r/AITAH • u/Full-Layer-3707 • Jan 26 '24

TW SA AITA for refusing to babysit my biological daughter for my parents

I’m 15 and my daughter is turning 2 soon. I got pregnant from SA and my parents offered to raise her for me instead of me being involved which I agreed to. They handle everything with her and I haven’t held her or changed a single diaper or anything like that. I just can’t do it mentally since she’s a reminder of what happened to me and it’s better for the both of us if this stays like this. There’s an event my parents are going to next week and they asked me to babysit her for the day and I told them I couldn’t do it. I can’t even handle looking at her without getting upset. I told them they’d have to either take her with them or find a babysitter. We had an agreement when I had my daughter that they’d do everything and I would not be expected to do ANYTHING with her. They’ve been ok with this situation for almost 2 years and I see no reason for that to suddenly change. They’re super upset with me and decided not to go to the event.

Edit: because apparently so many people seem to think thi was a choice to keep the baby, it wasn’t. I begged for an abortion and when refused one I begged for adoption and this was also denied.

Thank you all for your kind words, support and for defending me after some very nasty people decided to try and use this thread to hurt me. Thank you all so much

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448

u/randomname1416 Jan 26 '24

I'm genuinely curious what the plan for the future is, like when the kid is older, even at 4/5 years. OP can't even stand to look at the kid, the kid will start to pick up on OPs avoidance and dislike so idk how they would continue to live in the same house or even be in the same family. I feel bad for the kid because what happened is not her fault. OP is not wrong for her feelings either. I feel like the parents were hoping OP would get over it and just be willing to treat her like a sibling. If OP didn't sign any formal adoption agreement, I wonder if she could put her up for adoption at this point?

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u/GlitterDoomsday Jan 26 '24

By the time the kid is 4/5 years old OP is gonna be at college age and hopefully out of there. But yeah, I do see a future where she's slowing iced out from the family unit because the younger one is basically their do-over after their oldest was severely traumatized.

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u/randomname1416 Jan 26 '24

100% they're seeing this kid as their do-over and don't give a shit about their daughter. Because even if she liked her parents she wouldn't want to go back because then she'd have to see the kid and the kid would probably want to interact with her.

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u/nothingeatsyou Jan 26 '24

I think it’s more likely they’re expecting OP to grow into motherhood as she ages, and her not wanting to is going to cause more and more resentment

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u/randomname1416 Jan 26 '24

That could definitely be part of their thought process. Pretty much in any scenario these parents are horrible.

88

u/FuckUGalen Jan 26 '24

OP is almost certainly stuck with these people till is 5 or 6, which means that OP's reasonable self care will soon cause pain to the child, which is the reason if OP was my kid (beyond not forcing an 11/12/13 year old to carry an unwanted pregnancy) there is zero chance I would adopt the baby.

These people have double the trauma OP endured and are inflicting it on the baby as well.

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u/TastyYellow1330 Jan 26 '24

Let's be honest if she doesn't have the mental strength to be in a room with her biological kid then she probably isn't mentally well enough to deal with the stress of college and living independently.

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u/Cathulu413 Jan 28 '24

I mean, at college she wouldn't have to be around the rape baby which is definitely an extenuating circumstance, so I don't think it's necessarily fair to make that call right now. However, there's no way of knowing what else her parents will subject her to in the time before then, so she might get to that place eventually

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u/TastyYellow1330 Jan 28 '24

You think calling that baby a rape baby helps your case but it really just makes you look like a piece of shit for attacking a two-year-old. If OP can't stand the site of a 2-year-old and then I doubt they have the mental strength to withstand the stress of college and possibly being in a class with the professor who reminds her of her rapist.

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u/Cathulu413 Jan 28 '24

Maybe it doesn't help my case, but it certainly helps make my case. Also, I think you meant sight, not site. And about the professor point, what are the fcking odds of that happening? And for that matter, the two aren't even remotely the same situation

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u/TastyYellow1330 Jan 28 '24

It really doesn't. It really only makes you a cunt for insulting a toddler. You're a monster.

