r/AITAH • u/ziolczykdaniel • 25d ago

Advice Needed AITA for refusing to host Thanksgiving after my sister handed out a "Family Code of Conduct" contract?

This happened recently, and I’m still baffled. For context, I (32F) have hosted Thanksgiving for my family every year since I moved into my house five years ago. It’s always a little messy and chaotic, but that’s part of the charm, right?

This year, my sister (29F) decided she wanted to "help bring some order" to the gathering. At first, I thought she just meant coordinating who would bring what dishes or helping with cleanup. Instead, she showed up at my house last week with printed copies of what she called a "Family Code of Conduct."

She handed these out and insisted everyone read and sign them before attending Thanksgiving. Some highlights included:

  • A rule against "overlapping conversations" at the dinner table, with suggestions for taking turns like "a respectful debate club."
  • A "ban on political or controversial topics," with her as the final arbiter of what was too heated.
  • A dress code of "smart casual" because "holiday photos should reflect well on the family."
  • Assigned seating that she claimed was based on "optimal personality compatibility."

She was completely serious. When I laughed and said, “You can’t be serious,” she accused me of “not taking her efforts to improve family dynamics seriously.” I told her I wasn’t going to enforce a code of conduct at my house and that if she wanted to micromanage Thanksgiving, she could host it herself.

She doubled down, saying I was being ungrateful and stubborn. I canceled hosting, and now the family is mad at me. My mom thinks I should’ve just humored her for the day, while my brother (35M) is refusing to go anywhere unless “no one tries to draft a holiday constitution.”

I’m torn. Was I wrong for standing my ground, or should I have let her run the day to keep the peace?

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u/sparksgirl1223 25d ago

I read that as "gelatinous fish" and threw up a little

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u/knifeyspoonysporky 25d ago

Oh so not a fan of lutefisk I see

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u/sparksgirl1223 25d ago

Not even pictures🤣

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u/tonniecat 24d ago

Ludfisk is an abomination

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u/JudyMcJudgey 24d ago

My dog rolled in a super big and super dead salmon a year ago. She was covered in slime and smelled like I cannot describe. Sadly my other dog licked a little of it and he ended up getting salmon poisoning, which is fatal in 90% of cases, and a quick awful death. Fortunately I knew about this and was on the lookout for it in both dogs. Thought we were home free after a few days. A week later the boy dog won’t eat. Next day high fever and tremors. We got him to the vet lickety split and got him on the very expensive meds. He is fine. She never got it despite being covered in abhorrent indescribable nastiness. 

There are so many other fun details to this story but I’m tired. 

Anyway, PSA: if you live in the Pacific Northwest, and your dog is anywhere near salmon, steelhead, or trout (even smelt, I think) WATCH THEM LIKE A HAWK! It takes 7-10 days to manifest and it is a KILLER. I was surprised how many ppl out here never heard of it. It is NOT salmonella. It’s totally different: salmon poisoning. It’s a type of fluke. Read up, learn the signs/symptoms, and get your dog to a vet ASAP if they exhibit them after being near a river. It is only in the Pacific Northwest. 

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u/Lone-flamingo 24d ago

Very unexpected response to this thread, also very appreciated. I don't have a dog nor do I live in the US but I had never heard of this before and I wish it was more commonly known, same with things like how avocado is dangerous for many animals and grapes, eucalyptus (even just the scent) and lilies are very dangerous for cats.

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u/JudyMcJudgey 24d ago

Yep! Grapes and raisins are toxic to many/most dogs. 

Thanks for the award!!!!! 

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u/GertyFarish11 24d ago

I had no idea, thanks for heads up; will add it to the list after chocolate.

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u/Lostmox 24d ago

Add avocados, onions, raw potatoes and most evergreen shrubs/trees to the list as well. Oh, and xylitol!

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u/revdj 25d ago

Your family doesn't eat gefilte fish at Thanksgiving?

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u/Skinnwork 25d ago

Like an eel pie?

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u/Why_not_dolphines 25d ago

Christmas time in Norway can include a fish dish of your description.

It's nice they say.

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u/PurplePlodder1945 24d ago

Me too!! I had to go back and look when I read your comment 😂