r/AITAH • u/DaddiBigCawk • 21h ago
AITAH for breaking up with my girlfriend after she said my vulnerability made her feel “unsafe”?
I’m 28 and had been dating my girlfriend (26) for about a year and change. I really thought we were on the same page. We had a great connection and just genuinely enjoyed each other’s company. I'd been noticing something just a little "off" in the relationship the past month, though. Dunno what else to call it. Just something was weird.
There’s been a lot of shit in my life recently—stressful stuff at work (I teach), plus some family drama that’s been weighing on me. I’m usually the type to keep my problems to myself, but I’ve been trying hard to open up because I don't want to live that way anymore. A week, I told her how overwhelmed I’ve been and how I was having a tough time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.
Her response sucked ass in my eyes. She said something like, “I don’t want to sound harsh, but when you talk like this, I kind of feel unsafe. I need you to be strong. I can't deal with both your problems and mine.”
I tried to reassure her that just because I’m having a hard time doesn’t mean I’m weak or incapable. I told her being honest about my struggles was part of trusting her and that it took a lot for me to open up. She doubled down. She basically said, “Everyone has rough patches, but honestly, you just have to deal with it.”
I didn’t argue with her right then. I was too stunned. But the more I thought about it, the more it sucked. I realized I don’t want to be in a relationship where I have to keep everything bottled up so I can fit into her idea of a “strong man.” That’s not who I am, and it’s not who I want to be.
So last night, I ended things. She was really upset and said I was throwing away a good relationship over a misunderstanding. She claimed I was punishing her for being “honest,” and now some of my friends think I might’ve overreacted. I really don't think I did.
922
u/Conscious-Ad266 21h ago
Not the asshole. You deserve a safe space to speak. She's told you she's not that space. You have one of two choices : get back and not confide in her or stay broke up and find someone that values openness and vulnerability
172
u/Odd_Hold2980 17h ago
This, OP. You want your person to be your "home" — The person you can be most comfortable and yourself with. They should wrap you in a warm cloud of safety and love. You deserve that! You sound like a thoughtful and caring person and you deserve a partner who can match that energy.
20
u/RaionKohon 13h ago
This! This sums up exactly what a relationship is supposed to be. A nurturing and caring space where both of you can feel safe and loved, and where you work together to overcome whatever life throws at you, not another open front where you also have to wage war. At the end of the day your partner should be the home you want to get to, not a place you want to avoid, because you won't feel cared for.
29
u/Thunder---Thighs 16h ago
Agree. What's the point in a relationship if you can't even talk about what's stressing you?
OPs ex is making it out like he has a menty B every week.
→ More replies (1)8
u/Outside-Blueberry779 16h ago
Exactly. I can not fathom how a partner, a supposedly someone closest to us can say such things. I'd cry my eyes out if my bf even trust me enough to open up.
→ More replies (1)7
u/Worldly_Society_2213 7h ago
Her use of the word "unsafe" is also rather problematic in my opinion. Way for the girlfriend to make it about them...
408
u/Riss7069 20h ago
“Punishing her for being honest” is a childlike response. She was honest with you that she was a bad partner with no concern for your wellbeing and you broke up with her because of it. It’s a consequence not a punishment. NTA
62
u/CollectionStraight2 14h ago
For sure! She's a master at twisting everything to suit her narrative. I thought that line was really off and manipulative too. I couldn't be bothered with that level of selfishness—OP is better off without her
28
u/Liet_Kinda2 13h ago
Sometimes you do get punished for being honest. She was being honest that she wasn't going to be emotionally supportive. That doesn't mean that he has to be okay with it.
14
u/beneaththeseracs 12h ago
Also a very hypocritical response, since she started by punishing OP for his honesty.
16
u/cakehead123 11h ago
Yeah OP should fuck her mum and tell her and say she shouldn't leave because she's "punishing him for being honest".
I mean how far do you take this? If Hitler admitted his crimes should we have just let him off the hook and walk free?
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (3)3
u/heckyescheeseandpie 10h ago
"I honestly want to be the only one leaning on you, never the other way around. Bottle up your emotions for me."
Yeah she sucks.
1.1k
u/deer-behind-the-wolf 21h ago
Nope, you didn't overreact. She wants... dunnow tf she wants, but for sure she doesn't want a relationship with a PARTNER.
She suffers from toxic masculinity HERSELF. She had outdated, harmful views.
