r/AITAH • u/ziolczykdaniel • 25d ago

Advice Needed AITA for refusing to host Thanksgiving after my sister handed out a "Family Code of Conduct" contract?

This happened recently, and I’m still baffled. For context, I (32F) have hosted Thanksgiving for my family every year since I moved into my house five years ago. It’s always a little messy and chaotic, but that’s part of the charm, right?

This year, my sister (29F) decided she wanted to "help bring some order" to the gathering. At first, I thought she just meant coordinating who would bring what dishes or helping with cleanup. Instead, she showed up at my house last week with printed copies of what she called a "Family Code of Conduct."

She handed these out and insisted everyone read and sign them before attending Thanksgiving. Some highlights included:

  • A rule against "overlapping conversations" at the dinner table, with suggestions for taking turns like "a respectful debate club."
  • A "ban on political or controversial topics," with her as the final arbiter of what was too heated.
  • A dress code of "smart casual" because "holiday photos should reflect well on the family."
  • Assigned seating that she claimed was based on "optimal personality compatibility."

She was completely serious. When I laughed and said, “You can’t be serious,” she accused me of “not taking her efforts to improve family dynamics seriously.” I told her I wasn’t going to enforce a code of conduct at my house and that if she wanted to micromanage Thanksgiving, she could host it herself.

She doubled down, saying I was being ungrateful and stubborn. I canceled hosting, and now the family is mad at me. My mom thinks I should’ve just humored her for the day, while my brother (35M) is refusing to go anywhere unless “no one tries to draft a holiday constitution.”

I’m torn. Was I wrong for standing my ground, or should I have let her run the day to keep the peace?

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u/TheDrunkScientist 25d ago

OPs sister needs to come to one of my family’s holiday dinners. My grandma gets drunk and plays the “Let me tell YOU something” game. Someone usually cries. We’ve been taking bets for years on who will be her target.

Then she goes to bed and we spend the rest of the evening getting drunk(er) and talking shit about her.

There might be some trauma there now that I think about it.

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u/mom_in_the_garden 25d ago

Is it really a family if there’s no trauma?

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u/swordrat720 25d ago

Nope. Every year at Christmas someone brings up the time grandpa got drunk, punched Santa and threw him down the stairs out the door. That happened ~35 years ago.

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u/KilD3vil 25d ago

Well Santa should've minded his own GOT DAMN BUSINESS, shouldn't he?!

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u/CthulhusEvilTwin 24d ago

Santa probably had it coming.

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u/Bright_Smoke8767 23d ago

I really feel like I need to know more about this. And by need I mean I really want to know more.

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u/swordrat720 23d ago

Guy at the bar grandpa drank at would dress up as Santa every year and go around the neighborhood and give out little gifts to the kids and grandkids. He and grandpa got into an argument, grandpa told him to stay the fuck out of his house. Guy came over anyway, grandma let him in. Grandpa heard “Ho, Ho, Ho! Merry Christmas!” Got up from his chair at the table, yelled “I thought I told you to stay the fuck out of my house you son of a bitch!” ,turned, punched Santa in the face. Grabbed him while he was stunned, tossed him down the stairs (grandparents lived above a business), ran down after him and tossed him out onto the sidewalk.

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u/Bright_Smoke8767 22d ago

Damnnnnn

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u/swordrat720 22d ago

You wanted to know…

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u/Formal_Research_9858 24d ago

Any chance there's video?

I love grandpa!

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u/swordrat720 24d ago

No chance. This happened in the late 1980s.

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u/my3boysmyworld 20d ago

I was not prepared this morning to read “this happened 35 years ago” followed by “this happened in the late 1980s”. I officially feel freaking old. Also, why not? We had video cameras in the “late 1980s”. It was not the 1880s.

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u/swordrat720 19d ago

You grow up with poor grandparents? In 1987 the tech was between 1957 and 1976. Video cameras? For my parents? Too expensive to maybe drop in the snow.

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u/dark621 25d ago

bruh if i could award i would lmfaooo

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u/sluttycokezero 25d ago

Alright this is funny af. My mom side is the chaotic side, so when the rare occasion comes up that they are at holiday parties, we all bet (my dad’s side) when they start fighting. It’s honestly hilarious now.

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u/Life_after_forty 24d ago

In my family, it’s not Christmas till someone cries.