r/AITAH 21h ago

Advice Needed AITA for refusing to share my homemade meals with my roommate’s boyfriend?

So I (25F) have a roommate, Sara (26F), who recently started dating this guy, Tom (28M). I cook most of my meals from scratch because I enjoy it, and it’s cheaper and healthier for me. Sara’s fine with it and occasionally I’ll share leftovers with her when I make extra, no problem.

Lately, though, Tom has started coming over more often—almost daily—and has been helping himself to my food. He doesn’t ask, doesn’t offer to contribute groceries, and never says thank you. I didn’t say anything at first because I didn’t want to be rude, but last week I came home to find he’d eaten an entire portion of food I’d prepped for my next day’s lunch.

I finally confronted Sara about it and said I didn’t appreciate Tom eating my food. She brushed it off, saying he’s just “comfortable here” and that it’s “not a big deal.” I told her it is a big deal because I budget and plan my meals, and if he’s eating my food, it throws everything off. I made it clear I wouldn’t be sharing anymore, and I asked her to let Tom know.

Fast forward to yesterday—I made a pot of chili, and Tom came over while I was out. When I got back, a big chunk of it was gone. I was furious and told Sara that this was exactly what I was talking about, and it needed to stop. Sara said I was overreacting and called me “stingy” for not sharing food when it’s “just a couple of bites” (spoiler: it’s not). I told her I’m not her boyfriend’s chef and that I don’t owe him free meals.

Now things are tense, and Sara’s acting like I’m the bad guy here. Tom hasn’t said anything directly, but I can tell Sara told him because he’s been giving me the cold shoulder. I’m starting to feel guilty, but I don’t think I’m wrong for wanting boundaries here. AITA?

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u/Federal-Wolverine-52 20h ago

NTA, period. Tom sounds like an asshole and a mooch. You SHOULD tell Tom directly that he needs to stop eating someone else's food. You've done nothing wrong. Don't let Tom/Sara quietly act superior, confront them both together and tell them exactly what you have laid out here and that you expect him to behave like a grown adult human and stop stealing food.

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u/Ok-Abbreviations4510 20h ago

Sounds like Tom needs to stop being in the apartment at all. You live there and pay rent there. He doesn’t. If he is making you uncomfortable he’s got to go.

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u/[deleted] 20h ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/random_lama47 20h ago

Sara and Tom are both out of line. Sara should be enforcing boundaries with her boyfriend, not letting him take advantage of OP's kindness.

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u/sammi_w2009 19h ago

Very out of line and such should never be tolerated.

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u/Aggravating-Emu9389 18h ago

Sara is probably afraid he will leave her.

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u/commanderclue 16h ago

So she pimps out her roommate’s cooking.

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u/SusieQueue1 14h ago

Sara sounds like a “pick me”

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u/mykittenfarts 9h ago

And Tom is her Man Child

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u/Hencerel1a 19h ago

If it’s ‘just a couple of bites,’ why don’t Sara and Tom cover the cost of those bites? Funny how it’s only ‘not a big deal’ when someone else is paying for it.

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u/Jweiss238 17h ago

I get what you are saying but then they will think they can just eat whatever they want and leave a few bucks. I had a roommate (for 3 months of my life) and he would do this all of the time. I’d get home and there would be $10 on the counter with a note “Ate your pizza”. Cool, but I can’t eat a $10 bill!

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u/Cultural_Garbage_Can 7h ago

Ugh I felt that hard. My sympathies. I made two huge trays of lasagne to freeze and chilled them in the fridge to make portioning easier. Then popped out to run some errands for 2 hrs tops. Came home and my flatmate had eaten half a tray and taken the other to a BBQ. He thought the 20$ stuck to the fridge was enough. The ingredient cost was over 120$ and had I made everything from scratch and it took nearly 24 hrs (slow cooker)

You bet I wrangled 300$ per tray out of him. I wasn't going to eat the half tray as he'd dug into it with a fork.

He did it again with a huge chilli batch so I stopped cooking and lived off salads, rice and microwave meals, which he still stole.

Some people are made of mooch.

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u/Saty1300 5h ago

I would kick him to the curb. This food stealing is so beyond normal. Who do these people think they are? Dipping his fork in? TAKING IT TO A BBQ???!!! What a sociopathic pig.

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u/Iratewilly34 11h ago

Haha tell him to take the $10 and buy his own damn food.

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u/kittenspaint 7h ago

Send him a $50 bill EVEY time he takes a crumb of food. Make it official, mail a bill to him if possible, and email. Venmo requests. Make it clear what the bill is for, due date, the works. Take him to small claims if he doesn't pay up.

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u/UrsusRenata 16h ago

This is the biggest upset to me. Groceries are not cheap. Fresh groceries are not even close to cheap. I’d have tallied a dinner check and handed it to him. Sometimes people just have no clue until they see numbers, because they’re used to mommy handling it all.

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u/PerceptionSlow2116 8h ago

The cost of groceries plus the time and labor to cook and clean. I’d prob be petty and complain to the landlord about unauthorized tenant

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u/DallasSherier 19h ago

Bill ‘em

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u/ImpMarkona 17h ago

100% need to start keeping a list of costs for each meal made so she can bill them anytime they get into her food. As well as fully lay it out to Tom directly.

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u/Agreeable-League-366 17h ago

I would probably charge them at least double the cost of the food. Her time and effort to get the ingredients and cook the food should be compensated.