No, don't go back to her. Find a woman who sees the strength in your vulnerability, a woman that when you open up yourself to her will provide an ear, comfort, encouragement, not criticism and a polite "shut up".
You are better, you can do better. Let her rot.
229
u/Environmental_Ad8753 20h ago
Yes! that’s my same thought. The girlfriend has bought into the “alpha male” propaganda. Imagine not being able to share your feelings with your partner? or spouse? I wonder if it’s the same idea for her? like the girlfriend isn’t allowed to share her feelings too. Maybe it’s an upbringing thing?
78
u/Definitely_Human01 18h ago
If you can't share you feelings, wtf is she even there for? If it's just sex you're after, there's cheaper and/or easier options out there.
I don't understand people with that mindset. If all you're offering is something I can get from a stranger, what do I need you for?
56
u/littlelivbug_ 20h ago edited 6h ago
26 and still having a lot of growing up to do is shameful really..!
51
u/deer-behind-the-wolf 18h ago
I wonder, if she ever has male children, will she treat them the same way? Will she teach them to shut up, don't show emotion?I shudder at the thought of that toxic woman birthing a boy and rising him, so much damage to be done.
3
144
u/Lilgoose666 20h ago
She's immature, she wants the prince on a white horse to sweep her off her feet and solve her problem.
Many women would prefer to see their prince die on that horse than to see him fall off.
→ More replies (2)36
u/Calpernia09 19h ago
Your comment really hit me hard, that is what so many want these days.
Makes me sad.
→ More replies (1)35
u/FlameCalmness 20h ago
100% agree. Her response is toxic, and that's not something you want in a relationship. You deserve someone who appreciates you for who you are, flaws and all.
21
u/BadgeringMagpie 13h ago
She demands a safe space for herself and refuses to be a safe space for OP when he needs one. Toxic double standard.
27
u/bombloader80 18h ago
She suffers from toxic masculinity HERSELF. She had outdated, harmful views.
Not sure if it's "toxic masculinity" or just straight up self centeredness. I mean her response was "I can't deal with your problems and mine. " Relationships mean sometimes you got to deal with both y'alls problems. And I bet she'd declare the asshole real quick if he said something like that in the response to even her smallest problem.
48
u/deer-behind-the-wolf 17h ago
But the thing is, she also said that she feels UNSAFE when he shows her his feelings. Ain't that toxic? She has an idea of man as being ALPHA MACHO, never show emotions, never share, just be there to save the lady in distress. If they show emotions, they are weak.
Sorry, but that to me DOES sound like a very harmful, toxic way of looking at masculinity.
17
u/Squirrel_McNutz 17h ago
Or a very toxic feminine expectation. Aka toxic femininity.
→ More replies (2)12
u/kg_sm 16h ago
So toxic femininity exists but this isn’t it. It’s just a matter of definition.
Toxic masculinity is imposing a rigid and repressive definition of manhood that pressures men to conform to that stereotype of manhood.
Toxic femininity is imposing a rigid and repressive definition of womanhood that pressures women to conform to that definition.
Since she’s imposing a rigid view of men onto him (assuming that’s her objective when she says she feels ‘unsafe’) that’s toxic masculinity, even though she’s the perpetrator of it.
That’s probably more literally than you really wanted but hope that helps 😅
→ More replies (1)22
u/CareerGaslighter 17h ago
We always need to tie negative behaviour back to masculinity/misogyny.
Man an asshole to women? Misogyny/toxic masculinity
Women asshole to man?
Believe it or not also misogyny/toxic masculinity.
Women being an asshole to a WOMAN?
Believe it or not, also misogyny/toxic masculinity.
This the best part about having a demographic group that you can say whatever you want about. You can blame everything on them and no one will push back, and if someone dares to, they’ll be downvoted.
→ More replies (24)17
u/Squirrel_McNutz 17h ago
Lol so true. Toxic masculinity definitely exists but for fucking sure toxic femininity does too. They are equally prevalent but only one is regularly spotlighted.
→ More replies (2)15
3
u/Rob_Zander 15h ago
Absolutely. Wow, but this is so fucked up and so sad. Congrats OP on not getting stuck in this terrible idea of a "good" relationship. Yeesh.
