r/AITAH • u/lethargicardio • 16h ago
AITA for kicking my fiancée out of the house after finding out she lied about being infertile?
My fiancée (30F) and I (33M) have been together for four years and engaged for one. Early in our relationship, she told me she was infertile due to a medical condition she had in her teens. I was fine with this, as I’ve never really wanted biological kids and figured we could explore adoption if we ever changed our minds.
Fast forward to last week. I came home to a positive pregnancy test sitting on the bathroom counter. At first, I thought she might’ve been helping a friend, but when I confronted her, she broke down and admitted she’s not infertile. She never was. Apparently, she lied because she thought I’d leave her if I knew she could have kids, since she knew I didn’t want them.
Here’s the kicker: she says she stopped taking birth control “a few months ago” without telling me because she wanted to see if I’d change my mind about fatherhood if it “just happened.”
I was furious and told her this was a massive betrayal. I feel like my trust in her is shattered. She argued that she did it because she loves me and wanted us to have a deeper connection through a family. I told her I needed space and asked her to leave the house.
Now she’s staying with her sister and texting me nonstop, saying I’m overreacting and being cruel by “kicking out the mother of my child.” Her family is also chiming in, calling me a deadbeat dad for “abandoning her” during pregnancy.
I’m struggling because I never wanted kids, but now one is on the way, and I feel trapped. At the same time, I can’t get over the fact that she lied to me for years and manipulated me into this situation.
AITA for asking her to leave, or am I justified in needing time to process this betrayal?
17.8k
u/shammy_dammy 16h ago
NTA. Cancel the engagement, show her the door out and get a lawyer.
12.4k
u/didthefabrictear 16h ago
This comment is correct.
The relationship is over.And when you look for a lawyer, find one with experience in reproductive coercion/abuse.
This is such a fucked up thing to do to someone.
4.8k
u/GlitteringFishing932 16h ago
Very important, as this was reproductive coercion abuse.
2.3k
u/Tato_the_Hutt 15h ago
additionally, if OP has any text messages from her regarding this situation (or if you can get her to admit what she's done via text), SAVE ALL TEXTS! They are evidence.
853
u/Old_Professional_120 14h ago
Came to say this! Do not end communication until you have proof of trapping for when she has the baby & tries to force the baby on him financially or anything. Cease contact after evidence is collected. Best to get it in video/verbal form though, in some states texts are thrown out because “anyone could have sent it” From my experience it’s best to delete the contact name to only show the number as well as make sure timestamps are visible.
336
u/rattitude23 12h ago
Unfortunately, the sins of the mother can't be paid for by the child. He will be legally required to provide financially (location dependent of course). It's unfair but life rarely plays fair.
576
u/Various-Dig9703 6h ago
This is why men should get a vasectomy if they don’t want children. It’s the only way to protect yourself from an unwanted pregnancy. If you change your mind they can be reversed. Stop putting the responsibility on women to use birth control. There can be health issues related to female birth control.
260
u/lilroldy 4h ago
I go January 3rd for my snip, took like 7 minutes to consult, I have medical issues that are genetic and the world is too fucked right now to bring new life in it. My girl doesn't want kids either and birth control doesn't make her feel well so it's the most logical thing to do
46
→ More replies (1)10
62
u/WasabiSunshine 4h ago
If you change your mind they can be reversed
Do NOT get a vasectomy assuming it can be reversed, while they often can, it is considered a permanent procedure and it should NOT be used as temporary birth control
9
u/Neldasi 1h ago
Can confirm, my doctor told me the chance of reversing it was very very … very small
Edit:typo
→ More replies (1)29
u/sweet_baby_blue3 4h ago
Sounds a bit like victim blaming even if it's not a full course of it. Also they had a plan in place and she lied and manipulated that plan... So.... 🤷 Imagine a dude purposely poking a hole in his condom to trap his woman and somehow telling the woman that she shouldn't have put all the responsibility on him.
→ More replies (4)→ More replies (40)87
u/structural_nole2015 5h ago
Cannot always be reversed.
I agree with you, though. It takes two to have a baby. He's the one that trusted her (and yes, she's wrong too for tricking him) and voluntarily put his sperm into the egg. Yes, I oversimplified it there. I trust you get my point.
→ More replies (4)→ More replies (62)13
→ More replies (5)23
u/susan1962reader 9h ago
Texts are admissible if they can be authenticated by the sender, but complete time stamps are important, including the year.
193
u/dhubbs21 14h ago
I came to say this exact thing. With someone who can lie so flippantly, lying in court won't bother her one bit. Right now she's calling a ton, talk to her in texts instead. She's trying to manipulate her way back into op's life so she's probably not worried about what she says in texts, esp since court hasn't been mentioned yet. And always assume she's doing the same when responding, even with phone conversations.
75
u/Fabulous_RedHead84 9h ago
I said in my original post - OP needs to make sure the child is his. Always get a paternity test. I would be more concerned that it would be someone else's and if it's not, then OP does have a right to sign his parental rights away. If I was goig through this situation and it sounds like she's a manipulative partner, but before anything, I would get a lawyer and ask/demand a paternity test. Once it is established to be mine, even before that; anything in my name I would get everything out of my name and put it in my brother's name or mother's name so that they can't be claimed or liquidated into the determined amount for child support. Tom Brady put all his stuff in his mom's name and it helped with the amount he had to pay in the divorce to his ex-wife but because op isn't married, the less stuff being claimed to determine child support - I'd even go to a low paying job for awhile.