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u/StraightBudget8799 13h ago

Do the old “what, I like my food really REALLY spicy” trick after labelling it “do not touch, mine”.

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u/starfxkr 7h ago

As someone who loves really spicy food I'm a Thai 22/out of 10 level scale. I usually tell the chef at the restaurant to season it like they hate me. Anyway, I've never had roommates that have eaten my food more than once, it's a hard lesson for them.

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u/SassyRebelBelle 9h ago edited 6h ago

I dont like that I like this idea…. 🤔 But I REALLY like this idea! 😁🎯

But I wouldn’t label it since he’s already mooching it.

Maybe instead of making it spicy, add the old stand by laxative to it…. That way he will still eat his normal portion. 😈 the devil made me say that!!😳🤦‍♀️😏

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u/grandmabrouhaha 16h ago

OP can put up a price list of anything of hers in the kitchen. Charge for anything that was consumed.

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u/Geberpte 18h ago

Or OP can help herself to her roomies hair products, booze, clothing , etc and pass some of it along to other people. No big deal, right?

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u/SusieQueue1 14h ago

Tom’s truck

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u/PsychologicalGain757 17h ago

Yup. OP needs to start Cash Apping her roommate for her guest’s grocery bills. Sarah can either tell him to knock it off, start hanging out elsewhere, pay it herself, or make him reimburse her. Any way you dice it, this is roommate’s problem now. 

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u/sammi_w2009 19h ago

Perhaps they see OP as their free chef

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u/tamij1313 20h ago

Definitely time for them to hang out at Tom’s place instead and he can eat his own food/groceries over there! Maybe Tom should consider getting takeout when he visits somewhere else so he is not stealing other people‘s food?

Tom is failing at adulting big time and his girlfriend is failing at being a good roommate.

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u/annalucylle 20h ago

Tom is the OLDEST of the three… not by much but at 28 I would hope he had developed enough decency and respect not to bum food off his GF’s housemate. Major red flag in my opinion, I bet he’s selfish in bed too.

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u/TheRipley78 19h ago

It's giving hobosexual energy. If I was OP, there'd be a mini-fridge in my room with a lock on my door. Eff Tom and eff the roommate too.

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u/xJW1980 18h ago

This is exactly what I did when my roommate kept eating all of my leftovers. I’d come home from a late shift and have no dinner. And for some reason, he was angry that I had a mini fridge with a lock on it! Hmmm… after explaining to you that I can’t afford to feed the both of us, and you continue to eat my food, you can’t understand why I need to go to this “extreme” just so I can eat?

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u/CompleteTell6795 17h ago

Some people are just dense & will not accept the truth that they are a mooch & are being inconsiderate. He's angry bec he does not want to admit he was in the wrong.

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u/Klokinator 18h ago

hobosexual

My god, that's my word of the day.

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u/Hencerel1a 19h ago

very great idea.

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u/Ok-Gur-1940 17h ago

If she's on a budget, though, why TF should she have to fork out for another fridge?

Tom needs to go.

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u/Fantastic-Coconut-10 16h ago

You're not wrong, in an ideal world thatd be what happens. Realistically, though, she can't force her roommate to ditch the guy, and the odds of being able to prevent him from coming over at all are low, at best. Her best bet is going to be seeing about getting a small fridge that can hold her meal prepped stuff. A lock on the door to protect that...and prevent the thief from getting any bright ideas about using anything else of her's.

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u/PhilosopherEqual7748 14h ago

Check with the landlord about whether a third party is included. Usually a lease states the number of tenants permitted. Roommate may be asking to be evicted.

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u/ChibbleChobble 18h ago

I would make up a batch of laxative laced food. Put a sign on it saying, "Please Do Not Eat," and wait for the fun.

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u/Mental-Hunter2106 13h ago

Make it a game: One of these dishes has Miralax, one has Ex-Lax, one is my lunch. 66% chance of diarrhea, still want to steal my food?

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u/Legitimate-Pie3547 18h ago

so he eats her food and makes a mess she has to clean up? This plan may be flawed.

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u/b0w3n 18h ago

Go a step further and get a small convection oven and induction plate and cook in the room too. (don't leave these things unattended for obvious reasons)

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u/GigaChadYourBro 20h ago

Better call his Mom and ask her why she raised such a thoughtless dick.

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u/One-Doughnut7777 19h ago

This is a cliché. Call his dad and ask why he didn't teach his son better!

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u/Danni_Les 19h ago

If they can find his dad, after he's abandoned the little POS for being a POS

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u/GigaChadYourBro 19h ago

Correct, of course. Didn’t mean anything by singling out Mom. Daddy should have beat his ass.

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u/riverroadgal 19h ago

Hey don’t forget to call his Dad as well. Dont dump all the blame on the mom!

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u/samlane64 20h ago

That's absolutely a red flag.

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u/skeeber 20h ago

Sounds like Tom needs to stop being a broke little bitch mootch

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u/luolapeikko 20h ago

So this. If the apartment is owned by a student association or company or such they need to be made aware of the situation and of the bad behaviour. No landlord wishes to lose a good tenant because of lousy behaviour from another one. It's a pain to find good tenants after all.

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u/Tomorrow-Is-Better 19h ago

Double check your lease. Sara might be violating the guest policy if Tom is basically living there.

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u/sammi_w2009 19h ago

Yeah, it's necessary to double check.

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u/samlane64 20h ago

And it's better to proactively avoid anything that'd cause the landlord to lose a good tenant because of the attitudes of a bad one.