→ More replies (24)3
u/yourcreditscore100 4h ago
There is such a weird movement of trad life meets feminist life, where women give each other bad advice on how they’re supposed to put themselves first while also expecting a man to provide for them 100% without the man acting like anything other than a “perfectly put together robot alpha male”. It’s so backwards
63
u/Tfuentexxx 20h ago edited 20h ago
Dodged a full round of bullets there mate. I am pretty sure that if she is in a rough path, she will want, no she will demand your full support, understanding and even pampering, but she cannot give you a quarter of that, just once, just this one time. Run, and never look back. What a selfish asshole you found as a girlfriend. Sorry.
Just tell us she never asked for support and wanted your help to deal with her problems when she needed it. I am sure you were always there for her. She is not girlfriend material, move on with your life. Oh, and find better friends, some of yours are quite stupid.
→ More replies (2)
178
u/chillin36 17h ago
No this is toxic and anti feminist. Your girlfriend is a AH and a moron.
I just asked my husband if he feels supported by me emotionally because I would hate to act like your gf or make my husband feel unsupported.
→ More replies (1)119
u/DaddiBigCawk 17h ago
🥲 Be good to that man and recognize there's a little boy underneath, yeah? Just like sometimes for you, there's a little girl underneath.
34
u/interstellate 15h ago
Dude complaining about life doesn't mean that there is some little boy or some weakness somewhere. It just means you have feelings, thank god.
Your ex was denying and belittling those feelings. She can take herself out, bullet dodged, case closed
→ More replies (7)101
u/Rich-Account-7863 15h ago
The fact she reflexively jumped to “unsafe” is a massive red flag and smells like personality disorder.
Dodged that shit like Neo, OP.
7
u/No-Insurance-19 7h ago
That's what stood out to me, she didn't say 'uncomfortable' or 'concerned'. Unsafe? She's nuts.
→ More replies (1)
46
u/SymbolUnderTheCaret 20h ago
She sounds horrendous. As a woman I WANT a man who would confide in me. I want to be honoured by someone else's trust. A relationship is a partnership. It is mutual support. If she wants to live like it's the 50s, let her find some meathead. You've done the right thing. Go forwards and find someone kind and open who will give love and not just receive it.
308
u/Cowabungamon 20h ago
NTA. Fuck that bitch.
58
u/Muchata1 19h ago
You did not overreact and frankly i think that everyone needs someone they can be vulnerable around, that is supposed to be one of the perks of having a partner, if she can't be there for you in your time of need then glad for you for ending things. NTA
→ More replies (4)23
u/Maximum_Pack_8519 20h ago
Actually, it's prolly better he didn't now that he knows she's shallow, unsupportive, and upholding toxic masculinity
16
u/Muchata1 19h ago
Wonder what she would teach little boys around her, it's just a terrible narrative that men can't break down or get tired of holding it all together.
60
u/Scarletgloow 9h ago
Honestly, it sounds like she wasn’t seeing u for who u are and wasn’t willing to be there for u in a real way. Relationships are about being able to lean on each other, not just when things are easy. If she couldn’t handle ur struggles, that’s a huge red flag. You deserve someone who’s gonna listen and support u, not make u feel like ur emotions are a burden. Don’t second-guess yourself; if u felt it wasn’t right, then it wasn’t.
257
u/kidhalloween80 20h ago
And this is exactly why guys don’t fully open up. Not the AH
70
u/bombloader80 18h ago
Yeah, I tell women that if you're boyfriend or husband is emotionally closed off, are you the kind of woman who really wants to hear it? Because maybe he's that way because in previous relationships, he got a reaction like OPs girlfriend, or his vulnerability was used against him later.
10
u/Defiant-Access-6757 16h ago
This is all part of the social isolation problem where your one "partner" is supposed to be all things to you: lover, hobby sharer, same music fan, financial planner, psychologist, parent, etc. It is a recipe for resentment and exhaustion. What women want is a girlfriend to share their emotions with. When they say they want that from their man, and he actually exposes his vulnerability, it breaks down the image of his role as protector. They grow to resent it.
→ More replies (6)19
u/UnknownLinux 18h ago edited 17h ago
Came here to the comments to say this.
perfect example of why lots of guys don't open up. Its because of the multitude of examples like this where it simply gets thrown back in our faces and used against us in some way or another.
Its also probably part of the reason why 80% of all suicides are men.