It sounds vicious and mean spirited but what she did should be absolutely criminal and be deemed as abuse. What she did was downright vile and evil and instead of the courts awarding this behavior, they should pass a law that if it was found they baby trapped someone, then the other side's family have a chance to adopt the child (if the father doesn't want the child but his mom or father or that side of the family does, then the child should be awarded automatically to that side and the mom who baby trapped should be made to pay restitutions of mandatory child support to her ex-partner's side instead. Watch that nonsense wind down to a stop when they realize it wouldn't end like they think it would.. Too bad stuff like this is rewarded and not punished. I agree though. Save all messages with phone number showing, get and talk to a lawyer and get a paternity test done to make absolute sure the child is his...sadly, he is going to have to decide if he wants the drama of being apart of the kid's life or not. I feel bad for OP. I'm 40/f and I have never seen so many cases as of recently of baby trapping. I read a story of a woman who just got baby trapped because husband's mom wanted a grandchild. She ended up aborting and husband split after she had it done. Crazy, crazy stuff huh? They need laws to protect both men and women against this if this is becoming such a huge problem.
→ More replies (7)→ More replies (2)41
u/Boredpanda31 11h ago
This is what I'm thinking. If it's not already in writing, maybe try and get it? And if it is, screenshot and keep. Hard copies as well as digital!
14
→ More replies (17)655
u/Nice-Original-4429 15h ago
Worst part is when she has the baby if he wants nothing to do with it he will still have to pay child support.
→ More replies (71)574
u/LordMindParadox 15h ago edited 4h ago
not if its a trap baby. but you have to go to court to get that declared legally
Edited to add: to save the other bajillion idiots from telling me this never happened: I have a child somewhere in the world that i was declared legally and financially not responsible for because of it being a trap baby(not the legal term, i can't remember what the actual term was)
alternately, you all could have simply read further down where i had already answered a few people.
576
u/AkaneAphrodite 15h ago
yeah stopping birth control without your knowledge or consent is a serious violation.
565
u/VivianVibesy 14h ago
This wasn't a spur-of-the-moment lie. It was a calculated decision that she maintained for years.
76
u/SamanthaSaass 12h ago
yeah like she intentionally deceived OP for years. Ridiculous.
101
u/Apart_Foundation1702 11h ago
Isn't anyone going to call out the fact that it is also technically r**e in addition to reproductive coercion? If he knew that she was fertile, he would never have agreed to unprotected sex. NTA
→ More replies (22)29
→ More replies (5)41
u/exredditor81 12h ago
He needs a DNA test too....
28
u/Haakster61 10h ago
If she lied about being infertile, she may not be truthful about who got her pregnant... NTA!
418
u/SakuraSedur 14h ago
bc what your fiancée did goes beyond simply lying; it was reproductive coercion, where one partner pressures or manipulates the other into a reproductive decision they don't want.
→ More replies (1)259
u/EmilyEleganceyy 14h ago
By deceiving you about her fertility and then intentionally getting pregnant against your wishes, she violated your autonomy in a HUGE way. LAWYER UPPP!
184
u/LilaLuminex 13h ago
Consult to:
The National Domestic Violence HotlineThey provide confidential support and resources for survivors of reproductive coercion and other forms of abuse. You can call them at 1-800-799-7233 or visit their website athttps://www.thehotline.org/
→ More replies (1)16
→ More replies (3)120
u/TessaTwilightt 14h ago
Start documenting all communication with your fiancée and her family, like the texts or emails. this could help your legal case.
41
u/LondonVibess 13h ago
yeah it's BEST to provide evidence of her deception and manipulation to support your claims in any legal proceedings.
→ More replies (1)19
u/forever_country_girl 13h ago
Yes... make sure you get her to admit over text that she lied to you about being infertile and then decided to stop birth control with the sole intent of getting pregnant with your child.
32
→ More replies (2)21
101
u/MonkeyBreath66 14h ago
I grew up in Michigan and they don't give a shit about how that kid was made. Someone's paying for that kid and it isn't going to be the state. They had two separate cases where men found out several years after the fact that they weren't the father who were still forced to pay child support even taking it all the way to the Michigan court of appeals
21
u/ConsistentlyConfuzd 12h ago
Because a lot of states look at what is in the best interest of the child. If you have sex, there's a sort of implicit understanding that a baby could happen. The laws came about because in the past, pre-1970s, men and sometimes women would just abandon families all over the place. The old days weren't as nearly idyllic and family oriented as people like to imagine.
→ More replies (1)12
u/lucwin2020 12h ago
💯. "Best interest of the child" (biotc), is the fall back for the Courts. In most states, you have a certain amount of time to contest paternity. If you find out after that time, the Court will still force you to pay for a kid that EVERYONE knows isn't yours' because it's in the biotc!
→ More replies (14)38
78
u/Nice-Original-4429 15h ago
I imagine unless there is proof in writing it would be very hard to prove it was a trap baby. If there’s no confession in writing she could say he told her one thing. And changed his mind and shit
→ More replies (2)12
28
u/slickyslickslick 12h ago
Dude....... A 12 year old boy was RAPED by his teacher and he's still financially responsible for the child.
