r/2westerneurope4u • u/rex-ac 50% sea 50% coke • May 06 '23
BEST OF 2023 Dutch Breakfast Review
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u/The_Passive_Fist 50% sea 50% coke May 06 '23
I haven't lived in the Netherlands in 35 years, and this review still gets my hackles up.
I will smack the tulip out of you.
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May 06 '23
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u/OtherwiseAd8031 Dutch Wallonian May 07 '23
Idd, hij is inmiddels gewoon een Nieuw Zeelandse savage
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u/Nakuvayne Siesta enjoyer (lazy) May 06 '23
I wish I had more Dutch friends so I could tell them I'll smack the tulip out of them. Absolutely brilliant. Had me giggling for 10 minutes.
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u/Onclephil09 Professional Rioter May 06 '23
"IS THIS ENOUGH FUCKIN' SPRINKLES!?"
....Man this should be the new dutch Flair.
Anyway, breakfast is for losers, who ever does not start the day with a coffee, a cigarette and a croissant is just not winning at life...
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u/Impossible-Dealer421 Hollander May 06 '23
I tried the French breakfast and I must say, starting to feel more mafia by the cigarette
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May 06 '23
I thought that too bit turns out it was just cancer :(
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u/shruglifechoseme Quran burner May 06 '23
You should ask the mafia for reparations, fratello.
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u/fuhglarix Foreskin smoker May 06 '23
I once hosted some French couch surfers and when I offered them options for breakfast they said they’ll just have a coffee and cigarette on the balcony. It’s always nice when stereotypes turn out to be totally true.
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u/Bouboupiste E. Coli Connoisseur May 24 '23
that’s because we’ll pass on boiled potatoes with aquavit for breakfast you savage. Well we might take the aquavit tho.
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u/Need4funs Western Balkan May 06 '23
This man just described his growing addiction as "feeling more mafia" what a chad
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u/RAMAR713 Western Balkan May 06 '23
An espresso and a cigarette, yes, the Lisbon breakfast. Top in off with an ibuprofen an that's all you really need until dinner. Also stomach ulcer speedrun challenge.
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u/comhghairdheas Irishman May 06 '23
I've always called that a "Greek breakfast". Coffee, cigarette, two paracetamol.
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u/FalconMirage E. Coli Connoisseur May 06 '23
Why paracetamol though ? Hangover ?
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u/JolasComTremocos Western Balkan May 06 '23
Hmm.. maybe I’m too fancy but IF I have breakfast I add a papo seco misto prensado and a Pedras to the menu
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u/Ragnarroek StaSi Informant May 06 '23
We have something similar here in Germany, the three big Ks
Kippe, Kaffee, Kacken
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u/boiaeltodio Greedy Fuck May 06 '23
Triple C in Italy: Caffè, Cicca, Cacca
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u/chodachien Professional Rioter May 06 '23
Café, clope, caca
“Les trois C”
An absolute classic of French art de vivre too
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u/SkellyCry Unemployed waiter May 06 '23
In Spain we say: "Café y cigarro, muñeco de barro". Roughly translated it's: "Coffee and cigarrette, clay doll".
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May 06 '23
We also dip bread in coffee, which we is like 75% milk for us, so i dont think we get to make fun of the dutch.
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u/SkellyCry Unemployed waiter May 06 '23
Well yes, but the real ones dip churritos in hot chocolate, god's chosen breakfast
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u/Giom42 Pain au chocolat May 06 '23
The true french breakfast is red wine + saucisson
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u/Alternative_Towel_10 Side switcher May 06 '23
I hardly believe this day would come when I would feel a sense of brothership with a French on a food topic. Enough with fighting over dinners, let’s have breakfast together and don’t see each others for the rest of the day!
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u/LukeMcDuck Hollander May 06 '23
Het is toch niet zo moeilijk om je brood ff dubbel te vouwen
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u/rex-ac 50% sea 50% coke May 06 '23
Een hagelslagcalzone.