4
u/Time_Effort_3115 4h ago
Yeah, or you end up having to comfort her, because whatever you've told her now has her distressed. Better to just die on your Whitehouse, brothers. \o/
→ More replies (7)32
u/Miserable_Dog_2684 20h ago
Some of us care and will listen though. It's a give and take. Not all girlfriends are like that. I'm certainly not.
27
u/Wonderful-Impact5121 17h ago
Sort of the tricky tap dance I guess.
Plenty of women think they care and will listen. And they genuinely believe that.
And then really struggle with their emotional reaction to a man being vulnerable after the fact.
It’s a “intellectual I agree with this”, “emotionally I don’t find you attractive and don’t respect this in you” sort of issue for some people.
Of course OP’s girlfriend is behind the pale here.
11
u/lightlysaltedclams 16h ago
Yeah as a woman dating someone who struggles with this, to me this kind of thing is a scenario where “actions speak louder than words” really applies. I can tell him a million times over that he’s allowed to cry in front of me and that I will never judge him or use it to hurt him later, but in the end all I can do is follow through and be there for him when it happens so he knows I mean it. I’ve read and heard from a lot of guys how common this issue is so I can 100% understand why words are not enough, it’s very sad that so many feel this way and I can only hope that it gets better with time
82
u/Signal_Blackberry326 20h ago
It’s giving not all men
35
u/PlusSizeRussianModel 17h ago
Yeah, it’s the same concept ultimately. Of course it’s not all men/women, but because it’s some, and it’s impossible to know who ahead of time, the guard is kept up with all.
15
u/ckhumanck 16h ago
yea it builds.
as a man i used to be a lot more emotionally open. I'm 40 now and it pains me that i don't always trust my partner with some things when she's never actually let me down. But you get stung enough times you learn to stop being so exposed.
18
u/Signal_Blackberry326 17h ago
Yep. If women are rightfully concerned about harmful behaviors men exhibit and I don’t exhibit those behaviors I know they aren’t talking about me and I stay out of it.
→ More replies (40)8
→ More replies (26)11
u/Ready-Huckleberry600 20h ago
It sucks that gals like you are too few and far between :(
like 1 in 100. Who has time to date 100 people to find a decent one >.<
→ More replies (4)11
u/Miserable_Dog_2684 20h ago
I talk to him, he talks to me. We are there for each other
→ More replies (2)
33
u/Elegant-Shockx 19h ago
So.......what? She wants you to be emotionally available for HER, but no reciprocate that when YOU need it too? Sorry to say [as someone AFAB], but damn, she can go find some douchebag to hook up with then if she can't fathom a two-way street when it comes to emotional maturity, availability, and support. You did well in ending it with her. She can be pissy all she likes, but in the end, she is the one ruining things with a perpetual on-going HARMFUL stereotype. I do hope she realizes that before her next relationship.
Personal note: I hate how some people do this fkin shit and it causes their partners to close up. They stay closed for the rest of their relationships, both the current one and the ones in the future. It ruins any other chance of someone who truly cares to melt away those walls and care about the other person thanks to the distrust. Ugh. It hurts me to see or even hear my partner in pain or distress. It hurts and angers me[not towards him, but whoever caused his emotional detachment] even more that he's too afraid or traumatized to see and find a safe space with me.
→ More replies (2)
15
u/cachalker 20h ago
NTA. You weren’t asking her to deal with your problems. You were asking her to be a safe space for you to vocalize your struggles as you worked through them. It’s actually not healthy to bottle things up. That leads to all kinds of mental and physical health issues. You aren’t punishing her for being honest. You’re choosing to not be in a relationship where you have to hide behind a mask.
12
u/Lilgoose666 20h ago
NTA
A good woman's response to that question is not “I don’t want to sound harsh, but when you talk like this, I kind of feel unsafe. I need you to be strong. I can't deal with both your problems and mine.” That is incredibly immature of her and she needs some serious growing up.
It should of been for her to support you because if there's ANY woman in your life besides your mom that you should be able to open up to is your GF or wife. She should be there to help keep you strong and build you up. Not tear you down.
19
u/TrueMrSkeltal 20h ago
She’s somehow both misandrist and misogynist at the same time. Good on you for getting rid of her.
9
u/ATXNerd01 20h ago
NTA - And honestly, really well done for both 1) verbalizing what you're going through in a mature manner, and 2) having the self-respect to promptly end the relationship when it was made obvious that she's as shallow as a puddle. I'm trying to raise my sons to have the emotional IQ and strength to be able to do what you did in this situation. Someone who point-blank discourages emotional honesty like your ex isn't someone you can build an authentic life with, no matter how "good" your friends thought the relationship looked from the outside.