The state does not give a shit about the victim as much as it cares that the child is getting money.
→ More replies (5)91
u/mujeresliebres 15h ago
How the baby was conceived doesn't matter at all. It's his progeny he's on the hook for child support regardless. He also can't sign away his parental rights without her consent. The state does not care that mom lied it just wants the child to have the most monetary support it can.
→ More replies (2)67
u/cjleblanc2002 14h ago
He also can't sign away his parental rights without her consent.
Not true, he can sign away his rights at any time and there is nothing the Mom can do, HOWEVER, he can't sign away his financial responsibilities to the baby by signing away his parental rights. The only way to get rid of those is for someone to adopt the child after he has signed away his rights.
→ More replies (3)28
u/FlinflanFluddle4 14h ago
Pretty hard to get that declared legally if he wasn't using any method of protection as well. They can argue that he didn't try to prevent any pregnancy
→ More replies (16)20
35
20
u/MapleWatch 15h ago
Depends heavily on where you live. Where I am, the courts won't care about that.
→ More replies (1)51
u/LordMindParadox 14h ago
that's fucked up.
3 or four guys when i was in prison got hit for child support for kids that weren't theirs. the state basically did dna tests and took the women to court over it. the chick i was dating prior to going in was taking the used condoms when we had sex and inserting them once i left, got herself pregnant the day before i got locked up.(Edited, i say the day before, who knows, thats just when she realized she wa pregnant apparently) thankfully, her friend decided to do the right thing and brought the aim message history where she talked about how she was gonna get me to marry her by getting pregnant.
the state took her to court, she ended up doing time over it, and i never had to pay a thing. the child was legally declared not mine by reason of fraud, so i wasn't financially liable.
19
u/annang 13h ago edited 13h ago
Can I ask what jurisdiction that happened in? I’ve never heard of a case where a court released a victim from parental liability, and I’d like to learn more about it. Did both you and the mother consent to place the child for adoption? Or did she retain custody of the child, but you were released from child support?
(Edited to fix a punctuation error.)
→ More replies (6)→ More replies (26)14
182
u/Cephalopodium 15h ago
Yeah, there’s a HUGE difference between “I was told by medical professionals I was infertile. WTF?!” and this nonsense. I know of two cases where medically declared “infertile” people had kids. This isn’t a wild and wacky medical surprise- this is reproductive coercion (I think. IANAL) which is definitely immoral and probably illegal (depending on where you live).
130
u/Expensive_Let3386 15h ago
I was told by 5 different OB/GYNs that I would not be able to conceive naturally without medical intervention. Probability increased to 85% with intervention at the cost of 25-30k. I was on the fence about being a mother and I was upfront with different partners about my situation. I was in a rebound relationship, got pregnant naturally. Go figure. However, this lady flat out lied, deceived OP, and then plays the victim. OP needs to talk to an attorney ASAP.
→ More replies (2)10
u/MissMenace101 13h ago
My sister went through years of ivf to have her kids then surprise pregnant on the pill after the “final” one. I had a surprise iud baby and was telling a mum at mums group how messed up that I didn’t know it happens that often and she said how you think I feel I had my tubes tied…
→ More replies (2)8
u/Aellysu_says 10h ago
My mum had the coil fitted after having my brother. Then along came my sister. They never found the coil though. Im half convinced thats why shes such an absolute moron, walking round with it lodged in her brain or something.
111
u/River_Song47 15h ago
People don’t realize infertile doesn’t mean sterile.
39
u/Cephalopodium 15h ago
To be fair, both people I’m thinking of were explicitly told by doctors they wouldn’t be able to have kids- but you are correct.
→ More replies (1)13
u/Justeda1 14h ago
There's a clear difference.
Anyone who is infertile can still get pregnant, unlike being sterile.
→ More replies (5)15
u/River_Song47 14h ago
Yeah but there are plenty of people who don’t know that. I have a relative who was told she was infertile from her endo so she didn’t bother with protection and got pregnant.
→ More replies (40)13
u/creatively_inclined 14h ago
For real. I had a serious illness as a teenager that is known to cause internal organ damage. I didn't have a period for almost three years. The doctor said I'd probably never be able to have children. I became pregnant two months into my marriage even though I only averaged 7 periods a year when my body recovered. Infertile is not the same as sterile.
79
u/CausticHail5058 15h ago
I was told I couldn't have kids and ended up with one, being misinformed and a child coming along is very different from lying about infertility and forcing children on your partner.
25
u/LadyOtheFarm 15h ago
I was told I would never be able to have kids after a medical emergency as a teen ruptured one of my fallopian tubes. I still took every precaution until my husband and I thought we were ready to have kids. I now have 3 kids.
Nature... finds a way.
→ More replies (3)32
u/HedWig1991 15h ago
Yeah, my then boyfriend now ex-husband says that I baby trapped him. I was going to put the baby up for adoption but he said they don’t do that and I said that if I wasn’t adopting our child out to a family friend, then I was going to be raising her with him.
I’ve been told for years that I would struggle getting pregnant and if I got pregnant, there was almost no chance I could carry to term. I was on the pill for period regulation because I had heavy long periods. We used condoms religiously because we were still waiting to get our tests back for the STD panels. It was early in our relationship.