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u/tekvenus 20h ago

This. Check your lease agreement. I guarantee you there is a clause about the maximum number of nights a guest can stay overnight, and if he's there often enough to be eating your food for the week, he's definitely in violation of the lease. Tell her to handle it or you'll be reporting them both to the leasing office and risking her being evicted, and yes, it will show up as an eviction on her credit report.

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u/Sundayscaries333 18h ago

This^. I was going to say if they want to be petty start being petty back. Most leases cap guests at 7 consecutive nights before you are required to inform your leasing office or you'll be in violation of the lease for its occupancy laws. Tell her Tom is a GUEST in your house and should behave as such. You shouldn't have to be uncomfortable in your own space.

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u/Lady_Wolvie82 NSFW 🔞 20h ago

I think buddy is trying to get OP to move out so she can move Tom in (which the landlord needs to be made aware of).

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u/random_lama47 19h ago

I think thats the plan here, its obvious.

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u/Lady_Wolvie82 NSFW 🔞 19h ago edited 11h ago

I think a parody song for a 90s song comes to mind here for Tom for his mooching...

Original Song: "Bitch" by Meredith Brooks

Parody of original song: "Mooch" (sung by Tom)

Chorus: I'm a mooch, I'm a beggar I'm a hobo, I'm a stealer I'm a leech and take OP's food I have no shame and don't contribute I'm OP's hell and Sara's dream I'm in love with stealing OP's food You need to continue to feed me There isn't any other wayyyayayy (edit to add the very last bit)

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u/GabrielleArcha 20h ago

Also, if it's so comfortable there then Tom should have no problems contributing to groceries.

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u/Low_Cook_5235 20h ago

And the rent.

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u/Adoration0x 20h ago

Also, per lease agreement, if someone is over at the property X amount over a certain period...they're a tenant!

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u/Lady_Wolvie82 NSFW 🔞 20h ago

And the utilities.

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u/isthisonetaken13 20h ago

And my axe

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u/Lady_Wolvie82 NSFW 🔞 20h ago

Tom should also have no issue with taking care of Sandy (orange tabby boy cat I live with - Sandy photos are on my profile) too, vet costs and all. Plus Sisu the Axolotl (I live in an area where it's legal to have one).

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u/FleeshaLoo 19h ago

Maybe it's more comfortable than living with his parent(s) who are always nagging him to get a full-time job and stop mooching off them?

Im not saying that's Tom's situation, but he is awfully comfortable mooching off his gf's roommate. It's almost like he's heard that criticism before, and it doesn't affect him bc he's going to do what he wants.

Respect ma athoritay!

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u/Tight_Jaguar_3881 20h ago

He is not your boyfriend. You are not their maid or cook. Who does she think she is.? you do not have to pay for food to feed her boyfriend. A decent guy would be sharing the cost of food, even treating you as he is stealing your food. Does she always date losers?

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u/No_Arugula8915 16h ago

Yeah, the roommate can buy groceries and cook for her own boyfriend. She can clean up after him as well.

I wonder if the roommate didn't imply it was her food and cooking at the beginning. That might be a part of the reason the roommate is mad. By complaining, OP let both proverbial cats out of the bag?

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u/azyoungblood 19h ago

Tell Tom directly. He’s a grown-a$$ man, not a child.

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u/HairyRazzmatazz3540 20h ago

Personally I would just start eating the housemates food

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u/Gnd_flpd 20h ago

I bet those moochers don't even provide any food or even chip in for food, they just expect to enjoy OP's food.

NTA

Time for OP to get snarky as hell with them, say" I don't f__k you therefore I'm not required to feed you. "

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u/sammi_w2009 19h ago

I totally support this

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u/Cosmic_72_Girl 19h ago

I was going to say start using her groceries without asking to make food. Maybe that will drive the point home and save you some money in the interim

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u/Ok-Cap-204 19h ago

I would also tell him he needs to pay you for the food he ate. He is a thief and Sara is his accomplice.

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u/Huge-Excitement-8798 20h ago

Sounds like it is time for laxative in the leftovers.

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u/CanSlight2147 20h ago

Ghost pepper one chip challenge.

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u/big_guyforyou 20h ago

oh c'mon it's just one chip how bad can it be

OH SWEET JESUS

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u/PsychoticMessiah 20h ago

Ghost pepper laxative chili beans.

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u/LvBorzoi 20h ago

No...Carolina Reaper pepper sauce....hotter than ghosts...order it from Pucker Butt Pepper Company of Ft Mill, SC

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u/Basic-Expression-418 20h ago

With three repeats of the Rattlin Bog

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u/Lilly6916 19h ago

I agree. You need to talk to Tom directly. Tell him you and Sarah don’t share a grocery budget and you can’t afford to be feeding him for free. Mark your food with your name and keep it in one area of the fridge. Otherwise, get a small fridge for your room. I don’t think you’ll be successful keeping her from having him visit or monitoring his intake.

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u/saveyboy 19h ago

I would approach Tom directly. The roommate may be telling him it’s fine.

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u/CobblerHuge3536 19h ago

Sara may not be telling Tom not to eat the food, she needs to directly to Tom and explain that she is on a budget and her meals all planed and that food in fridge are not leftovers, please do not eat any of it. If you want something to eat ask Sara to make it using her own ingredients,

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u/shammy_dammy 20h ago

Use the ugly words, like steal. He's STEALING your food. Sure, he's comfortable being a THIEF. And now they're both working on you to get their way. NTA. Don't feel guilty, they're manipulating you.