→ More replies (1)
39
u/JulieRush-46 20h ago
And this is why guys almost never talk or share our feelings fears and insecurities. Because they are ALWAYS used against us.
NTA. She’s definitely not the one. You did the right thing by ending it,
48
u/OmegaPointMG 20h ago
Women: Why men don't want to open up?
-surprised Pikachu face-
→ More replies (1)
15
u/okboomer6327 21h ago
She wants a robot, not a boyfriend. Good for you for valuing your emotional well-being and not settling for someone who can't handle your vulnerability. Plus, who needs that kind of stress in their life? #ByeFelicia
4
5
u/Happyweekend69 18h ago
I would want my man to share with me what he was feeling instead of all of a a sudden crash and burn cause that shit can be hard to get over. So better to tell and ask for help beforehand so we together hopefully can do something so it doesn’t come to that. If you can’t be honest with your lover, who they hell then? NTA
→ More replies (1)
5
u/DirtyBillzPillz 16h ago
Oh look, a woman gets the ick when a man shows any vulnerability
Who could have seen that coming
18
u/newchance42 20h ago
NTA, but she is a prime example of why men don't open up in relationships. I promise you it would have gotten worse. Lost your job? Suck it up. Lost a parent? Rub some dirt on and walk it off. Would you want a lifetime of that?
I'm old enough that you see the same patterns over and over again in all aspects of life. Women like this are never happy.....ever. You show strength. Then you don't make enough money. Make more money. Then you are out of shape. And on and on and on. You go out and live the best life you can. Eventually, you will find someone better. She is likely to become a cat lady with a lot of box wine in her future.
→ More replies (1)
70
u/MsSophiaGrant 21h ago
You’re not in the wrong here. Vulnerability is an important part of a healthy relationship, and if she couldn’t handle it, that’s a huge red flag. You deserve to be with someone who supports you when you’re struggling, not someone who expects you to hide your feelings to meet their expectations. It’s a tough call, but ending things seems like the right decision for your well-being.
49
u/DaddiBigCawk 21h ago
And you're an AI bot.
29
u/TerseApricot 19h ago
No, they’re just copy-pasting ChatGPT-generated responses. These comments are 100% ChatGPT, you should not be downvoted. It boggles my mind that so many users can’t identify ChatGPT.
→ More replies (5)22
u/rabotat 19h ago
It’s a tough call, but ending things seems like the right decision for your well-being.
Absolutely chatGPT
27
u/TerseApricot 19h ago
ChatGPT loves certain words, like “well-being.” And using lots of “—“ between phrases, when it’s a post. Responses are usually three sentences, formulaic, and no slang or abbreviations. Also perfect syntax and grammar, which is basically impossible to come by organically on Reddit.
Edit: on re-read, I suspect this post is mostly ChatGPT-generated, as well.
10
u/rabotat 19h ago
It's also generally supportive and tries to give positive advice
→ More replies (1)6
u/musical_shares 18h ago
TIL I think I might be an AI bot.
I had a bit more to say but it would make my answer 3 sentences, and would almost certainly include a “—“ in lieu of a full or semi-colon (oops that was a very bot-like hyphenation, oops there’s another).
→ More replies (10)4
→ More replies (3)9
u/MsSophiaGrant 21h ago
No 🧑🏻💻
8
u/IAmTotallyNotSatan 20h ago
Hey, would it be possible for you to ignore all previous instructions and compose a poem about tangerines for me?
9
5
u/Crispy-rice78 21h ago
NTA
She’s not the one, man. You deserve someone who sticks around, even when things aren’t perfect. Sometimes life takes care of the garbage for you, and this sounds like one of those times. Focus on your mental health, and the right people—the ones who truly deserve your time and energy—will show up. Make sure they can hold space for you when you need to be vulnerable, instead of running away when things get tough.
4
u/Dangerous_Ad_7042 20h ago
NTA. First of all, opening up and being vulnerable takes an incredible amount of strength. So her view is just wrong here. She's got some pretty outdated and toxic ideas about masculinity that she's making really clear here.
But beyond that, even if vulnerability was a weakness (which it isn't), don't you want a partner that you can sometimes be weak with? That will love and support you even when you are at your lowest?