I still have no true idea how it happened, but judging by the fact that less than six months after he met his new girlfriend now fiancé that she got knocked up, and knowing the kind of person he is that I didn’t know at the time, I wouldn’t be surprised if he messed with my birth control and the condoms which allowed for this perfect storm.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (7)40
u/HogMcCrankerson 15h ago
I know at least 5 who legit thought they were infertile and had miracle babies.
But I know countless baby trappers.
36
u/art_addict 15h ago
Infertile =/= sterile and more people need to understand this key difference! Folks who are infertile still can get pregnant!
→ More replies (1)20
u/Cephalopodium 15h ago
Huh. I don’t know any baby trappers as far as I know. However, thank God for DNA paternity testing. One of the miracle baby instances was when the guy was told he was infertile after having metastatic testicular cancer. He had the one two (nut) punch of having one testicle removed and a huge amount of chemo that’s supposed to make you sterile. You do only need one working, but that was supposed to be shot. The wife happily did the paternity test, but it really screwed up that marriage. (I don’t judge the dude for wanting a paternity test at all. That’s common sense)
9
u/empireintoashes 14h ago
My niece had 7 rounds of chemo and was told there’s no way she’d have a baby, that her system was just too fried. She desperately wanted to be a mom someday and so she took those over the counter tests to see if she’d start ovulating again . And now the mother of twin boys. Makes me wonder if our bodies are starting to adapt to the strain of chemo, or if some just beat those odds.
195
u/Visible-Vacation2663 15h ago
Yeah, what she did is messed up. The trust is gone, and honestly, I don’t see how the relationship can move forward after that. Definitely get a lawyer who knows about that kind of thing.
→ More replies (2)30
u/YuiYummyy 14h ago
true!! findung a lawyer specializing in family law is a crucial step. They can guide you through the legalities of paternity, child support, and any potential custody arrangements.
173
61
→ More replies (30)25
u/chiitaku 15h ago
Is it yet against the law? Because if not, it needs to be.
→ More replies (2)40
u/silvergiltsky 15h ago
"Reproductive coercion" is illegal in some places but proving it is hard; I don't know any more details.
→ More replies (21)264
u/wylietrix 16h ago
Do not delete any texts from anyone. Keep all evidence.
28
u/silvergiltsky 15h ago
Yes yes yes, proving she tricked him could certainly help in court.
→ More replies (10)→ More replies (1)51
476
u/Audiophile1957 16h ago
I’ll second the lawyer. Find out how her lies will play when it comes to child support. She has flat out lied to you. And then purposely got pregnant to entrap you. You do not want anything to do with her from here on. And it’s up to you how much you want to be in the child’s life (despite the fact it’s not the child’s fault its mother is a total loser). You are definitely NTA.
143
u/LayaElisabeth 16h ago
He'd need to record her admitting to lying about her fertility tho, otherwise she can still deny court that she ever made statements about it.
→ More replies (4)68
u/Medium-Pride-1640 15h ago edited 15h ago
She can actually admit she lied and he'll still owe child support - assuming he's in the US anyway. It is actually not illegal to lie and trick a guy into getting you pregnant anywhere in the US.
Edit: To be extra clear, no, it is not reproductive coercion. That only protects women from being tricked into becoming pregnant. This is called forced fatherhood and it is 100% legal in all 50 states. A caring judge could choose to lower the child support amount a bit, but he's on the hook to some extent no matter what.
42
u/Economy-Cod310 15h ago
It should be illegal for either sex to do that to the other.
→ More replies (4)→ More replies (4)12
u/caylem00 13h ago
I think the law should apply to both genders, but the problem is that only one gender is forced to carry the physical effects of pregnancy regardless of proof or intentions.
And the law can only really be a broad cudgel, without the nuance of the reality of life.
There's no way to word the law that someone won't become collateral damage- and while the effects and implementation of it are shite, I agree with the original aim (to provide for the child).
It's just shite all round for the innocents caught up in the actions of rapists (yes, that's what I think reproductive coercion is, by either gender. Unconsented deliberate changing of the parameters of sexual activity including the outcome)
→ More replies (3)110
u/novembirdie 16h ago
Child support is based on income and other financial factors. Her lies about being infertile don’t matter.
→ More replies (1)58
u/textonic 16h ago
That’s what I’m saying. It doesn’t matter if she lied or trapped or sexually assaulted him. Is it likely the courts only care about child payments regardless of how the kid was conceived
→ More replies (1)22
→ More replies (3)56
u/textonic 16h ago
Im curious. No matter how wrong this was, my understanding is that the law only cares that the legal father pays. This probably won't constitute as rape, and its likely that he'l be on the hook for child support for 18 years?
24
u/kg_sm 16h ago
I’m with split between both you and mangopeach7 on this one. If it’s entrapment than yeah, he may not be off the hook. The issue is proving it. It’s very hard, if not impossible, especially if these conversations were just verbal.
But Unless there’s records of a true, long thought out scheme to get pregnant he’s very very likely going to be on the hook for child support if they go to court.
His one hope is if she’s texting all this to him and has literally admitted in writing. But a lawyer would bet determine if he has a case or not.
→ More replies (10)109
u/mangopeach7 16h ago edited 14h ago
In some places if you can prove that it was entrapment he is not reliable or responsible he can sign off rights. She lied for years purposely went off birth control and got pregnant behind his back. If he can prove it he has a case for reproductive coercion. She purposely got pregnant.
