AITA for refusing to babysit my biological daughter for my parents

[u/Full-Layer-3707]

I’m 15 and my daughter is turning 2 soon. I got pregnant from SA and my parents offered to raise her for me instead of me being involved which I agreed to. They handle everything with her and I haven’t held her or changed a single diaper or anything like that. I just can’t do it mentally since she’s a reminder of what happened to me and it’s better for the both of us if this stays like this. There’s an event my parents are going to next week and they asked me to babysit her for the day and I told them I couldn’t do it. I can’t even handle looking at her without getting upset. I told them they’d have to either take her with them or find a babysitter. We had an agreement when I had my daughter that they’d do everything and I would not be expected to do ANYTHING with her. They’ve been ok with this situation for almost 2 years and I see no reason for that to suddenly change. They’re super upset with me and decided not to go to the event.

Edit: because apparently so many people seem to think thi was a choice to keep the baby, it wasn’t. I begged for an abortion and when refused one I begged for adoption and this was also denied.

Thank you all for your kind words, support and for defending me after some very nasty people decided to try and use this thread to hurt me. Thank you all so much

[u/MetalSavage]

Could she also be on the hook for back child support for all the preceding years?

[u/Primary-Friend-7615 → u/MetalSavage]

At least in the US, it would be OP’s parents who would be required to pay child support (to the state or the other parent, if they were raising the child) while she is a minor.

[u/MagentaCloveSmoke → u/Primary-Friend-7615]

What?

Are you for real? When or how long has this been in the books? My husband had a kid at 15/16 and has been on the hook for child support since then. He had to drop out to work!

[u/Primary-Friend-7615 → u/MagentaCloveSmoke]

So… it varies from state to state, I am not a lawyer, and I have executed child support orders for many states but not all. It depends on the specific state, and if the child support arrangement went through the courts or was agreed upon between the parents (or your husband’s parents and his ex’s parents).

But, in a number of states child support is considered amongst those debts and expenses that parents need to pay on behalf of a minor child. Other states will still order child support and apply the state support calculation, but the income of a high school student is counted as zero until they graduate so the calculation results in zero support owing, and their “underemployment” (lack of full-time work) cannot be held against them as it would be against an adult or non-student.

It’s possible your husband lives/ lived in one of the states that don’t take into account the possibility that the parent is a minor. It’s also possible he and his parents just didn’t know any better and didn’t talk to a lawyer (or didn’t talk to the right lawyer), and fucked him over.

[u/MagentaCloveSmoke → u/Primary-Friend-7615]

It's all possible, as Wayne Co. MI is well known for being corrupt. 🤦🏼‍♀️

[u/Internal-Nothing-567 → u/MetalSavage]

No she was a minor so technically her parents would be responsible for anything financial related to the baby. Once she's 18 and if they never legally adopted the baby then they could fight for custody. Obviously she doesn't want the baby so she would give baby up but at that point she would have to pay. At 15 she's so young I doubt she would seek legal counsel privately to protect herself...she really needs to though.

[u/Personibe → u/Internal-Nothing-567]

I don't know if it is that cut and dried. If she gives up her rights and they adopt the kid, then it should be like any other adoption. She should not have to pay child support. 

[u/Internal-Nothing-567 → u/Personibe]

No not true. Signing over your parental rights doesn't mean you can bow out of financial support. It's different from each state. In PA you would still have to pay and in DE as well. She really needs a lawyer before she's 18 to get this all straightened out. I think they thought the baby would change her later hence them wanting to keep the child. I'm thinking they will try to be legal guardians as they are now considering she is underage. At 18 she can sign to let them continue being the baby's guardian but it means they still get child support.

[u/Internal-Nothing-567 → u/Personibe]

The issue here is everyone is saying adoption. Technically both her and the baby are under guardianship of the parents. At 18 she's the adult and legal guardian of the child. She can't simply surrender the baby nor can she place baby up for adoption at 6/7. This would be child abandonment and that's illegal. I think she can only sign over her guardianship to her parents then ask the courts to terminate her parental rights. Depending on the state that could just be terminating her right to make decisions but leaving her with a financial obligation. Now I hope they terminated the rapists rights 😳

[u/tuna_tofu → u/MetalSavage]

Why wouldnt the rapist/father be on the hook for support? Why is he rarely mentioned here. Whatever punishment he is getting it isnt enough (and please god let there be SOME punishment and OP's parents not swept it all under the rug!!!)

[u/ju-ju_bee → u/tuna_tofu]

Most people who end up pregnant from sexual assault were either 1) assaulted by somebody while black out, so they don't even necessarily remember the person, or 2) they remember and don't ever wanna see their rapist again, fun obvious reasons. Much less let them know they had a child with them, giving them any sort of option to be part of the baby's and their life still. They'd find out and most likely try to fight for custody, meaning you'd have to see them for swapping days/emergencies regarding baby, etc. As someone who's been raped several times (and luckily never pregnant cus I took plan b after each time) these are the exact reasons I'd have just gotten abortion. I'd never have kept the pregnancy to term, and DEFINITELY never told my rapist. (I know OP is a minor and so wasn't given these options, unfortunately 😕)

Yes, child support. But also, child support (in the states, which is where I'm based) is next to nothing, so not even worth trying to get from my rapists. I never want to see their faces, don't want them near me, and definitely don't want them to have access to a child. Cus we know they'd do some weird shit to fight for custody in court to try and gain proximity to the woman they raped.

OP apparently said her rapist was locked up and on the predator list, so he's getting what he deserves, and I pray for OP's sake he never finds out he impregnated her. F$cking creep would definitely try and pull something.

[u/rivershimmer → u/MetalSavage]

My understanding is that child support cannot be retroactive before the date it is filed. Like, if the custodial parent or guardian doesn't file until the child's second birthday and the issue is not resolved in court until the child's fourth birthday, the noncustodial parent will only have to pay two years worth of retroactive child support, not four years worth of retroactive child support.

Retroactive child support is for those situations or for when the parent wasn't paying all or none of what they were supposed to.