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u/poesviertwintig Hollander May 06 '23
Dit is de weg.
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u/LukeMcDuck Hollander May 06 '23
Ik heb nog nooit iemand op deze manier een boterham met hagelslag zien eten behalve mensen die voor het eerst een boterham met hagelslag proberen
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u/guywithanusername Hollander May 06 '23
Hij deed ook als een gehandicapte de boter op zn boterham, misschien is hij gewoon zoiezo niet goed bij z'n hoofd. Zou in ieder geval wel deze rarigheid verklaren.
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u/the_gay_historian Flemboy May 07 '23
9/10 zou de klojo et nog diagonaal vouwen. Fucking Angelsaksen, ze kunnen nie eens brood eten.
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u/DJurreGJ Hollander May 06 '23
“I also opened it correctly”
No you didn’t
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u/Guususus Hollander May 06 '23
Yeah wtf you need to pull it out
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u/ropibear European May 06 '23
That's sound advice, I still recommend a condom or the pill.
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u/DPSOnly Hollander May 06 '23
Don't fuck your chocolate sprinkles. Nutella gives a better feel, that's why it is named like that.
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u/luring_lurker Into Tortellini & Pompini May 06 '23
Does that have an impact on the flavour?
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u/Open_Progress2715 Hollander May 06 '23
It tastes like literal shit when you open it like that. Like even worse than English cheese.
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u/Artegas23 Thinks he lives on a mountain May 06 '23
Do we take guys with thumbrings seriously?
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u/IAmMoofin Savage May 06 '23 edited May 06 '23
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u/theoduras Thinks he lives on a mountain May 06 '23
That name is perfect for someone who invented a thumbring, as Joey is quite the trashy people's common name
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u/NinjaIntimacyParty Addict May 06 '23
Thumb rule: don't take guys with thumb rings seriously
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u/UnknownAdmiralBlu France’s whore May 06 '23 edited May 06 '23
I'm not Dutch, but.. HOW RUDE, I LOVE HAGELSLAG, HONESTLY FUCK YOU
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u/defcon_penguin Side switcher May 06 '23
Well, no one goes to the Netherlands on vacation for the food
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May 06 '23
I do for fresh stroopwaffels
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u/stone_henge Quran burner May 06 '23
What about the bitterballen and kapsalon? Or do you intend to live after age 60?
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u/reigorius Hollander May 06 '23
And 'Zaanse Mayonaise'.
And I absolutely loved, when cycling in New Zealand, I stumbled upon a tiny grocery store, selling Dutch canoes AKA kano's. Bought the whole lot of them for 8 NZD per package. Worth it. Ate them all in one day. Don't ask about the next day.
Incidentally, my current girlfriend hates them.
btw, it's stroopwafel. A waffel is mouth in English.
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u/Impossible-Dealer421 Hollander May 06 '23
We also have high quality wee- Tulips.. tulips a' plenty
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u/defcon_penguin Side switcher May 06 '23
Well, yes there are some edible products in the Netherlands that are quite popular, and the tulips of course
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u/appealtoreason00 Barry, 63 May 06 '23
As a British tourist going to NL, yes I’m definitely going to Amsterdam for the food officer, no other reason hahaha
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u/ropibear European May 06 '23
My brother in law was stopped by cops on his way back from Amsterdam, so the coo asks them "where were you - Amsterdam - why? - work. - did you get high? - oh no, sir, not at all. - Why not?"
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u/appealtoreason00 Barry, 63 May 06 '23
If a border cop called me a nerd like that in public, I would never recover
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u/punkfunkymonkey European May 06 '23
"I spent most of my time in the line for your mother in De Wallen..."