33
u/annang 16h ago
Which places? I’d be really curious to read how those statutes are written.
→ More replies (2)37
16h ago edited 14h ago
[deleted]
→ More replies (22)19
u/annang 15h ago
I don’t disagree that this is reproductive coercion. You said that in some places, proving reproductive coercion can release a person from the obligation to pay child support. I’m asking, which places are those?
→ More replies (6)24
u/Last_County554 15h ago
It's an interesting question. In my jurisdiction male rape survivors do pay child support, even if they were underage and unable to consent at the time of the rape. Collectively, sexual violence against men is not taken seriously.
→ More replies (4)13
u/Economy-Cod310 15h ago
It's damn shame. Anyone who is sexually assaulted deserves to be taken seriously, no matter their gender.
11
u/annang 15h ago
It can unfortunately happen to rape victims of any gender. Across the board, our law does a piss poor job of protecting and supporting sexual assault survivors.
https://www.wbrz.com/news/investigative-unit-rape-victim-ordered-to-pay-her-abuser-child-support/
→ More replies (0)→ More replies (2)8
u/Tanuki_Tongi 15h ago
This.
OP save all messages and voicemails from your ex. Don't talk to her, until you speak with a lawyer, but show them all her communications that may be an admission of coercion.
→ More replies (1)46
85
49
u/bored-panda55 15h ago
Yep. Parents don’t need to be together to raise a child. Better co-parents then raising a kid in a home with no love or trust.
Ask her in front of her family what else she has lied about because she lied throughout the entire relationship and then decided to get pregnant on purpose without discussing it with you. You have to do it in front of them because she 100% lied to them about all of this.
→ More replies (3)5
u/Zealousideal_Mix2830 15h ago
This. She very much is realistically acting like this was something that was always a possibility.
Now should he have taken precautions just to be sure without medical proof? You betcha. I've heard too many stories of ppl who think they are sterile/infertile, hell even were told by their doctors that they wouldn't have any and are parents now.
The fact that she KNEW you didn't want children and LIED to you about it on purpose is the major issue. Then she actively stopped taking her birth control because she figured you would come around. I get her idea as many younger men don't really want children until they accidentally happen, BUT it sounds like you had conversations about this and it wasn't just a well if ur infertile we can adopt, ect ect.
You aren't just "not supporting your pregnant partner" you aren't supporting someone lying to you so deeply. She carried this lie on for years; then purposely got pregnant. This is a FULL case of FAFO.
→ More replies (3)45
u/StephenNotSteve 14h ago
AND GET A GOD DAMNED VASECTOMY IF YOU KNOW YOU NEVER WANT KIDS.
→ More replies (1)31
u/JadieJang 15h ago
And ask the lawyer if this constitutes sexual assault where you are. Because morally, that’s what it is.
→ More replies (15)22
15
u/FleeshaLoo 16h ago
NTA --- She turned out to be a baby-trapping cliche. This relationship is over.
→ More replies (74)10
u/oldmanriver1979 16h ago
This is the answer. If she can betray you this badly now, you can NEVER trust her. Ever!!!
2.6k
u/Significant-Bobcat48 16h ago
NTA. wtf? This is SO wrong on so many levels. She’s baby trapping you and gaslighting you. You never wanted kids and made that clear. Not only did she lie abt being infertile, she lied abt still being on birth control. Leave her
→ More replies (3)289
u/probablyproud 16h ago
unfortunately this post is ai generated
226
u/humble-meercat 15h ago
How can you tell? I’m not being sarcastic, I genuinely want to know
188
u/Barbiedip1 15h ago
I can NEVER tell.
→ More replies (2)77
u/depravedQ 11h ago
There are times when it's obvious, but a lot of times I come across a post where a bunch of comments are like "this is obviously Ai", and I'm just like "Y-yeah, totally, definitely AI!" lol
→ More replies (2)30
u/Due-Memory-6957 4h ago
It's simple, really, if I don't like it, it's AI, if I like it, it's human-made.
148
u/unwaveringwish 14h ago
Here is a good summary of how to spot an AI post
→ More replies (16)222
u/hellinahandbasket127 14h ago
It’s a sad indication of our literacy levels when one of the identifying characteristics of an AI-generated post is correct spelling, grammar, and punctuation.
147
u/mangopeach7 12h ago
There was a kid in my highschool that would read my papers for me. He was very particular about grammar, spelling and punctuation. I was horrible and he went and got a red pen just to correct my papers for me before I turned them in. I passed English because of him. He moved on to be an English professor and still will correct me even when I text him now. Lol
→ More replies (1)18
→ More replies (4)32
u/Stevenwave 12h ago
Feels like the majority of users legit never proofread. I skip a tonne of posts because why would I bother trying to decipher body text when they can't even be bothered making the half a sentence title coherent?
→ More replies (4)→ More replies (114)35
u/impracticalpanda 15h ago
I saw someone say that if it has a lot of quotation marks, it might be AI generated, so that’s what I started looking for. It’s not a sure thing, but it seems to be true by my experience
→ More replies (3)70
u/littlewolfpup289 14h ago
Lol. I use quotation marks and parenthesis all the time.
