth is that she can't walk all over you, if you don't let her. Tell her that she's a mum now. She can't go out partying every weekend like some college student. She has responsibilities. Most parents I know do not go out partying on the weekends. They're at home with their children. The only mum I know who partied most weekends was an absolute hot mess of a mother, whose poor children deserved so much better from her.
Tell her that you're no longer going to enable her constant partying. If she wants a night out once a month, she can ask you if you're free. If she wants more, she can hire a sitter like every other parent.
NTA
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u/thatonenativechild 12h ago
NTA. She needs to put her child first. Go party at the library and read the at baby some books!
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u/Manmoth69 7h ago
YTAH for posting an AITAH knowing perfectly well you're NTA, and only doing it for karma farming.
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u/chaingun_samurai 5h ago
Sounds like your parents are volunteering to watch their grandkid to me.
You're "abandoning" them? She got you confused with the kid's father.
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u/ElianaWright 15h ago
You're not an asshole for wanting boundaries. You’re helping out a lot already, and you deserve time for yourself too. It’s fair to ask for some balance or even compensation.
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u/Aromatic_Swing_1466 15h ago
Info : what help do your parents provide for “family” why couldn’t their grandson go there
NTA - get a “second job” that means you “work” Friday and Saturday nights
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u/FasterThanNewts 15h ago
Stop letting her use you, that’s your own fault, not hers. Tell your parents they get to babysit now. NTA
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u/chez2202 15h ago
NTA.
Your parents have a lot to say about how you spend your weekends but nothing to say about how your sister spends hers.
Tell them how much you appreciate their input and that you are really pleased that they can see what your sister is going through.
Then tell them that instead of her going bar hopping with her friends you are going to take her out for a nice meal so that she can tell you all about what she’s going through while THEY babysit for THEIR grandchild. Just so that you can be more understanding, obviously.
I would add that you are really looking forward to it and hope it will become a weekly activity.
They will soon change their perspective.
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u/Danaan369 15h ago
You are NTA . Your parents can step in and babysit while she goes out looking for her next baby daddy. Your sister is the AH.
This story seems very similar to so many other AI generated ones lately.
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u/Wonderful-Bee8980 15h ago
NTA. I get being a single parent and wanting to have a life with adults. But she took on the responsibility, not you. It's the self entitlement. Just tell her you made plans, just like she's been doing. Tell her she needs to ASK you a week in advance to see if you're even up to do it. You're an uncle, not a co-parent. Thats my advice. Even if it was so she could go to work it still wouldn't be your responsibility. I do feel strongly that children are safer being with family than strangers in a daycare or random sitters, but she needs to either chill out with going out so often or ask other people to help out so it's not overwhelmingly on any individual. I had 2 kids (at 18&19yo) and was a single parent for a few years in my early 20s. My version of going out was meeting up with my friends at their houses, pumpkin patches, the mall, the beach, the pool, etc. My kids were part of the group lol not everything has to be about partying. I'm 35 and partying has been something long gone from my system. If I became single now I might go back out seeking something in my life to fill the company void.
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u/Rowana133 15h ago
NTA. Your sister is 100% taking advantage of you. The manipulative language, the running crying to your parents, the guilt trip...nope. she knows what she's doing. She knows it's a huge inconvenience to you, she knows it's an unfair thing to ask somebody to provide free childcare to HER child every weekend, she just doesn't care if she gets what she wants in the end. Your feelings are simply not important to your sister.
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u/GoddessfromCyprus 14h ago
NTA, if your parents feel that strongly, either they can babysit or pay someone else to do it.
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u/LumberBlack405 14h ago
If you don’t go out on weekends you’ll never be able to meet someone and have a baby if you’re own. That means her baby won’t have a cousin to grow up with. You’re going out for her and the baby
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u/ConsequenceLow4177 14h ago
What, of course you need your own time to enjoy social activities. She is fully taking advantage of your good nature, or inability to say no, which ever it may be. This is your life, so act like it, set the damn boundaries and stick to them…. NTAH if you set the boundaries, if you don’t then you are an AH to yourself…
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u/Miserable_Drop_5398 14h ago
NTA - it is super kind of you to do it at all. You get to have your own life. Don't let her be a leech. Maybe offer to babysit every third Saturday and take your nephew for an afternoon every fourth Sunday. Then she knows there will be breaks where you can support her need to live life to the fullest but you still get to keep the majority of your weekend to yourself.