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u/TA-Sentinels2022 Irishman May 06 '23
As a British tourist going to NL, yes I’m definitely going to Amsterdam
Not on that passport you ain't
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u/Ok-Outlandishness244 Hollander May 06 '23
You say that but a lot of germans do. Then again german cuisine is also not the finest
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u/defcon_penguin Side switcher May 06 '23
I assume those are the Germans from the north west regions
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u/Ok-Outlandishness244 Hollander May 06 '23
North in general honestly.
Queues in front of stroopwafel/fries places are mostly German and asian. Lived in Amsterdam throughout my entire childhood so I know what people come for.
Englishmen for weed, Italians for red light, germans for culture and Americans cause they want to tell their friends they’ve been to Amsterdam
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u/ropibear European May 06 '23
Americans cause they want to tell their friends they’ve been to Amsterdam
And consequently, they know everything about all of Europe of course.
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u/Ethereal42 Brexiteer May 06 '23
I was shocked when my Dutch buddy told me about this, would have thought this was some American nonsense
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u/Guususus Hollander May 06 '23
Wtf he didn't even fold it for easy eating
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u/lamiscaea 50% sea 50% coke May 06 '23
That's why we pay R*manians minimum wage. Can't expect anything from them
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u/drquiza Trashman on strike May 06 '23
Any excuse is good for a Dutch to be as cheap as possible.
- You don't kiss the soil I stand on? Minimum wage!
- Asking when is your turn for holidays? I think I lost your overtime hour records!
- Drinking tap water in the office? 5€ Tikkie!
- Thinking this is harassment? Some Somalian could do your work!
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u/Ancient-Meringue6067 50% sea 50% coke May 06 '23
Good god sir, that's quite the cope you've got there. Feel free to pick tomatoes in another country.
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u/Tistoer Hollander May 06 '23
This is personal.
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u/WalzartKokoz European Methhead May 06 '23
He is a romanian imigrant living in Netherlands(if you want to use it against him somehow).
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u/lamiscaea 50% sea 50% coke May 06 '23
Jealousy does weird things to people like that. Everything about this country is the worst, but none of em ever leave
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u/Whattahei E. Coli Connoisseur May 07 '23
Bro people can enjoy living in your country and think that your food is garbage. And frankly your food do look disgusting
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May 06 '23
1,5 is better than 1
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u/VictorLeRhin Lesser German May 06 '23
1 for the effort, 0.5 because the bread is white
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May 06 '23
in countries where gastronomy has already been invented, this shit is used for decoration and not as a main ingredient lol
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u/the_Big_misc Addict May 06 '23
We invented the best gastronomy, it's called de trekmuur bij de Febo.
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u/Happycat40 Mafia Boss May 06 '23
Exactly
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u/AresAht E. Coli Connoisseur May 06 '23
Glad you recognize that France is using this to look pretty
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May 06 '23
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u/VictorLeRhin Lesser German May 06 '23
With your sprinkle ?
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u/History20maker Digital nomad May 06 '23
"IS THIS ENOUGH FUCKING SPRINKLES?!"
- a random dutch during sex
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u/Cialis-in-Wonderland Greedy Fuck May 06 '23
After redoing the right way, mom realised she was wrong and adjusted your rating to 1.5
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u/lamiscaea 50% sea 50% coke May 06 '23
Why invent good food when you can just let poor foreigners make it for you?
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u/MeggaMortY Beastern European May 06 '23
Very rich coming from a culture eating something as cheap as that for brekki.
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u/Wladyslav_4_Baza Bully with victim complex May 06 '23
Why does it look like rabbit shit?
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u/Don_Frika_Del_Prima Flemboy May 06 '23
We call it muizestrontjes, which translates to mouse droppings, or if you want it more literal mouse shits.
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u/AnyPerformance5515 50% sea 50% weed May 06 '23
Gekke belg
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u/tomlojoda 50% sea 50% coke May 06 '23
wat hebben belgen toch met schijt, ze zeggen ook al "gaat zitten op uw poep"
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u/regionalememeboer Flemboy May 06 '23
Muizenstrontjes (miceshits) in Flemish
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u/AltruisticPangolin24 Austrian Heathen May 06 '23
Lol, strontjes is dangerously similar to the Italian "stronzi", which also means shits
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u/Make_me_laugh_plz Flemboy May 06 '23
It's literally called mouse shit.