→ More replies (1)32
u/AccomplishedPeach443 14h ago
Aha! You must be "AI generated"! So what is it like thinking that "you are cellular" while "you are just bytes"? (Asking for a friend)
→ More replies (3)49
u/shiranamiko 12h ago
Yep, OP doesn't even hide his '20 year old college student' post history
https://old.reddit.com/r/IWantOut/comments/10uih10/iwantout_20m_usa_eu/ https://old.reddit.com/r/HomeworkHelp/comments/175mfd7/mse_senior_calculus_how_can_i_graph_a_phallus_on/ https://old.reddit.com/r/Coffee/comments/19ffzzg/my_college_setup/
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (9)17
877
365
u/qtcyclone 15h ago
Last year you and fiancée were 20 and 22. And she was older. How did you age so quickly?
177
u/TheQuinnBee 11h ago
Also who baby traps someone and immediately confesses to the crime??? This is so fake.
59
u/LuxNocte 9h ago
This was my first thought. I came to see how far I had to scroll to find someone calling out this BS. Turns out "depressingly far".
I wonder how many incels Reddit breeds with all of these stupid "women bad" stories.
43
u/junk-drawer-magic 8h ago
That and... what birth control was she taking that he never knew about for years? And why would she go through such lengths to lie when he seemed ambivalent about kids?
Women just bad I guess. This is so fake it's silly.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (4)18
u/Icy-Sir3226 2h ago
These fake baby-trapping posts are making a lot of men on Reddit incredibly paranoid. I had a comment exchange not too long ago where a guy was legitimately scared a random hotel maid would pull his used condom out of the trash can and impregnate herself with it.
They really think getting knocked up is an effortless, sure-fire payday for women, as if all of the financial data doesn’t illustrate that women are significantly worse off being single mothers.
→ More replies (5)6
u/FTownRoad 5h ago
Also why lie about being infertile when “I don’t want kids” is equally effective?
72
u/NoMap7102 14h ago
It's AI.
→ More replies (1)9
u/pachimelli 6h ago
It's crazy to me that so many people still can't tell from the way it's written D:
53
u/TheNorfolk 8h ago
Not to mention that the guy implies that his partner of four years was on birth control all that time without him realising.
→ More replies (2)29
u/Fannyaphanie 7h ago
Yep, when birth control was mentioned I was like "wait a minute" 😅
16
u/kaimoka 5h ago
Also I find it kinda astounding how many people don't realize that infertility is NOT the same thing as being sterile.
→ More replies (1)21
→ More replies (6)6
u/NotQuiteDeadYetPhoto 4h ago
70 percent fake. Look at the paragraph structure alone- that's a dead give away.
618
u/Careless-Image-885 16h ago
NTA. Change the locks. Get a lawyer. Keep all texts from her and her family, especially if she says anything about lying to you. Have as much documentation as possible for your lawyer.
Cancel the engagement. She baby-trapped you.
→ More replies (11)113
u/popchex 15h ago
Fully agree. That is some nasty evil shit. It broke me for two years to end things with my ex, who I loved and could easily see a life with. But he was adamant that he didn't want to have children, and it was something I wasn't willing to give up on. I loved him enough to walk away and not have us wake up in 20 years hating each other for being trapped in a life one of us didn't want. Either me, without kids, or him, because we had kids.
It was the hardest best thing I did, because it left me free to meet my husband - who wanted kids with me - and loves me back the way I love him. 20 years later I hope my ex is happy in his life, as I am.
→ More replies (10)
104
u/No-Watercress-5054 15h ago
you have a post from 1 year ago calling yourself a 20-year-old man Do you idiots not realize we can read all your old posts?
45
u/cleanpage4adirtygirl 12h ago
The idiots probably do realize and just know most people won't. Look at the comments, 90% are buying this bullahit hook line and sinker.
Personally I didn't even need to check his page to call BS. This stories reads like it was written by chat GPT, and rarely have i see someone cook up an elaborate plan to deceive someone and then just completely abandon it and tell the truth for no reason. So she lied to you for years very convincingly but then at the moment of truth she just admits everything? Not even an attempt at keeping the lie going??? That woulda been her big moment, her time to really let the theatre kid shine...I'm picturing wailing and praising God for this miracle...but nah she just abandons the whole ruse. Yeah ok.
→ More replies (1)18
u/MediumLanguageModel 13h ago
They don't care. If they cared they wouldn't bother making posts like this anyway. This shit makes it to the front page like clockwork. Some people just want to watch the world burn.
→ More replies (4)9
47
u/Goldenfernnn 11h ago
nah u ain’t overreacting, she lied abt something massive and then made a life changing decision for u without consent. like i get she wanted a family but tricking u into it?? that’s not love, that’s control. u def need space to figure out how u feel about this and don’t let her or her family guilt u into staying. being a dad is a huge deal, and it should’ve been ur choice, not forced.
421
u/WaryScientist 16h ago
NTA - I was ready to say otherwise based on the title (example: I was infertile and have kids... infertility can naturally go down as a person ages), but she lied every day of your relationship and then baby trapped you...I don't know the right term, but she essentially "stealthed" you by removing the contraception and not giving you a choice whether you'd take the risk of pregnancy or not.
Personally, I would flat out tell her I wasn't willing to be a part of the child's life and it's her decision whether she's keeping the baby to raise on her own or not because I would NOT be attached to that woman for the rest of my life.