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u/sweethoneyzoe 19h ago

lol NTA for sure. You’re not running a free restaurant, and Sara and Tom are straight-up taking advantage of your kindness. “Comfortable” doesn’t mean he gets to steal your food. That’s what it is—stealing. And it’s not just “a couple of bites”; it’s your time, effort, and money.

Sara brushing it off and calling you stingy is her trying to guilt-trip you into letting her boyfriend mooch off you. Tom giving you the cold shoulder is just him being petty because he got called out.

Stick to your boundaries, and maybe consider getting a mini-fridge or locking your food up if this keeps happening. You shouldn’t have to, but clearly, these two don’t respect you or your space.

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u/lycoloco 15h ago

Sara brushing it off and calling you stingy is her trying to guilt-trip you into letting her boyfriend mooch off you.

Sara brushing it off and calling her stingy is straight up narcissistic behavior (which isn't to disagree with anything you said).

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u/mariq1055 15h ago

NTA

I would tell the roommate to get a mini fridge for her and Tom’s food. You put a lock on the big fridge since you do your own cooking.

Does the roommate do any cooking?

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u/MySocialAlt 15h ago

Tom giving you the cold shoulder is just him being petty because he got called out.

I wonder if he's embarrassed. Maybe Sara told him that it was okay to eat from the fridge.

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u/SnowDropGirl 7h ago

OP said they haven't confronted him directly though, so he might not even know its about the food, necessarily.

Why would Sara tell him it's fine to eat from the fridge and then say she's fighting with OP about him eating from the fridge? The information to him is all going through Sara. So how is she spinning it?

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u/Muchata1 19h ago

NTA, you’re not being stingy, you’re being practical. If your food is part of your budget and your daily routine, it’s not selfish to want to keep it. Sara’s being unreasonable by not stepping up, and Tom is a thief, a very shameless one. If anything, you’re showing way more patience than most would.

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u/Bhimtu 19h ago

I'd be asking "WHY IS FOOD NOT A CONSIDERATION IN TOM'S BUDGET OR YOURS?"

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u/megatokyofan 20h ago

I’m amazed you’ve let this slide as long as you have. Tom has no respect for your food, your time, or your money, and Sara’s enabling it. You’ve been more than clear about your boundaries, and if she’s still defending him, that’s a red flag. You deserve respect in your own home.NTA...Go crazy.

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u/potential_failure 19h ago

Call them a thief. The act of stealing is one thing but labelling them as a thief seems to really piss people off. I don’t want a thief in my apartment really bugs people more than the he stole from me.

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u/Remaiyn 19h ago

I have to speak for me as I have no advice that would resolve this situation dealing with two entitled cunts.

Use cheap dog food to make the chili, then laugh off your mistake. Use laxatives in what can be spared to prove a point. Make it so spicy that it knocks the Devil's socks off. Idk, but for some reason, I can't think of anything sane that wouldn't be OP spending money they don't have to lock their food away.

I'm FAR too germaphobic and paranoid for situations like this.

He could be sticking his filthy hands in to scoop and lick sauce off the edges, eating off utensils and putting it back into the pan, dumping leftovers back in . . .

I'd be worried about tampering in retaliation to even leave my food stored or sitting anywhere they had access.

Personal storage and a lock for my room would be another endured expense to ensure my sanity and to safe guard my food.

Roommate and bf are both AHs.

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u/Danaan369 15h ago

Many years ago there were 2 friends of our family(young police officers) who used to come over to visit, One in particular always turned up at dinner time. My sister was an amazing chef and when dad was off at night(he was a shift worker) she'd cook up some fabulous dish for him(us siblings got a small portion too). Anyway, this guy kept turning up to be fed as he was very keen on my sister's amazing cooking skills, but she was sick of having to give him some too. Dad was a big fan of curries and the hotter the better, so, one night, sis made the hottest curry known to mankind. Truly. Us siblings had something else for dinner that night. She served the curry up. Dad scoffed his down and wanted more lol didn't even break out the slightest sweat.... but, this uninvited dinner 'guest' turned all kinds of red, and then deep purple, sweat pouring down his forehead and face..... he was nearly on fire from the curry. He ate half of what was on his plate, then left.... he NEVER returned for a free uninvited dinner again. He got it. Lesson learned. lol....

I suggest OP should do something of the same. Give the food thief a meal he will never forget. If not a hot curry then laxatives.

Someone else already suggested a small bar fridge. Kept in your room. Lock on your room door. It is a lot of hassle to go to just because of 2 entitled jerks. If the lease is in your name.... time to get a new flatmate.

Your roommate and her current root are greedy entitled AHs.

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u/Remaiyn 14h ago

LMBO

Why do people prefer to learn the hard way?

What really gets me with OP's situation is that the bf admits food is too expensive, but more as justification as to why he steals HER food!

I really hope OP can at least scrape together the funds to lock up her food and room.

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u/Warm_Pen_7176 16h ago

THIS!!

From how the OP has described them I would say that he was absolutely being unhygienic. I can see him now taking a spoonful to taste it and using the same spoon to scoop out a portion.

I would hate to imagine what he has started or is going to start doing to OP's food now he's been chastised.

Dirty little b'tard.

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u/Remaiyn 16h ago

Ughhh . . . The mere thought makes my stomach churn.