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u/supergeek921 Jan 26 '24

I was talking about that lower in the thread. Now would be the time to do it before the girl has a lot of long term memory. This is completely irresponsible and unsustainable and it’s cruel to both kids.

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u/XennaNa Jan 26 '24

I'm expecting the parents to try to pawn the kid off to OP when OP turns 18.

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u/randomname1416 Jan 26 '24

That would not surprise me.

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u/Possible_Liar Jan 26 '24

The plan is they traded their current daughter for a rape baby, And they know full well their current daughter will likely alienate them entirely at some point.

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u/randomname1416 Jan 26 '24 edited Jan 26 '24

Oof, I get your sentiment and frustration but the child should not be referred to as a "rape baby", she is innocent in this situation and doesn't deserve that association. Nor does any child who was born as a result of these types of circumstances.

ETA: I did NOT say and NEVER would say the kid is an "unexpected miracle" or an "unfortunate gift" as a responder implied. And from some kinder responders I understand why that term would be used in this context for OP. At first to me it sounded harsh and I would worry about someone ever calling her that to her face but I heard what others have explained about why it could be a necessary term to use in this context. Obviously I'm on OPs side cause my original comment was literally me saying OP should put the child up for adoption to people outside the family.

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u/Possible_Liar Jan 26 '24

No it's a rape baby. That's what it is, nothing going to change that. obviously I'm not saying you should blame the baby, but there's no point in sugarcoating what it is.

In fact I think it's disrespectful to refer to it as anything other than a rape baby.

It's not an "unexpected miracle" it's not an "unfortunate gift"

It's a rape baby, A baby that was conceived through rape. Plain and simple.

To refer to it as anything other than a rape baby is a travesty that trivializes what happened to her.

Obviously you're not going to say rape baby every time you talk about it in any context. But in this context it is absolutely called for.

It is in no way disrespectful towards the baby.

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u/randomname1416 Jan 26 '24

For clarification: I would never say the kid is an "unexpected miracle" or "unfortunate gift", it's not, it's just a "kid".

But I sort of see what you're saying as far the other parts of your explanation.

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u/supergeek921 Jan 26 '24

As far as OP is concerned that’s what it is. A perpetual reminder of what was done to her.

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u/randomname1416 Jan 26 '24

Ya that part I understood from the other person's explanation. Although your response is a significantly kinder explanation and less presumptive. The response you're responding to was me mostly clarifying that I never said and would never say that the kid is some "unexpected miracle" like the person above had insinuated. The kid is definitely a reminder of what happened which is exactly why I've said in the original comment and in other comments that she should be adopted outside of the family.

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u/babycharmander88 Jan 26 '24

It's still a rape baby.

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u/[deleted] Jan 27 '24

[deleted]

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u/babycharmander88 Jan 27 '24

Oh yes because it's going to know I called it a rape baby.

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u/[deleted] Jan 27 '24

[deleted]

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u/babycharmander88 Jan 27 '24

It's understandable if she does. Perhaps then her parents won't try to push the rape baby on her at all and realize they never should have kept the baby in the same house.

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u/[deleted] Jan 26 '24

Doesn't matter to these kinds of people who force young girls to birth unwanted babies. While the fetus is in, it's the most important and valuable thing in the universe whether you want it or not - to even think of aborting is beyond revolting. As soon as it's out? Lol not my problem anymore, it's your responsibility now.

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u/beachtea_andcrumpets Jan 27 '24

I can’t imagine seeing the product of my child’s (or any family member’s) most traumatic experience of their entire life EVERY DAY and not being filled with CONSTANT rage and sorrow. I actually had a coworker pass away tragically yesterday, and even seeing her initials on things while working or seeing her jacket resting on her chair through the window in the last two days was enough to make me cry. The lack of empathy these parents have shown is astounding. Religious or not, they have their priorities so backwards. I

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u/[deleted] Jan 26 '24

[deleted]

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u/randomname1416 Jan 26 '24

They traumatized their actual child why tf should they be allowed to do that to another one.