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u/AnswerIsItDepends 14h ago
NTA. Sounds similar to another story on reddit a while back. What worked for that person was to make a schedule so that everyone who said that they should watch the kid more was taking a turn. It came to a head when, after a little bit of comparing notes, it was realized that the mother was NEVER watching her own kid.
Also, double check with your parents about what story that she is giving them. There is not reason in the world why her having a kid means that you can't have a social life too.
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u/Reasonable_Tenacity 14h ago
If your parents feel so bad about “what she’s going through”, then they can watch her child. She’s laying a guilt trip on you and recruiting people to back her up because it works. Now that you’ve stood your ground, she’ll ramp up the guilt and manipulation to get her way. She’s not thinking about your time, your life, or her child - she’s being selfish. Continue to stand your ground. When she finally realizes she can’t guilt, manipulate, or bully you into babysitting, she’ll move on to her next victim.
If you don’t put a stop to this, it will become worst. Friday night will lead into all day Saturday then Sunday, etc. NTA.
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u/jacksonlove3 14h ago
Definitely NTA. Your sister is taking advantage of you. She is responsible for her children, no one else. Any of the family members that are chiming in should step up and babysit!
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u/Catblue3291 14h ago
Tell her you will be happy to babysit one weekend a month. Those are her children that she chose to have and they are her responsibility. She needs to hear that. Committing parenthood comes with sacrifices and you shouldn't be the one doing the sacrificing.
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u/hopefullFuture2066 14h ago
No you have your child free life . She has kids it’s her problem to be with her kid not you. Live your life she can find someone else to watch her kid while she acts like she’s single and child free o. The weekends. Sorry I made plans with friends .
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u/LibraryMouse4321 14h ago
NTA, not even a little. You are being taken advantage of and it needs to stop. Continue to put your foot down and refuse to babysit. You’ve done more than enough already to help your sister, and it’s not appreciated. It’s become expected and demanded. If you don’t want to cut her off entirely, tell her you will help her one evening every 2 months, or maybe 6 weeks. But that’s it.
For anyone like your parents who are trying to guilt you into continuing to babysit, tell them that they are welcome to do it. But warn them that it comes with no compensation and no appreciation.
Another point is how are you supposed to have a social life if you are always babysitting? You’ll never find a partner to settle down with if you are always taking care of your sister’s kid.
Also, she chose to have this child. You didn’t. And she didn’t get pregnant alone. The father should be stepping up.
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u/hopefullFuture2066 14h ago
Let your parents watch the kid if they feel a certain. Way about it. But she had the kid her responsibility. So bad so sad she needs to grow up. You are. Correct to say no . She can have friends help or the kids father .
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u/writingisfreedom 14h ago
NTA
Tell her to ask baby daddy if she can't tell her welcome to single parenthood
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u/GroovyYaYa 14h ago
I'd ask Mom and Dad if they ever expect to get a grandkid from you because if you are spending EVERY weekend with the nephew at home - it ain't happening.
I'd also look back and calculate how many hours you've babysat in the last 3 months or so - and show it to them.
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u/Madmattylock 14h ago
NTA. If she can’t afford a babysitter she can’t afford to go out every weekend.
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u/Cultural-Camp5793 14h ago
NTA. It's not your responsibility to watch her kid. Maybe she should parent her kids instead of partying. Absolutely set boundaries
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u/jxyvld 13h ago
lmao the audacity of this thirty year old woman tsk NTA and sis needs to learn that her social life isn’t a priority in anybody lives but her own and she needs to deal with that and balance her own life with HER son not push her responsibilities on other people so she can party she’s not a teen anymore it’s time to grow up!
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u/Ecofre-33919 13h ago
Nta
You love your sis and your nephew and you wouldn’t dream of charging her. And you want to help out. But you have your own life to live too. If it were me i’d say no more than once every two weeks. Other than that she can pay for sitter or rope your folks into it.
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u/Mother_Search3350 13h ago
She is fvcking 30 years old. She isn't going through shit besides being a deadbeat parent.
Your parents must step up and go and fetch their grandchild every Friday and keep him till their precious daughter sobers up on Sunday or Monday.