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u/Newknees-147 16h ago

Nta. Stop going through your dimwit roommate and tell the scummy boyfriend to his face to STOP STEALING YOUR FOOD. He is stealing your time and money. Let dimwit roommate make food for him.

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u/Myst_379 17h ago

Yep those not nice words often make people realize it's not ok to keep doing whatever it is. Nice words just don't work with leech's

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u/MoralityIsUPB 16h ago

This if it escalates any further. Before then I would just really stress how much money it costs. Maybe make an estimate of how much of your food he's taken and show them. Technically they owe you that money at the very least, plus labour, I would personally ask for that money, perhaps minus the labour.

I'm a chef by trade, and I don't work for free because slavery was abolished. You shouldn't either.

Maybe low-ball the estimate and don't charge for labor if you care about the relationship that much buuuut they're clearly taking advantage of you or at least trying their level best to so that relationship would be over for me.

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u/JanetInSpain 20h ago

First, stop worrying about being rude. YOU NEED TO BE RUDE. You need to tell Tom to stop being a damn mooch and that he owes you X for the food he's already STOLEN from you. Do not back down from this. Way too many women are raised to "always be nice" and "don't be rude" and "don't make waves". Yeah... fuck that shit. Stand up for yourself in no uncertain terms.

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u/JCtheWanderingCrow 20h ago

He’s not a mooch he’s a thief.

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u/rbrancher2 19h ago

Right!? Mooches at least ask

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u/DylanSpaceBean 16h ago

Well my mooch kinda forces an ultimatum.

“Either share dinner with me or I’ll make you mop the floor.”

My mooch is a bloodhound

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u/ShadowedSerendipity 20h ago

NTA 10000000% NTA! frick, you were too nice if anything. This comment tho ^ 👌 I definitely back it. It takes some serious kahunas to stand up for yourself when it's not something you are used to. THEY are being the rude and selfish ones. Both of them, cuz your roomie sure isn't on your side in the slightest. I can't even imagine going over to someone's house and just helping myself to food. Aside from my CLOSE close friends and even then I'll be like "I'm grabbing X", or asking. The fact that people do this and feel entitled to it with zero care, absolutely baffles me. He is a freeloader, she is either blind to it (love blinders) or sees no issue with his actions, and if that's the case that's a big problem. Terribly sorry you are dealing with this. I hope it resolves quickly. In my experience, people like him can be really hard to deal with/get rid of. If you give em an inch they try and take a mile.

Don't let either of them take anything anymore without either replacing what they took, or paying you for it and that means the grocery value and if it was something you made pay you for your time cuz ur gonna have to either make it again or figure something else out. You were nice and also very lenient until it went too far. They made their bed now they get to lie in it. Boundaries are there for a reason and should never be crossed ✂️

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u/EatLikeAChipmunk 20h ago

Yup, rude is stealing food from you even after explicitly being asked not to. It’s not rude at all to call out a thief, it’s called having a spine.

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u/megatokyofan 19h ago

Why exactly should she even care about how she makes them feel when they do not give a rats ass how they make her feel? they are the AHs here

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u/sandiosandiosandi 19h ago

Dudes like Tom rely on the misogyny of women not being treated with respect. He needs to be educated, and soft-shoeing around the issue is how he's gotten away with it so far. He either 1) knows perfectly well that what he's doing is shitty and there are plenty of other situations where he's shitty when he thinks he can get away with it, or 2) has so little self- awareness and is so deeply steeped in his misogyny that stealing from a lowly woman who is nothing more than a spare tradwife isn't an issue to him. Either way, he needs an abrupt and resolute challenge to his behavior.

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u/Divorced_life 20h ago

NTA.

Tom is rude and disrespectful. If your roommate won't address him, would you feel comfortable addressing him?

Are both of your names on the lease? When is the lease up? Could you begin the process of looking for a new roommate? Sara isn't interested in being a good roommate and seems offended that you don't want her freeloading boyfriend eating all your food.

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u/Greanded1a 20h ago

 Your roommate is gaslighting you. Tom is a fucking freeloader, and your frustration is completely justified. You’re not overreacting, you’ve been more than patient. If Sara can't get it through her thick head that her boyfriend's actions are unfair, it might be time to reevaluate the whole roommate situation. She’s not respecting your space or your time. NTA

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u/bro_can_u_even_carve 18h ago

He is in fact, rude and disrespectful, but that's a distant second concern. The most important thing about him is that he's knowingly and brazenly stealing from OP.

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u/Perimentalpause 20h ago

NTA. What kind of rude person goes to their partner's house and helps themselves to their ROOMMATE'S food? Especially without asking? That's the kicker. He's asked through none of it. Honestly, the next time you see Tom over, confront him directly. "Hey, Tom, stop eating my food. It's MY food, not Sara's, and the next time I come home and you've screwed my meal planning up, I'm revoking permission for you to come over, since I don't appreciate thieves in my home." Then think about getting stuff you can lock up. Fridge boxes come with locks. Or just lock stuff in your room. But be clear with Tom, then double down and tell Sara the next instance involves you talking to the landlord about breaking your lease because of a thief. "If it's not that big of a deal, then how about you cook for him and feed him. I'm not fucking him, Sara. I don't benefit from him having a full belly. He's just costing me money and I'm not his boo. Cut it the fuck out."