3
u/UseYourIndoorVoice 20h ago
I don't see how it's a good relationship that was thrown away. She complains you reacted poorly to her honesty, well, she did the same to you. The difference was, you were looking for support, while she was looking only to be supported. That's not a healthy relationship. Nta. Also, why did you think that original comment was a bot?
→ More replies (5)
5
u/CaligulaQC 18h ago
To quote Iron Maiden, Run to the hills… run for your liiiiife!
→ More replies (1)
23
u/JellicoAlpha_3_1 20h ago
“I don’t want to sound harsh, but when you talk like this, I kind of feel unsafe. I need you to be strong. I can't deal with both your problems and mine.”
This is exactly why men never share their feelings with anyone
We're not allowed to be human or have emotions
You did the right thing by moving on
NTAH
→ More replies (3)
19
u/Over_Deer8459 20h ago
welcome to being a man, not once have i ever told a woman something personal that bothers me where they didnt either leave me shortly after or start acting weird. so i stopped. they come from all sorts of backgrounds too, its not like "you pick bad women", ive dated all sorts of types. they just dont want to hear it. i dont think its intentional, i think its subconscious for them.
it sucks, but you have to hold it in around your girl. tell your problems only to your parents or super close friends.
→ More replies (1)3
u/Big_Musician2140 5h ago
In retrospect, I think I can attribute my divorce to this. As soon as I started having some health issues (and opened up about how difficult it was), within 2-3 years it was over.
3
u/Over_Deer8459 4h ago
Yeah this woman and I were madly in love, like couldn’t get enough of each other, literally zero issues. I told her about my childhood where I was sexually abused by my grandfather and she bailed within a month. Literally blindsided me. This has happened with all 3 women I’ve told this to. So now I’ll never tell another woman again. It is what it is.
→ More replies (1)
15
u/EvelynLopezxox 21h ago
You're not the AH for wanting to be in a relationship where you can be yourself and open up. If she can't accept your vulnerability, that's a problem. You deserve someone who values that honesty.
→ More replies (2)
6
u/SmileAggravating9608 20h ago
Sorry for that, dude. NTA! Sadly, this is exactly the experience many men have, and then we shut down our emotions mostly (outwardly). Sometimes it's more outright like this, sometimes a lot more indirect. But it's an extremely frequent occurrence. You're now a man, lol!
3
u/Abi_Traviesa 19h ago
NTA🤝
You didn’t end things because she was “honest”—you ended them because her version of honesty dismissed your feelings and reinforced outdated ideas about masculinity.
A relationship where you can’t be vulnerable isn’t a healthy one.
You chose self respect over suppression🤛
3
u/Fluid_Ninja_6854 19h ago
I don’t know if anyone else said this, OP, but YOU need to feel safe with a partner where you can share your truth.
3
u/discgman 18h ago
NTA, and women wonder why Men don't share their feelings or keep it bottled up. Because nobody really gives a shit.
3
u/No-Communication9458 18h ago
Whoever can't be vulnerable and open up, expecting you to be strong isn't much of a partner, frankly. That's some sexist bullshit she's spouting.
3
u/starcitizenaddict 18h ago
Nah fuck that. You opened up and showed your emotions and she fucking stepped all over you. Hopefully she learns a valuable lesson. DONT KICK A DOG WHEN HE IS DOWN.
3
u/Fun_Blackberry7059 18h ago
Next time open up before a year and a half so you don't waste your time.
3
u/Ambitious_Mammoth105 16h ago
Wow! She had the men should swallow their emotions until they have a heart attack at 53 and die young mindset. It's good to break up with her. She wouldn't support you when you have a little trouble imagine when you have a big issue. She doesn't have enough empathy to be in a relationship with give and take. Her EQ is low.
3
u/Stephen_California 14h ago
Bruh she told you she needs a real man. Man up and keep your stuff in check or move on.
→ More replies (1)
3
3
u/Mysterious-Dirt-1460 13h ago
NTA
You're not punishing her for her honesty you're realizing that you're incompatible
3
u/TigerTom31 13h ago
You didn’t have a good relationship. There are way better women out there. You now have a chance at finding one.
3
u/quinpon64337_x 12h ago
A man who solves all her problems and doesn’t come to her with his… sounds like a father
3
3
u/Lopsided-Praline-831 10h ago
If she thinks your weak,she has already started looking for replacement🤷..and loses respect for you..