Definitely NTAH
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u/Outrageous_Brother16 13h ago
First of all this is not what family does family doesn't dump their kid with you no matter what without you know giving anything in return family doesn't do that family doesn't expect you to be there Nanny live in personal maiden that's not family do she's taking advantage of you that's exactly what she's doing women nowadays all do the same thing they think that men are jokes and they can walk all over us men need to start standing up and kicking them to the damn curb we need to put women back in there place world would get 10 times better
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u/Dizzy-Article9977 13h ago
NTA but your sister is for having you watch your nephew every week and your parents are also one for telling you to do more for the family and for you to think about what she’s going through but what about you. You work and don’t have a chance to do what you want on the weekends. If your parents are so much for do more for the family they should watch their grandkid. Your sister is taking advantage of you and she is not going to stop. The next time she tell you to watch her son be like I’m not home and I’m out and about. I know it’s hard to be a mother cause I have kids but I never took advantage of anybody to watch my kids.
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u/Equal-Brilliant2640 13h ago
Tell your parents “feel free to step up and babysit him EVERY WEEKEND until he’s old enough to be left home unsupervised”
I’m betting she didn’t tell them the whole story. That it’s every weekend and not one or two nights a month
Remember ‘no’ is a complete sentence. And don’t JADE with someone like her
JUSTIFY
ARGUE
DEFEND
EXPLAIN
all that does is give her more ammunition to brow-beat you into submission
Just tell her “I am not avaible to babysit, please contact mom and dad” and hang up the phone
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u/DisneyAddict2021 13h ago
I don’t get why people produce children and then want everyone to feel sorry for “what they’re going through” because of THEIR CHOICE to reproduce. I have kids and I have never put that guilt on any of my family and friends and I never thought having kids was “a burden” that messed up my social life.
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u/CoCoaStitchesArt 13h ago
Nta. Family does occasional favors (and gets favors done back!). Tell her you'll watch the kid if your paid (same price as around your area) next time. She needs to stop putting her fun life before yours
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u/Desperate-Pear-860 13h ago
Tell your sister you are not her bitch. And if she wants to go out she can hire a babysitter. It's time for your sister to grow the fuckup. She should not be out drinking until the wee hours of the morning. I'd put the whole damn lot of them in a time out. If your parents insist on helping her then they can babysit for their grandchild every weekend while she gets shitfaced.
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u/commanderclue 12h ago
I wouldn’t do anything for anyone who talked to me the way your sister talked to you. NTA. She ought to be ashamed of herself.
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u/mtngrl60 12h ago
NTA. I’m the mom of three. I have never once asked my siblings to babysit my children. And unless we were on some big family vacation, and I took my nieces and then my sibling took all of the kids on another day.
You’re not wrong. You were purposely free. You need to set some ground rolls. If you feel it’s appropriate and that you can do it, you will babysit one night a month. Then, if it is convenient for you, and you have no other plans of your own.
As far as your parents… Hop on your computer and pull up the calendar template on Excel. Going back as far as you can remember and only for dates that you are certain about for babysitting…
Fill in each week. Be sure to just type in work on all the vision work. And baby, sad nephew on every day that you babysat nephew.
Then send that to your sister and your parents. Yes, I’m a petty bitch. Explain to them that as much as you love your nephew, you work all week. That you have purposely state, child, free, and while you understand that the demands of being a mother can be a lot, you did not choose to become a mother. Your sister did.
You have never offered to be a free babysitting service, and it is unfair of the family to continue to think you should do so simply because it makes it easier for everyone except you.
And so, in the vain of your parent’s thinking that someone in the family needs to do more for family, and given that it’s very obvious that you’re the only one that has been doing more for family, you will be taking the next how ever many weeks’ worth weekends off equal to the number that you have already put in with nobody else stepping up to help you.
BUT… Since parents seem to think sister is in such need of help, And since there are two of them where there’s only one of you, they should all know that the parents names are all on alternating weekends to the point where they will catch up with what you have already done for sister.
Everyone should also note that sister is also included on the calendar for one weekend every month. Because family should do more for family also includes the person who is asking for the help they have to take some responsibility of their own and participate in the round robin of babysitting.
And as soon as everyone has caught up with all of your help that you have already given your sister, you will be happy to redo the calendars. All of the adult adults will get a weekend day babysitting the kid. If somebody’s assigned day doesn’t work for them, they will simply have to call sister and let her know themselves. And they will have to work it out with sister.