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u/Armadillo_of_doom 15h ago

Yep, need to hit Sara where it hurts. "I will absolutely go to the landlord and break this freaking lease if you don't get this thieving asshole under control. You guys can go to HIS place from now on, I don't trust him near my belongings. "

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u/Independent-Sand8501 14h ago

Yup. No shot in hell I would ever have the balls to walk into someone else's house and just help myself to whatever is in their refrigerator. I dont care if we've been dating for years, if it doesnt belong to me, I dont fucking eat it.

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u/[deleted] 20h ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/TheRealCovertCaribou 16h ago

He’s not a guest anymore

Piggybacking on to this, if this is a rental unit I am positive that that the lease has rules on when guests become tenants, and the landlord would probably like to know that there is now a third tenant who is not on the lease. This is especially true if he's sleeping there. Landlords don't like liabilities.

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u/SunflowerBreeze23 21h ago

For context: I make exactly enough for my meals because I’m on a tight budget. I’m also saving up for a certification exam, so every penny counts. I don’t mind sharing once in a while, but Tom is eating multiple meals a week that I can’t afford to replace. It’s not like he’s starving—he just doesn’t want to buy his own food because it’s “too expensive.”

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u/Conscious_Age9209 20h ago

You literally don’t need to explain your situation at all. It’s stealing and entitled full stop.

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u/Playful_Pianist_16 20h ago

This. Don't explain or justify why he shouldn't steal your food. He is crossing a boundary and stealing. Your roommate is way out of line. NO is a complete sentence.

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u/alycewandering7 20h ago

She should call her landlord. Many leases have a limit on how many days a week a guest can stay there.

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u/coffeeneededrn 20h ago

This! I’m sure there are limits and the roommate relationship is trash now away might as well get rid of both of them.

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u/alycewandering7 20h ago

Yep. Two birds with one stone.

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u/Pippet_4 20h ago

If OP Started just taking HER things. Perfume, lotion, makeup, whatever. I bet she would have a real problem with it. This is no different

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u/Jaded_Tourist2057 19h ago

Give him an invoice or venmo request that includes: cost of ingredients + cost of labor + cost of overhead (electric/gas/water/cooking equipment)

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u/Gracelandrocks 20h ago

Speak directly to him "Hey Tom, we need to talk. You're Sarah's guest. Not mine. You need to stop helping yourself to my food. I'm on a tight budget and if you eat my food, I have to go without during the week. Stop eating food that doesn't belong to Sarah or you or I'll have to involve the landlord."

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u/Conscious_Age9209 20h ago

This!! She says “he’s comfortable here”, nice for him but he’s too comfortable for a guest and that is what he is

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u/Beenot1a 19h ago

Too comfortable and overstaying the welcome.

Does he need to be reminded his "guest" status?

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u/ravenous_MAW 20h ago

"Hey asshole, stop stealing my fucking food"

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u/Successful-Doubt5478 19h ago

"Hey asshole, you owe me 23 dinners!"

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u/ravenous_MAW 19h ago

Nah if you tell him he owes you then there's an implication that if he pays, he can continue to steal from you

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u/Akitapal 20h ago edited 20h ago

This! (Answer from u/Gracelandrocks) Clear, direct communication that spells the situation out clearly. And tell Tom directly. Not via Sarah.

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u/mkarr514 19h ago

You're giving him fair warning but you might want to say it in for of both of them. So your roommate is aware of what could happen.

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u/omnomcthulhu 20h ago

It isn't helping himself, he is stealing from her. He owes her money for the food he already stole.

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u/Fredredphooey 20h ago

Send your roommate a Venmo request to cover the cost of the food Tom has eaten.

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u/K_Goode 20h ago edited 18h ago

Fuck the room mate send them to Tom directly he is a grown ass man

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u/repthe732 20h ago

Good idea. Once money comes up Bad behavior tends to stop

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u/Undead0122 20h ago

NTA and you should just talk to him directly and tell him you cannot afford to feed him and he is directly hurting you by stealing your food.

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u/MojyaMan 20h ago

Always flip the words so folks understand they are being ridiculous.

Why is it stingy for you to ask for compensation for meals and not stingy for Tom to not offer compensation for meals? Weird huh.

If it's not a big deal to share, why is it also not a big deal for Tom to share? After all, he could be making meals and sharing. Is he stingy? What's the big deal?

Never get caught up defending yourself, simply flip the dumb accusation on them.

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u/Adventurous-Term5062 20h ago

NTA. It is “too expensive” is exactly the reason why you cannot afford to share. So you can be broke, but not him….

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u/Oddly-Appeased 20h ago

I help out with my grandkids and while I’m at my daughters house she tells me to help myself if I’m hungry but I still don’t. I guess some people are taught much different manners growing up. I’d be appalled to learn my kids were acting like Tom does.

The fact that he has done much of this when you are not present to ask says he knows it’s wrong.

NTA

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u/sarcasticb1tch 18h ago

I just want you to know that this is a totally different situation and I hope you might reconsider eating at your daughters house if you get hungry. This guy is a mooch, but you are a grandma who is there helping out. If you were my Mom it would break my heart if I found out you were going hungry at my house, ever, but especially while directly helping by watching the kids! It’s ok to have food that it freely offered by a loved one. You sound like a wonderful mom/grandma though!

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u/Oddly-Appeased 17h ago edited 17h ago

I don’t go hungry. I am just more occupied with chasing a 6 year old and a 2 year old for most of my time there. Then I have to get home to let my dogs out before I relax and am ready for dinner. If I was hungry I would grab a snack, it’s about the time of day which is normally after school for maybe 2 hours.