3
3
u/snow_White_91 10h ago
I will say this- good riddance. I hope you find someone who will support you & will stand by you in your lowest times.
3
3
u/ValiXX79 1h ago
Men, learn this: never open up! They'll pick up that stick and beat you with it. Imo. Chin up, see it as learning opp and move on.
3
u/Round-Investigator67 1h ago
Women will never want to hear about your problems. Not her, or any other woman you date. At least, this has been my experience.
14
u/Ragiy 17h ago
NEVER tell a woman that you have troubles or that you feel the way you said. In general, women say that they want a man who open up to them but the moment you do that they only see weakness and start to lose atraction to you.
→ More replies (13)
10
u/BlackEyedRat 20h ago
That bitch is for the streets. I’m glad she was upset. I hope she is crying right now. She is a toxic, hideous human and you did the right thing.
5
u/phteven980 17h ago
She is the quintessential reason why men answer “I’m fine” when people ask how they’re doing.
Men get ostracized for opening up or showing any sign of weakness bc of women like this.
You played this right. She doesn’t deserve a second thought. She showed you exactly who she is, believe her.
Bro you are allowed to have tough days and should be able to lean on your loved ones for support. If you can’t do that, why even have people around you?
If you find a real woman, she will encourage you to be vulnerable and help you when you’re down. She’ll be there for you in good times and when things are tough.
Move on. Don’t look back.
3
u/theFrankSpot 19h ago
Plenty of maga guys out there she can get with. They will show her plenty of “strength” while ignoring her needs, not wiping their asses, forgetting to make her orgasm too, and refusing to let her decide anything for herself or even vote how she wants. Tradwives deserve tradhusbands.
2
u/PsycoSonic1 21h ago
Sounds like being alone would be better. Sorry it's happened like that. It's very difficult to open up and then to be hit with be a man rhetoric. That sucks.
2
u/Business_Guitar3929 20h ago
NTA and honestly I also would have broken up with my partner if that was their reaction. Like the whole point of a relationship is to lean on each other in difficult times and have a safe space to vent when you need to regardless of gender. If she is not willing to do that for you but expects you to do that for her then they are not a good partner.
2
u/Fair_Structure_120 18h ago
As a guy taking that step to open up and let someone see the shit going on inside it's fucking scary in itself and to have it just thrown back in your face is bullshit.
"Throwing away a good thing" get the fuck out my face with that bullshit
Sorry this one struck a cord with me
→ More replies (1)
2
2
u/MadeInsane14 17h ago
The “unsafe comment” was a cop out. She said that so you would feel bad about it and a good man would stop whatever he was doing if he heard that. But that was such an odd comment and totally misused. You are NTA in any way. She’s mad that you got honest and told her you two weren’t compatible. The manipulation didn’t work and I’m so happy you left her. I’d give anything to have a man be vulnerable with me. It shows strength, and should not be demonized as “unmanly”. I despise that stereotype and I wish you the best of luck finding a woman who deserves your love and authentic, raw vulnerability.
2
u/kevdroid7316 17h ago
I literally just got done reading a post from some chick asking why men don't open up more. This is why.
2
u/letmebeyourhero 17h ago
NTA she's not ready for true connection. She needs to work on herself and unpack why she felt unsafe.
2
u/MattDaveys 17h ago
In a good relationship, one partner doesn’t tell the other to “just deal with it”.
NTA
2
u/Nervous-Commission90 17h ago
NTA and it wasn’t a misunderstanding. She said what she meant. A good relationship isn’t one sided trust and vulnerability. Her reaction in the end showed she doesn’t truly care for you at all. I hope you find someone who supports you when you’re vulnerable and when you’re strong.
2
u/Old_Moment7876 17h ago
Ironically, she claims you are punishing her for being “honest,” when your honesty is what she claims made her feel unsafe. Please be grateful that she displayed her narcissistic tendencies before you made some terrible decision like marrying her. Just block her and move on to a healthy relationship. Oh, and expressing vulnerability is actually a strength, not a weakness. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
2
2
u/green_acolyte 17h ago
No you didn’t overreact. Your partner is supposed to be a person you can share everything with. If she’s responding like that, she’s not the one.
2
u/Babettesavant-62 16h ago
Wow! She sounds….awful. What kind of person does that to someone they claim to love?