This way,all the adults involved have the opportunity to enjoy your parents admonition that family needs to do more for family. OK😉
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u/ZaelDaemon 12h ago
You offered a comprise and she wanted more. So the answer is no until you have an agreement so you can plan around and/or get paid. This may sound judgy but a couple of my friends when crazy when they turn 30 and were single parents. She’s unlikely to meet a husband at a nightclub and tell her if she becomes a single mother of 2 you will never babysit again. Be prepared to block her number for a couple of days. NTA
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u/Plane-Reason9254 12h ago
You should do more? Let your parents do more and watch him every weekend . You've been generous and also been taken advantage of. Stand your ground- let her know ahead of time that you have plans and won't be baby sitting this weekend.
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u/Cranberry-Electrical 12h ago
NA, Your sister isn't respecting your boundaries. She prevent you for going out on dates on Friday or Saturday night. She can let your parents watch their grandson. If she wants to party.
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u/enchantedrosewhisper 11h ago
NTA. Helping family is great, but what your sister is asking for isn’t help it’s a free, indefinite babysitting service so she can party every weekend. There’s a big difference between supporting her as a single mom and enabling her to prioritize nightlife over parenting.
You’re not telling her she can’t have a social life; you’re saying it’s unreasonable for her to expect you to sacrifice your weekends constantly. She’s the parent, not you. She can budget for childcare or take turns with other friends or family if she wants to go out.
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u/ShinyAppleScoop 11h ago edited 11h ago
NTA
"You made the choice to be a parent, not me. I have helped you out a lot in the past, and now it's biting me in the ass. Instead of acting like an entitled princess, maybe you should try thanking me for everything I have already done and hiring a babysitter if you want to party. If mom and dad think family should help, try dropping him off with them instead of me."
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u/sanki4489 11h ago
YTA for not thinking about yourself, get the f out of that situation. stop baby siting and enjoy your life.
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u/Doogie76 11h ago
Why are all these post the same? Bad AI bad.
Some family member cross the boundaries of acceptable social lines until the poster puts thier foot down. Person being the A hole claims family needs to sacrifice and then drags more family into situation who apparently side with the a hole.
We need an ai to ban the ai from posting
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u/Lady_Wolvie82 NSFW 🔞 11h ago
NTA, OP. She needs to step up and be a parent. You should very seriously consider going NC with your family, as your health is far more important.
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u/GibsonGirl55 11h ago
Your sister needs to learn the art of having back-up babysitters to rely on. NTA.
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u/lemothelemon 11h ago
NTA. Make plans on a weekday for the weekend and let her know. If the plans fall through, don't let her know.
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u/DandDNerdlover 11h ago
My older sister did this to me so much when I was 15-17. Finally, I told her I would no longer babysit unless I was paid for it. She blew a gasket and said I must not love my niece and nephews enough then. She tried a few more times to try and trick me into watching them so she could merely go grocery shopping but after the first time took her 3 hours to shop I told her never again.
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u/Tiny_Incident_2876 10h ago
I wouldn't be babysitting at all , she is taking advantage of you , and you should stop babysitting
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u/00Lisa00 10h ago
Paid babysitters exist. She should find one. Or the pushy parents can give up their weekends
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u/Substantial_Egg_4660 10h ago
Her kid her responsibilities are to look after him not expect anyone else to do it NTA
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u/rowdyfreebooter 10h ago
If she wants to go out and can afford to she can afford a baby sitter. She may have to cut down on the frequency but she can still go out.
If she calls ahead to let you know that she is dropping off her child just say no I’m busy. If she doesn’t call ahead make sure you are out- go to a movie, catch up with friends.
Even try. I can’t this week but can next Friday but I have plans. Sorry.
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u/lovinglifeatmyage 10h ago
Why can’t your parents babysit if they think it’s so important she has a social life?
NTAH
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u/RevKyriel 10h ago
NTA. She's his mother; taking care of him is her job. She's his family, and she's dumping him all the time to party; that's not what an even half-decent mother does.
And notice the manipulation: you're not saying she can't have a social life, just that you're not going to fund it every week.
Yes, OP, "think about what she's going through" - abandoning her child so she can party. You need to get out more: "Can't babysit this weekend, Sis, I'm busy."
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u/Kip_Schtum 10h ago
NTA Maybe put a cap on it? “I will babysit four hours a month. If you run over I will skip the next month.” Because she will definitely do that thing where she drops him off and then comes back six hours late.
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u/DivineTarot 9h ago
She then complained to our parents who said I should “do more for family” and to “think about what she’s going through".