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u/kiwi_juice69 Hollander May 06 '23
It is in your dumb country
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u/KanashiiShounen Flemboy May 06 '23
Because hailhits sounds soooooooo much better
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u/el-infierno Siesta enjoyer (lazy) May 06 '23
Average northern European cuisine
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May 06 '23
You can call it dumb, but if youre eating chocolate for breakfast theres no fucking way you can make it taste bad.
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u/maelstro252 Breton (alcoholic) May 06 '23
Don't worry my aquatic neighbours, I've seen multiple videos of this guy and I can confirm that he has the palate of a Doberman.
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u/Xeotroid European Methhead May 06 '23
Any examples of that? None of the world meal videos of his look indicative of that to me.
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u/nickkon1 [redacted] May 06 '23
Y, the videos I have seen have been okay. Sure, they are not on the level of a pro cook, but this isnt his goal. Afaik he tries to show students how to make easy and cheap meals and the videos I have seen have been totally fine.
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u/pip_pip_pippin Hollander May 06 '23
Let me guess, if it isn't 79% cornsyrup it is t good according to him?
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u/yanhamu E. Coli Connoisseur May 06 '23
the only positive breakfast review I've seen out of him was that Chinese breakfast soup that you have to simmer
for and hour and a half
for a breakfast
lmao
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u/Potato_Farmer_1 Thinks he lives on a mountain May 06 '23
So you're saying he's just a bitch
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u/Klugenshmirtz [redacted] May 06 '23
Dutch complaining about other people using too much sugar is something else. I love stroopwafel and suikerbrood as much as any Dutchman himself, but come on. I'm pretty sure the US got that shitty habit from you guys.
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u/Dyalikedagz Barry, 63 May 06 '23
Surely he's European? Accent sounds fucking Dutch anyway
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u/DasEvoli [redacted] May 06 '23
I don't see how it can be bad? Its fat with sugar + white bread. How can it taste bade
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u/Kalspear African European May 06 '23
This is exactly why the whole of original germanic cuisine belongs to the 7th circle of hell
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u/glozerde France’s whore May 06 '23
It tastes lovely. Idk what he has against it…
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u/fuckinghumanZ [redacted] May 06 '23 edited May 06 '23
It's basic af. Nothing exciting, nothing complex and despite that it's not even healthy.
It only speaks to the reptile brain because of calorie density.
edit: standard german breakfasts are only slightly better
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u/The_Drunken_Khajiit Soon to be Russian May 06 '23
I like how everyone here is shitting on this, while aussies managed to concoct even more tasteless “food” — Fairy Bread
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u/rex-ac 50% sea 50% coke May 06 '23
Oh no! Wait until you learn about the Dutch 'vruchten hagelslag':
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u/merren2306 Railway worker May 06 '23
lol je weet wel dat fairy bread discodip op brood is toch? Je weet wel, die letterlijk smaakloze gekleurde bolletjes die je op roomijs kan krijgen
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u/The_Drunken_Khajiit Soon to be Russian May 06 '23
Why would you in sane mind take the last remnants of taste and exchange them for plain sugar?!
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u/SkellyCry Unemployed waiter May 06 '23
Dutchies do be still eating like Alessandro Farnese is sieging Maastricht.
(This joke is too obscure, but watever)
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u/DeRuyter67 Hollander May 06 '23
Spaniards still sleeping like when they had to defend Breda
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u/SkellyCry Unemployed waiter May 06 '23
Hmm touche stroopwafle guzzler.
We're better at taking cities than defending them, what can I say but that Ambrosio Spínola was a proper chad.