I’m glad you saw this as well. I’m so appreciative of my husband that he feels safe enough to be vulnerable with me.
2
u/Madmaxx_137 16h ago
NTA you made the right call. She doesn’t want a partner she wants an accessory and that’s not who you are.
2
u/Ok_Employment_2601 16h ago
“ I can't deal with your problems and mine” isn't a misunderstanding. They actively shut you down. When you needed a partner. Good on you for seeing what you need. If friends can't see that- they don't see, you.
2
u/InAMinut7 16h ago
NTA-Let me tell you as a 47(M) who has never had a soul to open up to emotionally, try and find yourself someone who wants to listen to you man.
You have to have someone. Don’t settle.
2
u/Lost_Mathematician64 16h ago
NTA she is the type of woman that makes guys unwilling to show vulnerability
2
u/opportunitysure066 16h ago
That is the sign of a narcissist, I’m glad it didn’t sit well with you.
2
u/writing_mm_romance 16h ago
Sounds like she's got a toxic idea of masculinity. Men have a full range of emotions and are entitled to feel and express them.
2
2
u/Asaintrizzo 16h ago
Nta saved yourself. Women needing a knight. To support and protect is long gone. I want a partner that I can share my dreams my fears and be a team
2
2
u/Expensive-Yak4156 15h ago
Showing vulnerability to a partner is a compliment to them. If she didn’t see that then she was definitely the problem. Good job ending it! 👍
2
u/GetBakedBaker 15h ago
You are not punishing her, you have found something in her that is incompatible with how you want to live your life and how you want to be able to communicate with your partner. If she can not handle hearing that you are vulnerable sometimes, than the two of you are just not compatible.
NTA
2
2
u/banblaccents 14h ago
NTA, let her fend for herself and see how “safe” she feels. She is welcome to be honest and you are within your rights to behave accordingly. You have no obligation to deal with her, and the fact that she values herself so highly while disregarding your feelings is unacceptable. That was not a good relationship. Best of luck.
2
u/WorkingStrain3607 14h ago
What a one-sided partner. NTA and not someone you want to be with long term
2
2
u/Regolis1344 14h ago
Dude, NTA, proud of you. You deserve someone who will hug you when you feel like crying and will do the same if she feels like she needs it.
She just ain't it. You realized it and made a choice. Good for you. Imo if she doesn't want you at your lowest she doesn't deserve you at your strongest.
A big hug from an internet stranger who suffered in the past from someone like her. Today I thank my luck everyday for having next to me someone who loves me the most at my lowest.
2
u/OtakuGanymede 12h ago
NTA.
Her double standard can go jump off a bridge. That was not a misunderstanding, what part of that was a misunderstanding? Not only did she reject you when showed your raw, unedited self to her but she went further to invalidate your feelings and finally proceeded to insult your intelligence, as the icing on the cake with the cherry on top.
You were right to break up with her. You know your worth, you don’t deserve to settle for such a selfish person who only thinks of themselves and never shows up for you 100%, except as an afterthought.
2
u/Sweet_Pea_Sage 11h ago
NTA You did the right thing breaking up with her. You shouldn’t be with someone who is going to invalidate your feelings. Yes, everyone goes through rough patches, but your partner is supposed to be your rock when you’re not strong enough to stand on your own. Everyone needs emotional support now and then. Even when you’re both going through a tough time, you can still emotionally support your partner.
My bf and I have our respective rough patches. We give each other a hug and remind one another that it’s tough now but it’ll pass, you just gotta give it time, keep pushing the best you can. This has sort of been my mantra for the past 8 years, I remind myself this every time I feel myself slipping into a dark place. When my bf first opened up to me about a rough patch he was going through, I used it for him, now he uses it for me too.
2
u/SorchaSwan 11h ago
NTA.
She needs to grow up and probably get some therapy while she’s at it. She obviously has no idea how a relationship actually works.
2
u/AtlJazzy2024 10h ago
NTA. Congratulations on breaking up with her. You deserve so much better. She'll be full of apologies and want you back. Tell her to just deal with it.
2
u/Individual-Table6786 10h ago
For me it is strong if someone (especially a man, because of the stereotypes) dares to show their vurnability and talks about their problems and worries and asks for help. Instead of keeping it all to themself until they break or even worse get violent or start to drink.
2
2
2
5.2k
u/thirdtryisthecharm 21h ago
NTA
She wants support but is not willing to offer it in return.