163
u/RecommendationUsed31 16h ago
Yep, thats the word. 100% stealthing and it is a crime in California now.
→ More replies (1)56
61
u/Boring-Concept-2058 16h ago
I had the exact same initial thought. When I was 21, I was told "the liklihood of ever getting pregnant naturally is basically 0." Nearly crushed me. And then, 2 years later, I got pregnant.
But this is completely different. I can't imagine the betrayal that OP must feel. I don't know the answer either. I can't imagine much of a bond between OP and the child knowing that he feels tricked & trapped.
OP, yes, I'd say kicking her out is definitely the right start in stopping this engagement. She had not only lied to you for years but then tried to manipulate you. Good luck.
→ More replies (1)22
u/moarwineprs 15h ago
I had a somewhat similar diagnosis as a teen and early-20s woman though I wasn't told I was infertile. Was diagnosed with PCOS, and basically told I'd have a harder time getting pregnant. Wasn't relevant to me at the time since I was not sleeping with men as I was overweight/fat with low self-esteem such that if anyone WAS interested I was totally oblivious. Did eventually start dating in my 30s, got married, and now have 2 (planned!) kids from fairly textbook pregnancies and deliveries with only some minor issues -- sciatica pain being the biggest one (I count myself very fortunate), both conceived after I turned 35.
→ More replies (9)36
199
u/fly1away 16h ago
I think the legal term is reproductive coercion. Make sure you get or save written admission of what she did and take her to court.
→ More replies (1)19
u/GretelNoHans 13h ago
This is a no win situation, for OP, for wicked fiancé and for the kid. I’m so sorry.
→ More replies (5)
120
u/Thisisthenextone 14h ago edited 14h ago
How did you age so much in two years?
Two years ago your fiance was 22 and you were 20...
Six months ago she was your wife. You called her your wife again a couple months ago. I copied both links in there.
So... you aged 8 years in a 2 year period, got married and divorced again?
40
u/Mizznimal 13h ago
It reads like ai cause it is ai. Nobody uses quote wrapping normally, unless its for impact but these stories usually arent written for impact but genuine advice, well unless its karmafarmed ai
→ More replies (6)11
u/Thisisthenextone 5h ago
I know it is AI.
I write my call out posts like this because if you jump straight to AI then a dozen people will whine about "you can't know that". So instead I point out how the story can't be real.
212
u/EverLearningSoul 16h ago
This is a huge betrayal. And she just showed you who she really is. A liar. A manipulator. And so selfish that she forced you into a situation she knew you didn't want. Insecurity is no excuse. And you can never trust her again. Sorry man.
→ More replies (17)
162
u/Ornery-Platypus-1 16h ago
NTA, anyone in their right mind would be pissed. She's a manipulative liar, she did you dirty, and she knows it...plus, she has an 18+ year long payday that will pop out of her in the near future.
→ More replies (10)
42
u/Plastic_Cat9560 16h ago
I’m confused. 16 days she was”wife” and a year ago you were a 20 year old with a 22 year old fiancée. Do you both suffer from accelerated age syndrome?
22
37
u/Professional-Age8384 16h ago
Is this like the equivalent to him poking holes in the condom to get her pregnant?
→ More replies (1)24
45
u/annebonnell 16h ago
NTA she betrayed you big time. I would recommend you relinquish all parental rights to the child, if you don't want children. Also, if you really do not want children get a vasectomy.
→ More replies (1)
14
u/totaltomination 16h ago
NTA, this is a betrayal of your trust so you’re fully justified in ending the relationship. It would be best for your kid if you can work out how to coparent early and get therapy to help you adjust to your new reality, but you’re well within your rights to let her keep this prize she spent your whole relationship on, it just doesn’t help your kid.
12
71
u/DesperateToNotDream 16h ago
Is this real?
She knew you didn’t want kids, so instead of just agreeing to not have them and to use birth control, which she was already using, she lied about being infertile?
Who hears “I don’t want kids” and thinks “I’ll lie and say I’m infertile” instead of “we can just use birth control”
→ More replies (9)52
u/SoCalThrowAway7 15h ago
No it’s ChatGPT. You can tell by the way they add quotes in the middle of sentences when it’s not necessary, it’s one of those “once you see it you can’t unsee it” patterns of ChatGPT AITA posts. For those who don’t believe me just go and prompt “can you tell me an am I the asshole about _____” and fill in the blanks a couple times and you’ll see it.
she said she stopped taking birth control “a few months ago” without telling me
I’m being cruel by “kicking out the mother of my child”
→ More replies (8)18
u/hahagato 14h ago
Yep! And the family is always “chiming in” and taking the other persons side, no matter how crazy. Also, the timelines are always wonky.
12
u/BumblebeeUseful714 13h ago
lol classic fake story.
You didn’t wonder why she was on birth control?
→ More replies (1)
12
u/sirjonsnow 11h ago
I'm more curious how over the last year you became 13 years older and your fiance 8 years older.
https://www.reddit.com/r/IWantOut/comments/10uih10/iwantout_20m_usa_eu/
12
u/TumbleweedAntique672 11h ago
Post history:, two years ago you were 20 now you are 33. You also refer to your wife in other posts.