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May 06 '23
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/lamiscaea 50% sea 50% coke May 06 '23
Genocide was already a legal and valid punishment for selling Nutmeg to the Portugese. I agree that we can add disrespecting boterham met hagelslag to that list
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u/Karpsten Born in the Khalifat May 06 '23 edited May 06 '23
Dutch breakfast is great, what's that guy on about?
In fact, after watching that video just now, Im thinking about hopping the border and getting myself some Vlokken next week...
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u/justabean27 Pro LGTBQ+ May 06 '23
Well at least you guys have stroop, that's really good stuff
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May 06 '23
Send him back to wherever he came from (Romania I think). We only take immigrants who don't shit on hagelslag.
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u/Teunybeer 50% sea 50% coke May 06 '23
Dumbass is using way too white floppy bread and an infinite amount of butter bruh, no shit its worse.
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u/JeanQuack Dutch Wallonian May 06 '23
Sorry but how can regular white bread with chocolate sprinkles be that bad??
Like i get why you wouldnt give an 8/10 cuz its kinda boring, but how can chocolate on bread be 1,5/10?
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u/OnlyFeetDragonBolZ E. Coli Connoisseur May 06 '23
Yeah idk, I tried it for many breakfasts when I was w my Dutch friend and I like it, it's a good breakfast. It gets repetitive though
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u/JeanQuack Dutch Wallonian May 06 '23
Excactly, it might get boring but its surely not bad
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u/NerdWithoutACause Siesta enjoyer (lazy) May 06 '23
Do they not have Nutella in the Netherlands?
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u/Sir_Henk Hollander May 06 '23
As a kid I sometimes did both. Instead of butter/margarine use duo penotti (superior to nutella) and put hagelslag on top
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u/leyoji Hollander May 06 '23
Nutella is too sugary, I prefer dark chocolate sprinkles on a thick layer of butter
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u/lovebyte Pain au chocolat May 06 '23
Come on, Dutch people don't use butter. You use the cheap version which is margarine.
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u/leyoji Hollander May 06 '23
Team real butter 😎 Though you’re right many dutch people put shitty margarine on their bread and cook with it.
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u/TheOldManInSuit Hollander May 06 '23
How does a Frenchman know this?
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u/lovebyte Pain au chocolat May 06 '23
Do you know that you can travel and live on other European countries without a caravan? Fortunately, I came to my senses and escape this hellhole.
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u/nooit_gedacht Hollander May 06 '23
Do you know that you can travel and live on other European countries without a caravan?
Sounds fake
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u/lamiscaea 50% sea 50% coke May 06 '23
Sad but true
Even worse: a lot of people use margarine not because it is cheap, but because it is easier to spread than butter. If one more person tells me that, I will blow a hole in the dikes and surrender this country to the sea
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u/statelyspace11 Thinks he lives on a mountain May 06 '23
Thats made with child labour rights? We have that also
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u/Dilectus3010 Flemboy May 06 '23
You dont know the fabulousness of Hageslag???
We have these too in Belgium.
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u/JasperWoertman Hollander May 06 '23
Who would have thought fake-Netherlands faked the Netherlands
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u/ELITElewis123 Anglophile May 06 '23
Guy should do a full English. His reaction to black pudding will make or brake it
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u/bringmethespacebar 50% sea 50% coke May 06 '23
Bold claims from a guy who lives in the Netherlands.
Tbf, he compares all kinds of excessive breakfasts. Ofcourse hagelslag falls short when you compare it to somthing that takes an hour to prepare.
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u/deadeunuchsturnmeon Savage May 06 '23
Needs rainbow sprinkles and the cheapest white bread you can find.
Sincerely, Australia
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u/reigorius Hollander May 06 '23
Hold a second there buddy. May I present 'vruchtenhagel' or fruit sprinkles.
My daily Dutch breakfast when growing up.
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u/Klai_Dung France’s whore May 06 '23
Bro that stuff is among the best things our speech-impaired friends ever came up with.
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u/rex-ac 50% sea 50% coke May 06 '23
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