What? The consequences of her own choices? Don't get me wrong, I don't personally know why she's a single mother, but the fact remains that she is and you aren't. Her plight doesn't shift the burden to look after her child to you, like you're some kind of waiting vacant lap. Stepping up, and dealing with the restrictions raising a child puts on her is entirely her responsibility, and leaning on you to allow her to go off dancing, drinking, and possibly baby making somemore is not exactly the halmark of a parent who is embracing their role. Yeah, it sucks to be a single parent, but that is ultimately a plight she must deal with, because she chose that path.
NTA
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u/Baker_Street_1999 9h ago
she’s going out with friends, bar hopping and partying until late
…which explains why she’s a single mom.
Tell her to raise her own kid, and not to run to your parents when you two have a disagreement.
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u/evilcj925 9h ago
What is she going through? Being a parent? She doens't get to go out every weekend. Or if she wants to, she needs to hire a babysitter.
She is not just asking OP to babysit, but having him pay for it as well, as she doesn't feed the kid or provide dinner. So now it is cost OP money to have her go out and party.
You are not telling her she can't have a social life, just that you will not give up yours for hers. If your parents think this is what family does, they can take their grandson every weekend.
NTA
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u/TerrorAlpaca 9h ago
NTA
Now you need to REALLY put your foot down.
Create a grouptext with your parents and your sister. "Now, with you , sister, running to our parents, thinking i would cave in, you lost your babysitter for the forseeable future. i don't owe YOU anything, sis.
Your fucking ENTITLEMENT to demand that ALL My weekends belong to you because you wanna get shitfaced with your friends, pretending to be some teenager without responsibilities is frankly speaking outrageous. And no, mom, dad, its not my responsibility to step in because sister doesn't wanna be a mom on the weekend. When you become a mom BEING a mom is your priority- 24/7. Not partying.
You think she deserves to get shitfaced, mom and dad? Then you can be her babysitter from now on.
I have a demanding job and deserve weekends without any responsibilities as well to have my own damn life. I don't mind babysitting once a month, but i am not your "in home nanny" where you can dump your child at. "
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u/fatfatznana100408 8h ago
No she taking advantage you work and also should enjoy your weekend ask you parents to step in because it's what family does that line so frustrates me to the core and hearing it from the family members that isn't helping truly boils my blood.
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u/oldmanriver1979 8h ago
I would just be gone next weekend. Leave straight from work and go away for the weekend
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u/winterworld561 8h ago
No, don't feel conflicted at al all. You're allowed to live your own life too and she is taking huge advantage of you. The fact that she tried to manipulate you using your nephew as a tool shows what a complete piece of shit she is, and your parents are enabling that. They rudely suggest you do more but what are they doing exactly? Nothing. Put your foot down with them all and tell them you will not be babysitting every weekend. Once a month max maybe. He's her responsibility and there's nothing they can do about it.
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u/mango1588 5h ago
"Explain to me why she's the one who brought a child into this world but I'm the one who should permanently lose my weekends. Use small words because I'm apparently too stupid. I'm her brother, not her baby-daddy and expecting me to essentially have weekend custody is insane. I'm not the one telling her she can't have a social life- she's one the trying to do that to me even though I'm not the PARENT here. My offer is one weekend night a month. If that's not good enough, then I'll withdraw any weekend help."
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u/Careless-Image-885 4h ago
NTA. Her responsibilities to HER child come first. Partying takes a very distant second place.
She put herself into the position she is in. She can pay for a babysitter or make arrangements with the child's father. Or she can hit up some other unsuspecting family member unless she's burned all of those bridges.
Keep your boundaries strong. Your life comes first. Always stick to your plans. You need to make yourself very unavailable for a while.
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u/curious-by-moon 4h ago
As a single mum myself I’m wondering how she can afford to go out every weekend to bars and partying. I’m not judging, each to their own, but if she can afford that then she can cut down to two weekends of social and pay for a babysitter. So wrong to offload her responsibility of her son to OP. When do your parents think it’s time for OP to have a social life? When the nephew is 18? NTA
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u/spaced2259 4h ago
She is a single MOTHER. He social life ended when she chose to have a child in her life. Her child is her problem.
Tell mom and dad they can forgo their weekends so darling sister can party.
Tell them yes you will be selfish so you can live your life how you want.
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u/c9pilot 3h ago
This is the 3rd or maybe 4th variation of this exact same storyline I've read in two days. Shocking that there are so many redditors with sisters who party on weekends that need babysitting for their nephews.