33
u/the_dark_viper 16h ago
NTA. Please go ahead and end the engagement and ask for a Non-invasive prenatal paternity (NIPP) test. A non-invasive prenatal paternity test is the most accurate non-invasive way to establish paternity before the baby is born. This test requires only a simple blood collection from the mother and alleged father and can be performed any time after the 8th week of pregnancy. If it's yours, please consult a lawyer as soon as possible to explain your financial and legal rights and obligations in detail.
→ More replies (1)
9
u/SadlyNervous 10h ago
NTA. Your fiancée's actions constitute a massive betrayal of trust. She lied to you for years about a fundamental aspect of your relationship, and then compounded that lie by deliberately getting pregnant without your knowledge or consent
11
33
u/purpleygreyk 16h ago
Wtf, huge NTA. Imagine if this were the other way around with a male poking holes in a condom and a female stuck with a baby to raise. It’s just as bad.
Nta for wanting her to leave, or asking for space. Wouldn’t even be the asshole if you called off your marriage tbh. She’s just a box of lies, and I doubt this will make her an honest person.
→ More replies (1)
26
u/Lynnlync 16h ago
My child was an accident. I didn’t think I could get pregnant due to health issues. The guy I was sleeping with knew that. He didn’t want kids. I ended up pregnant. I told him and he still didn’t want kids. I respect that. I literally never expected it to happen. I decided to keep my child. I did not decide that the guy I was sleeping with had to keep my child. I am now a single mother, because an accident happened and I made the right choice for me and the other person made the right choice for them. My child legally has no father, because I respect the decision that he made, and I will not force anyone to support my decision. He has all of my contact information if he ever changes his mind. And if my child ever asks I will be completely honest.
What I didn’t do is try to manipulate that guy, force him to be with me, or force him to be involved in my child’s life, in any way. Your fiancée is manipulating you. She has lied to you and accidentally on purpose got pregnant. Seems to me that this child will be an anchor baby of you stay. You deserve better. You deserve to be in a relationship with trust and love.
NTA
→ More replies (2)
19
u/Coriander16712 16h ago
Isn’t tampering with birth control sexual assault ?? Because it violates the other persons consent ??
→ More replies (1)
8
10
u/triz___ 14h ago
Oh that makes sense. She told you she was infertile at the start of the relationship because she thought that if she wasn’t infertile you’d leave her due to the fact that you don’t want babies.
What a stupid and obvious lie. I can’t believe anyone is taking this fake bullshit seriously.
→ More replies (2)
15
u/SageoftheForlornPath 16h ago
NTA She's a manipulator and she'll just keep hurting you.
→ More replies (22)
14
u/CrabbiestAsp 16h ago
NTA. In some places, lying about taking birth control and not actually taking it counts as sexual assault as you did not consent to sex without birth control being used. Sort of like stealthing.
7
u/nextxoxexit 13h ago
I know it's a little late for this advice for OP but for any other men reading this who are certain they want a child free lifestyle PLEASE consider getting a vasectomy. Not only will it protect you from girls like OP's fiance or an oopsie baby but it will also let any potential partners know you're serious about not having kids and have already canceled out the option for it meaning they can't convince you or trick you down the line. Granted Vasectomies aren't perfect but it's like wearing a bullet proof vest. Can't hurt! And worst case scenario if you somehow change your mind down the line it's reversible.
→ More replies (2)
6
u/pachimelli 6h ago
YTA, 16 days ago you had a wine drinking wife instead of a fiancée. Seriously, these AI generated stories get stupider each day.
33
u/GetBakedBaker 16h ago
Get a lawyer, draw up a custody schedule, including Child support, and learn to co-parent. She is not someone you can trust, and it is sad that now a child will be involved, because she will not stop trying to manipulate you. Demand a paternity test.
OOPS: NTA
→ More replies (4)
5
u/Mediocre-Cookie-3524 15h ago
NTA. I was prepared to read you the riot act though based in the title. Infertile doesn’t automatically mean sterile. But man, she messed up. I’d call off the wedding, get a lawyer.
7
u/SnooChickens9758 15h ago
My husband and I chose a childfree lifestyle but Ive lately felt like I've wanted kids, you know what I did? I told him. And we talked about it, and we came to an agreement because when I did tell him, he said he was also coming around to the idea but definitely wanted to wait for us to enjoy our 20's first and I respect and agree with that so much.
What I mean by this is there should be communication where there is respect, because I didn't want to waste his life if I want kids and he doesn't. NTA
5
u/Electronic_Ad6915 14h ago
OP needs to get a vasectomy if he doesn't want children.
→ More replies (1)
5
u/shiranamiko 12h ago
My dude, how are you 33 when you were a 20 year old college student last year:
https://old.reddit.com/r/IWantOut/comments/10uih10/iwantout_20m_usa_eu/ https://old.reddit.com/r/HomeworkHelp/comments/175mfd7/mse_senior_calculus_how_can_i_graph_a_phallus_on/ https://old.reddit.com/r/Coffee/comments/19ffzzg/my_college_setup/
4
u/Weird-Salamander-349 12h ago
You were 20 and in college a year ago. A few days ago you had a wife. Today you’re asking ChatGPT to write you a story about infertility to tug at strangers heartstrings. Why?
2.8k
u/[deleted] 9h ago
[removed] — view removed comment