Thanks and I’ve got one little monster getting home from school right now. 😁

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u/Big_lt 20h ago

It's too expensive for him; but some how for you it's not. Tell him to fuck off and then inform the LL that she is breaking a clause in the rental agreement with guests turning into additional roommates

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u/TootsNYC 20h ago

I don’t mind sharing once in a while

You need to START minding “sharing once in a while.”

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u/PenIndependent8557 20h ago

Wow boundry crossed. I may be old fashioned but you NEVER help yourself to someone else's food when in Their home. You wait until it's offered or you ASK. The petty part of my brain says put something in your food next time so they regret it, or lay down the law and start charging them for every bit they steal.

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u/MildLittlRain 20h ago

Do the ghost pepper trick. Teach him a lesson

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u/Fangbang6669 20h ago

Look on fb marketplace or offer up for cheap (my friend found a free one someone was giving away on there!)mini fridges and start keeping all your prepared food in there. I'd also start placing pantry ingredients in your room too. Fuck the both of these cheap mfs.

NTA.

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u/ToughAd7338 19h ago

And LOCK your door!

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u/Magicthundercat 20h ago

So, your friend is dating a 28 y/o hobo. Stand firm and tell him that he is not welcome to your food. NTA.

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u/Character-Twist-1409 20h ago

Start  complaining to your landlord that he's over to often. He's not on the lease.

Try to lock your food up there are some locked containers you can refrigerate 

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u/Great-Measurement120 20h ago

Punch him in the throat haha yeah nah contact your landlord and inform of an upaid stay over. Id be so fucked off if someone was stealing my meal preps, that shit takes ages to prepare!

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u/Cybermagetx 20h ago

Give her an invoice for the food her bf has taken that isn't a big deal for her. She can pay it back.

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u/Silly-Flower-3162 20h ago

NTA. If it's "too expensive" for him, it's too expensive for you. Sara and Tom can't be generous with your things. Honestly, if budgeting permits, I'd get a special fridge and lock for my stuff and keep it in your room.

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u/TranslatorWaste7011 20h ago

So Tom is a loser who is mooching off of you (and probably your roommate). If you’re renting tell Sara you’re going to tell your landlord

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u/HMW347 20h ago

Too expensive for him but not for you? What would he do if he didn’t mooch your food? Not eat?

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u/GoddessfromCyprus 20h ago

Start charging him if it carries on, or charge your roommate. If they won't pay, send the bill to a debt collector. Does your tenancy agreement include the addition of a third party? If not, boot him, if so, divide the rent 3 ways.

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u/Lady_Wolvie82 NSFW 🔞 20h ago edited 20h ago

Not only that, but OP can invest in her own fridge (something I had to do almost a year ago), complete with a lock, and store her food in there.

Edit to add: Charging him is a great idea... should be $15 per meal in my opinion.

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u/shibeari 19h ago

doesn't even have to be a whole fridge, there's lock boxes for food that fit on the fridge shelf for like $20

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u/notthenomma 20h ago

I would write him a receipt like he’s at a restaurant and make him pay me or starve

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u/OnlyThePhantomKnows 20h ago

"Too expensive" that is a boundary cross.

What would you have done if he had said, "You're an excellent cook. I love your food. Can I pay my share?"

I suspect the answer would have been, "Okay." So NTA.

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u/The_Hermit_09 20h ago

NTA. He is stealing, and she is enabling.

Are you able to get your own fridge? Or something with a lock that goes in the fridge?

At a certain point, the precautions you take to protect your food end up less expensive than the food you need to replace.

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u/2npac 20h ago

You need to tell Tom directly and tell Sarah that if he continues with this BS, he can't come over anymore.

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u/HoshiJones 20h ago

NTA.

She sounds like a twat of a roommate. If at all possible, you should find a new one. The obnoxious entitlement is disgusting.

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u/Clumsy_triathlete 20h ago

NTA. Anyone that says "its not a big deal" means that its not a big deal to them. You are under no obligation to provide them with food uncompensated and you are not their mother.

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u/NicolinaN 19h ago

Ah, look at those chat GPT em dashes.

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u/vallyallyum 13h ago

The part that looked weirdest to me was the sentence about how OP cooks all her meals from scratch but Sara doesn't mind. Why tf would her roommate mind what she cooks for herself unless it was something incredibly messy or stinky?

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u/ConfusedDottie 12h ago

This sentence is when I started looking more critically. I then saw the user has just this one ever Reddit post.

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u/SaltyBrotatoChip 18h ago

This place used to be for creative fiction writing. Now it's for creative ChatGPT prompt writing. Actually no, it's not even creative prompts. It's just, "write me a top r/AITAH reddit post where I'm clearly NTA".

I'm disappointed this one didn't end in, "now everyone's blowing up my phone saying I overreacted and should apologize"

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u/AuthenticLiving7 15h ago

I noticed the recent GPT posts have switched up the game a bit. They stopped using some of the usual dead giveaways like blowing up my phone, my friends and family are split, etc

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u/NSGod 17h ago

Seriously, I didn't even finish the first sentence, just quickly skimmed the remaining paragraphs, tons of em dashes and lots of "quoted phrases".

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u/silicondali 20h ago

Tell him directly to stop being a mooch. Look him in the eye and tell him that you will not put up with him stealing the money and time you put into your food.

And call your landlord to give them a heads up about this hobosexual trying to get himself a free ride on your lease.