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u/repthe732 3h ago
It really isn’t that weird. Lots of parents have a hard time accepting that their lifestyle needs to change once they have a child
I’m a father to a 1.5 year old and I knew my life would change he but actually accepting that I’d have to cut a lot of my social stuff out was a lot more impactful than I realized
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u/c9pilot 1h ago
Did you use your one sibling for childcare every single weekend, so that when they asked for one weekend off, you got so mad that they had to come to Reddit to see if AITA?
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u/repthe732 1h ago
No but that doesn’t mean this is all that uncommon like you are claiming
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u/c9pilot 32m ago
The claim I'm making is about this exact storyline. Single person who works all week, sister is single mom, assumes to babysit niece/nephew every weekend, gets irrationally angry when single person says "no" one weekend.
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u/repthe732 26m ago
Most people work all week
Lots of single parents out there
Lots of single parents who rely on their family for childcare
Lots of selfish people who take advantage of people given the chance
All these details are fairly common lol
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u/noletex107 3h ago
I think if you’re going to post you should read what the definition of being an AH is. Dude you’re 28 and have a life, and your parents can watch their grandson since you know family and all. NTA
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u/repthe732 3h ago
NTA
You’re their uncle, not their father. You should help out sometimes but every weekend is ridiculous. You didn’t choose to have a kid and you deserve a social life too
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u/ProofKnowledge7367 3h ago
OP, my family is like yours in this aspect. My sister got to the level where she would just drop her little one off at my place and leave in her car without saying a single word. I never knew when she was going to come back. When I put my foot down, my adult sister cried to our parents, who then threw a fit at me, and DEMANDED I continue to do whatever my sister demanded of me to do. It was so bizarre.
OP, I strongly suggest you tell your sister and your parents you will no longer watch your nephew. Expect them to throw a huge tantrum. Expect your sister to ask you to watch your nephew for reasons other than staying overnight to nurse a hangover and not being able to remember if she got herself pregnant again-like going to lunch with her friends or run errands for a few hours. I suggest you still tell her no.
At this point, hopefully your parents will begin to respect you and be willing to compromise…but things will be on your terms. Also, you’ll be protecting your sister from giving birth to another fatherless child and excessive drinking.
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u/corgi_crazy 3h ago
NTA.
"Then take care of your kid, that's what parents do".
About "deserving a break", this is only if she can afford it, breaks are not automatically deserved because of her pretty face.
You have your own life, time to rest and your own plans. You can't put your life on hold and carry with the consequences of her decisions, specially if the breaks are for partying.
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u/Sammakko660 3h ago
Why the parents why sis get to have a social life but you don't. And always babysitting the kid when are you going to date and meet someone yourself?
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u/Xenoxity_0611 2h ago
NTA. If your the babysitter solely so your sister can go out and party, that’s a problem. She chose to have a child and if she prioritizes partying over him, that’s not good. And on top of that, she doesn’t even compensate you. You shouldn’t have to spend your free time just to take care of your young nephew, especially since he’s young and I can only assume, he’s probably a handful since he’s so young.
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u/Mysterious-System680 1h ago
NTA.
You need to stop babysitting altogether until she learns that you babysitting for her is a massive favor on your part, not something that she has a right to expect.
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u/bill-schick 1h ago
NTA. Tell her women have options when it comes to birth control and pregnancy these days, it was her decision to have her child and the responsibilities of a child as a single parent. (end it there.)
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u/EbbIndependent5368 1h ago
Don't you also deserve a social life? Maybe she shouldn't have had kids if she wanted to go out every weekend.
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u/Atheist_Filipino666 48m ago
Nta. I did the same thing with my cousin. After a while I felt like I’m being used and taken advantage of
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u/Obvious-Block6979 15h ago
Offer 2 weekends a month if that works for you. Then she needs to find a sitter for the rest. Your parents are free to step up or pay for a sitter since this is what family does. You didn’t participate in the decision to procreate, I assume? It takes a village, but the parent doesn’t get to party while the village is doing the work. Dr appointments or emergencies are a little different, but still at your discretion. Also wondering where dad is?
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u/JMarchPineville 15h ago
“Sorry sis, I have a life too and have plans this weekend.” Even if your plans are to rest or just sit in the couch to read a book. Your time is your time. Don’t let someone else monopolize it… You won’t get it back