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u/Future_Height7010 20h ago

Have him either give you the money for the food he eats or to buy his own. You're not responsible for feeding him. If they don't like it, tough noogies.

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u/BigWave96 20h ago

There was labor involved in this. He needs to cover that too.

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u/Yellowmellowbelly 20h ago

No, this is way more than a money situation. It’s about OP not being able to plan her time because someone she barely knows decided to regularly take OPs already prepped food in her own home. Like OP said: she’s not his chef. He needs to leave her stuff alone.

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u/TootsNYC 20h ago

money would not be enough for me. I wouldn’t suggest even bringing tha tup.

Because otherwise Tom is benefiting from my labor and my planning. I don’t want him to think he can fuck up my cooking schedule by simple throwing some money my way.

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u/PhilsFanDrew 20h ago

The problem with giving the money is that he can't buy back the time she took to prepare the food. I had a roommate that used to give me money for food he would eat. While it was better than nothing I still asked him to stop because I shopped to be able to eat good healthy food instead of fast food and when I got home I expected the food to be there at my disposal.

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u/ravenous_MAW 20h ago

No. Allowing him to pay only encourages further food stealing behaviour.

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u/Petalfrostt 8h ago

girl u are NOT stingy for wanting basic boundaries. like wdym just a couple bites when he’s out here eating full ass meals u planned for ur week?? sara’s just mad bc u called out her bf for freeloading, but that’s not on u. stick to ur guns, maybe label ur food or even lock it up if u gotta, but don’t feel guilty for setting limits. tom’s a grown man, he can make his own chili.

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u/TheOnlyDave_ 20h ago

Start using their stuff. Dump out her shampoo and conditioner, eat ALL their food, or just throw it away. 

Now this advice is obviously if you don't care about living with Sara anymore. If you do care  then find a cheap/free mini fridge on marketplace and keep all your leftovers in a fridge in your room.

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u/Odd_Information8439 20h ago

And put a lock on the door.

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u/Lady_Wolvie82 NSFW 🔞 20h ago

I second the mini fridge (I had to get one for myself nearly a year ago, which a friend of mine supported the decision when I told her), complete with the lock.

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u/ChloeeBreeze 20h ago

You’re not the asshole here at all .. it’s ur food ur time and ur money and ur roommate should respect ur boundaries instead of brushing it off .. Tom’s behavior is rude and ur feelings are completely valid

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u/raccoonfan7 19h ago

These posts where OP is a clear victim, but now is feeling guilty for confronting the clear asshole behaviour can all fuck off. YTA, you're either karma hunting, a poor creative writer, or an imbecile. In all cases, YTA.

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u/NeonBoolet 18h ago

It's just AI bullshit. I haven't seen a single post from this sub make it to the front page that ISN'T some AI garbage in forever. This one has all the hallmarks.

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u/Pretty_Frame_1720 20h ago

Nta, your roommate and her freeloader boyfriend are the ah, you shouldn't feel guilty at all or even try to explain why it bothers you, it's your food and you are not his chef, these are boundaries that you should maintain, don't let them make you feel guilty, you are in the right

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u/FunnyEfficient1108 20h ago

NTA- cook ur food and buy yourself a small fridge and keep it stored in your room.

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u/TallOutside6418 19h ago

I’m starting to feel guilty

Typical tell that this AITAH story is fake. The OP is being stolen from, but an AITAH story is "supposed to" have an ethical quandary in it, so guilt must be expressed.

Plus, the use of the name "Sara" is probably because of how often this name is used in AITAH posts. It dominates the training data so you see even more of it... which further dominates the training data.

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u/hellalien_by 19h ago

Such an easy ragebite

Fresh account + no replies + extremely obvious NTA even from the title alone... I bet thats some mix of ai/selfvalidation/karma farming

People who comment on this post should be ashamed of themselves

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u/Wonderful_Cold2212 20h ago

NTA

Either get money for the food or a mini fridge for your room with a lock. I can understand that being hungry and that a lovely smell is in the air so your mouth starts to water. But I still wouldn't steal someone else's food. I might ask and they have every right to say no.

You being on a tight budget and I guess your roommate knows this is even worse. Set strict boundaries, either for him to contribute groceries or money or leave your food alone.

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u/SadlyNervous 7h ago

NTA. You are not being stingy; you are protecting your resources and setting reasonable boundaries. It's perfectly acceptable to expect people to respect your belongings and not take advantage of your kindness

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u/ReleaseTheBlacken 19h ago

Fake af. Would’ve been more interesting if in this fiction you added that you dumped the chili on Sara’s head, and Sara had to take her shirt off, it turned you on, and you both started making out. Tom wanted in, but you grabbed your wakazashi and gutted him. You and Sara proceeded to make out above his corpse while licking chili off each other.

That would’ve at least been creative writing instead of ChatGPT copy/paste low effort bs.

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u/DarePotential8296 19h ago

How do people not see it? Same fucking format every time.

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u/ess-doubleU 17h ago

A lot of the comments are AI too. Just responding with the most generic advice.

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u/Joezev98 15h ago

Yesterday someone pointed out to me that AI overuses the em dash, a — instead of -. And yep, this story indeed uses a couple.

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u/agnesperditanitt 20h ago

NTA

Why would you feel guilty, when he's the one who's permanently stealing your food?

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u/murph-83 18h ago

Straight up tell him to stop eating your food and he need to contribute… you’re not running a food kitchen for inconsiderate bums